Death,taxes and Kronenbourg 1664…Paris#10

Decided my last full day in Paris I would forego a trip into the city on the metro and instead have a rummage around District 20 and what better way to start than spend a good hour or so strolling around Père Lachaise getting myself into an existential tizzy? 

Nothing brings home one’s own mortality than traipsing over the remains of those that have gone before,especially in such a grandiose environment,then washing it all down with burger,chips and a bottle of 1664.Mind you I am also about to have some home made apple crumble so maybe I am immortal after all,or at least I will feel that way after the finest of desserts known to man and beast…as expected the apple crumble was excellent and I am obviously now a god…

Seriously though Pere Lachaise is a wonderful spot to spend an hour or so grazing the graves & mausoleums.Some of those edifices are incredible,it also brings home how much money some of these families had( or have,it’s not a museum as people are still being buried there) One spot was covered in what looked like dozens of fresh laid floral tributes and the pictures on the grave was of a vibrant young woman cut down in her prime.Sadly my thoughts turned to my sister Liz who was also vibrant and cut down in what could have been her prime had maybe her personal demons not been so,well,demonic…this I think probably made me a bit maudlin.Sorry…

After a stroll of about a mile I find myself in Ménilmontant,my stamping ground from last summer.Gone into the bar where I watched a few French Euro games and they still have the 15-00/23-00 happy hour( which is stretching the concept a bit) and their impossibly high urinal for a shortarse like me,just the one mind,this is a French bar needless to say…nice to see the place again and the grumpy big as a house barman.Now to take a walk back to Gambetta which is about a mile & half and mostly uphill.I’d  be kidding myself this is all good for me…phew that was a bit of a trek but now I’m back in my local definitely worth it.The road is called Rue des Pyrenees for a reason…

Right then you lovely people this is my last blog from That There Paris for a while.Been a great ten days.Not gonna say I needed the break cos’ that would imply I’ve been working my fingers to the bone but it was nice to be in a different environment.My only regret is I never got a Jane Birkinesque local to coquettishly run her fingers through my hair…incidentally Serge Gainsborough really got the best deal out of that relationship…

But anyway Paris? Been great,the locals have been fine.Not particularly small talk friendly but that’s ok as frankly it can be a chore especially at my age,but I have been met with kindness and good humour.Our French neighbours ain’t nowhere near as bad as we paint them you know…I think some people don’t want to come to France as they believe the tripe that all Frenchies are rude,arrogant and will give you a hard time but in my experience that’s bullshit.Be polite,say Bonjour,s’il vous plait,merci and au revoir and it’ll get you a long way…

One last thing: Whilst the Channel Tunnel is a marvel of civic engineering,a true marvel of our times,the truth is it can be dull as ditch water going through it so why don’t Eurostar ( or whoever owns it) get some graffiti artists to go nuts? There could be fluorescent shipwrecks,cartoon desert islands with one tree surrounded by sand,even the odd kraken seemingly attacking the train.All sorts of possibilities to  cheer the regular travellers and right royally put the shits up the first timers…

On that happy thought au revoir and next stop Blighty…

No WiFi ? Just have a coffee…Paris#9

My weekly Navigo Paris transport ticket ran out after a week surprisingly and because I only have a couple of days left here obviously opted to just get daily tickets from now on.They’re fairly expensive at €12 whereas a weekly one is €31.A fair difference.Even if you’re here for four days it’s worth getting a weekly ticket…anyway got to Gambetta metro and tried to upload a ticket and it was no dice,the dammed WiFi just wasn’t having it and I was damned if I was gonna buy a paper one,what sort of pleb do you think I am? I’ve embraced the modern world 🌍 and I’m buggered if I’m going back to medieval parchment…

The solution was simple.Go back upstairs to the cafe bar above the entrance,order a coffee and get their WiFi to get my ticket and guess what? It worked…coffee was nice too…these things happen when you rely on external forces like WiFi to always be available.

My one gripe with the Paris ticket on the phone is that it expires dead on midnight no matter when you purchase it.All the others I have had around various parts of Europe last 24 hours from the moment you buy or validate it which is obviously much more customer friendly.I’m guessing this catches out a few people especially if they’re out after midnight and get the metro back to the hotel…

Ah well back in my local writing this and a nice young lad who works here was having a chat with me.His name is Stell and I bit my lip from making a Stella wife beater joke.It’s taken me over a week to become accepted and worthy of conversation without me messing things up within a second of being introduced( which happens more than you’d think with me) Strangely he first off asked if I was French ? My limited use of s’il vous plait,merci & au revoir must have convinced him I was a local but disarmingly quiet.Oh the poor sweet summer child…anyway it’s nice to get a foot in the door even if I only have one day left.Gives me a good reason to come back sometime…

Talking of which I can highly recommend this area of Paris.It’s part of the 20th district ( or Arrondisament) and as I have said before it’s a lot like Hackney both in feel & size.Very multi cultural,a bit rough around the edges but a bit trendy & cool.It’s the sort of area that these days gets labelled “ woke “ but as the wonderful Kathy Burke said “ I’d rather be woke than a cunt” and if you’re not convinced by that the transport links to the rest of the city are great…

The bar I now consider my local would definitely fit into all the boxes of “ wokeness” although they can keep the ambient jazz music 🎵 to a minimum.Not really my bag…

Tomorrow is my last full day and I think if the weather is ok( not raining 🌧️) I will take a good look around Père Lachaise.After all it’s nearly Valentine’s Day so what’s more romantic than strolling through a massive cemetery? I can pretend I’m Lord Byron of something…Paris is clearly geared up for a big VD weekend judging by all the adverts in the metro stations.I can imagine they get a mountain of tourists in for that and as it falls on a Friday many will be making a weekend of it so Kerching! Paris…and why not? 

One of the quirks of the hour difference in Europe to the UK is that I get a train on Thursday at 11-15 and I’m back in London by 12-30.As I live close to the Eurostar terminal I should be back in my house by 12-45.Beat that Dr Who you jumped up amateur…I know I’m due back in Blighty as my doctor just rang to set up a date for a blood test.The reality of life kicks in quickly…

Ah well I think that’s enough for today,the after work crowd are starting to file in with tales of Jaques in accounting…

Au revoir my cherubs…

Just pootling along…Paris#7 or maybe#8

Sitting in my “local” after keeping up with the Wolves cup game on my phone in another bar down the road.Tried get to watch it on BBC iPlayer but sadly I couldn’t as it wasn’t available to view in France.Don’t know if that’s a consequence of Brexit but either way I’m blaming it…still we won so tres bien an’ all that ( sorry Karl)

For some reason they made me pay upfront which has never happened in here before and I normally come in first thing for coffee & last thing for a nightcap or two.Maybe it’s because Sunday is extra busy or maybe because they think I’m gonna do a runner.If it’s the latter then as the oldest person here I’d probably get about 5 yards and also take a fierce kicking in the process…however other people are being charged as they order too so my paranoia seems ill founded…anyhoo having a very nice Weißbier so there…

Almost done a week in Paris now with another three & a bit days to go and it’s been great.Have found it very friendly & relaxing.Appears to be a slightly slower pace of life to London.They still seem to have that “ let’s take as long as we can over drinks/ food,what’s the rush?” Attitude which seems to make everyone more chilled…

Had a curry last night in a local Indian…it was ok but nothing special.I have had many curries in various European cities and apart from Strasbourg they have generally been disappointing.I am starting to think maybe they’re made to a slightly different specificity in the UK for our tastebuds.Of course when asked I said it was superb cos’ I’m not gonna diss a Frenchman’s cooking and I’m certainly not gonna diss a French Indian’s efforts…

It’s another wet & cold day today.Apparently spring is in the air but I don’t believe it…found myself hanging around Bastille having some great cheap coffee.If you get away from the main drag you can find relatively inexpensive places.I got stung for a €11-50 pint of cooking lager 🍺 in a place next to the metro last year.Always careful to check the prices now…but y’know Bastille with all the history etc.Shame there’s nothing left of the place besides a few foundations in the metro station…

I have banged this drum before but like many European cities Paris is remarkably clean & litter free for the most part unlike London.It’s a simple matter of spending money on regularly spaced street bins being regularly emptied and having daily street cleaning in every area and not just a select few districts that can afford it…that being the case most people then do what is right and use the bins provided thereby keeping things as they should be…in London,and most major British cities,not enough bins are provided and those that are seem to not get emptied nearly enough,consequently they overflow and some think “fuck it” and dump their trash in the street.Don’t think it’s a lack of civic pride per se but many need extra encouragement.I have been guilty of it myself as probably many have who regard themselves as good citizens…we had a thing in the UK many years ago when there was a paranoia that bombs would be left in bins and many were removed never to be replaced.We need them back.When I see how shitty our cities look compared to our European counterparts it breaks my heart…

Sorry about getting a bit down in the dumps about that but y’know how it gets sometimes…

Anyway that’s my lot for today…see ya.

Cricket,football,rugby,lager…Paris#6

Many apologies about missing the daily blog yesterday.This was due to totally foreseen circumstances once I got to the pub at noon…

My original plan was to have an English breakfast in the bar,watch the Leyton Orient v Man City cup game over a couple of pints then try to see if I could hi tail it over to Poissy to watch Racing CFF in action later on.Eight hours later I left the pub so as you can see my original idea bit the dust in spectacularly bad fashion…

The bar was The Bombardier,which is right next to The Pantheon so pretty easy to find…first off they do a bang up full English breakfast.Absolutely spot on and pretty damn big,I didn’t need anything else all day and the beer was fine too…

The Sri Lanka v Australia cricket was on so watched a bit of that and then they put the Orient game on which turned out to be a damn sight closer and more entertaining than anyone had anticipated.It was only when City were forced to bring on their big hitters that the tide turned in their favour and even then it was no easy ride.All my O’s mates are justifiably proud of their team and so they should be…the bar was filling up with rugby fans by this stage.The Italy v Wales game was just about to start and I was about to leave when I received a message from a mate that his nephew was making his full debut for Wales ( Freddie Thomas.Also a Wolves fan) so what could I do? I had to stay to show support didn’t it? Also being half Welsh counted for something…he did ok I thought,was pretty much in the middle of all the action…I am not a big rugby fan but I know a bad team when I see it and this is probably the worst Welsh team I can ever remember.If my old mum was alive she’d die of embarrassment…

By this stage the bar was packed,mostly with young Parisians waiting to watch England v France.I was also a good few pints down the road and chatting to an English fella who worked for the EU in Brussels and had lived here for 27 years.Said his only luxury was going back to the UK every two weeks to watch Chelsea but as he demolished three bottles of wine at €25 a pop I doubt that was his only luxury…the English barmaid had told me earlier she was very happy it was not the English playing in France.I get the feeling she’d experienced that before…

Anyway I felt the French were the better team and if they’d been able to hold on to the ball would have won with ease but they didn’t and lost to basically the last kick of the game…it’s a weird thing that even though the young crowd( maybe 125/150 people) were voracious in their support nobody seemed unduly upset at losing how they did to the old enemy…incidentally England are everyone’s old enemy whatever the sport.It’s a fact of life…

After spending an age queuing up for the toilet it was time to go…French bars seem to just have two toilets,I don’t mean Ladies & Gents,I mean just two actual toilets for everyone to fight over.On days like this it’s a free for all sometimes…

So today I might look for somewhere different that’s showing Blackburn v Wolves but doubt it’s box office enough so will probably end up watching on my phone via BBC iPlayer…

On that note au revoir…

Parisians rude? Nah…Paris#5

There’s accepted myths about every nationality and many of them are wide of the mark.Mostly they’re insulting in nature which probably just hides some deep seated insecurities about the perpetrator’s of said myth…anyway the French,and particularly the Parisians,are perceived as rude & arrogant but in my limited interactions with them I have found the truth to be anything but that…they also have a reputation of being particularly ruthless when a non native speaker tries to speak French but again I don’t see it.Today I was in a shop,tried a bit of French and the fella had a sly giggle to himself,I saw it,laughed a bit,raised my eyebrows and shrugged a little in a knowing way,we both ended up laughing about the situation so no harm done and I got what I wanted…don’t get bent out of shape about it,embrace the absurdity and life will be easier,and funnier…

My French is laughably bad but I know the basics of being polite and that gets you a long way.Once most people suss you’re not an arrogant fuck and are just trying your best to muddle through they’re fine with you.That’s what I have found these last five days ( and before) anyway…

Rant over.I just feel the French get a bad rap,not that they care the arrogant SOB’s…Paris is expensive.On a par with London prices I’d say.Where I am staying is a trendy(ish) area and a pint of blonde is about €8.Luckily for me my hard partying days are mostly over apart from when visiting Wolverhampton where a pint is a penny and thruppence with a bowl of gruel seasoned with pork scratchings thrown in…however it’s not all bad as my local does coffee at €2-20 a pop.

Talking of my local cafe/bar it’s a cool place,usually pretty busy once the dark sets in.Bit of a jazzy vibe and the staff are very friendly and greet me like a local but,and this is not a criticism in any way,nobody has attempted to engage in small talk,for which I’m eternally grateful.They’re always busy,even the attractive woman who speaks English with me unfortunately,S’pose I will just have to grit my teeth and accept I’m not the centre of the universe…

I have been thinking of going to a football game whilst here.There was a time when myself & a mate ( bonjour Pete) where making plans to come over to watch a PSG game many moons ago before they went demonic,like at the same time Man City were playing Port Vale in the league,but the plans came to naught.They’re playing Monaco tonight and it’s not my bag.Another team playing tonight are Paris FC but they’re backed by Red Bull so that can fuck off…the other two teams are Red Star FC who are the lefty team but unfortunately they’re playing away and Racing CFF who were once the big club in Paris.They play tomorrow and I might pop along.The one sticking point is their website is so sketchy I can’t figure out if you have to pre book tickets or pay on the day( only €5) will see how I feel tomorrow…

Whilst trundling around on the metro today I noticed how many stations are named after people.Robspiere,Ella Fitzgerald & Rosa Parks to name just three out of dozens.I like it a lot.Shame we didn’t do that on the tube….not seen one for froggy faced fraud Farage yet but they do have Place Monge so maybe that’s their tribute…

Until tomorrow.au revoir…

Keeping it Montreuil…Paris#4

First thing this morning after a couple of coffee pick me ups I headed east to Montreuil which is outside of the Paris circle and therefore not considered a district but a commune,which sounds all a bit left field but I doubt it is…anyway it’s fairly large having a population of about 100,000 and the reason I went was because they seem to produce an over abundance of footballers including Sacha Boey ( Bayern Munich) Nerdi Mukiele ( Bayer Leverkusen) Olivier Dacourt,Diouf ( not that one) Gueye ( not that one either) & Mbappe( definitely not that one) and also one muthaflipping magical maverick muthaflipper who is our left back,left wing back or just play where the hell you like Mr Rayan Ait Nouri or RAN to his mates.I just wanted to see where he was born and it looks like any other run of the mill hard as fucking nails place that comes under the St Denis banner…

Think I got right royally ripped off by the receptionist in the hotel today.As I was leaving he asked if I could change a quid he’d got in his change for a Euro and I was happy to do so.It was only later I sussed he’d done me up like a kipper and owes me 20p.Might not sound much but that’s 20% dammit.I feel betrayed…

Thought I’d do the tourist thing and walk the Champs Elysees from Concord to Arc de Triomphe.Now at the height of summer when the foliage is in full bloom and locals are showing out in all their chic finery it’s probably something to behold but on a cold damp winters day when the only colour on view is red snotty noses not so much…in saying that it was a good hike and the Arc de Triomphe is still impressive.It’s easy to see why a certain dictator had such a hard on for it…it’s a shame they have a public underpass to it cos’  seeing people trying to dodge the traffic to get there would be a laugh… 

Actually had my ticket inspected getting off at one stop earlier.Luckily it passed scrutiny.Apart the original hassle with it things have been fine and I have got fair use out of it.Starting to find my way around the system with ease now.Like everything the more you use it the more like second nature it becomes…getting off at Gambetta just now and they had the dreaded chuggers outside.They’re just as annoying as their London counterparts with same tactics.The attractive women target the men and the attractive men target the women.They also employ the false bouncy like demeanour which is supposed to be charming but comes across as deeply annoying and creepy… 

On the road where I am ( Rue de Pyrenees) down towards the metro station there are maybe eight or nine food shop flogging a variety of goods and there’s nothing particularly unusual about that in a busy area like this but what stands out is how much care is taken to make everything look as inviting & tasty as possible.They all look incredibly fantastic and if you saw the pictures in a magazine you’d probably think everything had been photoshopped.I’m not a foodie by any stretch but these displays are a pleasure to see especially on a typical mundane street…

Anyhoo peeps time for another drink so see you all later…laters.

Near death experience prt2…Paris#3

Ok I deleted my first blog penned today,not because of some angst ridden fit of pique but because I have sausage fingers that occasionally do stupid things…

A lesson in today’s world of disinformation should be to read beyond the headline so with that in mind my near death experience was merely not having full access to my phone for about 18 hours.That might sound like an over dramatic take but the way we depend on our phones these days it’s almost true…my data had run out from my phone plan and whereas previously I could just adjust it online now the phone company insist we jump through hoops to get it sorted.I needed to have a strong coffee on hand before talking to someone from EE.To be fair the young lady couldn’t have been more helpful and the whole thing took less than a minute…life saved.

Visited Montmarte earlier and even walked all the way up rather than take the (house of) funicular.My physical health is not what it was so was feeling proud of my slow achievement in trekking to the top despite being constantly passed by smug middle aged joggers in ill fitting Lycra going unnecessarily quickly…Montmarte is beautiful but it is a tourist trap,as tourist traps go it’s a pretty classy one though although as expected it’s expensive to drink/dine there…the small square is given up to artists with easels trying to earn a crust and they’re surrounded by twee restaurants which wouldn’t look out of place in “ A year in Provence “ 

Had my first tiny bit of metro engagement earlier.I am on line 3 which has very old trains that you need to manually open the doors with a small lever and not being au fait with which way they turned meant I was a nano second slow in doing my duty.Either way it was far too slow for a lady behind me who tutted so loudly I thought she might be British.My laughter only annoyed her more…anyway later on I was offered a seat by a young lady so I think we can call it a draw…

Had a short walk around Pere Lachaise earlier in the morning but wet cobble stones are not that easy to negotiate especially when going downhill.Cobble stones always look good but once they get wet it’s like old fuckers dangerous sports…

Went back there later to visit a bar I had been in before to have a cheeseburger which I remember being extremely good.Unfortunately I was too late but whilst penning the original of this the barmaid came over with a battery bank for me to use which was either extremely nice of her or I have just had my bank details hacked.Will let you know tomorrow…

On that note as I have written this twice I’m gonna call it a day.Until tomorrow.Ciao…

Chicness on the edge of town…Paris#2

Sitting outside a cafe a few hours after arriving yesterday not too far from the hotel,the low winter sun was blazing and suddenly all the chic locals were donning expensive looking sunglasses to either shield their eyes or just to look good and I think it was probably the latter as Parisians have an uncanny knack of looking chic…

I’m staying in a place called Gambetta which sounds like a crime family from The Godfather.Last year I was the other side of Pere Lachaise which had a Hackney Central vibe.This place has a slightly older feeling but still slightly rebellious.I like it…

My electronics were playing up also,firstly my metro ticket decided it didn’t want to do it’s job,namely allow me through the ticket barrier.I tried three times but the Family Fortunes  ❌ came up with the almost identical “you failed” buzzer too.Went to find a metro worker who could  understand my Black Country Franglaise but spotted another barrier,tried it and was allowed access.Then at the hotel my card failed on numerous occasions whilst trying to pay the tourist tax.I said I would pay in cash but the fella suddenly sussed he’d made a balls up,said try again and it worked…

The good news is the hotel is above a cafe/bar which seems pretty cool.The staff are sound and it opens at 7am so that’s my morning coffee sorted.It’s the sort of place where people go to work on their laptops whilst having one drink every two hours.Anyway that’s my local sorted but there are quite a few other options around there which is great…when I said yesterday that I was a stone’s throw from Pere Lachaise I now realise I meant I was a trebuchet’s throw away,a really bloody big trebuchet…

If you’re not familiar with the Paris metro then be prepared for some walking,Infact no transport system should involve so much walking & climbing steps.Even at normal one stop stations there’s more than there should be but at interchange stations it’s as if the Marquis de Sade designed them himself.Parisians don’t need a gym membership they just need to buy a metro ticket… 

Currently having more coffee pretty close to Notre Dame.Popped inside,it was packed as you’d imagine.Like London there isn’t really an off tourist season in Paris.I am about as religious as Donald Trump but these beautiful old cathedral’s are still awe inspiring even to us heathens…

Ok boys & girls gonna brave the cold and wish you au revoir until tomorrow…

I came on holiday by mistake…Paris #1

Even if you haven’t seen the fantastic very British film Withnail & I then you’re probably familiar with the meme  taken from it of two sodden men standing outside in a downpour saying “we came on holiday by mistake “ this is partly how I feel about the ten days I’m going to be spending in Paris starting in a couple of hours…I had no intention of going anywhere in early February after booking up a week in Berlin at the start of May but got an email from Eurostar quoting £66 return for Paris and for some reason I can’t quite fathom I opted to hang around the place for ten days…

Already made a few rookie mistakes before getting anywhere near the place.Firstly I opted for a 6-00 train which only takes two hours but of course I can’t check in the hotel until 3-00pm.Gonna be a fair bit of coffee supped today.Next, even though I have a Paris transport card it’s pretty limited as they’re slowly doing away with it so it’s only valid in zones 1 & 2 and I want more scope.Being a registered smart arse I thought I’d buy the ticket on my phone last week so I’d be ahead of the game and it did state it was valid from first use,unfortunately what I hadn’t realised was that it was active once purchased so it actually expired yesterday.Nobody reads the small print in their own lingo so certainly not in a foreign one.€31 down the swanny…oh and I just parked my arse down in my reserved seat but in the wrong carriage.A good start…

If you’re reading this and have never used Eurostar then you should give it a go.I realise it can be pricey but there are good deals to be had like the one I’m on.The big advantage is you go to the centre of the city you’re travelling too,you don’t have to give up half your toiletries for some unknown reason & there’s no Wetherspoons with their shitty carpets,toilets in another postal district & questionable views on Brexit…

I’m staying in the 20th district again but this time just a stone’s throw away from Pere Lachaise the magnificently gothic cemetery in Paris so anyone who follows me on Facebook & Instagram can expect lots of moody atmospheric pics of what in my minds eye are Nostferatu but are more likely to be Carry on Screaming…

Currently enjoying my second Americano in a cafe opposite Gare du Nord.I also got a croissant which I assumed was a freebie but turns out I agreed to have one without realising it.Hahaha…anyway I’m stroking my beard in what looks like quiet contemplation of life,the universe & everything whereas in reality I’m wondering why Tommy Doyle isn’t an automatic pick in Wolves midfield…

Coming in the on the train the sky was clear & the fields shimmered with an early morning mist above the  frost.It looked cold but I was hoping the big city would be significantly warmer.It isn’t…London was much warmer at 4am than Paris is at 11am.Never mind.Got time to kill,maybe I’ll ride around on the metro for a few hours like a hobo trying to stay warm…

S’pose I had better pay for my coffees & unwanted croissant(which was very nice.I’m an infrequent consumer) and get out of here towards my destination.It’s not too far,probably 15 mins with one change and at least I have missed the Monday rush hour…

Until tomorrow then.Arrivederci or something…