How the Nouveau Riche takes over English Football...Maybe

There was a time in the distant past when the working man did'nt really know who the worlds moneyed men were.The only time their lives were directly affected by rich folk was when they and their family were hauled off to the workhouse run by the local industrialist to maximise profit,much as Asian sweatshops do today for Western sports clothing conglomerates...

 The moneyed existed as they do today but the working man had only a vague notion of them,The Royal family of course and also the assumption that most Hollywood film stars were rolling about in beds made of Dollar bills----Nobody thought many of those Hollywood stars were in the pay of The Mafia,drug dealers & prostitutes---This was a simpler time.

But these days we have wall to wall knowledge of these rich beyond the dreams of El Dorado.We have mags like Hello showing us their gilded life.we have the Sunday Times rich list---which,let's be honest, is Hello's older boring brother----We have the internet,that window to the world & all the things in it we can never have...So we all now have access to this excess...Unfortunately as we peer longingly through the window at the moneyed folk they're looking back past our shoulders at the football clubs we support...

Imagine You're a post Soviet Russian Oligarch,a mid table Sheikh or even a  purveyor of shoddy sports apparel available in those high streets not already closed down & boarded up by other rich folk.You have all the money that other money can buy,the trophy wife's spending a suspiciously long time in the potting shed with the new gardener and the only person you converse with daily is your English Butler who hates you and spits in your food.Frankly life has lost it's lustre,the chase is over.You're bored...

One day you're flicking through the nine hundred channels on your cinema sized television set when something catches your eye.It's a football game being beamed from England...You know nothing of football,yes you know it's popular with the people who work for you in the sweatshops but don't understand why.You sit transfixed.

In your mind there's something raw and tribal about what you're watching,something animalistic.In the past you have tried to get buy your way into various sports to up your international kudos but all those classy sports like Polo & Horse Racing are closed shops.the Bastards.Once you thought Tennis would be a sport to get your name know but went off that idea after the incident with the trophy wife and the tennis coach... You call your English Butler in to explain English Football to you...

What you hear excites you...Not the nuances of the game---You've seen your eldest son playing FIFA 2013 so clearly have that side of it figured out---But the fact that nearly every club in England's top league--Which is beamed worldwide---is in debt and would welcome a rich buyer.There also does'nt seem to be much of a problem with the ruling body,who go by the name of The Football Association.Apparently they would sell themselves like a cheap whore.The kind of hard nosed negotiations you like...

It turns out before buying an English Football club you have to pass the FA's "Fit and proper person" test...Mmmm that sounds tough.The conversation goes something like this:

FA; We are here to determine if you are the sort of person we can trust to be the custodian of one of our most prestigious clubs.

You; Fine,I have all my financial records at hand...

FA;Never mind that,how rich are you?

You; I'm loaded

FA:That's great,you've passed.Do you want a Digestive with your cup of tea?

Your Butler was wrong,The FA are lower than cheap whores...

The rest is easy.You get your club.Shame it's not in London but all those are taken.Even so you'll get your face on worldwide television each week in your new scarf---Incidentally that's an excellent mark up  considering how much they are to make in your sweatshop,must get some new Spinning Jennies in to up production-----All the club needs now is to win every game,that's the easy bit is'nt it?

Now you own an English football club,your international standing has rocketed and even your beautiful trophy wife is taking an active interest,spending much of her free time getting to know the squad personally...

Thatcher! The Musical.

Many that know me will know i was never a fan of Maggie Thatcher.However her death yesterday bought very little joy personally as the corrosive policies she laid down in the 80's & 90's are now being writ large on the population of the UK by both this government and indeed the previous Labour one too...

Nearly everyone with just a passing interest in politics has posted something on her demise,many much better than i could ever hope to conjour. so, as i write this Blog i can be classed as a "Writer" of sorts,and what do writers write when they can't write? That's right.Musicals...

During Thatcher's regime from 1979 to 1990 there were plenty of tunes penned either about her or her policies.Many of which cracked the top ten easily...It's safe to say i can't recall one song in praise of Thatcher so if you find these tunes biased...Damn right they are!

The Beat---Stand Down Margaret
"I see no joy,i see only sorrow.i see no chance of your bright new tomorrow" Proof that protest songs don't need to be tuneless dirges caterwauled by beardy folk singers...Once had the childish,but satisfying,pleasure of putting this on the juke box of a pub in the I-O-W in 1982 sixteen times on the trot knowing the local Conservative council leader was in the pub...

Elvis Costello---Shipbuilding

Originally penned by Robert Wyatt but this version is the better known.On April 2nd 1982(My Birthday btw,send money please) Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic.Not many Brits even knew where they were never mind that it was British land.Never mind,if you need to win an election and you're in desperate straits at home what better than going to war.This is exactly what Thatcher did.I know this is not a view shared by many but the facts are that she knew Argentina were planning some action towards the islands and decided to sit on that until it was too late and her hand was forced.

Argentina had been saber  rattling over these rocks for years,indeed in 1977 the then Labour Govt got wind of a planned attack on the Falklands and parked three nuclear subs off the shore of Buenos Aires letting it be know any action would be foolish in the extreme...Thatcher could have easily done the same...Still at least she won the election...

Billy Bragg---Which side are you on?

Thatcher made it her mission to destroy the Unions and so she went after the biggest of them all,The NUM.along with it's totem Arthur Scargill.Secondry picketing was banned and she bought the full weight of the UK police force down on the striking Miners.This lasted a year and cost untold millions.Perfectly good working mines were closed down for the only reasons that she wanted to break the back of the NUM.This is also the closest we have come in my lifetime to a police state,They were given unlimited powers of arrest and did so with gusto.I know people who were arrested just for wearing a "Coal not Dole" badge.Thirty years on and many of these communities still have not recovered,many never will...

Elvis Costello---Tramp the dirt down.

Think this one is self explanatory....

Ghost Town---The Specials

THE defining song of Thatcher's tenure.Talk about catching the Zietgeist! Britain was burning with riots in every major city and the people WE'RE getting angry...The UK was dying a death of a thousand cuts,much as it is now...But hey at least the embittered kids of today have One Direction to see them through the dark days.The sad part is that this tune resonates today as much as it did then now that Thatcher's Midwich cuckoos are running the country into the ground...

I'm sure there are many more tunes that can sum up her eleven years in charge.I'm always open to suggestions...Thatcher! The Musical needs you...