Up a creek without a paddle,rudder & boat...

The author in happy pre match  mood.Should have stayed in the pub...

So this is it then.Once again i am writing a blog on an unacceptable display by Wolves and yet another defeat towards our inevitable slide into the Championship---I very much hope i am wrong and this blog comes back to bite me on the ass,but i doubt it.

A lovely early Spring day saw  us decamped in The Complete Angler---No fishing allowed naturally----in Norwich by the river and it was the best part of the day by a long shot where we had the traditional Norfolk lunch of Lager and Monster Munch...

We began the game brightly and took the lead fairly early with a well taken goal from Jarvis.A right foot shot into the bottom corner.The Wolves fans went ape.No doubt this was the start of our long haul from the foot of the table.

But this is Wolves and they gave us about 30 seconds to celebrate before allowing Norwich to equalise.

"Allow" is the appropriate word.Instead of just keeping the ball for as long as possible by knocking it around at the back we tried to push forward again for a second goal,gave away possession and as Norwich came forward our defence parted in such a way that even Moses would have despaired.Grant Holt---a Div 2 overweight plodder having a late bloom---skipped through our non existent back line like a pig tailed schoolgirl playing hop scotch and equalised.

That was that.All the stuffing was knocked out of us.It was only a matter of time before we went behind and the fact that it came from a dubious penalty is neither here or there...

After that we never looked like getting back into the game even when Holt thought he was back in the pub and got a red for a stray elbow we looked a beaten team...

Norwich Have done a tremendous job this season no doubt about it and good luck to them but they're functional at best,which in this poor division is all you need to be to survive...

We don't even have that to fall back on...

Devoid of inspiration,tactics,confidence,teamwork and seemingly ability we look a shoddy outfit at the moment...It's very sad.

It appears that Mick McCarthy was able to get the very best out of a limited squad.Now that he's gone there's nobody left to polish the turd and it's floating down the swanny...

Once again the Wolves fans were in good humour and gave everything in supporting their team,At the moment they're odds on to win the Player of the season award at Wolves...

My evening ended with being offered sexual favours for a cigarette outside a pub in London.I'm already in the process of seeing Wolves go down so did'nt want a mad woman joining that spectacle...

                            Wolves plan to avoid relegation...I think it'll be a sure fire success...

Getting old.But i don't prefer the alternative...

So there we were last week about an hour before playing Manchester United,arguably the biggest club in the world and what were we discussing?

Team formation? No
Prospects for the Wolves V Utd ? Nada
Potential new manager at our club? Nein

None of the above,what we were discussing was Personal tax,corporate tax and pension plans...That's when it hit me...My God we're now officially old!

But is that so bad? Well yes and no...Yes, because of the bleeding obvious.Namely no longer being a snake hipped thrusting young hipster going home with beautiful sexy young women every night----Of course i am seeing this from a male perspective and there's a strong possibility i may be wearing very rose tinted glasses when recalling the past----No,because,hell we're not dead...

Don't get me wrong i'm not having a moan--well i am but in a good way---I am honoured and proud to share my Wolves days with such likable and interesting people.It's good that we can discuss things other than football football cricket football cricket football and football.Oh and football...

Plus i am not saying younger folk are vacuous and feckless,far from it.But it's all about terms of reference.Us young middle aged---still clinging on for dear life y'see---Will generally scour the listings to see if there's a good play on radio 4 or if Stuart Marconi has a radio 6 show on than listen to radio 1--I can't remember the last time i had radio 1 on,Is Anne Nightingale still doing her stuff ?---Ask me to name one tune in the current top 20? don't have a Scooby Do...

I live in one of the trendiest parts of the country---At the moment that is,one day the young Turks who unilaterally decide such things will no doubt bugger off to make somewhere else the "in" place and leave my area to revert back to seedy "Gentlemens" clubs and low life gangsters---But i don't feel part of the scene,despite living in the centre of it.I can think of nothing worse than clubbing till 8am every other night.However were i in my twenties i could think of nothing better... However i don't want to be the sad old fuck trying to pick up twenty year olds in a Hoxton club---after all what ever would we talk about?---.These days i get a thrill staying in the pub till midnight...

As you get older it's surprising how much a "Twinge" play in your daily life.Feel a twinge and that's it,you don't think "Oh it's nothing to worry about" as your younger self would,no,you envisage the worst case scenario from Terminal Cancer to the Ebola virus.Oh and you start using wanky terms like "Worst case scenario..."

When i was younger the last thing on my mind were pensions,that's probably true today too.But as i hurtled towards my forties it started appearing on my radar.Then of course i had a retirement date,much like an old lag has a release date from prison.But these days we don't even have a date anymore.It looks like our generation,and upcoming ones too, will be working till we drop.We're in a flux,completely and utterly fluxed if you like...

I know this sounds like a Canute type blog on the ageing process but it's not at all,i'm not jealous of the young today,it's a wasted emotion.Like Canute,nobody can stop time and the young of today will one day be my age and older and no doubt feeling wistful as i am now.Good luck with that...

Many people have no doubt wanted to live forever,be immortal.But why? If anyone gains immortality they won't be stuck forever in their twenty five year old body so they can enjoy it to the fullest.No,they'll be stuck in a body getting more and more decrepit,unable to do anything but stay alive.Do any of us really want someone else wiping our arse forever? Don't think so...

So as my hair goes grey and begins to sprout from places i'd care not to mention,my paunch shows no sign of reverting back to the beer barrels it came from and i browse the small print of my pension plan i curse getting older...

But it's still a damn sight better than the alternative...Well C'est la Vie.

Wolves prove laughter is the best medicine...

What can a poor fan do when all seems lost? When the defence appears to have never met each other? The Midfield seems incapable of moving the ball any quicker than a lazy sloth and the forwards are so starved of decent service their only chance of scoring is when they get home and play on their Xbox?

You laugh,that's what...

The game began with a round of applause from both sets of fans in a show of solidarity for Bolton's Fabrice Muamba who collapsed with a suspected heart attack the day before.That was as good as it got for the home fans...

As the 5th goal went in for Man Utd at Molineux yesterday the beleagured Wolves fans began to take the piss out of the club,Man Utd and themselves.It was probably the best atmosphere generated at the stadium all season...

Every pass was greeted with an "Ole!" Chants of "We want one" and "How shit must you be,you've only scored five?" reverberated around the ground.Then my favourite "Fuck the football we've got a new stand!"

Finally the much maligned CEO Jez Moxey was singled out for "Moxey Moxey give us a wave" wisely he declined the offer...

The Manchester United fans next to where i sit looked bemused by it all...

This of course was all very amusing but what we're now being served up on the pitch from our team is a joke and ironically not a funny one...

We have now shipped nineteen goals in Five games and scored a measly three in the process,We have a grand total of twenty two points,seven of which came in the first three games when for an hour we were top of the Premiership.The last fifteen points have come from a possible seventy eight.

These are very scary stats and all point at a downward spiral that should end in relegation.The stupid thing is that we still have a half decent chance of escaping the drop because frankly this is probably the worst Premiership since it began in 1992.

However things look bleak to be honest.The clubs owners seem to have lost the plot and with it any goodwill generated with the fans,we don't appear to have any plans to appoint a permanent manager and the players have lost any confidence they had,treating the ball like a hot potato that needs to be got rid of as quick as possible.

To cap it all we have now become a laughing stock,with our own fans now taking the piss out of the club,surely one of the most damning things a fan can do to it's own club...

Well,you've got to laugh have'nt you...?

Muppets to Puppets* A Typical London Wolves day out...

*Thanks to Andrew for title suggestion.

Turning up at Euston to get the train up to Wolverhampton on matchday is always the same process.Clock in with the travel orginiser,find out which carriage & seats we're booked on,shake our collective heads at our stupidity at doing this at an ungodly hour then pop outside to top up our nicotene intake for the journey.

As we get relatively cheap tickets for the journey Virgin trains only allow us to travel on one ticket, like a school trip only with beer.Ok,just like a school trip then.This can be annoying as we have to line up at the ticket barrier like naughty kids outside the Headmaster's office.However it does save any of us from drunkenly losing our ticket later in the day.

Luckily we have a sprightly young lad in our own little sub group within LW who does'nt mind doing a Usain Bolt to get us decent table seats---It's a dog eat dog jungle in the hunt for good seats,no esprit de corps on this one---Once ensconced it takes about five seconds for the heat to hit.I'm sure Virgin trains crank up the heaters in an attempt to get more folk to buy their crappy version of Cola.As we bring our own beer this unsubtle tactic is lost on us...

We usually get into Wolverhampton a good three hours before the game kicks off.Plenty of time to take in the culture of this fine City.As the culture of Wolverhampton seems to be based on drinking it's only natural to visit a pub or two,or three.Last saturday we visited four.Mainly because the first one smelt like a toilet,and the second was running out of beer...We ended up in the pub by the ground called The Wanderer.

Never seen a dartboard like this before...

Is there any point in discussing the game?

Probably a little bit; This was a game versus Blackburn that we had to win,or at least not lose.But once again we were never at the races.Was this worse than last week's 5-0 defeat to Fulham? Probably.Fulham are a decent team whilst Blackburn are not.But they outplayed us in every department.The only bright spark for Wolves was the debut of local boy,David Davis in midfield.

I have no doubt the players are giving it their all but frankly they're not good enough as a squad---You can only make a silk purse out of a sow's ear for a limited time before it's recognised as a sow's ear---We don't know if the owners have put such a restraint on finances that Championship players are all we can afford or if the managerial side thought these players would be good enough to keep us up.Perhaps we'll never know...

However the feeling is that we're just not good enough at the moment and are on our way to relegation.Either way i feel we'll need a large turn around in playing staff next season.

For us in LW our train back is now at a later time than before which affords us some decent time in the pub after the game before heading off.This can be a doubled edged sword.If we have a good win---Like last season's defeat of Man Utd---The town's rocking and the temptation is to stay all night,If we have a poor day like saturday we can get out of there pronto...

Whilst in the pub after the game one of our group read a Tweet from Wolves midfielder Jamie O'Hara saying he'd been abused by a small minority of Wolves fans while with his wife and holding his young son.We all shook our heads sadly and in disbelief.This is disgusting behaviour and can't be condoned.

One or two Wolves fans on Twitter yesterday tried to defend what happened but to my mind a player should not be abused whilst with his family,this is unacceptable on any front.

Whilst on that subject.Apart from how abhorrent i find such behaviour it's the height of stupidity on a purely pragmatic front.Players talk to each other around the country and i'm sure this incident is known throughout the football community already.How are we to persuade good players to come to our club with these sorts of things going on?

Anyhoo onwards and upwards...

The train journey back is usually a happy drunken affair with music provided by myself via the trusty old mp3 and a couple of small speakers.It's not that we don't care about the result but it helps to get it out of the system before the reality of home & work takes hold.We had one opposition fan a few weeks ago saying "If this is what you're like after losing,what the hell are you like after a win?" At the moment i wish i could remember...We also take a bit of the Black Country with us via a massive bag of local Scratchings courtesy of my elder brother(by far the most popular member of my family among LW!)

Sometimes we get bizarre and very funny interactions with other train users.Last season we came back with some Man City fans after we'd beaten them and i have to say they were a great crack to travel back with.Hopefully they'll be as magnaminous when we beat them again later in the season...

On saturday two middle aged women got on and sat behind us and from nowhere produced a couple of horse puppets and did a turn.for us.Very bizarre and very very funny...

We always have a good day out coming up from London for games.Indeed our mantra over the years has been "A great day despite the football" Many of us have been doing this for many years and hopefully will continue to do so for many years to come...

Next week? Champions Man Utd at home for our customary three points against them...an 8-15am train out of Euston.

Will i be there?

Hell yea!

Cycle Killer.Qu'est que c'est?

I love riding my bike,it affords me a certain amount of freedom from the vagaries of public transport plus it  helps me to get fitter and lose some weight.Or more accurately,not get any less fit and not gain anymore weight...

I'm not hardcore,don't have all the gear---trust me when i say you would'nt want to see me in anything remotely figure hugging like Lycra---No i'm more of a leisurely cyclist at heart,which may sound bizarre as the streets i ride are the busy London ones where the word "Leisurely" is probably the last on anyone's lips...

...And that's the main crux of the matter where this post is concerned.

My main bugbear on the roads of London is not Bus drivers,taxi drivers,van drivers or just normal car drivers but other cyclists,or should i say some of them.

There's a certain type who seem to believe that the rules of the road don't apply to them,that they have a right to do as they please and bugger everyone else.Should you pull them up on this usually you'll get a stream of self righteous abuse off these self obsessed cycle "Warriors".

This is how they see themselves. As "Warriors" Not sharing the road with all the other users,where everyone just wants to get to their destination with the minimum of fuss and hopefully in one piece but in a constant battle with all,not just on the road but also on the pavement which is regarded as their domain too.

I was one crossing the road--as a pedestrian---while the traffic lights were in my favour and halfway across a cyclist came rushing through at about 30mph just missing me.As he went past he gave me the finger and continued to stare back at me whilst riding at the same speed.At that point i was really hoping he'd be taken out by a car,not killed but maybe suffer a broken leg,or two,and maybe an arm too.Or both...

I have seen cyclist mount the pavement at speed in the centre of London shouting at people to get out of the way, as if they have the right of way to be there and the pedestrians don't.

I choose not to wear a helmet--i know the dangers but feel uncomfortable in one---But again i see so many who do but then ride in such a fashion,with total disregard of everyone else on the road,that i get the feeling they believe with a helmet they're safe no matter how badly they ride.

There's a fella in my block who i speak to occasionally going to work on his bike.Never used to wear a helmet but has started wearing one.When i asked him about it he said he'd had a crash with a car and decided to wear one,advising me to do the same.The other day i was stopped at a red light and he went sailing through while the lights were still red.He may be wearing a helmet now but he's still putting himself,and others,in danger...

I also don't have much time for those that choose to have a camera mounted on their helmets to record any violation by motor drivers either.You know,you just know, that they're just willing something to happen so that they can have their day in Court.Like some latter day Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny,only in Lycra with a heavily sponsored Tour De France jersey...Humourless pricks...

I'm not perfect obviously,done some stupid things on the road and been stopped by Police on occasions,but my mistakes are just that,mistakes.They're not done out of malice and a seemingly malicious hatred of everyone else on the road and a belief that i'm right and everyone else is wrong.

But by the same token i obey the Highway code,I stop at Red lights and Zebra crossings,indicate when turning,don't weave through traffic.Basically i try my best to be responsible when on the road.

I have never had any problems with vehicle drivers and even get a wave of recognition when allowing them through in a narrow street.But i'm aware of the bad press cyclists get and it's mainly due to these self appointed "Warriors" of the roads.Arseholes...

Rant over...

Me and my shadow...

Cycling cuts...and totally my fault too...

Nothing beats cycling by the river in the summer...

A River runs through Wolves survival hopes...

This must have been what many Wolves fans  felt like doing as they saw their team capitulate beside the Thames yesterday...

A very wet and windy day started predictably in a pub by the River...On reflection staying there all day would have been the better option but we had tickets for the game and made the trudge towards Fulham's Craven Cottage along what's laughingly called The Thames Path,which seems to be in blatant breach of the trades descriptions act for this part as it goes nowhere near the actual river.

For those not familiar with Fulham's ground it's pleasingly old stylee with a very relaxed atmosphere.Fulham are probably the least disliked club in the Premiership,except for a few embittered old Chelsea fans most look on them favourably.

This might be because they appear not to have any actual fans.Many of the home crowd are made up of supporters of other clubs who want to get their live Premiership fix and curious tourists who want to see some of the players they see on TV in the flesh.

Wolves fans were cautiously optimistic at the start,many saying they'd take a draw--if only eh?---But as has happened too many times this season we began sluggishly and were on the back foot from the off...Going one down early on.Now there's no doubt the corner that preceded the opening goal was awarded wrongly.Even the Fulham players were trudging back to the halfway line awaiting the goalkick.However once given it has to be defended properly.Our players seemed to be still debating the decision when the corner was taken...

If we'd kept it at one down at half time i still believe we could have grabbed a point.But once again our defence parted like the Red Sea .Two nil and we all knew the game was up...

There's no point in trying to make excuses for the second half display.Abject is the word.Our defence doing a passable impression of The Keystone Cops only less orginised.

Wolves fans began showing the gallows humour of the condemned man by singing "Let's all have a disco" as the third & fourth goals went in....

I have to admit as the fourth hit the net i walked out...Not something i'm proud of but the pub was open and i badly needed a drink.We saw the fifth goal in the boozer.

So the night ended with me finding £20 on the floor and discussing race & gender issues while sinking Bourbon in a Holborn boozer.Just a normal end to a day out at the football really...

Can Wolves survive? Yes

Will Wolves survive? The Jury's still out on that one.

Maybe we should all go down to the river and pray...

                  

My Wolves mixed tape...

Ah the mixed tape.Us males---and it was nearly always males---all made at least one mixed tape to hopefully impress a reluctant girl into becoming less so to our advances...Anyway as Wolves have so many fans who're also talented musically i thought i'd make one for them.It's the least i can do after being emotionally screwed by them over the years...

Side One)

1) Best to start off with a rip roaring foot stomping tune to grab the attention and who better than Wolverhampton's very own Slade?

Personally i'd rather the players came out to this at Molineux than what's currently played.

2)Keeping the mood high tempo gonna go for Reef.Lead singer Gary Stringer is a huge Wolves fan...

3)Led Zep have to feature somewhere on the album.Not only were they the biggest rock band ever but Lead singer Robert Plant is a well known Wolves fan who now has a place on the board.

A paen to Black Country Women..."You did'nt have to throw that beer in my face" All been there Planty...

4)Ah Bev...Beautiful talented Bev.

5)Roland Olazabel from Tears for Fears is a Wolves fan and.hell,we all want to rule the World...

6)A bit of artistic licence here.I doubt if Warren Zevon had ever heard of our football team but as i'm a wulfrunian in London it's got to be included...

Side Two)

1)Pop Will Eat Itself...Part of the Black Country Grunge scene that  shone brightly for a little while in the 80's.I seem to remember them sponsoring a Wolves game once when we were in the bottom division...

2)Kevin Rowland manages to not only get the legendary Doog into the lyrics but also Wolver-ham-per-ton too...

3) As far as i know Billy Bragg's not a Wolves fan but he wrote this tune about the mecurial Peter Knowles,prossibly one of the most naturally gifted Wolves players of all time who unfortunately opened his door to Jehovah's Witness's one sunday morning and was lost to Football for ever...

4)Not really a big fan of James Morrison but he's a Wolves fan so he's in.Quite like this song though,honest.

5)Bev Bevan,Drummer of ELO is a celebrated Wolves fan.Don't bring me down? How apt...

6)More Zep. Had to include Black Dog...


7)And finally...

All Wolves fans will know the reason for this Ska classic...

Bubbling under;Carl Douglas Kung Fu Fighting.Well it does mention Sammy Chung!



Wolves fans may have noticed i have not included our club song Hi Ho Silver lining.That's because i hate the bloody thing!

All in all i don't think that's a bad mixed tape made up from mostly Wolves fans and shows some do have a talent for more than just drinking heavily...

PS) It's also been pointed out to me by @duma365 that Elgar was a Wolves fan---I had forgotten--I remember reading he used to cycle to the games from Malvern.No mean feat.Anyway it would be remiss of me not to include possibly UK's greatest Classical composer...