...or a lazy ass cliche ridden blog full of tired stereotypical rubbish.
Group A
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Russia: Probably the worst team to host the World Cup.Putin might be able to manipulate the rest of the planet to bend to Mother Russia's will with his KGB cunning but even he can't make the team any good.Expect them not to qualify and nobody to care less...
Saudi Arabia: Friend of the West and all round horrible regime.I know Jack shit about them football wise except that Wolves once had a Saudi player named Sami Al Jaber who was reported to be the Steve Bull/Alan Shearer/Roy of the Rovers of the desert...he was'nt.Might beat Russia in the opening game though...
Egypt: Mo Salah Mo Salah Mo Salah...That's about it.Will qualify to next round owing to crappiness of Russia & Saudi Arabia and the goalscoring exploits of some fella who's name escapes me...
Uruguay:The official name of the country is "Oriental Republic of Uruguay" fact fans.Which i think is rather beautiful.Another thing that's beautiful is that the country has gone from being the most brutal military regime in South America(which is saying something) to the most liberal,least corrupt and downright likable places in the world.They also have a pretty good football team too.They will qualify with ease...
Group B
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Portugal: Current European champions and Wolves fans crush could go far if Ronaldo does his stuff...This will probably be his last international hurrah so will want to go out with a bang.Wolves fans will be watching all their games like they would an edition of The Price is Right...
Spain;Just sacked their manager on the eve of the comp starting.Seems an odd decision but this is Spain so i don't really expect as much disruption to their style of play or their effectiveness.Like Ronaldo this will be Iniesta's swan song and don't be surprised if he ends up holding the cup aloft.It would be a fitting end to a wonderful career...
Morocco; More Wolves interest here as our own Romain Saiss is one of their top players...With the Iberian peninsular brothers seemingly fighting out the top two spots one of them could take their eye off the ball and let Morocco in through the back door.Bit of a dark horse tip there.Shame they're in a tough group...
Iran: The game the whole world would want see is Iran v Saudi Arabia but there would have to be some monumental fuck up's in both groups for that to happen...
Group C
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France: One of the favourites.Whisper it quietly but France seem to be a settled squad at the moment.No in fighting,total harmony.However like the sexy but volatile married couple from over the road you know they're only one bottle of Bordeaux away from an entertaining stand up fight that livens up the summer barbecue...
Australia; The one thing all English fans can agree on is for God's sake don't let Australia get good at football! If they hammer us at Cricket & Rugby we can just shrug it off as the natural order of things but not football...for fuck sake not that.Still got Tim Cahill playing for them who's as old as Methuselah's dad...
Peru: Great to see Peru here along with their snazzy strip.All us old farts can remember them in 1978 when they pissed on Scotland's chips in spectacular fashion(It was against Peru that former Baggies winger Willie Johnston was found with his jagged little pill and sent home) Got a good chance of qualifying out of the group...
Denmark:Take Christian Eriksen out of the side and...well they have an Ipswich player in the squad for Chrissakes...The Danish for "Dour" is "Dyster"They may even out dyster Sweden but i doubt it...There was a time when the Laudrup brothers played beautiful football for them but now they're functional at best...and worst.
Group D
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Argentina: Untold riches going forward with Messi etc but midfield & defence a little ordinary.Might go far or might implode...won't be dull though.They need a bit of that Maradona madness about the place...
Iceland: Everyone's favourite minnows. A population of 300k and 2million tourists.Got two ex Wolves players in the squad so that'll be of interest to some of us fans.We'll also get to see how the fans do the "Thunderclap" properly rather than our half arsed attempts at Molineux...If they had a feel for early British 70's pop they'd all change their names to Newman...
Croatia; They're currently nearing the end of their own "Golden Generation"and like England's GG they have basically failed to deliver.There fans will be lively though and the powers that be have kept them away from Serbia which is probably a good thing,but a boring good thing...
Nigeria: May create a bit of a splash.Will certainly provide a lot of colour especially green & white.I love watching Nigeria play cos' they can be a bit mental and that's always great fun...All at Wolves should wish them well after their gesture of making Wolves goalkeeper Carl Ikeme an honoured 24th member of the squad after being diagnosed with leukemia...
Group E
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Brazil; Lord knows what state Brazilian football's in.They have some fine players but they owe their fans big after getting a 7-1 twatting from Germany on their own turf in the last WC semi final.Will the pressure to deliver the goods be too much for them? Need Neymar to actually play football throughout rather than be a petulant showpony...
Switzerland; What can you say about Swiss football? Well "Meh" springs to mind...No mugs for sure and their club sides have done well in European comps lately but...well it's hard to get excited about them is'nt it?Don't be surprised to see them getting through the group though cos' they'll be hard opponents with an excess of meh...
Costa Rica: Shock winners of their group at the last World Cup and a decent enough team.Could sneak into 2nd spot in probably the hardest group to call...
Serbia: Players from the Balkans usually have some mad ball skills along with the occasionally mad moment...their game v Brazil could be one of the matches of the World Cup both on & off the pitch as their fans are always...er...let's say boisterous shall we? One of my favourite ever Wolves players was Serb Nenad Milijas who still plays for Red Star Belgrade.So there...
Group F
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Germany; Here we go.World champions.Nearly always do rubbish in pre comp friendlies then turn it on when the competition begins properly.I have no doubt that will happen again.Can afford to leave players like Sane & Gotze behind...bloody hell imagine if we left players of that calibre out of the squad in England? Anyway may well go on and win the thing again which will no doubt result in lots of tired old WW2 references in the British press...
Mexico; Raul Jimmanez is Mexico's striker and he's just signed for Wolves...that's all you need to know really.We'll be supporting them too and hoping they get to the qualifying stage if only to see our man in action...
Sweden: No Zaltan no party.I never really liked the fella but there's no denying he's box office and with him not selected Sweden look a bit bereft of anything approaching a match winner.Much like Denmark & Switzerland it's all a bit "Meh" Will be solid in that indefectible way Scandi teams are.Instantly forgettable but in a nice way...
South Korea:The good Korea.Well until Trump decides his new bff deserves to get a bigger slice of the Korean peninsula that is...been a decent team for a while now with their star player Son at Spurs.Most of the others seem to play in the local or Japanese league and i don't have a clue how strong they are...on that basis probably won't get out the group...
Group G
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Belgium; Most of their players play in the Premier League so we know them very well.An excellent group but also could be suffering from GGS(Golden generation syndrome) This could be the last chance for a few of them...Beer & mayo on chips.What's not to like?
Panama;Hats! Canals! Shafted by USA in 1903! Sorry that's all i got...potential banana skin opponents,which is handy cos' bananas is a staple export...
Tunisia;Another potential banana skin(This is a tricky group honest!) Third of the North African teams at the world cup and all of them are pretty decent...hope you all notice i'm getting my England failure excuses in early here? Again pretty ropy on Tunisia football wise but i can recall tough battles with them in the past.Might be an idea to stay away from Twitter before,during & after the game.There will no doubt be a lot of reactionary bollocks aired...
England; Not as bad as some England fans are making out but nowhere near world beaters either.Defence is a weak point as it's been for many years...got a feeling the final game v Belgium will be crucial and no doubt lazy journalists will dub it the "Battle of Brexit" Lazy bloggers will do likewise...
Group H
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Poland: We could play Poland in the next round...it's not a major tournament if we don't play Poland at some stage.Always a tough nut to crack with some very dangerous players.As England has a large Polish community it would be an interesting clash to say the least.Looking at their group i expect them to qualify with relative ease...
Senegal: The last African team involved.Remember their last world cup when they turned France over? Yea that was funny...probably won't do anything as exciting this time but you never know...Everyone was after Senegalise players then too.Wolves even got one in Henri Camara...
Columbia: Looking at their squad it's rammed with players at top sides in Europe...should qualify to knock out stage.Once again expect allusions to cocaine to be on commentators & journalists lips when discussing Columbia cos that's all we know in our ignorance...hopefully there will not be a repeat of 94' when Escobar was murdered by a cartel for scoring an own goal...
Japan: Finally Japan.They have a fair few players plying their trade in Bundesliga 1 & 2 so i'm guessing they're all at a decent level...like many of the teams at this world cup it's really hard to gauge how good or bad they are until they start playing.In other words i'm padding this out cos' i don't have a clue what i'm talking about...
Have a great world cup all...
