Wolves & Orient.Time to put MAP into action...

Wolves and Leyton Orient are top two in division one,they're nine & eight points ahead of the chasing pack respectively with twenty eight games to go.It's time for the clubs to open negotiations between themselves to implement the top secret strategy know as MAP...

MAP stands for Mutual assured promotion.There are times in the cruel world of football when the super powers need to band together to protect their own status from marauding upstarts who's desire is topple and rule with their own brand of  despotic football.Make no mistake these deviants are waiting to pounce on any weakness apparent in the top two.If we're not careful then one(or both) of us could slip up in our combined goal of promotion and fall headlong into the maelstrom of doubt,recriminations and,worst of all,gloating opponents...This must not be allowed!

So much as the energy companies form a cartel Wolves & Leyton Orient need to do the same to protect their interests...So how will MAP work to our advantage in gaining promotion whilst banishing our slovenly foes to another season of scraping the division one barrel for any crumbs of comfort they can grab hold of...

First off the games involving the two giants will be pre-determined---not fixed of course,that would be crude---Some may think two draws would suffice but that would give the Barbarian hordes massing at our gates the chance to gain four points on us so i'm afraid both clubs will have to bite the bullet and have one defeat each,thus giving both clubs three points instead of one.

We also have to think of the goal difference here so i suggest instead of going through the tiresome business of actually playing each other we should both forfeit our away game.Such action will result in a 3-0 win for the home team.Orient could claim to have had their coach held up by a modern day Dick Turpin just off the North Circular  and Wolves will claim a mild case of distemper has decimated the squad...Job done.

Loans play an increasing important role in the game and we'll make full use of a co-dependent loan system between the clubs.Each first team eleven will be on the bench of the other club on matchdays.There will have to be some tinkering with the fixtures to make sure we play on separate days of course,but imagine it.Wolves need a goal? bring on Mooney.Orient need to see out a 1-0 lead? bring on Danny Batth.Simple and effective...

What else can be done to ensure MAP is an unmitigated success? There could be a sustained smear campaign aimed at all our rivals in the media emitting from the Black Country and East London in order to diminish their challenge further.I feel that Orient CEO Barry Hearn may be best suited to orchestrate this as he seems to have a certain expertise in this field...Planted stories about managers & players will help to undermine team morale,especially if it involves spurious claims of John Terry type shenanigans with team mates partners...

The fans of both respective clubs can help too.If enough Wolves and Orient fans turn up at our rivals home games we can destabilise them by booing at every opportunity(it's important to be spread around the ground so as not to arouse suspicion) jeering their star players and chanting for their manager's/chairman's head.In the case of Rotherham's Steve Evans calling for his head should be a nationwide campaign...

We will fall short of actually injuring rival players but there are other ways to get to them.Every opportunity should be taken to remind Bradford's Nahki Wells that he really has a very silly name for instance.Telling Coventry's Leon Clarke that Paolo di Canio was right etc.Nothing hurts a player more than a blow to his ego...If any of them are on Twitter keep sending them ads for Viagra and penis enhancement...It all helps.

If we can get this into action then success will be guaranteed for the two giants of division one,finally leaving the lower orders behind to wallow in misery.If it fails then i'm afraid we'll have to resort to good old fashioned bribery...

MAP... It's nasty,dishonest,undignified,cynical and downright wrong.But hey,that's football...

Danny Batth...The heart of new Wolves

Danny points the way.

"Danny Batth's from Brierley Hill,Brierley Hill,Brierley Hill.Danny Batth's from Brierly Hill,Fuck off Johnson" This is what the Wolves fans sing to our young centre back and occasional captain Daniel Tanveer Batth.Now i realise that as a song it's probably not up there with anything Bob Dylan,Neil Young or even Miley Cyrus may compose(Although Miley's interpretation on video would be interesting) but to Wolves it speaks volumes...

The malaise that enveloped the club these last few years has been well documented and one of the main totems of that maliase ----Roger Johnson,he named in Batth's song---Has been banished to Sheffield Wednesday---In an obvious attempt to add to his record of three successive relegations---- to be replaced by local youngster Danny Batth at the heart of Wolves defence,a defence that has conceded only ten goals in seventeen games.In the few games Batth played last season, either alongside or in place of  Johnson it was obvious to all those watching he should be a permanent name on the teamsheet.All except the manager at the time that is.It was only the arrival of Kenny Jackett in the summer who instantly recognised Batth's importance to the club that prevented him from being cherry picked by other clubs.

As the song says, Danny Batth was born in Brierley Hill----A small Black Country town about five miles from Wolverhampton----and has been at the club since the age of ten,it was only last season however that he broke into the Wolves team at the age of twenty two after playing nearly a hundred league games on loan to Colchester and both Sheffield clubs.At the start of this season he was made first choice centre half and in truth it's now hard to imagine a Wolves team without him in it.

Batth(pronounced Bart) is of Punjabi Sikh descent and at a solid 6" 2" gives lie to the prevailing belief among some that Asians would never make good footballers cos' of their slight build----Have they never seen Kabaddi? It's brutal! Those lads certainly are'nt lacking in the physical stakes---The same nonsense used to be said of footballers from Afro Caribbean backgrounds many years ago.That they were'nt brave enough or that they could'nt read the game.Is'nt it about time this rubbish stopped?

Anyway i digress.From the moment i first saw Batth on his Wolves  league debut i was impressed.He was playing alongside Roger Johnson and within the first couple of minutes he was covering his back when he cleared a through ball that Johnson failed to intercept and his ability to read the game and speed to cover impending danger is what places him above any other centre half in division one,or indeed the Championship,in my opinion...If he continues to progress he has a great future in the game,whether it's at Wolves or not remains to be seen...

He's also good in the air and uses his timing to win balls against bigger opponents,although to be fair this has not really been needed too much as most of the football i have seen this season has been played on the ground rather than lumped up to a grizzled old hairy arsed striker.With his ariel power he's also a danger in the opponents penalty box at corners and free kicks.

One slight criticism is that sometimes his distribution out of defence could be better,hopefully that's something being worked on in training.

But Daniel Tanveer Batth is not just a good player.To my mind he represents a whole new beginning at Wolves.A local youth who's come through the ranks to put pride back in the club.a local lad who will hopefully stay with the club and one day become Captain in his own right rather than as stand in Captain to Sam Ricketts(Who's done a sterling job) Batth is the best home grown defender i have seen at Wolves since the heady days of Joleon Lescott.I admit there's not been a lot of competition but just to be mentioned in the same breath as Lescott shows how highly i rate Batth...

Danny Batth.The heart of new Wolves...From Brieley Hill.