Well it's New years eve and about time the end of year awards were dug up from their shallow grave...
The Stephen Hawking complementary battery charger goes to Ruben Neves for re-defining the meaning of time...
The Trump covefee table wtf award to Steve Cotterill for his " If we did'nt have goal line technology and had we had a shot on target and had that gone in then we would have won...nurse i'm feeling dizzy i need my medication" post match reaction to Wolves winning at St Andrews...again.
The Dallas "It was all a dream" shower curtain & rings to Paul Lambert for giving Wolves fans two cracking days out at Stoke & Liverpool.Otherwise it was all pubic hair in the plug hole...
The "Infamy infamy,they've all got it infamy!" Kenneth Williams memorial starched hankie to all our championship rivals and their fans who love getting their knickers in a twist over Wolves...
The "Ohhh missus" Frankie Howerd satin smoking jacket to all Wolves fans who now profess love for "Big Willy"
The Dali Lama ceremonial robe & hookah pipe to Nuno Espirito Santo for just being the coolest motherflipper around even when going apeshit at Bristol City...
The "Run away!" Jurassic Park dinosaur pewter mug to Warnock,Bruce et al for basically sticking to the same hoary old script both on and off the pitch...
The annual Pardew shaving brush & razor to Alan Pardew.The first sign of stubble and his days are numbered...
The School of Science second hand trackie & baseball cap ensemble to Tony Pulis for...well just being Tony Pulis.
The Nigel Farage man of the people gold plated jockstrap to Jose Mourinho for his constant whinging to anyone who gives him the time of day.Proving that not all Portuguese managers are cool as fuck...
The Jessie J gold plated "Price tag" disc to Fosun...it's not all about the money money money...but it helps.
And finally...
To all Wolves fans who at the moment feel like they're Jimmy Krankie waking up between Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell,Claudia Schieffer & Heidi Klum.
Happy Nuno Year to you all!
Sunday 31 December 2017
Wednesday 6 December 2017
Winter is coming...foreign footballers beware!
This seems to be the abiding belief among certain managers and opposing fans in the championship when it comes to Wolves outstanding foreign imports,mainly because they're from warmer parts of the globe and not built like square jawed Nordic gods with names that end in Son..No our boys are from Portugal,Morocco,Brazil and,er,North East France.Clearly places where they don't have weather...
When asked about our blistering start to the season these dinosaurs trot out the "Ah but can they do it on a cold winters night in Stoke?" line( it appears that the only players that can't do it on a cold winter night in Stoke at the moment are Stoke players) This is their level of tactical awareness of what's going on at our club or maybe it's a way to appease their own fans/board...s'pose they're never going to say " This club's miles ahead of us in every department and frankly we're all just hanging onto their coattails " But this line about how our players would cope in our winter shows a lack of respect for them and also a vast overestimation of just how bad winters are in the UK...
British winters can be a little nippy i grant you.Occasionally we get a cold snap that last's,ohhhh, at least a week.That's it.Otherwise it just gets a little bleurgh.A bit dull and wet but hardly on a par with Churchill in Canada where polar bears come marauding in to town scratching through the bins looking for half eaten burgers.Can't remember the last time i saw a polar bear terrorising Bushbury Hill as the mercury hit zero...
These are pro sportsmen for god sake.In the prime of their life and fighting fit.Not starving urchins eighteen months into the siege of Stalingrad catching rats to eat...our mild winter won't phase them,besides three of them have been at Wolves for a season already and yes,they did do it on a cold winter's day in Stoke.
In a way i can understand Neil Warnock (aka Colin Wanker) coming out with this shite.It's his thing.Spitting bile at anything that moves.He's what's politely known as "Old school" Less politely known as a moaning old bastard who gets results by bullying opponents and officials alike.Nobody should take heed of the spiteful words that tumble out of his spittle laced craw...
Steve Bruce however has won league titles playing with a host of foreign players at Man Utd.Were the winter's even milder then? or were the foreign players tougher then? You know, a bit more manly? Cos' that's what's really being said here.They're basically saying they're weak.A bunch of fanny merchants.Beach footballers who look good when it's sunny but can't hack it in the real world of real men and real footballers.British footballers who can't pass the ball five yards to a team mate but wear short sleeves in the winter...I have watched our foreign players get kicked from pillar to post all season.They get back up and carry on.Hard as nails the lot of them, whilst also being some of the most skillful players i have ever seen in a Wolves shirt...
There also seems to be a collective amnesia with these comments.The only title winning team in English football over the last twenty odd years which had a majority of UK based players was Leicester City a couple of years ago and even then their two best players were foreign.Every other title winning team had a plentiful foreign contingent in their ranks and they obviously handled our winter ok.Maybe i missed something and they were all Inuits...
So trust me our lads can handle it.No doubt we will lose games and the naysayers will creep out of the woodwork with their "told you" smugness...no problem though cos' Nuno don't lose two on the bounce...bloody foreigners eh?
When asked about our blistering start to the season these dinosaurs trot out the "Ah but can they do it on a cold winters night in Stoke?" line( it appears that the only players that can't do it on a cold winter night in Stoke at the moment are Stoke players) This is their level of tactical awareness of what's going on at our club or maybe it's a way to appease their own fans/board...s'pose they're never going to say " This club's miles ahead of us in every department and frankly we're all just hanging onto their coattails " But this line about how our players would cope in our winter shows a lack of respect for them and also a vast overestimation of just how bad winters are in the UK...
British winters can be a little nippy i grant you.Occasionally we get a cold snap that last's,ohhhh, at least a week.That's it.Otherwise it just gets a little bleurgh.A bit dull and wet but hardly on a par with Churchill in Canada where polar bears come marauding in to town scratching through the bins looking for half eaten burgers.Can't remember the last time i saw a polar bear terrorising Bushbury Hill as the mercury hit zero...
These are pro sportsmen for god sake.In the prime of their life and fighting fit.Not starving urchins eighteen months into the siege of Stalingrad catching rats to eat...our mild winter won't phase them,besides three of them have been at Wolves for a season already and yes,they did do it on a cold winter's day in Stoke.
In a way i can understand Neil Warnock (aka Colin Wanker) coming out with this shite.It's his thing.Spitting bile at anything that moves.He's what's politely known as "Old school" Less politely known as a moaning old bastard who gets results by bullying opponents and officials alike.Nobody should take heed of the spiteful words that tumble out of his spittle laced craw...
Steve Bruce however has won league titles playing with a host of foreign players at Man Utd.Were the winter's even milder then? or were the foreign players tougher then? You know, a bit more manly? Cos' that's what's really being said here.They're basically saying they're weak.A bunch of fanny merchants.Beach footballers who look good when it's sunny but can't hack it in the real world of real men and real footballers.British footballers who can't pass the ball five yards to a team mate but wear short sleeves in the winter...I have watched our foreign players get kicked from pillar to post all season.They get back up and carry on.Hard as nails the lot of them, whilst also being some of the most skillful players i have ever seen in a Wolves shirt...
There also seems to be a collective amnesia with these comments.The only title winning team in English football over the last twenty odd years which had a majority of UK based players was Leicester City a couple of years ago and even then their two best players were foreign.Every other title winning team had a plentiful foreign contingent in their ranks and they obviously handled our winter ok.Maybe i missed something and they were all Inuits...
So trust me our lads can handle it.No doubt we will lose games and the naysayers will creep out of the woodwork with their "told you" smugness...no problem though cos' Nuno don't lose two on the bounce...bloody foreigners eh?
Monday 27 November 2017
Nice and easy does it...Wolves stroll past Bolton.
We normally get into Wolverhampton from London just before noon.A good indication of how well the local team's doing is the boozer,if it's empty till about 2pm then Wolves are having their normal crappy season.On Saturday we just about managed to grab some seats at 11-55...When you're a one club town the benefits of that club being successful to the local businesses is vital.The whole place gets a boost,not just economically but also in raising the profile of the town too.There's also the added bonus of the locals being a bit bouncier...granted us Wulfrunians are'nt known for our sunny disposition but it's there...somewhere,deeply hidden in the depths of our souls but there nonetheless...
Wolves V Bolton.Two founder members of the football league.History...blah blah blah.A hatred has built up between the clubs over the years.Many think it stems from the play off game in the mid 90's but us older types know it began in May 77'...Last game of the season at Bolton.We were champions with nothing to play for apart from fucking up somebody else..Bolton needed to win to go up in third place.Needless to say we beat them 1-0 with a Kenny Hibbit goal.Notts Forest went up instead(no play offs in them days)...I can remember riots outside after the game...
Bolton rather childishly insist they're the only Wanderers.I don't know why,maybe that's all they've got to hang onto these days.They don't even have alliteration on their side...Anyway they slounced into town unbeaten in seven games yet still in the relegation spots.Ex Wolves captain Karl Henry was their linchpin in the middle of the park.If it was'nt for the sparkly coloured boots and occasional booing i would'nt have noticed him...in fact i barely noticed Bolton at all.Wolves hardly needed to break sweat to win 5-1...even their consolation goal was as a result of our players arsing about at the back.probably out of boredom...that made it 3-1 and i was expecting them to put up a fight from then on but they seemed to be happy with that...
A routine 5-1 win then...both managers got sent off for something or other.We continue to look like scoring every time we attack.Our opponents continue to look beaten before every game.Pre match quotes such as "We're not just going there to make up the numbers" etc point to desperation...
Of course after every win we get the usual crap written about money spent,FFP,long cold winters and now that January's approaching,can we keep hold of our players/manager...meanwhile we continue to play the type of football not seen by a Wolves team for many a day.I don't even care what other teams behind us in the league do.It's of no concern cos' i firmly believe nobody in this division will catch us.No need for wing mirrors on this well oiled motor...
Wolves V Bolton.Two founder members of the football league.History...blah blah blah.A hatred has built up between the clubs over the years.Many think it stems from the play off game in the mid 90's but us older types know it began in May 77'...Last game of the season at Bolton.We were champions with nothing to play for apart from fucking up somebody else..Bolton needed to win to go up in third place.Needless to say we beat them 1-0 with a Kenny Hibbit goal.Notts Forest went up instead(no play offs in them days)...I can remember riots outside after the game...
Bolton rather childishly insist they're the only Wanderers.I don't know why,maybe that's all they've got to hang onto these days.They don't even have alliteration on their side...Anyway they slounced into town unbeaten in seven games yet still in the relegation spots.Ex Wolves captain Karl Henry was their linchpin in the middle of the park.If it was'nt for the sparkly coloured boots and occasional booing i would'nt have noticed him...in fact i barely noticed Bolton at all.Wolves hardly needed to break sweat to win 5-1...even their consolation goal was as a result of our players arsing about at the back.probably out of boredom...that made it 3-1 and i was expecting them to put up a fight from then on but they seemed to be happy with that...
A routine 5-1 win then...both managers got sent off for something or other.We continue to look like scoring every time we attack.Our opponents continue to look beaten before every game.Pre match quotes such as "We're not just going there to make up the numbers" etc point to desperation...
Of course after every win we get the usual crap written about money spent,FFP,long cold winters and now that January's approaching,can we keep hold of our players/manager...meanwhile we continue to play the type of football not seen by a Wolves team for many a day.I don't even care what other teams behind us in the league do.It's of no concern cos' i firmly believe nobody in this division will catch us.No need for wing mirrors on this well oiled motor...
Wednesday 25 October 2017
Wolves V Man City...Plucky losers? Not on your nelly.
It's 1am and i can't sleep.I'm too wound up.Not in the bad aggressive way.I'm too wound up by watching Wolves out think the best team in the country only to lose on penalties after 120 minutes of blood pumping football...knowing i will get a headache later through lack of sleep(this is not an uncommon scenario for me) i have taken two pre-emptive Paracetamol with my coffee and made sure the vape machine is fully charged...
I could'nt get to the game in Manchester and had trouble finding a stream of it to watch on my PC,but BBC Radio 5 had the commentary on 5 Live Extra.It's their sister channel which usually only has some Rugby game on that only twenty people care about.They could'nt find any of that nonsense so put our game on instead...First thing i heard was Trevor Sinclair(a Man City fan) say Aguero needed one goal to break the clubs scoring record and was guaranteed to get it versus Wolves.City would also break their record of wins on the trot against a Wolves team their for the taking according to our sage...
To be fair City had put out a fairly strong team and we had made nine changes so it was an assessment not exactly born out of ignorance.Even so my gander was up...I doubled my efforts to find a stream,got lucky with one from the UAE(i think) Wherever it was from the commentator sounded like a bad 70's sitcom joke of what we thought an Arabic commentator would sound like...i tried watching the game along with BBC commentary but they were about a minute ahead so that was a no no.Luckily the 6,000 Wolves fans who made the trip were singing up a storm so drowned out most of the fella...
City had scored something like a squillion goals this season and started with their top two strikers.As i said we made nine changes but tellingly our centre back partnership of Danny Batth & Connor Coady were retained to organise the defence...For the first half hour we could'nt get a touch and City were camped in and around our area without creating much due to our covering each other at every turn.Then we got a break and youngster Bright Enobakhare out muscled Yaya Toure to get in on goal.I think the thought of scoring against City got to him and he messed it up...Yaya Toure is not as fast as he used to be but he's still as strong as an ox on steroids so for a lad of eighteen to physically over power him(more than once) might see the beginning of the end of his career...
All Wolves fans were relieved to be 0-0 at half time but in truth we never looked in much trouble.The second half began the same as the first but we also started to see more of the ball and looked more dangerous going forward than their high flying opponents.Truth be told we could have been two goals up before Enobakhare raced clear of the City defence in what looked like the remake of "The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner" Everyone sort of knew he would try to come inside instead of just blasting the damn thing.This he duly did...he has skill but is still lacking a football brain.Still at least it saved us another intstagram pic of Costa Helder's dick...
Extra time was pretty much the same.City camped in our half but being corralled down blind ally's by our superb defence whilst we broke with speed and purpose....then penalties.I don't mind penalties to determine a winner.It's probably the fairest way to do it.I don't like the new rules though.What's wrong with "We take one,you take one etc" When Toure stepped up to take City's second i initially wondered why we'd changed our shirts to light blue...anyway it's bollocks and that's all there is to it...
So we lost,but we did'nt really...we gave the best team in the country the hardest game they've had this season despite them basically finishing the game with a full strength eleven.Not only did we wear them down and on another day may have won two, or three, nil we also did it having rested arguably nine of our best players...
Nuno showed he is up to the challenge of Premiership opponents week in week out.I fully expect it to be the case next season.I only hope it's with Wolves...
Sunday 22 October 2017
Depois que os prefeitos do senhor mostrem*
*After the Lord Mayor's Show...
We have a saying in the UK."After the Lord Mayor's show" 'It goes on to say "Comes the shit cart..."
Wolves 3 Preston 2 was'nt quite like that but frankly i can't see many times i'll be able to use that old proverb this season so...after the rapturous win over Villa the previous week it was always going to be difficult to repeat such a high octane performance,after all we're not Man City yet and Preston are what the tv pundits would call "dogged" or what fans would call "dirty Northern bastards" They'd also only lost once this season before yesterday,so yes,a tough game was in store...
There seems to be a common misconception about foreign footballers playing in the UK,especially those from sunnier climbs.They're ok in Aug/Sept and April/May with the sun on their backs but as soon as it gets a bit nippy they disappear.It's bullshit of the highest order of course but still this lazy stereotype exists,The last two Wolves players i saw wearing gloves were from England & Ireland (Leon Clarke & Matt Doherty) Besides our winters are hardly on a par with The Arctic.We get the odd dusting of snow & temps occasionally dip below freezing for a few hours in February...
Another myth is that they can't handle themselves when things get a bit tough and opposing players think leg breaking tackles are a natural part of the game, just a bit of a laugh,just banter innit...this attitude is about as relevant as Dad's Army's corporal Jones shouting "They don't like it up em'!" when faced with the Waffen SS.
In truth though this old school Sunday league thinking is helping Wolves this season.Granted Warnock's Cardiff got away with bully boy tactics at the start of the campaign when they mugged us at Molineux a few games in but our boys learn quickly and anyone else who tries this will get a swift kick in the knackers...what better way to build team spirit?
Preston tried it,we got no protection from a preening peacock of a referee so took matters in our own hands which resulted in a couple of mass brawls on the pitch.Don't believe any sanctimonious tut tutting from commentators & journalists alike when there's a mass punch up between players.Us fans love it...the second brawl showed some cunning from our players too.Preston were getting on top looking to make it 3-3 with a few minutes left,a fight involving twenty two players was just the ticket to stop them in their tracks....the dark arts are alive and well down Molineux way.Nobody wins league titles by espousing the Corinthian spirit...
We did'nt play well but we did'nt have to.If we hit our straps for fifteen/twenty minutes during a game we can usually take a team apart and win the match in that period.Which is what we did yesterday...
Things i noticed yesterday through a beer fueled haze...
Leo Bonatini takes a very good penalty.Has to be first choice taker...
Connor Coady is starting to remind me of Emlyn Hughes.He even runs and passes like him...
Everyone insists on calling Matt Doherty "Doc" I assume we all think he spells his name wrong...
Ivan Cavaleiro has really bulked up.Now looks like a prize fighter...oh and he occasionally gives the ball away...
We need safe standing on the South Bank...
Till next time.Ta ta a bit...
We have a saying in the UK."After the Lord Mayor's show" 'It goes on to say "Comes the shit cart..."
Wolves 3 Preston 2 was'nt quite like that but frankly i can't see many times i'll be able to use that old proverb this season so...after the rapturous win over Villa the previous week it was always going to be difficult to repeat such a high octane performance,after all we're not Man City yet and Preston are what the tv pundits would call "dogged" or what fans would call "dirty Northern bastards" They'd also only lost once this season before yesterday,so yes,a tough game was in store...
There seems to be a common misconception about foreign footballers playing in the UK,especially those from sunnier climbs.They're ok in Aug/Sept and April/May with the sun on their backs but as soon as it gets a bit nippy they disappear.It's bullshit of the highest order of course but still this lazy stereotype exists,The last two Wolves players i saw wearing gloves were from England & Ireland (Leon Clarke & Matt Doherty) Besides our winters are hardly on a par with The Arctic.We get the odd dusting of snow & temps occasionally dip below freezing for a few hours in February...
Another myth is that they can't handle themselves when things get a bit tough and opposing players think leg breaking tackles are a natural part of the game, just a bit of a laugh,just banter innit...this attitude is about as relevant as Dad's Army's corporal Jones shouting "They don't like it up em'!" when faced with the Waffen SS.
In truth though this old school Sunday league thinking is helping Wolves this season.Granted Warnock's Cardiff got away with bully boy tactics at the start of the campaign when they mugged us at Molineux a few games in but our boys learn quickly and anyone else who tries this will get a swift kick in the knackers...what better way to build team spirit?
Preston tried it,we got no protection from a preening peacock of a referee so took matters in our own hands which resulted in a couple of mass brawls on the pitch.Don't believe any sanctimonious tut tutting from commentators & journalists alike when there's a mass punch up between players.Us fans love it...the second brawl showed some cunning from our players too.Preston were getting on top looking to make it 3-3 with a few minutes left,a fight involving twenty two players was just the ticket to stop them in their tracks....the dark arts are alive and well down Molineux way.Nobody wins league titles by espousing the Corinthian spirit...
We did'nt play well but we did'nt have to.If we hit our straps for fifteen/twenty minutes during a game we can usually take a team apart and win the match in that period.Which is what we did yesterday...
Things i noticed yesterday through a beer fueled haze...
Leo Bonatini takes a very good penalty.Has to be first choice taker...
Connor Coady is starting to remind me of Emlyn Hughes.He even runs and passes like him...
Everyone insists on calling Matt Doherty "Doc" I assume we all think he spells his name wrong...
Ivan Cavaleiro has really bulked up.Now looks like a prize fighter...oh and he occasionally gives the ball away...
We need safe standing on the South Bank...
Till next time.Ta ta a bit...
Wednesday 18 October 2017
Worshiping at the temple of Nuno Herlander Simoes Espirit Santo...
I'm not a religious man.In fact i am an atheist,or maybe agnostic,or quite possibly a deathbed Christian.Only time will tell...The one thing i am is a Wolves fan.That's a close as i ever get to a religious experience and by Christ it's been a test of faith sometimes...
Football fans are meant to be a miserable lot.Happiness does'nt sit well with us.Speak to any fan and it's not long till the moans & groans surface about their club.Usually it's justified but even fans of the top teams find a cloud hiding out among all the silver.Turn on any radio football phone in and mostly you'll hear barely articulate supporters saying something like " well for my sins i'm a Real Madrid fan and i have to say Ronaldo's gotta go.he's only scored twenty goals in twelve games,living on past glories.Lazy sod..."Ok i exaggerate but i have heard Man Utd fans moaning about Mourinho in the last week so it's not far off...
We've had our trials and tribulations at Wolves these last ten years or so.Lots of promotions and relegations and to be truthful it's been fun,even the bad times have given me a perverse pleasure.What's not been fun is the last two seasons.We have meandered along in the middle lane doing nothing,getting nowhere.Becoming a footnote to the story of the season...like going to church every sunday,hearing a bland uninspiring sermon from an uninterested,complacent clergyman and trooping off to the DIY store afterwards..Doing your duty to no purpose other than turning up...Then we got Nuno Herlander Simoes Espirit Santo up in the pulpit...
This is no fire & brimstone preacher but don't be fooled by the calm exterior.There's steel behind the eyes.No soft touch this high priest...His first job was to get the deadwood who would'nt,or could'nt, co-opt into what he wanted from the team,out of the club.Which he did with ruthless efficincy.Next was to get the defence organised.We'd been guilty of shipping stupid goals,especially at Molineux.He bought in a couple of players but also reinvigorated established lads like Doherty & Batth whilst making Coady a centre back of note.he knew that wins come from solidity at the back but not in a "park the bus" way,not in a "hold out for nil nil and nick a win " way.But in a positive way.Positive defence.Who'd have thought it ? Not us,Not on your nelly...He's got the defenders to actually stay calm under pressure,look for the pass out to midfielders comfortable on the ball.Comfortable with opponents surrounding them,snapping at their heels,knowing they always have the innate ability to sidestep their clumsy lunges or comfortable that a teamate was free to pass to...
Nuno introduced a novel new approach to a moribund team.Pass,move,pass and keep moving...create space all the time.Keep it fluid.Keep that damn ball moving.The opponents may well keep up with you for an hour or so but for the last quarter of the game they'll be blowing out of their arses.There for the taking...the result of young,fit,skillful players and six weeks of double training sessions in pre season is there for all to see.
Much has been made of Wolves getting the services of players like Neves,Jota,Miranda etc.Nuno knew that he needed to get players in who were at least the equal of Helder Costa & Ivan Cavaleiro.No point having a Formula 1 racing car if your going to have it serviced by Gary's Garage of Tividale and driven by Noddy...But it's one thing wanting these players,quite another getting them...Never mind talk of agents etc,if a player don't wanna move he don't move.They all believe in the church of Nuno Herlander Simoes Espirit Santo.You only have to watch them play to see this...and now us fans believe too.
We are all converts.We have all signed up and if you don't believe me check out how many Black Country new borns are named Nuno,Ruben & Diogo in the next year...
I may not go down to the river to pray but i'll gladly go to the Molineux to worship...
Monday 9 October 2017
Whataboutery...there's a lot of it about.
We've all done it at some stage.Something stunningly stupid...or said something we instantly know is the equivalent of putting your hand in a blender then turning it on.What we used to deflect blame before puberty took hold was "Whataboutery" The classic kiddy get out clause when caught bang to rights..."But what about Jimmy ? he did the same thing and did'nt have to cut the lawn with nail clippers.S'not fair..." No you're right,S'not fair...but here's the difference.Jimmy did'nt get caught till you grassed him up you little shit...
As i said it's the sort of stuff we grow out of when we become functional members of the human race.We may think such things but don't generally articulate them.Especially to our boss who,if we did,may well deploy the exasperated parents cliche of "If Jimmy told you to..." I don't know,probably something to do with skin & staplers...but you get my point?...and then came social media.
I love social media,i really do.I use it constantly.It's a very handy tool,but it's a tool that attracts a lot of tools.I sort of expect spotty faced Herberts to argue the toss with the Wildean wit of "He said she said" over trivial matters but what i don't expect (even though listening to the constant braying on Prime Ministers Questions i should) is back & forth "Whataboutery" from both sides of the political divide in an attempt to hide their own inadequate failings and hypocrisy...trying to deflect their own bullshit by pointing out smellier bullshit from the other side...If the internet were around in the 30's & 40's Mussolini would no doubt be pointing out that Hitler massacred many more people than he did...
Don't get me wrong it's good to point these things out,but not in the manner of the playground.Not in the manner of five year olds blaming each other for painting the cat green...and then we get the out and out lies as deflection.Lies in the normal conversations can normally be sussed, and squashed,out pretty quickly.Not on social media,it takes on a life of it's own,grows out of all proportion until it becomes accepted truth...the so called Alt Right know this and they have the perfect patsy mouthpiece in Trump.The king of "Whataboutery" who also has enough sycophantic acolytes to keep spreading the news,fake or not...got to admit the Alt(old) right have stolen a march on everyone with their use of social media.Especially with their use of "Whataboutery"
This is serious stuff.Social Media informs & forms (or at least validates) views in many.Trenchant beliefs become even more so on any social media debate(I'm being very generous using "debate") and no doubt i'm as guilty as anyone else on this front.More and more people now get their world view from the internet,It's the go to platform on world affairs.Seeing the truth through the bullshit is becoming harder and harder and the peddlers of this bullshit with agendas know this.They also know that if they're losing an argument the go to strategy is to play the "Whataboutery" card...It usually works.
Next time you're either engaged in,or furiously shovelling handfuls of popcorn into your mouth whilst watching, a heated Twitter/Facebook discourse,watch how long "Whataboutery" takes to make an appearance.After that all bets are off...
Whataboutery. The new Godwin's law...
As i said it's the sort of stuff we grow out of when we become functional members of the human race.We may think such things but don't generally articulate them.Especially to our boss who,if we did,may well deploy the exasperated parents cliche of "If Jimmy told you to..." I don't know,probably something to do with skin & staplers...but you get my point?...and then came social media.
I love social media,i really do.I use it constantly.It's a very handy tool,but it's a tool that attracts a lot of tools.I sort of expect spotty faced Herberts to argue the toss with the Wildean wit of "He said she said" over trivial matters but what i don't expect (even though listening to the constant braying on Prime Ministers Questions i should) is back & forth "Whataboutery" from both sides of the political divide in an attempt to hide their own inadequate failings and hypocrisy...trying to deflect their own bullshit by pointing out smellier bullshit from the other side...If the internet were around in the 30's & 40's Mussolini would no doubt be pointing out that Hitler massacred many more people than he did...
Don't get me wrong it's good to point these things out,but not in the manner of the playground.Not in the manner of five year olds blaming each other for painting the cat green...and then we get the out and out lies as deflection.Lies in the normal conversations can normally be sussed, and squashed,out pretty quickly.Not on social media,it takes on a life of it's own,grows out of all proportion until it becomes accepted truth...the so called Alt Right know this and they have the perfect patsy mouthpiece in Trump.The king of "Whataboutery" who also has enough sycophantic acolytes to keep spreading the news,fake or not...got to admit the Alt(old) right have stolen a march on everyone with their use of social media.Especially with their use of "Whataboutery"
This is serious stuff.Social Media informs & forms (or at least validates) views in many.Trenchant beliefs become even more so on any social media debate(I'm being very generous using "debate") and no doubt i'm as guilty as anyone else on this front.More and more people now get their world view from the internet,It's the go to platform on world affairs.Seeing the truth through the bullshit is becoming harder and harder and the peddlers of this bullshit with agendas know this.They also know that if they're losing an argument the go to strategy is to play the "Whataboutery" card...It usually works.
Next time you're either engaged in,or furiously shovelling handfuls of popcorn into your mouth whilst watching, a heated Twitter/Facebook discourse,watch how long "Whataboutery" takes to make an appearance.After that all bets are off...
Whataboutery. The new Godwin's law...
Thursday 5 October 2017
Rentazeitgeist...
There's a wind blowing through old Wolverhampton town...not an ill wind.Not a acrid sulphurous wind.Not even a yeasty wind from the Banks's brewery.No this wind is a cooling zephyr on a hot summer's day that brings with it the alluring waft of light,expensive perfume as a beautiful woman strolls past in the beer garden with a straw sticking out of her pint of cider seductively ...yep i'm talking about football again,or more precisely,Wolves...that's right,i'm waxing lyrically like a love sick teenager mooning over the new cashier in Asda...Wolverhampton bloody Wanderers Football bloody Club (1986) bloody Limited...what in all that is good and holy is bloody well going on?
Maybe a Faustian pact has been signed,sealed & delivered to the smokey old place,maybe the Devil himself has ridden in to Molineux with a contract written in Chinese,Portuguese and Yamyam."Just sign there my good man,don't worry about the details,i'll fill in the rest later"...if the team comes out to Robert Johnson's Crossroads in future then we'll know the deal was done...in blood...probably with a sacrifice or two...
Us Wolves fans are known as a moaning bunch of miscreants in the football world.Indeed we have the perfect accent for a proper no holds barred moan fest.You've not lived unless you've witnessed a full on Yamyam deadpan sweary moan.We are at our best when whining like a DC10 on the runway.It's almost poetry...My mate once heard a bloke say at half time v Norwich with Wolves winning 4-0 " Ar,they've fucking ruined the game as a contest though..." That is beyond mere moaning,that,my friends, is fucking heroic...
But hell there's a new mood around the place,there's happy smiling faces all round on match days.There's "Alright mate?" "Ar"(that's as touchy feely as us Yamyams get)There's bumper crowds.There's optimism,there's adoration,there's something in the air,something good...a zeitgeist if you want,and all it took was a Chinese global conglomerate,a Portuguese super agent,young hungry madly skillful players and a manager who has the nous to bring it all together.If only we'd known it was that simple we'd have done it years ago...
Even though i'm painting Wolves fans as embittered curmudgeons give us something to get behind and we go in full...there's nothing finer than a full floodlight Molineux at it's loudest.There's nowhere i'd rather be...the new regime seem to understand this and are delivering in spades...
How the hell has my club,my town,attracted talent like Jota,Neves,Costa,Cav and Vinagre? It's not just money as many make out.These players would get as much money elsewhere,in places that,well frankly,are not Wolverhampton...I am a proud Wulfrunian and even though i left many years ago i will defend my home town to the hilt against any detractors but...but...Christ these players have left Porto,Madrid,Monaco etc to willingly( i presume) play for Wolverhampton.Lovely Wolverhampton...
Not only that but they're all in the local papers cracking on about how they're loving being here.Loving the town,loving the football,loving the fans...this might be PR bullshit but i don't care.If i'm dining at the Ritz i don't want to go look round by the bins, i just want to lap up the luxury...
I am now getting people in London saying we look a fantastic exciting team...before all i'd get was "yea,been to Wolves. got chased all round the place" and "Is Bully still playing?" Gooners,Spuds,even bloody Chelsea fans! Nuts...
We are still at the beginning of a new romance where everything the new partner does is exciting,you think of nothing else,you ache with longing to see them.You laugh at all their jokes,hang on every word,can't see any faults...one day it will become more of a routine...one day you'll turn into a Man City fan.going through the motions except for a couple of big games a season.One day son all this will be yours...
But for now lets enjoy the ride,let's enjoy other fans wondering how an ugly little fud like us copped a six foot model on our arm...We'll leave the moaning for England games...
Maybe a Faustian pact has been signed,sealed & delivered to the smokey old place,maybe the Devil himself has ridden in to Molineux with a contract written in Chinese,Portuguese and Yamyam."Just sign there my good man,don't worry about the details,i'll fill in the rest later"...if the team comes out to Robert Johnson's Crossroads in future then we'll know the deal was done...in blood...probably with a sacrifice or two...
Us Wolves fans are known as a moaning bunch of miscreants in the football world.Indeed we have the perfect accent for a proper no holds barred moan fest.You've not lived unless you've witnessed a full on Yamyam deadpan sweary moan.We are at our best when whining like a DC10 on the runway.It's almost poetry...My mate once heard a bloke say at half time v Norwich with Wolves winning 4-0 " Ar,they've fucking ruined the game as a contest though..." That is beyond mere moaning,that,my friends, is fucking heroic...
But hell there's a new mood around the place,there's happy smiling faces all round on match days.There's "Alright mate?" "Ar"(that's as touchy feely as us Yamyams get)There's bumper crowds.There's optimism,there's adoration,there's something in the air,something good...a zeitgeist if you want,and all it took was a Chinese global conglomerate,a Portuguese super agent,young hungry madly skillful players and a manager who has the nous to bring it all together.If only we'd known it was that simple we'd have done it years ago...
Even though i'm painting Wolves fans as embittered curmudgeons give us something to get behind and we go in full...there's nothing finer than a full floodlight Molineux at it's loudest.There's nowhere i'd rather be...the new regime seem to understand this and are delivering in spades...
How the hell has my club,my town,attracted talent like Jota,Neves,Costa,Cav and Vinagre? It's not just money as many make out.These players would get as much money elsewhere,in places that,well frankly,are not Wolverhampton...I am a proud Wulfrunian and even though i left many years ago i will defend my home town to the hilt against any detractors but...but...Christ these players have left Porto,Madrid,Monaco etc to willingly( i presume) play for Wolverhampton.Lovely Wolverhampton...
Not only that but they're all in the local papers cracking on about how they're loving being here.Loving the town,loving the football,loving the fans...this might be PR bullshit but i don't care.If i'm dining at the Ritz i don't want to go look round by the bins, i just want to lap up the luxury...
I am now getting people in London saying we look a fantastic exciting team...before all i'd get was "yea,been to Wolves. got chased all round the place" and "Is Bully still playing?" Gooners,Spuds,even bloody Chelsea fans! Nuts...
We are still at the beginning of a new romance where everything the new partner does is exciting,you think of nothing else,you ache with longing to see them.You laugh at all their jokes,hang on every word,can't see any faults...one day it will become more of a routine...one day you'll turn into a Man City fan.going through the motions except for a couple of big games a season.One day son all this will be yours...
But for now lets enjoy the ride,let's enjoy other fans wondering how an ugly little fud like us copped a six foot model on our arm...We'll leave the moaning for England games...
Tuesday 3 October 2017
Oh no man,it's the international break...
Us football fans put up with a lot...
We put up with shitty owners employing shitty managers who buy shitty players playing shitty football.We then put up with the same shitty manager telling us the shitty football we're watching is actually not shitty at all but the very zenith of the game and we should count ourselves lucky to witness a master tactician like him at his peak...
We put up with police that would like nothing more than to go full Catalonia on our ass...you can see it in their eyes,you can hear it in their voice.They make their own rules up as they see fit when dealing with us fans.They can impose any banana republic law they want, seemingly at will, on us fans at any given moment. They despise us despite us fans being responsible for topping up their pay packet with mucho overtime...we put up with all that.
We put up with underpaid,undertrained stewards who're either university students out of their depth or fifty year old high vis clad former hooligans with heart conditions looking for one last kick off to tell their mate Dave about in the Red Lion...
We put up with prices that would make The Sultan of Brunei think twice about opening his wallet for...never mind that your team have lost five on the bounce with the right back playing left wing,the centre half playing right back and a deadbeat on loan striker who's on his fourteenth club in five years,that's forty quid please with restricted view...
We put up with catering that gives us the runs just looking at that damn half cooked steak pie.Lord knows what kind of steak it's supposed to be.It's not steak that has any discernible steaky bits in.Don't even get me started on the over priced beer...
We put up with Sky/BT/police being able to move the game from 3pm saturday to sunday lunctime or monday evening or even on a thursday...Thursday used to be the one day when football was never played.Thursday was our sabbath.Not any more...
We put up with all this with a stoicism that would impress a masochistic cave dwelling hermit.We put up with it cos' we love going to games no matter what crap we have to endure.We love the crack with our mates,we love the occasional winning feeling,we love the moaning...
What we don't love is the international break...it stops us in our tracks.the natural flow of the football season is halted.The real season does'nt really begin until November because of it.Up till then it's just jostling for position...
If your team is on a winning run all momentum comes to a grinding standstill and it's bloody hard to kick start it again.If you've just suffered a twatting all the players want to do is get out on the pitch to put it right instead of hanging around with their finger up their arse...
Us fans want games.Ideally three a week,every week.When managers whinge about playing four games over the Xmas period we snort in derision. We love it.Get out there and play you tart...
Do international breaks even work? Yes England tend to qualify easily from their group but that's mostly because for the last six competitions we would have had harder opposition from Eurovision contestants...no matter how easily we qualify it does'nt stop us generally stinking up the place once at the finals.Still at least it gives the lads another few weeks off before the next international break...
For a club like Wolves it's also a pain in the arse as we rarely get players in the England set up so when we do naturally we want them to do well...but not too well.They're spending ten days cooped up with Billy Big Bollocks from Liverpool United hearing tales of fast cars,dolly birds and double Nandos...It's enough to turn a young mans head.Enough to make him desire the big city bright lights over the homely Poundstretcher charms of Wolverhampton...Enough to get his agent rubbing his hands with Faganesque glee...
I think what i'm trying to say is that international breaks are bollocks...
We put up with shitty owners employing shitty managers who buy shitty players playing shitty football.We then put up with the same shitty manager telling us the shitty football we're watching is actually not shitty at all but the very zenith of the game and we should count ourselves lucky to witness a master tactician like him at his peak...
We put up with police that would like nothing more than to go full Catalonia on our ass...you can see it in their eyes,you can hear it in their voice.They make their own rules up as they see fit when dealing with us fans.They can impose any banana republic law they want, seemingly at will, on us fans at any given moment. They despise us despite us fans being responsible for topping up their pay packet with mucho overtime...we put up with all that.
We put up with underpaid,undertrained stewards who're either university students out of their depth or fifty year old high vis clad former hooligans with heart conditions looking for one last kick off to tell their mate Dave about in the Red Lion...
We put up with prices that would make The Sultan of Brunei think twice about opening his wallet for...never mind that your team have lost five on the bounce with the right back playing left wing,the centre half playing right back and a deadbeat on loan striker who's on his fourteenth club in five years,that's forty quid please with restricted view...
We put up with catering that gives us the runs just looking at that damn half cooked steak pie.Lord knows what kind of steak it's supposed to be.It's not steak that has any discernible steaky bits in.Don't even get me started on the over priced beer...
We put up with Sky/BT/police being able to move the game from 3pm saturday to sunday lunctime or monday evening or even on a thursday...Thursday used to be the one day when football was never played.Thursday was our sabbath.Not any more...
We put up with all this with a stoicism that would impress a masochistic cave dwelling hermit.We put up with it cos' we love going to games no matter what crap we have to endure.We love the crack with our mates,we love the occasional winning feeling,we love the moaning...
What we don't love is the international break...it stops us in our tracks.the natural flow of the football season is halted.The real season does'nt really begin until November because of it.Up till then it's just jostling for position...
If your team is on a winning run all momentum comes to a grinding standstill and it's bloody hard to kick start it again.If you've just suffered a twatting all the players want to do is get out on the pitch to put it right instead of hanging around with their finger up their arse...
Us fans want games.Ideally three a week,every week.When managers whinge about playing four games over the Xmas period we snort in derision. We love it.Get out there and play you tart...
Do international breaks even work? Yes England tend to qualify easily from their group but that's mostly because for the last six competitions we would have had harder opposition from Eurovision contestants...no matter how easily we qualify it does'nt stop us generally stinking up the place once at the finals.Still at least it gives the lads another few weeks off before the next international break...
For a club like Wolves it's also a pain in the arse as we rarely get players in the England set up so when we do naturally we want them to do well...but not too well.They're spending ten days cooped up with Billy Big Bollocks from Liverpool United hearing tales of fast cars,dolly birds and double Nandos...It's enough to turn a young mans head.Enough to make him desire the big city bright lights over the homely Poundstretcher charms of Wolverhampton...Enough to get his agent rubbing his hands with Faganesque glee...
I think what i'm trying to say is that international breaks are bollocks...
Saturday 30 September 2017
The hateful seven and half...
"It's so easy to hate it takes strength to be gentle and kind..." Morrissey wrote that..yea Mozza, who spits bile at all & sundry that come within his compass like a rabid cobra.But the bloke's right about it being easy to hate.Up to a point...
All fully paid up members of the human race can agree on the proper things to hate; Fascism,climate change,the new UK banknotes with the texture of the cheap wax paper bog roll you used to have to wipe your arse with at school...Y'know the big stuff.
But i'm on about football,unimportant,vacuous,infantile football.The stuff that takes up too much of our time,money & thoughts.The stuff that some say is the modern equivalent of warring nations despite there being enough wars going on to make such trite observations obsolete before the words are cold on the lips...
Football fans need rivals.If you don't have rivals to hate,and to hate you back with equal venom,there's really no point in watching football at all.Indeed there'd be no reason to have any sport.We'd may aswell call it a day and do something trivial instead like saving the planet and being nice to each other...it's rivalry that gives us our raison d'etre.Ask any football fan and the worst reaction you can get from any opposition fan is indifference to your club.Ask any Walsall fan,all they want in return for detesting Wolves with a hatred that borders on psychotic is for some of that hatred to be returned by us instead of a pat on the head with an "ah bless" condensation they normally get...the feeling of worthlessness eats at them and they have to settle for being slightly disliked by Shrewsbury instead.Like two eight year olds fighting over conkers.Not all grown up like us fourteen year olds who still think football's important...
It's not just sport of course. Rivalries are always popping up in popular culture.Beatles v Stones,Pistols v Clash,Oasis v Blur,Eastenders v Corrie,ITV v BBC etc.However these are'nt real,they're all media led cos's the media knows above all else that rivalry sells,and sex of course,that sells...sexual rivalry is the money shot that's splashed all over the front pages like a painter & decorators radio...I have never heard of anyone not playing anything by The Stones cos they like The Beatles.The rivalry is a sham,a media construct.Sometimes the protagonists play along with the conceit to help shift more units.That's show business folks...but not football.In football it's real.
Football is where grown men and women will give out eyes bulging,chin spittle, banshee screeching dogs abuse to those who support another team.Those just like them,with jobs,families,probably 2.4 kids.Loving parents who help their neighbours and donate to charity...normal people who turn into bug eyed beserkers at the sight of blue & white liveried opposition fans...it's nearly always blue & white.
And yes it does occasionally spill over into violence...i'm not passing judgement here.The world can be a violent place.Add beer with irrational hatred and you can get a nasty mix.On the other hand some people just enjoy fighting and hang their hat on supporting a football club knowing full well there will be others of their ilk in among the opponents fan base.Call it what you want but where there's rivalry of this intensity things will occasionally spill over...you only have to glance at any social media platform to see how some can't keep their emotions in check.
Luckily i am not a violent person and in truth the older i get the less hatred i feel towards my football rivals.Nowadays it's less hatred more arms folded,sit back in the easy chair, smug filled scadenfreude when we do well or they fuck up...i'm still deeply passionate about my own team of course but don't have enough to waste on the other bastards...
Oh and my hateful seven and half...in no particular order naturally.
Chelsea
----------
I hated them before it was fashionable to do so...when their fans do the big club in Europe thing i'm reminded of our FA cup quarter final loss to them in 94' and they pulled in 11,000 at home to Wimbledon four days after getting to the semi final...
Birmingham City
--------------------
Ah yes Blouse...Another fan base with missplaced big club bravado.Third biggest club in Birmingham if you don't include Solihull Moors...even their Yamyam insult to us backfired in spectacular fashion...can't get anything right.
West Brom
--------------
The second biggest club in Birmingham.Our backward Black Country cousins.Consider themselves culturally our betters despite not even being a proper place...Call us Dingles which like Blouse Yamyam "insult" we have appropriated as our own,also it shows up their telly viewing habits.
Reading
-----------
Chelsea light...Wannabes who never will be.Have a god awful ground on an industrial park by the motorway.Even their much vaunted music festival is a shite fest these days.
Wigan
---------
Hahahahahahahahahahah...will concede they do a good pie but nine sided dominoes? Oh come on...their windbag of an ex chairman Dave Whelen just puts the tin hat on my hatred of them.
Bolton
----------
Oh dear lord.Keep pushing this "Only one Wanderers" schtick like a five year old seeking attention & love from parents too busy watching Eastenders to care.Could'nt even get their ground built in their own town.
Leeds
--------
As the song goes "We all hate Leeds and Leeds and Leeds" This all goes back to the early 70's when i fell in with everyone else in hating them.Another ground built miles from anywhere with the choice of either getting attacked waiting for a bus or walking along the canal back to the station.There was a danger of them being loved under O'Leary but thankfully that crashed & burned...
Millwall
-----------
Actually i don't hate Millwall.Like many other fans i just hate going there,and as i travel up from London i also hate playing them at Molineux too,every fibre of my being tells me i should detest them but...well,i can't hate a club that sold us Alex Rae.Besides playing them keeps us fans on our toes...
See what i mean about blue & white ?
All fully paid up members of the human race can agree on the proper things to hate; Fascism,climate change,the new UK banknotes with the texture of the cheap wax paper bog roll you used to have to wipe your arse with at school...Y'know the big stuff.
But i'm on about football,unimportant,vacuous,infantile football.The stuff that takes up too much of our time,money & thoughts.The stuff that some say is the modern equivalent of warring nations despite there being enough wars going on to make such trite observations obsolete before the words are cold on the lips...
Football fans need rivals.If you don't have rivals to hate,and to hate you back with equal venom,there's really no point in watching football at all.Indeed there'd be no reason to have any sport.We'd may aswell call it a day and do something trivial instead like saving the planet and being nice to each other...it's rivalry that gives us our raison d'etre.Ask any football fan and the worst reaction you can get from any opposition fan is indifference to your club.Ask any Walsall fan,all they want in return for detesting Wolves with a hatred that borders on psychotic is for some of that hatred to be returned by us instead of a pat on the head with an "ah bless" condensation they normally get...the feeling of worthlessness eats at them and they have to settle for being slightly disliked by Shrewsbury instead.Like two eight year olds fighting over conkers.Not all grown up like us fourteen year olds who still think football's important...
It's not just sport of course. Rivalries are always popping up in popular culture.Beatles v Stones,Pistols v Clash,Oasis v Blur,Eastenders v Corrie,ITV v BBC etc.However these are'nt real,they're all media led cos's the media knows above all else that rivalry sells,and sex of course,that sells...sexual rivalry is the money shot that's splashed all over the front pages like a painter & decorators radio...I have never heard of anyone not playing anything by The Stones cos they like The Beatles.The rivalry is a sham,a media construct.Sometimes the protagonists play along with the conceit to help shift more units.That's show business folks...but not football.In football it's real.
Football is where grown men and women will give out eyes bulging,chin spittle, banshee screeching dogs abuse to those who support another team.Those just like them,with jobs,families,probably 2.4 kids.Loving parents who help their neighbours and donate to charity...normal people who turn into bug eyed beserkers at the sight of blue & white liveried opposition fans...it's nearly always blue & white.
And yes it does occasionally spill over into violence...i'm not passing judgement here.The world can be a violent place.Add beer with irrational hatred and you can get a nasty mix.On the other hand some people just enjoy fighting and hang their hat on supporting a football club knowing full well there will be others of their ilk in among the opponents fan base.Call it what you want but where there's rivalry of this intensity things will occasionally spill over...you only have to glance at any social media platform to see how some can't keep their emotions in check.
Luckily i am not a violent person and in truth the older i get the less hatred i feel towards my football rivals.Nowadays it's less hatred more arms folded,sit back in the easy chair, smug filled scadenfreude when we do well or they fuck up...i'm still deeply passionate about my own team of course but don't have enough to waste on the other bastards...
Oh and my hateful seven and half...in no particular order naturally.
Chelsea
----------
I hated them before it was fashionable to do so...when their fans do the big club in Europe thing i'm reminded of our FA cup quarter final loss to them in 94' and they pulled in 11,000 at home to Wimbledon four days after getting to the semi final...
Birmingham City
--------------------
Ah yes Blouse...Another fan base with missplaced big club bravado.Third biggest club in Birmingham if you don't include Solihull Moors...even their Yamyam insult to us backfired in spectacular fashion...can't get anything right.
West Brom
--------------
The second biggest club in Birmingham.Our backward Black Country cousins.Consider themselves culturally our betters despite not even being a proper place...Call us Dingles which like Blouse Yamyam "insult" we have appropriated as our own,also it shows up their telly viewing habits.
Reading
-----------
Chelsea light...Wannabes who never will be.Have a god awful ground on an industrial park by the motorway.Even their much vaunted music festival is a shite fest these days.
Wigan
---------
Hahahahahahahahahahah...will concede they do a good pie but nine sided dominoes? Oh come on...their windbag of an ex chairman Dave Whelen just puts the tin hat on my hatred of them.
Bolton
----------
Oh dear lord.Keep pushing this "Only one Wanderers" schtick like a five year old seeking attention & love from parents too busy watching Eastenders to care.Could'nt even get their ground built in their own town.
Leeds
--------
As the song goes "We all hate Leeds and Leeds and Leeds" This all goes back to the early 70's when i fell in with everyone else in hating them.Another ground built miles from anywhere with the choice of either getting attacked waiting for a bus or walking along the canal back to the station.There was a danger of them being loved under O'Leary but thankfully that crashed & burned...
Millwall
-----------
Actually i don't hate Millwall.Like many other fans i just hate going there,and as i travel up from London i also hate playing them at Molineux too,every fibre of my being tells me i should detest them but...well,i can't hate a club that sold us Alex Rae.Besides playing them keeps us fans on our toes...
See what i mean about blue & white ?
Sunday 24 September 2017
Limbs!
Yep limbs.All over the place,arms and legs smashing into each other,hugging complete strangers like they're long lost relatives at an airport,screaming "get in you bastard!" Taking a sneaky peep at the opposition fans with heads bowed like they've put a winning lottery ticket through the wash.Just being glad you're not them, loving their heartbreak...
It's probably only football fans who know the feeling of a 93rd minute winner...even sweeter when the other mob have grabbed a goal barely ninety seconds before to seemingly take a share of the points and leave us shuffling out at the end of the game,crestfallen,blaming everyone from the manager to the ballboys for drawing a game we were meant to win but could have lost...
Three wins in a week whilst not firing on anything like all cylinders points to an ability to stick at it no matter what.It points to a squad that's harmonious,happy and willing to fight for each other to keep them win bonuses coming in...opposition fans will probably call us lucky but one game may be won by a fortunate bounce of the ball or a myopic referee but not three on the spin.Nobody gets that lucky.That takes a strong mentality and an ability to carve out and take one last chance...
Barnsley were supposed to be the sacrificial lambs slain on Nuno's alter...over 28k fans turned up to savour the impending slaughter.However football does'nt always work to the script and Barnsley were clearly determined to give us a metaphorical kicking.Bloody stubborn,Yorkshire blood & nettles Barnsley who gave us a 4-0 dicking at the same venue the previous season...The first half was a non event,a couple of half chances here and there.Barnsley could have had a penalty when Danny Batth climbed all over their striker like Chris Bonnington scaling Everest.By the same token they could have been a man down after a crude lunge on Ruben Neves...so not the expected bloodbath then.
Everyone thought fit again Helder Costa would come off the bench to show these Tyke upstarts what for.Instead Nuno put Barry Douglas on and we instantly looked more menacing going forward.All we needed was a goal and that would be game over...the goal came from another sub, Bright Enobakhare,set up by the third sub,Alfred N'Diaye.Clearly Nuno also knows how to use a substitute properly too...
Bright Enobakhare is fast becoming the player we all hoped he'd be.He's always had the skill but seemed to lack the knowledge of what the game was about.He'd go down blind alleys when an easier pass to an unmarked team mate was the better option.If he carries on like this then that dream move to Chelsea, being loaned out to nondescript Premiership clubs for five years,is his for the taking...
So 1-0 with not long to go.Thank you,we'll take that run of the mill win and move on to the next game...but...ah bloody hell Barnsley just lay down,accept the 0-1 and bugger off with pride intact.But they only go and bloody score one minute into injury time.Cue limbs in the away end...i hate watching away fans celebrating at Molineux.It scorches into the soul,it's a personal affront to all that i hold dear.It's a fucking diabolical liberty is what it is...
In previous seasons that would have been that,or we could have even lost it,but not now,not with this bunch.After thirty seconds of head shaking disbelief the players woke up again and bombed forward...93 minutes.Bright lays it to Bonatini in the box who produced a superb reverse pass into the path of the onrushing train that is Alfie N'Diaye...cue limbs.
Proper limbs...
It's probably only football fans who know the feeling of a 93rd minute winner...even sweeter when the other mob have grabbed a goal barely ninety seconds before to seemingly take a share of the points and leave us shuffling out at the end of the game,crestfallen,blaming everyone from the manager to the ballboys for drawing a game we were meant to win but could have lost...
Three wins in a week whilst not firing on anything like all cylinders points to an ability to stick at it no matter what.It points to a squad that's harmonious,happy and willing to fight for each other to keep them win bonuses coming in...opposition fans will probably call us lucky but one game may be won by a fortunate bounce of the ball or a myopic referee but not three on the spin.Nobody gets that lucky.That takes a strong mentality and an ability to carve out and take one last chance...
Barnsley were supposed to be the sacrificial lambs slain on Nuno's alter...over 28k fans turned up to savour the impending slaughter.However football does'nt always work to the script and Barnsley were clearly determined to give us a metaphorical kicking.Bloody stubborn,Yorkshire blood & nettles Barnsley who gave us a 4-0 dicking at the same venue the previous season...The first half was a non event,a couple of half chances here and there.Barnsley could have had a penalty when Danny Batth climbed all over their striker like Chris Bonnington scaling Everest.By the same token they could have been a man down after a crude lunge on Ruben Neves...so not the expected bloodbath then.
Everyone thought fit again Helder Costa would come off the bench to show these Tyke upstarts what for.Instead Nuno put Barry Douglas on and we instantly looked more menacing going forward.All we needed was a goal and that would be game over...the goal came from another sub, Bright Enobakhare,set up by the third sub,Alfred N'Diaye.Clearly Nuno also knows how to use a substitute properly too...
Bright Enobakhare is fast becoming the player we all hoped he'd be.He's always had the skill but seemed to lack the knowledge of what the game was about.He'd go down blind alleys when an easier pass to an unmarked team mate was the better option.If he carries on like this then that dream move to Chelsea, being loaned out to nondescript Premiership clubs for five years,is his for the taking...
So 1-0 with not long to go.Thank you,we'll take that run of the mill win and move on to the next game...but...ah bloody hell Barnsley just lay down,accept the 0-1 and bugger off with pride intact.But they only go and bloody score one minute into injury time.Cue limbs in the away end...i hate watching away fans celebrating at Molineux.It scorches into the soul,it's a personal affront to all that i hold dear.It's a fucking diabolical liberty is what it is...
In previous seasons that would have been that,or we could have even lost it,but not now,not with this bunch.After thirty seconds of head shaking disbelief the players woke up again and bombed forward...93 minutes.Bright lays it to Bonatini in the box who produced a superb reverse pass into the path of the onrushing train that is Alfie N'Diaye...cue limbs.
Proper limbs...
Saturday 23 September 2017
It's football Jim,but not as we know it...
The Fosun company took over Wolves about 14 months ago and boy a lot has happened to the club since then...
When they first bought Wolves they openly admitted they knew jack shit about the game, but for a club that employed the clueless Dean Saunders as manager not long before the takeover that statement seemed to be a step up.Fosun also own Cirque du Soleil and maybe they thought they'd purchased their second circus.Many football fans thought so...
That feeling was further enhanced when they employed the lovable,but hapless,Walter Zenga as their head coach.To say this decision was left field would be like saying Kim Jong Un is a bit of a wrong un'.Zenga's managerial record was patchy at best,something like sixteen clubs in as many seasons.His style seemed to consist of picking the team out of a tombola before every game then booking a flight to the middle east for a weekend break...he was the errant uncle who turns up at the family wedding,cops a feel of the bride and leaves with a bottle of brandy under his coat...
I'm guessing he was employed on the say so of Jorge Mendes.The so called super agent who has close ties with the Fosun group.It seemed to be a case of "Give him a go,it might work" it did'nt...
Come November and we were in danger of getting dragged into a relegation dogfight by an incompetent boss.We had the players to fight for a play off place at least but the man piloting the ship was basically a drunken deckhand...we needed stability and you can't get more stable than Paul Lambert.
Look up "Dour Scotsman" in the dictionary and you'd probably get a picture of Paul Lambert.The club had gone from cool,crazy uncle to Rev Ian Paisley in one bound.Dare i say it but that's what was needed.We avoided relegation but the general feeling was that Lambert was too shackled by fear of losing to take the club forward.When he could let lose without fighting for league points he presided over two pretty easy wins at Stoke & Liverpool and ran champions elect Chelsea close in the FA cup run...he had it in his locker but the dour pragmatic side of him always came to the fore...but thanks PL you saved us from relegation and gave us a cracking day out at Liverpool.
It now appears that both Zenga & Lambert were makeweights while Fosun waited for Nuno Espirito Santo to be available and in time honoured soap opera style it seems the previous nine months had all been a bad dream...Not only has NES come in like a breath of fresh air but he's also been instrumental in recruiting young players,mostly from Portugal,backed by Fosun's money and ambition,who are not only more skillful than most players we have seen down Molineux for many many years but also have the drive,ambition and team ethic demanded by a club with the goal of promotion this season,and more beyond...
Yes we have spent money,you have to if you want to compete,but the fact that we have been able to attract players with champions league calibre is mostly down to NES.They know him and want to play for him...even in Wolverhampton!
But it's not just money.look at many clubs who have wealthy new owners and are in a total mess.Yes you have to spend but you also have to make correct decisions and spend wisely.Fosun may know jack about the game but they're quick learners clearly...We've also had the added bonus of pissing off all our rivals fans and the national media alike.Despite the occasional puffed up article about plucky lower div clubs versus the big guns in cup games many in the national media love a cartel and woe betide any upstarts who attempt to smash their way into the Premiership top six party...
NES has changed our formation to fit the players at his disposal rather than the other way round.He's also shown his ruthless side by quickly dropping those deemed not good enough for his squad.By the same token he has taken established players like Coady,Doherty & Batth and improved them by leaps & bounds.All in a handful of games...
Much has been made of our recruitment of Portuguese players.The old "but can they do it on a wet tuesday night in xxxx" cliche abounds.Of course that's bollocks.Every title winning team for the last twenty years has been crammed to the brim with foreign fancy Dans who've managed to do it on a cold wet tuesday night in xxxx...I work with a Portuguese lad who's a tough little bugger and works like a dervish.If he's any indication then we're in good hands...
The old stager in me should be wary of all this new found optimism surrounding Wolves but y'know what? Fuck it,i'm just gonna enjoy the ride while it lasts.The fact that i am eagerly anticipating todays game versus Barnsley says it all.Eager,anticipation & Barnsley are not three words that normally sit together easily...
Thanks Fosun,thanks Nuno and thanks Wolves.
When they first bought Wolves they openly admitted they knew jack shit about the game, but for a club that employed the clueless Dean Saunders as manager not long before the takeover that statement seemed to be a step up.Fosun also own Cirque du Soleil and maybe they thought they'd purchased their second circus.Many football fans thought so...
That feeling was further enhanced when they employed the lovable,but hapless,Walter Zenga as their head coach.To say this decision was left field would be like saying Kim Jong Un is a bit of a wrong un'.Zenga's managerial record was patchy at best,something like sixteen clubs in as many seasons.His style seemed to consist of picking the team out of a tombola before every game then booking a flight to the middle east for a weekend break...he was the errant uncle who turns up at the family wedding,cops a feel of the bride and leaves with a bottle of brandy under his coat...
I'm guessing he was employed on the say so of Jorge Mendes.The so called super agent who has close ties with the Fosun group.It seemed to be a case of "Give him a go,it might work" it did'nt...
Come November and we were in danger of getting dragged into a relegation dogfight by an incompetent boss.We had the players to fight for a play off place at least but the man piloting the ship was basically a drunken deckhand...we needed stability and you can't get more stable than Paul Lambert.
Look up "Dour Scotsman" in the dictionary and you'd probably get a picture of Paul Lambert.The club had gone from cool,crazy uncle to Rev Ian Paisley in one bound.Dare i say it but that's what was needed.We avoided relegation but the general feeling was that Lambert was too shackled by fear of losing to take the club forward.When he could let lose without fighting for league points he presided over two pretty easy wins at Stoke & Liverpool and ran champions elect Chelsea close in the FA cup run...he had it in his locker but the dour pragmatic side of him always came to the fore...but thanks PL you saved us from relegation and gave us a cracking day out at Liverpool.
It now appears that both Zenga & Lambert were makeweights while Fosun waited for Nuno Espirito Santo to be available and in time honoured soap opera style it seems the previous nine months had all been a bad dream...Not only has NES come in like a breath of fresh air but he's also been instrumental in recruiting young players,mostly from Portugal,backed by Fosun's money and ambition,who are not only more skillful than most players we have seen down Molineux for many many years but also have the drive,ambition and team ethic demanded by a club with the goal of promotion this season,and more beyond...
Yes we have spent money,you have to if you want to compete,but the fact that we have been able to attract players with champions league calibre is mostly down to NES.They know him and want to play for him...even in Wolverhampton!
But it's not just money.look at many clubs who have wealthy new owners and are in a total mess.Yes you have to spend but you also have to make correct decisions and spend wisely.Fosun may know jack about the game but they're quick learners clearly...We've also had the added bonus of pissing off all our rivals fans and the national media alike.Despite the occasional puffed up article about plucky lower div clubs versus the big guns in cup games many in the national media love a cartel and woe betide any upstarts who attempt to smash their way into the Premiership top six party...
NES has changed our formation to fit the players at his disposal rather than the other way round.He's also shown his ruthless side by quickly dropping those deemed not good enough for his squad.By the same token he has taken established players like Coady,Doherty & Batth and improved them by leaps & bounds.All in a handful of games...
Much has been made of our recruitment of Portuguese players.The old "but can they do it on a wet tuesday night in xxxx" cliche abounds.Of course that's bollocks.Every title winning team for the last twenty years has been crammed to the brim with foreign fancy Dans who've managed to do it on a cold wet tuesday night in xxxx...I work with a Portuguese lad who's a tough little bugger and works like a dervish.If he's any indication then we're in good hands...
The old stager in me should be wary of all this new found optimism surrounding Wolves but y'know what? Fuck it,i'm just gonna enjoy the ride while it lasts.The fact that i am eagerly anticipating todays game versus Barnsley says it all.Eager,anticipation & Barnsley are not three words that normally sit together easily...
Thanks Fosun,thanks Nuno and thanks Wolves.
Tuesday 19 September 2017
Smoking...good lord i miss the demon weed.
Yep i said it...no point in denying the fact.Once you give up an addiction it pulls at you like...well,like an addiction.It's not a craving,it's more of a smoky,smelly fug of nostalgia that pulls at you occasionally,like hearing an 80's pop song and remembering an exciting,sensual,but ultimately expensive and destructive girlfriend...
Cos' yes smoking is sensual.It's Marlon Brando in a white t-shirt with his packet of tabs lodged in the upper sleeve like a friday night in Newcastle when it's minus 15c.It's Lauren Bacall being the sassiest sass in Sassville.It's Humphrey Bogart blowing smoke in Ingrid Bergman's face before saving her from the clutches of the Nazis...it's black & white films.
I had been toying with giving up long before i actually did.Smoking was getting far too expensive for one thing.I was never bothered about the restrictions imposed.I understood them perfectly well and actually agree with them...however in March i ended up laying in a hospital bed wearing a rather fetching oxygen mask after a continuous failure to walk ten yards without holding onto a hand rail.After thirty hours and more drips than a loose tap i was given the all clear by the doctor who then laid it on the line."Give up and you'll probably live a lot longer,keep smoking and you'll be pushed around everywhere breathing through a tube...it's your choice." Her bedside manner may have been abrupt but i knew where i stood...
It took me a couple of weeks to get back to some kind of normality physically.Having been on thirty/forty a day i fully expected giving up to be extremely difficult whereas i have found it to be pretty easy.Don't know why.I have been tugging at the weed all my adult life along with a fair proportion of my childhood.the constant cough i had disappeared within a few weeks and obviously i can now walk more than ten breathless yards...But yea i have no problem being around smokers and i would never do that exaggerated stage "cough" some non,or ex smokers indulge in,or ask a smoker why they don't give up(probably two of the worst things to bring to a smokers attention)
An added bonus was the fact that the money i saved between March & August paid for a three week tour around Germany & The Czech Republic...Yes i smoked in Germany.Everyone smokes in Germany after all.It's an unwritten law like the ability to speak four languages and double denim...many would say it was stupidity on my part,and maybe it was,but i saw it as a holiday romance.It was great fun while it lasted but ultimately we both knew it was just a fling and would end at the train station...
Of course i vape...that's my crutch.Any ex smokers who vape use it as a crutch.Nothing to be ashamed of there,we all need a helping hand and this is what vaping offers.However never let any bearded hipster tell you it's better than smoking cos' that's patently a load of bollocks.Vaping is the vapid younger brother trying to attain coolness through association...is there such a thing as a post coital vape? I doubt it.
Mind you vaping probably helped save my life.I don't want to be too harsh...
Many people are turning from smoking to vaping( i have never heard of anyone taking up vaping having never previously smoked,I just can't imagine such a thing) and we all know it's only a matter of time before gov't ministers pick up the shortfall in smoking tax by introducing ever increasing vaping tax...bastards. They may cite the strain smokers put on the NHS but we never hear how much money they make off smokers.Besides smokers tend to die earlier than non smokers so.y'know,swings & roundabouts...
I know i will never smoke again.I accept that (apart from Germany of course) but i also know that on my death bed my final words will probably be " Anyone got a spare fag...oh and can i borrow your lighter ?"
Cos' yes smoking is sensual.It's Marlon Brando in a white t-shirt with his packet of tabs lodged in the upper sleeve like a friday night in Newcastle when it's minus 15c.It's Lauren Bacall being the sassiest sass in Sassville.It's Humphrey Bogart blowing smoke in Ingrid Bergman's face before saving her from the clutches of the Nazis...it's black & white films.
I had been toying with giving up long before i actually did.Smoking was getting far too expensive for one thing.I was never bothered about the restrictions imposed.I understood them perfectly well and actually agree with them...however in March i ended up laying in a hospital bed wearing a rather fetching oxygen mask after a continuous failure to walk ten yards without holding onto a hand rail.After thirty hours and more drips than a loose tap i was given the all clear by the doctor who then laid it on the line."Give up and you'll probably live a lot longer,keep smoking and you'll be pushed around everywhere breathing through a tube...it's your choice." Her bedside manner may have been abrupt but i knew where i stood...
It took me a couple of weeks to get back to some kind of normality physically.Having been on thirty/forty a day i fully expected giving up to be extremely difficult whereas i have found it to be pretty easy.Don't know why.I have been tugging at the weed all my adult life along with a fair proportion of my childhood.the constant cough i had disappeared within a few weeks and obviously i can now walk more than ten breathless yards...But yea i have no problem being around smokers and i would never do that exaggerated stage "cough" some non,or ex smokers indulge in,or ask a smoker why they don't give up(probably two of the worst things to bring to a smokers attention)
An added bonus was the fact that the money i saved between March & August paid for a three week tour around Germany & The Czech Republic...Yes i smoked in Germany.Everyone smokes in Germany after all.It's an unwritten law like the ability to speak four languages and double denim...many would say it was stupidity on my part,and maybe it was,but i saw it as a holiday romance.It was great fun while it lasted but ultimately we both knew it was just a fling and would end at the train station...
Of course i vape...that's my crutch.Any ex smokers who vape use it as a crutch.Nothing to be ashamed of there,we all need a helping hand and this is what vaping offers.However never let any bearded hipster tell you it's better than smoking cos' that's patently a load of bollocks.Vaping is the vapid younger brother trying to attain coolness through association...is there such a thing as a post coital vape? I doubt it.
Mind you vaping probably helped save my life.I don't want to be too harsh...
Many people are turning from smoking to vaping( i have never heard of anyone taking up vaping having never previously smoked,I just can't imagine such a thing) and we all know it's only a matter of time before gov't ministers pick up the shortfall in smoking tax by introducing ever increasing vaping tax...bastards. They may cite the strain smokers put on the NHS but we never hear how much money they make off smokers.Besides smokers tend to die earlier than non smokers so.y'know,swings & roundabouts...
I know i will never smoke again.I accept that (apart from Germany of course) but i also know that on my death bed my final words will probably be " Anyone got a spare fag...oh and can i borrow your lighter ?"
Saturday 16 September 2017
Notts Landing
They hate it and of course that's why all football fans call them Notts Forest.They have a real hang up about being called "Notts" instead of "Nottingham". Fans being fans they will always latch on to a supposed weakness in their opponents but Notts Forest fans make it pretty easy by doing the "Well actually it's Nottingham" schtick every time they get called "Notts" .Tying themselves up in knots whenever Notts is used instead of Nottingham.It could be worse though,we could be playing Nottingham County...
This will only be my second game of the season,after seeing us demolish M'boro 1-0 on the opening day, i have been away for three weeks and watched the Nuno revolution only via You Tube highlights in various German bars.Don't get me wrong i loved being away on a break but also felt at times i was missing something quite remarkable unfolding down Molineux way.There were signs of it in the Boro game and there seemed to be lots of fans looking at each other with a taciturn " Blimey not seen this type of football played by Wolves before..." Which Google would probably translate as "fuck me,what's going on?"
Last time i went to Notts Forest was two seasons ago.Think it was near the end of the campaign and in truth all i remember about the game was that it was deadly dull.I can't even remember the score.Was it a draw? In truth i can't even be arsed to look it up.The bar we went to stayed in the memory longer than the match...
I'm expecting things to be very different this time though...Where under Lambert the football we played was moribund & frightened (many games i saw us play we barely created a chance,but thanks for Liverpool PL) To paraphrase that old dog JFK we are not troubled by what teams can do to us but rather what we can do to them...with style too!
After years of seeing us lump it forward to a big fella or a quick fella,in the hope of something breaking via a deflection off the cliched hairy arsed centre back we now pass the ball,to feet no less.Not only that but to feet wearing the same coloured socks that are also moving and looking for the next pass in the chain.As revolution's go this is our October 1917...
Things are not perfect of course but hell i don't mind.I just want to see us playing exciting attacking football and hang the rest...I love a strong defence as much as the next man but at times it's good to go down the Keegan route and play school playground stuff...we have attracted the sort of players,who're still young too,who don't want to get bogged down by scratching out results.We have signed lads who want to bomb forward with style,skill and purpose...we still have Helder Costa to come back yet too!
So this Fosun/Mendes/Nuno revolution rocks for me.It may all go tits up of course, as these things invariably do, but that's the chance we take when we sign up to support Wolves.If all was sweetness & light all the time what the hell would we moan about in the stands and on Twitter?
Next stop on this revolutionary bandwagon is Nottingham for Notts Forest v Wolverhampton Wolves (as the Yanks call us) an early train out of London,lots of beer and hopefully we can tie Notts up in knots...
This will only be my second game of the season,after seeing us demolish M'boro 1-0 on the opening day, i have been away for three weeks and watched the Nuno revolution only via You Tube highlights in various German bars.Don't get me wrong i loved being away on a break but also felt at times i was missing something quite remarkable unfolding down Molineux way.There were signs of it in the Boro game and there seemed to be lots of fans looking at each other with a taciturn " Blimey not seen this type of football played by Wolves before..." Which Google would probably translate as "fuck me,what's going on?"
Last time i went to Notts Forest was two seasons ago.Think it was near the end of the campaign and in truth all i remember about the game was that it was deadly dull.I can't even remember the score.Was it a draw? In truth i can't even be arsed to look it up.The bar we went to stayed in the memory longer than the match...
I'm expecting things to be very different this time though...Where under Lambert the football we played was moribund & frightened (many games i saw us play we barely created a chance,but thanks for Liverpool PL) To paraphrase that old dog JFK we are not troubled by what teams can do to us but rather what we can do to them...with style too!
After years of seeing us lump it forward to a big fella or a quick fella,in the hope of something breaking via a deflection off the cliched hairy arsed centre back we now pass the ball,to feet no less.Not only that but to feet wearing the same coloured socks that are also moving and looking for the next pass in the chain.As revolution's go this is our October 1917...
Things are not perfect of course but hell i don't mind.I just want to see us playing exciting attacking football and hang the rest...I love a strong defence as much as the next man but at times it's good to go down the Keegan route and play school playground stuff...we have attracted the sort of players,who're still young too,who don't want to get bogged down by scratching out results.We have signed lads who want to bomb forward with style,skill and purpose...we still have Helder Costa to come back yet too!
So this Fosun/Mendes/Nuno revolution rocks for me.It may all go tits up of course, as these things invariably do, but that's the chance we take when we sign up to support Wolves.If all was sweetness & light all the time what the hell would we moan about in the stands and on Twitter?
Next stop on this revolutionary bandwagon is Nottingham for Notts Forest v Wolverhampton Wolves (as the Yanks call us) an early train out of London,lots of beer and hopefully we can tie Notts up in knots...
Thursday 14 September 2017
Union Berlin v Arminia Bielefeld.A day at German football.
Kick off time is 1-30pm local time on Sunday.Like our game in the UK all German matches are spread over a long weekend to accommodate TV audiences.As it's a 1-30pm ko I decided to do what most football fans do and get to the pub over three hours before the game.It's the law and very rude if you don't...
Think Hansel & Gretel combined with Green St...
The home end.I think they were belting out the club song written by celeb fan Nina Hagen.Bit like us if we sang a song by Robert Plant!
End of the game...many fans hung around.After all the bars were still open so what's the rush.,,
FCUnion play in the south of the Berlin in Köpenick (pronounced Cooper nick) only about fifteen minutes from the centre of the city by S-Bahn...The bar I went to was directly opposite the railway station,no idea what it was called but let's say The Railway Arms or whatever the equivalent in German is.It was'nt a 'Spoons though even if the prices were comparable...as it was 10am the place was pretty full( maybe it was a 'Spoons) and I seemed to be the only bugger not wearing red & white.It did cross my mind they may think I was a Bielefeld hoolie spy as I did get a few glances as I walked in, however as soon as i opened my mouth the glancees returned to their beer as it was obvious I could barely say Bielefeld never mind pass info on to their top boy...
Union Berlin have a bit of a trendy alternative fan base.Nowhere near the anarchist/left wing base of Hamburg's St Pauli but they have as much kudos having saved their club from financial ruin and rebuilt the stadium to their own specifications ( 22,000 capacity, 3,500 seats & the rest terracing) The stadium is about a ten minute walk from the station but you do have to pass beer stalls so obviously it can take much longer...
Oh and you then stroll to the ground through a forest...
Think Hansel & Gretel combined with Green St...
There are a good few differences between football in the UK and Germany.For one thing security is tighter...Everone entering the ground is searched.This is also fairly meticulous compared to the perfunctory one second tap down to every fourth fan over here.I presume their stewards are both better trained and better paid...
Clearly this system takes longer which is one reason many German grounds are pretty full a good hour before the game unlike ours where everone piles in two minutes before kick off...If you have that many fans in the ground so early then make sure you can adequately cater for them.Again unlike our stadiums there is plenty of room for everyone and many bars & food outlets.Obviously the booze & food is a little dearer than outside in the real world but that's to be expected.However this is good food we're talking about here and not a half cooked steak & kidney pie with more gristle than Matt Murray's knees..and of course the beer is German not Carling.Even the worst German beer is infinitely better than Carling...
Much is made of how cheap the pricing is compared to our game and up to a point it's true.My ticket to what was effectively a Championship game was about £13.Very reasonable.However the merchandising was a lot more expensive.Club shirts are somewhere between 60 & 80 Euros...
As beer is also served within sight of the pitch,unlike here where obviously we can't be trusted to watch a game or even see a freshly mown patch of grass,with a beer lest we go apeshit,..then the atmosphere is already rocking by ko time.After all what else are you gonna do?
Considering Bielefeld is nearly 400km from Berlin and it was an early Sunday afternoon ko they had a decent away following...although I'm sure Leeds fans would claim they'd take more...
Probably 3,000 away fans...good effort.
The game was solid Championship fare.Union should have been three/four up before Bielefeld took the lead( sound familiar?) before equalising after about an hour played.After that they laid siege to the opponents goal with no success and almost lost it to a last minute sucker punch breakaway...the match ending 1-1
The home end.I think they were belting out the club song written by celeb fan Nina Hagen.Bit like us if we sang a song by Robert Plant!
The singing never stopped all through the game and was probably loudest when Union were losing.Also a good variety of songs too including a few in English...Meanwhile all around me fans were happily boozing & smoking like sailors on shore leave...
End of the game...many fans hung around.After all the bars were still open so what's the rush.,,
Union Berlin are a solid top ten Bundesliga 2 team having never stepped up to the top division since reunification( they were an East German team before of course) It's a well supported club with an average of about 20,000 and clearly well run but not sure how much of a benefit going up to Bundesliga 1 would
be.The fans I spoke to don't seem too fussed either way.They just love the day out...
After the game I went back to The Railway Arms for a few more beers and a few Jägermeisters ( when in Rome an all that) and had a good old natter with a couple of home fans.All good stuff...
This was my third German game,all at this level and i have loved every experience.It's worth going just for the novelty of it if nothing else but once you have been you'll probably want to do it again...
Tuesday 29 August 2017
Prague.The chocolate box capital...
If that sounds a little dismissive it's not meant to.It is a beautiful city of which nobody can deny,however when you turn every corner and see yet another medieval tower you start to expect a stage Rapunzel,only without the issues,to be hanging her hair down for any drunk stag party to climb up.It's Disney but with an undercurrent...
Maybe I'm just being a bit churlish or maybe it's because I'm right in the middle of the tourist zone( oh the horror!) but I'm just not feeling it here.Don't get me wrong everyone has been fine with me.The hostel is like a top class hotel & all the bars I have visited have been as good as gold.So on reflection I think it's probably me struggling to adjust after nine days in Germany.I'm sure Prague will survive....
But man alive the tourists! Yes yes yes I know I'm one and that I also live in a town that's almost a cliche of tourist exploitation but it's more evident here.Possibly because it's centered around a small area where in London it's mostly spread out...mind you I baulked at being charged to visit the Jewish cemetery and copped out.A massive hypocritical act on my part as I'll pay to visit Dachau when I'm in Munich.But hey, nobody suggested I was perfect...I went to cross Charles Bridge yesterday but could'nt physically fight my way through them so went for a beer instead( and yes it is as good as everyone says)
You know what I think, it's the language that's got me rattled,not Prague...I was getting on well with the German,we share a common tongue basically,But Czech is totally foreign to me,which is ironic as my dad was Czech.I really should have taken more notice of my heritage when younger...I'm feeling embarrassed by not having any of the lingo.
Good lord I'm having a right old moan are'nt i? Which I really shouldn't as I'm sitting in a beer garden sipping wonderful cold beer in 30c and I'm not due back in Blighty for another eleven days!
Ok things I'm loving about Prague!( only been here a day mind) Naturally the beer,yes it's as good and cheap as everyone says.The beer I'm having at the moment is 38k which in our terms is about,hold on let's work this out...Yep,nothing.
The tram system.All Central European cities should have this kind of tram system,Especially with some olde worlde trams thrown in,if only to satisfy my 1930's black & white fantasy of these places before it all went tits up...
The architecture.What can you say? Yes it's over the top Disneyesque but unlike the well known anti semite's magical kingdom at least this is real.Imagine if it had been blown to hell & back by either the Nazi's,British of Soviet's in WW11 or the Cold War? Travesty...
You know what Prague's ok,it's just me being a whiny old Brit....I'm gonna carry on drinking and tomorrow I'll plough through those damn tourists and get on that fucking bridge!
Nashledanou!
Monday 28 August 2017
It's the little differences...
As I leave Germany for fours days to go to Prague I want to highlight the little differences I have noticed between our nations...I not saying they're better or worse just different.
Bars; They don't really have as many pubs as we do in the UK.Most of them are cafe bar type affairs.In the ones that are just bars without food then smoking is allowed,indeed it seems to be actively encouraged as everyone seems to smoke!
The waitress service takes a bit getting used to for us Brits I think as we're used waiting at the bar to be served.I say waitress Service because from what I have seen in the many bars I have been to the women do all the work while the men talk shit at the bar with their mates...and boy barmaids in Germany work bloody hard!
Having a bar tab is handy too,at least you don't go home with £17.36 of change in your pocket after a night out.but keep an eye on it as it's easy to get out of hand...Stimmt so is also a nice thing for the bar staff too.It's basically a keep the change scenario but you get to stipulate how much change.If your bill was €6.40 and you wanted to round up to seven you say " Stimmt so sieben" and hope the ravishingly beautiful barmaid will see you're a man made of the right stuff and take you home for a night of unbridled passion...sorry,drifted off for a bit there,where was I? Oh yea stimmt so is good as all the staff share it out at the end the day or week.
Another thing I noticed in all the bars is no glass washing machines.They have a washing sink,a rinsing sink and a drying area.I can see the advantages as glasses are readily available when the bar is full and staff & punters alike don't wait for the bloody two minute cycle to finish before putting your cold beer into a glass that's about as hot as the sun...the downside of course is it's more work for the staff and gives the ravishingly beautiful barmaid less time to talk to her customers..." sigh"
Cyclists...yea let's talk about those horrible gobshites who take liberties with their holier than thou sanctimony...as I'm one myself I find it interesting how they're treated abroad.Well in Germany they're gods & goddesses I can tell you.Riding on the pavement at will and even given their own lane on this pavement( I was furiously " belled" by one in Hamburg whilst walking on it) they even get their own little toy town traffic lights!
The spoilt brats...
Finally the traffic lights...yes there's the jaunty little Ampel man who brighten up everyone's life.But jaywalking is taken seriously in this land and I can see why.Nobody jaywalks. I have seen men who look like they've just cooked their mothers entrails in the microwave wait paitiently for the little green Ampel man to do his stuff even though no traffic was in sight...I even caught the bug the otherday in Wannsee.I found myself bridling with righteous indignation as a couple strolled across the road despite red Ampel's obvious displeasure.Bloody foreigners...
Anyway I'm in Prague for a few days before going back to Germany.No pesky cyclists here.Hills & cobbles not a good combo for my breatheren...
Tschuss!
Sunday 27 August 2017
Fuck me it's Immanuel Kant!
How can you not love Berlin? When the barmaid mixes cocktails like a dervish on speed then starts discussing German philosophy you know you're in a weird and wonderful town.Say Kant in an east London pub and you're likely to get a punch in the smacker..,
The no nonsense landlady of Wild at Heart...
So yes I have fully ingratiated myself into my local bar in Charlottenburg.I have my seat at the bar and have even been invited to a barmaids leaving party tonight...
I can creep my way in almost anywhere...
All the tourists bits were done on a previous trip,I took a cursory walk round the Reichstag & Brandenburg Tor but once again I wanted to see more of the city than tourist hotspots...
Tempelhof is an old disused airport just on the edge of the city centre.Mainly used by the US military during the Cold War it was abandoned soon after David Hasselhoff single handily secured world peace and had his last hit single...There's nothing there now except the runways open to the public.No attempt has been made to jolly it up.No doubt in years to come places like Maccy D's & Starbucks will try to gain a foothold and turn it into every other abandoned US airbase in the world but hopefully not...leave it to the cyclists,joggers and picnickers...
Then I went to Wannsee.For those not Familer with Wannsee it is here that the holocaust was given clearance by all the heads of the different factions of the SS to go from summery executions to an industrial scale operation.There is a superb film called " Conspiracy " starring Kenneth Brannah ,amongst others.All of the dialogue of the meeting is taken from minutes taken by secrectaries at the time.I urge you to watch this.It is the scariest horror movie you will ever see...Oh and if any dickhead holocaust denier pops up tell them to watch it too...
Kreuzberg is a part of town you should visit.I suppose it's a bit like Hackney but a lot more so.Kreuzberg was the part of town overlooked by the Wall by the east Berlin border guards and so was allowed to be a place of debauchery in a " Let's see what you could have won" kind of way...the story has it that Bowie came here to clean up his ways,invited Iggy Pop to live with him for two years and.,,.well you can imagine what happened! ( he did also make the best music of his career too so draw your own conclusions)
If you like your rock and dirty then visit this place.
The no nonsense landlady of Wild at Heart...
At the moment I'm in a bar in Köpenick ( pronounced Coopernick,as I was told last night by locals trying to hide their smirks at my attempts to sprechen Deutsch) I'm off to Union Berlin versus Arminia Bielefeld in a few hours for some good old German Fußball fun...up the Irons!
Tomorrow it's off to Prague.I'll be sad to leave Berlin but sure I'll be back again.Meanwhile I have a game & a leaving do. to go to...
Tschüss!
Wednesday 23 August 2017
Tschüss Hamburg!
As a port Hamburg is a tough place.Not brawling in the streets tough ,apart from when Brit stag & hen parties get pissed on the Reeperbahn,as I was told last night by the stunning barmaid in a bar on that street.No it's tough in a self relient,confident,we yield to no one sort of way.
I have only been here four days and for the first two I did the touristy things: The fish market is only open on Sunday between 5-30 & 9-30. I only got there at the last knockings.Basically it's lots of shouty blokes flogging stuff( not just fish) and playing up to the crowd of tourist,who were mostly German.
The Rathaus is ok I suppose but it's only a town hall at the end of the day.When I was there a bike ride was going on so it was hard to really appreciate the place.But hey ho...
The two things Hamburg is most famous for of course are the Reeperbahn & the dockside.The Reeperbahn for those that don't know is the strip in St Pauli dedicated to sex basically( oh and getting smashed too) I was only there on a Tuesday afternoon so Obviously didn't get the full effect.It was as tacky as expected but not much else.The Bars off the main drag were much better and cheaper.The first bar I went to charged 5€ for a beer.Thought I'd been transported back to London! The Reeperbahn sort of put me in mind of what Soho must have been like in it's hayday before it went clean and corporate...
So Reeperbahn is ok for the novelty.The Hamburg people don't appear to be phased of disgruntled about it,esp as it brings in mucho tourist money.
The big thing with Hamburg though is the dockside area.For one thing it's bloody massive! If you like your buildings big & warehousesy then this is the place for you...
They have done a magnificent job on it.London should have taken note.It is of course a working port So many of the warehouses are still used for import & export.While there visit Minatur Wunderland.It's the biggest model railway in the world.You don't have to be into this kind of thing to be impressed...It's 13€ and well worth it.But get there early as it gets rammed.
The next few days I toured around the suburbs getting a feel of the place.I liked Altona a lot.It had a Hackney/Highgate vibe about it,and Schlump seemed ok too.( I only went there because of the name.Who wouldn't want to go to a place called Schlump?)
Mind you...
Fuck me I'm in Rotherham!
Overall I like Hamburg even though it took me a while to get into it.In four days the most socially unacceptable behaviour I have seen is two people jaywalking( oh and that waiting at the red lights thing is bloody hard to get used to!)
I have not met with anything other than kindness & civility,even though my grasp of the language is limited at best,everyone I have spoken to has been great.Christ we're so lucky having English as our mother tongue...
Been very lucky with the Hostel too.Run by two south East Asian women who have been superb.It also helps that it's next door to a Brot & Brötchen shop where I got breakfast daily.Oh and this helps too..,
Having an U-Bahn stop literally on your doorstep is bloody superb...
Of course I will miss my local too...
But as I'm a little whore there will be other locals...
...next stop Berlin.
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