28 Days later...a month in Germany.Day 5.

It‘s a funny thing but many say the Germans are rigid in their rules and I suppose to a decree that’s true...I think murder is still frowned upon for instance.But today a little blow was dealt to the system.I had a message on my DB(Deutsch Bahn) App saying my train was full and as I hadn’t reserved a seat I might have to stand or at least „“Corbyn“ it .No problem I travelled in the bike carriage last year so don’t mind getting down & dirty...

I asked the woman on information about it and she said I might be able to get on an earlier train and even better it‘s direct...although i did check with one of the on board team and he was fine with it.See? Little bit of leeway doesn’t hurt.Mind you i have not had my ticket checked yet so all this optimism could be badly misplaced...well that was two hours ago and as yet no ticket inspectors and we‘re only another two hours away from Hamburg.Oh the excitement...got to Hamburg Altona with no hitches and found the hotel pretty easily too.

So i‘m currently sat in Reeperbahn having a cold Budvar,which I was schooled by the barmaid in how to say properly.The bloody cheek of it...If you don’t mind having your every utterance scrutinised and corrected by barmaids with balls then Germany is the place for you.Talking of women with balls my hotel is opposite a transvestite club...the hotel is really a tenement Block partly converted into rooms for guests intermingled with real living working people.Nice big room,shared kitchen & bathroom.Not Bad at all.Cash upfront of course and i‘ve already sussed out where Lidl is...it was £5 dearer when I got there than when I checked this morning so what the fuck has Johnson been doing these last few hours?

Reeperbahn is tacky as fuck.If you‘ve never been here it’s exactly as you‘d imagine it... but in that time honoured phrase „“It is what it is“. I‘d think it’s a tight community who‘ve got each other’s backs if it kicks off from pissed up stag party’s to the authorities.On a personal note my hotel is just a Usain Bolt ten second jog away from Reeperbahn U-Bahn station so less chance of getting lost...not impossible but...

Hire Shoreditchtwat scooters are a thing in Hamburg too...a huge storm just woke me up.They‘re not uncommon here.Think it’s all to do with The North Sea & Baltic convergence and all that caper.It was a good one though.Some lovely bangs & crashes and i could hear the rain on the paving stones from the first floor...

In a while crocodile...

28 Days later...a month in Germany.

Still day three and i‘m on my third pint of weißbier(it‘s pricey but man it’s good)I keep thinking I should be doing something constructive but hell i‘m on holiday for a month and I don’t really go  big on tourist attractions,well not once the bars are open...yea I know they’re a thing and should be seen but one thing living in London has taught me is get to these places either early or late cos‘ otherwise it’s mayhem.I‘ll pop in early if I fancy it but late‘s never gonna happen as the bars are open...anyway I intend to relax and frankly fighting for photo space with hundreds of other tourists does not make me relaxed...whereas sitting in a bar generally does.

Found a little bar down by the Rhein away from the main drag.Great little place even though I was showered in glass (clean) by the barmaid,who has worked about ten tables on her own,she was very apologetic but no harm done.Not ended up with a sexy Rui Praticio scar.I even helped with the clearing up cos‘ i‘m nice...and who knows I may end up with a free drink...

Before I left Britain I bought one of those power banks for my phone.Man they’re worth it(especially for writing shite like this) only £25 from Currys too and no, i‘m not sponsored by them.but i‘m open to offers like the whore that I am.

Did that thing last night of getting hopelessly lost on the U-Bahn.Done it before and will no doubt do so again.Like all these things it started badly and just escalated.Turns out I was at the wrong stop to begin with and naturally got the wrong train...if you imagine the tube map then I ended up in Morden when I wanted to be in Finsbury Park,which is something i‘ve done in the past too so it‘s not the language barrier.As these things tend to happen late at night after a drink I can only guess it‘s the low light that’s the problem.Anyway got back ok albeit about three hours later than expected.

At the station now waiting for the Hamburg train.Think it’s just over five hours journey with a change at Hannover...

I still can’t get used to the German „“stare“ and I don’t think I ever will.They tend to hold your gaze just that split second longer than us Brits find comfortable.Mind you I was thinking as i‘m bearded with a rucksack maybe they’re a wee bit nervous...I was pulled out at Kings X after going through the metal detector „“here we go“ I thought „“bloody beard profiling“ of course some stupid sod had left their phone in their pocket had‘nt they...

Until tomorrow Boys & Girls.

28 days later...A month in Germany.

Looks like it’s gonna be a beautiful day...yesterday was definitely one where the umpires were constantly checking their light meters and taking the teams off every twenty minutes.

One thing struck me as I sat under cover drinking was Germans don’t seem to go very big on umbrellas.Yea there were a few dotted about but nothing like it would be in Britain where it would  be a sea of bobbing umbrellas for as far as the eye could see...

The hotel I’m staying at is a bit out of the way.It’s right on the edge of what was no doubt once a massive old industrial complex.Now I find old abandoned factories fascinating and evokative but these areas do tend to be lacking in facilities like bars & shops mainly because,I’m guessing here,all those things were already within the factories themselves...however I’m surprised there’s no public transport nearby.Been walking about a mile & half to get into town until last night i discovered a tram stop about ten minutes away on the other side of a huge housing estate which backs onto the hotel...and it is huge too.Probably houses a few thousand.So hooray for dodgy shortcuts.Mind you my next hotel in Hamburg is two streets off Reeperbahn so,y’know,contrasts.

Having been in the service industry most of my working life nothing pisses me off more than customer arrogance & rudeness towards those serving on them.At the table in front of me in the bar were seven people who all had a drink then paid fully in change.That’s ok but just to leave the change spread all over the table to leave the barman to pick up every cent was a twatish thing to do in my book.Showed a total lack of respect...

Turns out I inadvertently broke the law on the transport system yesterday...bought what I thought was a four journey ticket for 2€ ( which admittedly I thought was damn cheap) turns out to be a four stop ticket.Ho hum.I have seen the German inspectors in action and ignorance is definitely not a mitigating factor.You get fined €60/80 no matter what.Tough titty and learn to buy the correct ticket...

My last full day in Cologne.It’s lovely city and well worth a visit...tomorrow it’s a five hour train journey to Hamburg Altona.

28 Days later...a month in Germany.

Breakfast completed.The usual fare which I like but let’s be honest nothing holds a candle to a full on heart attack on a plate English fry up...mind you their multi juice was bloody lovely and I downed three before they managed to prise me away from the machine...

Back in my room now waiting for the rain to stop and my camera battery to recharge.Even though we all have super phone cameras these days I still  like the idea of using an actual camera(although only a digital one.I‘m not quite at the box brownie stage of nostalgia yet)  

I don‘t mind the rain either but don‘t want to start the day soaking wet.On these trips I have travelled light through nessessity and don’t even bring a coat cos‘ it‘s not gonna be cold and when it does start raining there’s always a handy bar to nip into for several drinks...anyway it‘s stopped now so gonna go explore Cologne Alt Stadt a Little and as it’s Sunday it actually will be like 28 Days Later...

My bar bill last night for five beers was eight Euros which is pretty damn good I think.Will have to find it again so I can have good cheap beer whilst the landlady whithers me with a look...

Made it into Cologne city centre....it’s a cliche that Germany closes on a Sunday but the place isn’t on total shutdown.True all of the major shops are closed but drift down to the mainline station and it’s teeming and as many of them are just shopping malls with a few train platforms added on(more so here than in Britain) then the Sunday shut down here is clearly not total.I for one hope they keep it so but may feel differently if I lived over here.

As I was having a smoke outside the hotel a chap came out.I said something to him and clearly thinking I was a local he said „“you’re English is flawless“. Ha i can assure you it’s not as Jacob Rees Mogg would no doubt testify.He also then said I talk too loud.Which to be fair is true...gotta love the Germans and their brutal honesty!

Not sure if it’s a Cologne thing or a German thing but hire electric Shoreditchtwat scooters are definitely a thing here.I‘ll find out more when I visit other cities.I bet Berlin has them...having a midday bevvy down by the River Rhine which is as good as it can be really.

By the way I have changed my keyboard to Deutsh and they tend to capitalise oddly(in our eyes) so if you see something weird like that then that’s the reason.I have done it cos I may need to spell a German word with umlauts in and who doesn’t love them sexy umlauts? Incidentally why is‘nt Umlauts spelt ümläüts?

Laters Alligators.

28 days later...a month in Germany.

Right i‘m going full on self indulgent and ramping up the onanistic self worth to a Spinal Tapian eleven by doing a blog every day from my month dossing around Germany...  

Bastard of a journey...train late leaving Kings X which meant I missed my connection to Cologne so had to spend two hours in Brussels station( lots of mean looking army fellas around with guns,big fuck off guns) waiting for the Cologne train and fighting for an unreserved seat.Yea I got one...had a good chat with a Spanish woman living in Hamburg so y‘know,alles gut.

Then bugger me they decided to kick us all off at Düren to get on a train in which all the passengers got off to get onto the one we‘d just vacated...I don’t understand Deutsher that much but a good old moan is the same in any language...

I was feeling delicate by this stage...i‘d started the day on a Shoreditch Bus at 5-30am surrounded by sexy goth chicks throwing shapes to imaginary Emo tunes in their heads and it looked like I was going to end it listening to people whining in a language i barely understand...by the way i‘m fluent in emo.

Fuck it though.Got to Cologne.Managed to find the hotel eventually.Showered and got out to find some of the Reissdorf Kölsch.,,

So that‘s my first day in Deutschland and it seems fitting that Boney M have just come on the juke box..,

Laters bitches.