Nail bar! Nail bar! I wanna take you to a nail bar!

...ok I don’t but walking around my temporary area of residence in Düsseldorf the bastardised version of that song sprang into my noggin and besides my nails are in perfect condition,cuticles an’ all ...There’s loads,maybe eight or ten within a five minute walk.Back home in London many of those nail bars are a front for human trafficking and modern slavery with poor,young vulnerable Vietnamese women the victims.I hope that’s not the case here but fear it might be...

Being a part time Anthropologist(well ok I know a few people and even like one or two of them) I was excited to learn that Neanderthal is only about Ten miles out of  Dusseldorf .It had never really occurred to me that they were named after a placed for some reason...anyway it’s a pleasant enough village but like it’s namesake it’s a bit dead...maybe they should rename it Neanderthal Parkway...incidentally Düsseldorfians( huh?) seem to be an attractive lot so don’t know if any of those Neanderthal chromosomes passed down through the generations or not,after all there was some evidence of cross breeding.If so maybe they weren’t as ugly & stupid as we’ve painted them...

Today I went across to Wuppertal (a name that just rolls off the tongue) It looks an interesting town and I may well spend some time there in the future.The real reason for going was to ride The Kaiserwagen.A suspended mono rail that goes through the town centre.I’d seen it on YouTube and was intrigued.It looks like something Fritz Lang would put in his film Metropolis.As this was built before the film maybe he was inspired by this very thing.The whole thing is weird,it looks wonderful and the ride is surprisingly smooth especially when it gently sways likea hammock in the breeze...if you’re ever around take a trip.Only 20 mins out of Dusseldorf.It’s good fun plus a little bit of history...

Anyway Boys & Girls this is my last full day in Germany and it’s back to London tomorrow on the Eurostar train out of Cologne(via Brussels of course.Why they can’t do a direct service I don’t know) As I popped out to Netto to grab some breakfast there was a young girl shooting up in the hotel doorway.A little reminder that no matter how stable & prosperous a country is there are always some that slip through the cracks and have their own demons to exorcise...I spoke to her a bit & gave her the few Euros I had on me.I hope she’s ok...

Well it’s been a cracking month.Met some great people and been to some fantastic places.Learnt a few more things about this great country and also about myself.Especially Don’t be afraid to make a complete chump of myself with the language.I also learned that German wasps (Wespen) are no different to British ones.Absolute bastards...

Anyway see you all on the other side of the tunnel and as they rather oddly say over here.Ciao.

I hate Germany*

*I don’t really of course.I love the place and that’s the problem...I look around me tonight,a monday night remember, and all the bars and cafe bars are packed.The streets are full of people doing people things...so what’s wrong with this? Nothing at all but it makes me think what my country has become in a lot of ways.Take London’s tourist & trendy quarters out of the equation and there’d be nothing happening tonight.The bars would have three locals in staring into their pints and a bored barman trawling twitter and the restaurants would be putting the chairs on the tables hoping that one couple trying to reconcile their marriage would fuck off soon so they can all get an early night...this is probably being replicated everywhere in the country as I write this...

Now of course I’m in Düsseldorf,a well off city in a well off country but the restaurant I’m in is situated between two main roads going out towards the suburbs miles away from the hubbub of the lively Altstadt yet it’s packed and that’s probably being replicated everywhere in this country too...there’s things going on here which just aren’t in Britain and that saddens me...

I’m immensely proud of my hometown Wolverhampton.It was never gonna be the centre of the universe but when I was living there until 1981 there was always something going on,the pubs were usually busy most nights and the streets were full of shoppers during the day.Whenever I go back now it’s empty apart from when there’s a football match on( thank god for Wolves!) It was a weird place full of fantastical local characters but all that seems to have died now.The shops are boarded up and the streets are generally empty aside from Matchdays...even though I don’t live there I want it to go back to what it was, not some empty shell of a place where a lot of people have no hope of improvement in their city.Cos’ the people of Wolverhampton don’t deserve what’s happening to them.They’re hard working,creative and blisteringly funny.I never laugh as much as when I’m with Wulfrunians...caustic,nasty,sarcastic,tough as old boots Wolves humour...

That death rattle is happening to every small/medium sized town/city in the UK but as far as I can tell not here in Germany.There must be a reason for this.I’m sure Germany has the same social problems we do...Maybe it’s just down to a simple fact that their people haven’t been fucked over by self serving shithouse politictions at gov’t & local level for forty years and actually have the good of who they represent at heart and act accordingly..,

Sorry about this blog I felt pissed off seeing what Germany is and comparing it to what we could be...it’s makes me angry.But not at Germany.At my own country...

Düsseldorf; It’s a bit rich...

I don’t mean that title in a disparaging way and it’s certainly not a slight on Düsseldorf.Nothing wrong with being rich if it’s earned and to say otherwise is childish & churlish...the city looks expensive.The sort of exspensive that doesn’t need to display prices in shop windows...on a monday afternoon the street cafes are rammed with well heeled,well tanned ladies of a certain age who all smell fantastic.Walking past is like walking through Beatties perfume counters with the sense of smell of a jungle cat.There are Shops round the Back of Altstadt that Probably only sell one item a week but that keeps em’ going.So yea there’s money here and even the scruffiest appears well turned out...even the place where I’m staying by the hbf is relatively well appointed whereas those areas are usually the pits of most places...

Düsseldorf  Altstadt is the touristy spot.Not sure they get too many mind but even so it’s the place to go.Plenty of Bars many selling the local pride and joy Alt Bier.I suppose an expert on beers would be able to describe the taste in adequate words.To me its like a sharp strong dark lager that’s only served in half pint glasses,not because they think it’s too strong but because it’s easier to serve and you don’t wait so long to get one...don’t be a dick and ask for a pint cos’ you’ll be met with very short shrift.

I always find it surprising which immigrants find themselves to which particular city,like the Italians in the West of Scotland for instance.Here it seems to be South East Asians.I’m guessing South Korean for the want of more info.For what it’s worth my conjecture is that a lot have settled here after initial family members set up in Hamburg and began a mini migration further south later on...

Düsseldorf stands out for me from other German cities I’ve visited: Lack of graffiti and lack of cyclists.Maybe that’s the link.All cyclist are also all the graffiti artists.Graffitsts if you will...

I have been lucky on this trip to rock up at some decent guest houses.Nothing spectacular of course as all I want is somewhere to shower in the morning and sleep at night but all fine in their own way and  for a month paying through the nose I definitely could‘nt go to the luxury end of the market but all places have been a solid 3/4 out of 5 with no shit from any of the owners.This one In Düsseldorf is probably the best yet despite being on the 4th floor(stairs!) it’s a good last week of a great month...and now I have to start saving again.Hopefully we‘ll still have freedom of movement around Europe for a while yet although looking at the clowns in charge of our Brexit negotiations anything can happen...oh bit of politics to finish there!

Got five days left here so until the next blog cherubs it‘s au revoir...