...or a lazy ass cliche ridden blog full of tired stereotypical rubbish.
Group A
========
Russia: Probably the worst team to host the World Cup.Putin might be able to manipulate the rest of the planet to bend to Mother Russia's will with his KGB cunning but even he can't make the team any good.Expect them not to qualify and nobody to care less...
Saudi Arabia: Friend of the West and all round horrible regime.I know Jack shit about them football wise except that Wolves once had a Saudi player named Sami Al Jaber who was reported to be the Steve Bull/Alan Shearer/Roy of the Rovers of the desert...he was'nt.Might beat Russia in the opening game though...
Egypt: Mo Salah Mo Salah Mo Salah...That's about it.Will qualify to next round owing to crappiness of Russia & Saudi Arabia and the goalscoring exploits of some fella who's name escapes me...
Uruguay:The official name of the country is "Oriental Republic of Uruguay" fact fans.Which i think is rather beautiful.Another thing that's beautiful is that the country has gone from being the most brutal military regime in South America(which is saying something) to the most liberal,least corrupt and downright likable places in the world.They also have a pretty good football team too.They will qualify with ease...
Group B
========
Portugal: Current European champions and Wolves fans crush could go far if Ronaldo does his stuff...This will probably be his last international hurrah so will want to go out with a bang.Wolves fans will be watching all their games like they would an edition of The Price is Right...
Spain;Just sacked their manager on the eve of the comp starting.Seems an odd decision but this is Spain so i don't really expect as much disruption to their style of play or their effectiveness.Like Ronaldo this will be Iniesta's swan song and don't be surprised if he ends up holding the cup aloft.It would be a fitting end to a wonderful career...
Morocco; More Wolves interest here as our own Romain Saiss is one of their top players...With the Iberian peninsular brothers seemingly fighting out the top two spots one of them could take their eye off the ball and let Morocco in through the back door.Bit of a dark horse tip there.Shame they're in a tough group...
Iran: The game the whole world would want see is Iran v Saudi Arabia but there would have to be some monumental fuck up's in both groups for that to happen...
Group C
========
France: One of the favourites.Whisper it quietly but France seem to be a settled squad at the moment.No in fighting,total harmony.However like the sexy but volatile married couple from over the road you know they're only one bottle of Bordeaux away from an entertaining stand up fight that livens up the summer barbecue...
Australia; The one thing all English fans can agree on is for God's sake don't let Australia get good at football! If they hammer us at Cricket & Rugby we can just shrug it off as the natural order of things but not football...for fuck sake not that.Still got Tim Cahill playing for them who's as old as Methuselah's dad...
Peru: Great to see Peru here along with their snazzy strip.All us old farts can remember them in 1978 when they pissed on Scotland's chips in spectacular fashion(It was against Peru that former Baggies winger Willie Johnston was found with his jagged little pill and sent home) Got a good chance of qualifying out of the group...
Denmark:Take Christian Eriksen out of the side and...well they have an Ipswich player in the squad for Chrissakes...The Danish for "Dour" is "Dyster"They may even out dyster Sweden but i doubt it...There was a time when the Laudrup brothers played beautiful football for them but now they're functional at best...and worst.
Group D
========
Argentina: Untold riches going forward with Messi etc but midfield & defence a little ordinary.Might go far or might implode...won't be dull though.They need a bit of that Maradona madness about the place...
Iceland: Everyone's favourite minnows. A population of 300k and 2million tourists.Got two ex Wolves players in the squad so that'll be of interest to some of us fans.We'll also get to see how the fans do the "Thunderclap" properly rather than our half arsed attempts at Molineux...If they had a feel for early British 70's pop they'd all change their names to Newman...
Croatia; They're currently nearing the end of their own "Golden Generation"and like England's GG they have basically failed to deliver.There fans will be lively though and the powers that be have kept them away from Serbia which is probably a good thing,but a boring good thing...
Nigeria: May create a bit of a splash.Will certainly provide a lot of colour especially green & white.I love watching Nigeria play cos' they can be a bit mental and that's always great fun...All at Wolves should wish them well after their gesture of making Wolves goalkeeper Carl Ikeme an honoured 24th member of the squad after being diagnosed with leukemia...
Group E
=========
Brazil; Lord knows what state Brazilian football's in.They have some fine players but they owe their fans big after getting a 7-1 twatting from Germany on their own turf in the last WC semi final.Will the pressure to deliver the goods be too much for them? Need Neymar to actually play football throughout rather than be a petulant showpony...
Switzerland; What can you say about Swiss football? Well "Meh" springs to mind...No mugs for sure and their club sides have done well in European comps lately but...well it's hard to get excited about them is'nt it?Don't be surprised to see them getting through the group though cos' they'll be hard opponents with an excess of meh...
Costa Rica: Shock winners of their group at the last World Cup and a decent enough team.Could sneak into 2nd spot in probably the hardest group to call...
Serbia: Players from the Balkans usually have some mad ball skills along with the occasionally mad moment...their game v Brazil could be one of the matches of the World Cup both on & off the pitch as their fans are always...er...let's say boisterous shall we? One of my favourite ever Wolves players was Serb Nenad Milijas who still plays for Red Star Belgrade.So there...
Group F
========
Germany; Here we go.World champions.Nearly always do rubbish in pre comp friendlies then turn it on when the competition begins properly.I have no doubt that will happen again.Can afford to leave players like Sane & Gotze behind...bloody hell imagine if we left players of that calibre out of the squad in England? Anyway may well go on and win the thing again which will no doubt result in lots of tired old WW2 references in the British press...
Mexico; Raul Jimmanez is Mexico's striker and he's just signed for Wolves...that's all you need to know really.We'll be supporting them too and hoping they get to the qualifying stage if only to see our man in action...
Sweden: No Zaltan no party.I never really liked the fella but there's no denying he's box office and with him not selected Sweden look a bit bereft of anything approaching a match winner.Much like Denmark & Switzerland it's all a bit "Meh" Will be solid in that indefectible way Scandi teams are.Instantly forgettable but in a nice way...
South Korea:The good Korea.Well until Trump decides his new bff deserves to get a bigger slice of the Korean peninsula that is...been a decent team for a while now with their star player Son at Spurs.Most of the others seem to play in the local or Japanese league and i don't have a clue how strong they are...on that basis probably won't get out the group...
Group G
=========
Belgium; Most of their players play in the Premier League so we know them very well.An excellent group but also could be suffering from GGS(Golden generation syndrome) This could be the last chance for a few of them...Beer & mayo on chips.What's not to like?
Panama;Hats! Canals! Shafted by USA in 1903! Sorry that's all i got...potential banana skin opponents,which is handy cos' bananas is a staple export...
Tunisia;Another potential banana skin(This is a tricky group honest!) Third of the North African teams at the world cup and all of them are pretty decent...hope you all notice i'm getting my England failure excuses in early here? Again pretty ropy on Tunisia football wise but i can recall tough battles with them in the past.Might be an idea to stay away from Twitter before,during & after the game.There will no doubt be a lot of reactionary bollocks aired...
England; Not as bad as some England fans are making out but nowhere near world beaters either.Defence is a weak point as it's been for many years...got a feeling the final game v Belgium will be crucial and no doubt lazy journalists will dub it the "Battle of Brexit" Lazy bloggers will do likewise...
Group H
=======
Poland: We could play Poland in the next round...it's not a major tournament if we don't play Poland at some stage.Always a tough nut to crack with some very dangerous players.As England has a large Polish community it would be an interesting clash to say the least.Looking at their group i expect them to qualify with relative ease...
Senegal: The last African team involved.Remember their last world cup when they turned France over? Yea that was funny...probably won't do anything as exciting this time but you never know...Everyone was after Senegalise players then too.Wolves even got one in Henri Camara...
Columbia: Looking at their squad it's rammed with players at top sides in Europe...should qualify to knock out stage.Once again expect allusions to cocaine to be on commentators & journalists lips when discussing Columbia cos that's all we know in our ignorance...hopefully there will not be a repeat of 94' when Escobar was murdered by a cartel for scoring an own goal...
Japan: Finally Japan.They have a fair few players plying their trade in Bundesliga 1 & 2 so i'm guessing they're all at a decent level...like many of the teams at this world cup it's really hard to gauge how good or bad they are until they start playing.In other words i'm padding this out cos' i don't have a clue what i'm talking about...
Have a great world cup all...
Thursday, 14 June 2018
Tuesday, 1 May 2018
Wolves fans don't do happy....
Among all the happiness at my club this last two weeks there have also been some voices of discontent.Some about the price increase of the season tickets,some about the open top bus tour of the city & free concert and some about the way the on pitch celebrations were conducted...I won't bother going into the details of these here.If you're a Wolves fan you've no doubt heard all the complaints.If not you probably could'nt care less.
Many will think that these fans have no justification for having a bit of a moan after all that the new owners have done for the club.They have backed their big talk of ambition with big action and will continue to do so.These are'nt fly by night shysters just after a quick buck and some media attention.They're the real deal and are taking my club to heights never thought possible just two years ago...
So are some fans being ungrateful having a whinge about relatively unimportant matters? Maybe,maybe not.I don't think it's really about that.I just don't think happiness and contentment sits well with most football fans...we are bound by tribal forces to support our chosen team no matter what and no matter what quite often involves a truck load of misery.A misery that many embrace...speak to a lot of fans and you'll hear "oh i support xxxx...for my sins" doesn't matter who it is,doesn't matter how well,or badly,they're doing it's nearly always "for my sins" almost like a religious self flagellation...football fans love nothing more than playing the martyr.
Finding things wrong is our natural state.I have a mate--lovely fella---huge Wolves fan,been going for years.On the day of the Birmingham game when we had already been promoted he was still worried about the manner of our defeat against Forest! He's hated me this season because since August i have been saying we're going up.After every set back--of which of course there have been few--it's been my fault because of my optimism...i was the ultimate "Happy clapper" a term i first encountered on the now defunct BBC 606 website.It was'nt a compliment...it was meant as an insult to anyone who was shown to be content with the status quo at the club.You were showing an almost religious naivety sitting round the camp fire strumming guitar singing Kumbya My Lord with other starry eyed hippies...
We all know moaning & groaning can be cathartic.It helps to get it out of the system...when i lived in Wolverhampton i knew a fella who did'nt really like football but would occasionally go down the Molineux to vent.I asked him about it once and his reasoning was where else could he spend a few quid and scream & shout for a few hours to help exorcise some demons(and he had a few of those) It was his version of primal therapy only without the middle class bollocks...pies,pints and primal therapy.Maybe Wolves should market that...
But like the bloke at work who whinges about every little thing until no fucker takes him seriously it's easy to cry wolf(pun intended) and just become a vessel emitting a horrible nasal white noise.By all means have a good old whine but choose those moments and choose your targets too.Don't go pissing off the goose that is laying golden egg after golden egg over something trivial...if your axe to grind is legit then fine grind away.
There will be more moans from Wolves fans next season no doubt.Firstly if we get a bad attendance at at game it will be why can't the fans go watch this great team? If we get a huge demand for tickets it will be where were you plastic fans when we were shit? (martyrdom) When we lose two or three games on the trot they will be hammering away at their keyboards like a kid at a pus filled blackhead demanding Nuno's sacking ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS...this stuff will always be with us no matter what.It's the nature of the beast.The more football fans get the more they want.I should know i am one...
Anyway the summer's nearly here,there's some football thing going on in Russia and England are involved.Now there's a team we can all have a good old moan about...
Many will think that these fans have no justification for having a bit of a moan after all that the new owners have done for the club.They have backed their big talk of ambition with big action and will continue to do so.These are'nt fly by night shysters just after a quick buck and some media attention.They're the real deal and are taking my club to heights never thought possible just two years ago...
So are some fans being ungrateful having a whinge about relatively unimportant matters? Maybe,maybe not.I don't think it's really about that.I just don't think happiness and contentment sits well with most football fans...we are bound by tribal forces to support our chosen team no matter what and no matter what quite often involves a truck load of misery.A misery that many embrace...speak to a lot of fans and you'll hear "oh i support xxxx...for my sins" doesn't matter who it is,doesn't matter how well,or badly,they're doing it's nearly always "for my sins" almost like a religious self flagellation...football fans love nothing more than playing the martyr.
Finding things wrong is our natural state.I have a mate--lovely fella---huge Wolves fan,been going for years.On the day of the Birmingham game when we had already been promoted he was still worried about the manner of our defeat against Forest! He's hated me this season because since August i have been saying we're going up.After every set back--of which of course there have been few--it's been my fault because of my optimism...i was the ultimate "Happy clapper" a term i first encountered on the now defunct BBC 606 website.It was'nt a compliment...it was meant as an insult to anyone who was shown to be content with the status quo at the club.You were showing an almost religious naivety sitting round the camp fire strumming guitar singing Kumbya My Lord with other starry eyed hippies...
We all know moaning & groaning can be cathartic.It helps to get it out of the system...when i lived in Wolverhampton i knew a fella who did'nt really like football but would occasionally go down the Molineux to vent.I asked him about it once and his reasoning was where else could he spend a few quid and scream & shout for a few hours to help exorcise some demons(and he had a few of those) It was his version of primal therapy only without the middle class bollocks...pies,pints and primal therapy.Maybe Wolves should market that...
But like the bloke at work who whinges about every little thing until no fucker takes him seriously it's easy to cry wolf(pun intended) and just become a vessel emitting a horrible nasal white noise.By all means have a good old whine but choose those moments and choose your targets too.Don't go pissing off the goose that is laying golden egg after golden egg over something trivial...if your axe to grind is legit then fine grind away.
There will be more moans from Wolves fans next season no doubt.Firstly if we get a bad attendance at at game it will be why can't the fans go watch this great team? If we get a huge demand for tickets it will be where were you plastic fans when we were shit? (martyrdom) When we lose two or three games on the trot they will be hammering away at their keyboards like a kid at a pus filled blackhead demanding Nuno's sacking ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS...this stuff will always be with us no matter what.It's the nature of the beast.The more football fans get the more they want.I should know i am one...
Anyway the summer's nearly here,there's some football thing going on in Russia and England are involved.Now there's a team we can all have a good old moan about...
Thursday, 12 April 2018
(You're) Welcome to the cosy dinosaur club...
"You're a big man but you're in bad shape.With me it's a full time job,now behave yourself"
A quote from the best British gangster movie ever made,Get Carter.The film Mr Madonna tried to make several times but never came close...Young,dynamic Michael Caine has had to leave his home to dual with provincial patsies.They think he's a soft touch, he's not one of them.Not part of their cosy little empire which has bullied and harangued all opposition to their throne.They have grown complacent in their castles made of sand...the new man has new ideas,new methods.He's younger,smarter and better at doing their job.They fight back but it's a futile gesture.He outsmarts them at every turn.The dinosaurs are on the edge of the abyss wearing slip on shoes...
I was thinking all this last night when contemplating Nuno Espirit Santo's impact on,not only my club,but on the cosy world of the rent-a-quote managers.The dinosaurs who will only play the game their way because it's what they've done for thirty years...Nuno and his ilk are eroding their power in the footballing world game by game and they know it but they're too set in their ways to change either themselves or their ultimate fate...
Right at the start of the season there were barbed comments about Nuno not knowing the Championship.What it would entail.The hardships he,his backroom staff and his players would endure.They were building this myth around a division of twenty four teams as if it was a cross between Mordor and Narnia.Here be monsters.Their mates in the media piled in on this nonsense creating an imagery dystopian landscape where only stout British yeomen can survive the winter and lead their teams to glory in the spring...They were either scared or ignorant, of Nuno's skills in this football lark.
Or maybe it was arrogance.Like Caine's adversaries in Get Carter they'd become bloated by their own limited success.Nobody had effectively challenged them for so long they thought they were immune from attack.The big rock of extinction is heading their way but they're looking in the wrong direction.Evolution can be a slow process but it's march is unstoppable...
It was'nt long before the realisation hit them that something was going on though and that's when the little moans, groans and sly digs started to appear..." Let's see how they cope with the winter" "They must be breaking some sort of financial rules" and best of all " They don't know how to behave in the good old British manner" This last one was because Nuno & his staff showed their passion by celebrating a win before shaking hands with their opponents.I don't think these managers were really bothered about such fripperies.I think they were beginning to suss that their fragile hold on the status quo was being eaten away at...Nobody can convince me that Neil Warnock gives two hoots if he gets a handshake from a fellow manager.But he does care if his position is threatened.Especially by somebody the cosy club considered out of his depth a few months ago...
There does seem to be a bit of...i'm loathe to say racism...maybe xenophobia is better.So yes there does appear to be a little bit of xenophobia at play here.S'pose that's what the threatened do,revert back to base instincts.Quite a bit of their dialogue has referenced England/Britain for no other reason that i can see.
However i don't think their inevitable decline is all down to ignorance & arrogance.There's more at play here.Namely pressure from their own fans and ergo their board of directors.Bruce & Pulis at Aston Villa & M'boro respectively have to get their teams back in the top flight otherwise they'll be looking for another job and one of those promotion places has effectively been taken up by a newcomer to English football.One,or both,may miss out.Hence the desperate long ball,get-it-in-the-box-as-quick-as-possible tactics they produce.They don't have time to develop a coherent system.They get frustrated and lash out at the newcomer who seems to have an easy life...i don't think Warnock is under that sort of pressure.He's just a cunt.
After we lost at Aston Villa 4-1 there was one telling quote that stood out for me.It was from our chairman Jeff Si.He said " One result does'nt matter.Does'nt make any difference" I took that to mean they are in for the long haul and will not make any knee jerk reactions during a bad spell(at least i hope that's what he meant.Maybe he forgot to add..."but two will...") So Nuno is not under pressure to succeed instantly.He will get time whereas some of the dinosaurs,who're too scared,or unwilling.to change,won't.
If you're happy watching your highly paid players hoof the ball aimlessly in the the penalty box all game or continue to launch throw ins into the box like Exocet missiles then fine.Wallow in it.Me? I'd rather my team produce the kind of football that makes laugh hysterically because it's so fucking beautiful...
A quote from the best British gangster movie ever made,Get Carter.The film Mr Madonna tried to make several times but never came close...Young,dynamic Michael Caine has had to leave his home to dual with provincial patsies.They think he's a soft touch, he's not one of them.Not part of their cosy little empire which has bullied and harangued all opposition to their throne.They have grown complacent in their castles made of sand...the new man has new ideas,new methods.He's younger,smarter and better at doing their job.They fight back but it's a futile gesture.He outsmarts them at every turn.The dinosaurs are on the edge of the abyss wearing slip on shoes...
I was thinking all this last night when contemplating Nuno Espirit Santo's impact on,not only my club,but on the cosy world of the rent-a-quote managers.The dinosaurs who will only play the game their way because it's what they've done for thirty years...Nuno and his ilk are eroding their power in the footballing world game by game and they know it but they're too set in their ways to change either themselves or their ultimate fate...
Right at the start of the season there were barbed comments about Nuno not knowing the Championship.What it would entail.The hardships he,his backroom staff and his players would endure.They were building this myth around a division of twenty four teams as if it was a cross between Mordor and Narnia.Here be monsters.Their mates in the media piled in on this nonsense creating an imagery dystopian landscape where only stout British yeomen can survive the winter and lead their teams to glory in the spring...They were either scared or ignorant, of Nuno's skills in this football lark.
Or maybe it was arrogance.Like Caine's adversaries in Get Carter they'd become bloated by their own limited success.Nobody had effectively challenged them for so long they thought they were immune from attack.The big rock of extinction is heading their way but they're looking in the wrong direction.Evolution can be a slow process but it's march is unstoppable...
It was'nt long before the realisation hit them that something was going on though and that's when the little moans, groans and sly digs started to appear..." Let's see how they cope with the winter" "They must be breaking some sort of financial rules" and best of all " They don't know how to behave in the good old British manner" This last one was because Nuno & his staff showed their passion by celebrating a win before shaking hands with their opponents.I don't think these managers were really bothered about such fripperies.I think they were beginning to suss that their fragile hold on the status quo was being eaten away at...Nobody can convince me that Neil Warnock gives two hoots if he gets a handshake from a fellow manager.But he does care if his position is threatened.Especially by somebody the cosy club considered out of his depth a few months ago...
There does seem to be a bit of...i'm loathe to say racism...maybe xenophobia is better.So yes there does appear to be a little bit of xenophobia at play here.S'pose that's what the threatened do,revert back to base instincts.Quite a bit of their dialogue has referenced England/Britain for no other reason that i can see.
However i don't think their inevitable decline is all down to ignorance & arrogance.There's more at play here.Namely pressure from their own fans and ergo their board of directors.Bruce & Pulis at Aston Villa & M'boro respectively have to get their teams back in the top flight otherwise they'll be looking for another job and one of those promotion places has effectively been taken up by a newcomer to English football.One,or both,may miss out.Hence the desperate long ball,get-it-in-the-box-as-quick-as-possible tactics they produce.They don't have time to develop a coherent system.They get frustrated and lash out at the newcomer who seems to have an easy life...i don't think Warnock is under that sort of pressure.He's just a cunt.
After we lost at Aston Villa 4-1 there was one telling quote that stood out for me.It was from our chairman Jeff Si.He said " One result does'nt matter.Does'nt make any difference" I took that to mean they are in for the long haul and will not make any knee jerk reactions during a bad spell(at least i hope that's what he meant.Maybe he forgot to add..."but two will...") So Nuno is not under pressure to succeed instantly.He will get time whereas some of the dinosaurs,who're too scared,or unwilling.to change,won't.
If you're happy watching your highly paid players hoof the ball aimlessly in the the penalty box all game or continue to launch throw ins into the box like Exocet missiles then fine.Wallow in it.Me? I'd rather my team produce the kind of football that makes laugh hysterically because it's so fucking beautiful...
Tuesday, 20 March 2018
Lies,damn lies and statistics...oh and Ruben Neves.
Statistics seem to be everywhere these days,not just in sport,where they appear to be fan currency on how good or bad a certain player is at doing...oh i don't know,something or other...But in real life too.On any given day some publication or other will tell me that 46.3% of people would say boo to a goose or that 34.2% of folk think going blind with advanced gonorrhea is preferable to being in the same room as Donald Trump for an hour...
Some sports lend themselves naturally to stats.Cricket springs to mind.Quite often an announcement is made during play that Mr so and so has just hit his 3,000th run in test cricket or something and he gets a round of applause,a pat on the back and no doubt a complimentary pint of Old Pullover in the bar at close of play...Imagine such going ons at Molineux against,oh, let's say Cardiff City,as the ever lovable Greg Halford hurls yet another long throw into the opponents box the tannoy crackles into life with "Ladies and gentlemen that was Greg Halford's 500th career long throw of over 50 yards" Would Greg get a smattering of applause from the home fans? Answers on a postcard please...
Football stats come from the advent of fantasy football and FIFA games but have been co-opted into the real thing like it means something...we're now told how many forward passes a player makes,how many tackles,how far he runs like he's Usain Bolt or Mo farrah for God's sake...assists is another.Up until fairly recently the only time "assist" was used in football was when a player was helping police with their enquiries...but now any fan in the world can see if a player is any good or not just by looking up their stats.Or can they?
We have a player at Wolves called Ruben Neves.You may have heard of him...twenty one years old,signed for £15m by Wolves from Porto last summer.The youngest player ever to captain a champions league club(now THAT's a fucking stat!) on the radar of the big hitters in the English game and signed by a club piddling about in the lower half of the second tier of our game.many punters were unbelieving that he'd signed for us willingly.Some sort of nefarious witchcraft going on they said.Or that Neves was using Wolves as a launchpad for a better move(as all players do at 99% of clubs of course) The knives were out...
As the season has worn on other players at the club have garnered the headlines and Ruben was put on the back burner...fine by us and probably him too but over the last few weeks as those that had the knives out originally have the dawning clarity of our position some have been running the rule over Ruben Neves's stats and in black & white they don't make good reading...played 34 goals 4, assists 1 (which came last saturday) Clearly they're saying this lad is a waste of money,done jack shit all season etc etc ad nauseam...but they don't see this player live...we do,
...and what we see is a player of supreme talent,composure,vision & style.A player with so much time on the ball he could re-define physics...a player who can not only spot a team mate make a run 60yards away but find him with a raking pass through a forest of opponents with just enough back spin & side spin that the recipient does'nt need to break stride to collect... a player that also looks like a young Clark Gable too as if God himself said "Here Ruben you can have it all"...a player all Wolves fans have been honoured to see play in our shirt...
He may move on next season.I'd like to think he'd stay at least for our return to the Premiership but the £50m offers will be coming in from the great and the good and those figures will be hard to resist
Whatever happens i will wish him well...
So when the spotty Herberts at Opta sports stats point out that his are not up to much he may easily say "Frankly my dear i don't give a damn..." and neither do i.
Some sports lend themselves naturally to stats.Cricket springs to mind.Quite often an announcement is made during play that Mr so and so has just hit his 3,000th run in test cricket or something and he gets a round of applause,a pat on the back and no doubt a complimentary pint of Old Pullover in the bar at close of play...Imagine such going ons at Molineux against,oh, let's say Cardiff City,as the ever lovable Greg Halford hurls yet another long throw into the opponents box the tannoy crackles into life with "Ladies and gentlemen that was Greg Halford's 500th career long throw of over 50 yards" Would Greg get a smattering of applause from the home fans? Answers on a postcard please...
Football stats come from the advent of fantasy football and FIFA games but have been co-opted into the real thing like it means something...we're now told how many forward passes a player makes,how many tackles,how far he runs like he's Usain Bolt or Mo farrah for God's sake...assists is another.Up until fairly recently the only time "assist" was used in football was when a player was helping police with their enquiries...but now any fan in the world can see if a player is any good or not just by looking up their stats.Or can they?
We have a player at Wolves called Ruben Neves.You may have heard of him...twenty one years old,signed for £15m by Wolves from Porto last summer.The youngest player ever to captain a champions league club(now THAT's a fucking stat!) on the radar of the big hitters in the English game and signed by a club piddling about in the lower half of the second tier of our game.many punters were unbelieving that he'd signed for us willingly.Some sort of nefarious witchcraft going on they said.Or that Neves was using Wolves as a launchpad for a better move(as all players do at 99% of clubs of course) The knives were out...
As the season has worn on other players at the club have garnered the headlines and Ruben was put on the back burner...fine by us and probably him too but over the last few weeks as those that had the knives out originally have the dawning clarity of our position some have been running the rule over Ruben Neves's stats and in black & white they don't make good reading...played 34 goals 4, assists 1 (which came last saturday) Clearly they're saying this lad is a waste of money,done jack shit all season etc etc ad nauseam...but they don't see this player live...we do,
...and what we see is a player of supreme talent,composure,vision & style.A player with so much time on the ball he could re-define physics...a player who can not only spot a team mate make a run 60yards away but find him with a raking pass through a forest of opponents with just enough back spin & side spin that the recipient does'nt need to break stride to collect... a player that also looks like a young Clark Gable too as if God himself said "Here Ruben you can have it all"...a player all Wolves fans have been honoured to see play in our shirt...
He may move on next season.I'd like to think he'd stay at least for our return to the Premiership but the £50m offers will be coming in from the great and the good and those figures will be hard to resist
Whatever happens i will wish him well...
So when the spotty Herberts at Opta sports stats point out that his are not up to much he may easily say "Frankly my dear i don't give a damn..." and neither do i.
Tuesday, 6 February 2018
The(almost) impossible debate...
It's a rare thing indeed to hear football fans who are happy with their club,it's even rarer to hear those same fans say that the current football their team are producing is the best they have ever witnessed in their life,unless they're twelve years old where that statement can be revised almost weekly,but to hear forty,fifty & sixty year olds say it means there is something extraordinary going down...this is what's happening at Wolves...
I have been watching Wolves on a regular basis since i was a kid in the late sixties.Molineux was my bi-weekly Woodstock if i'd known what the hell Woodstock was.Sometimes it was my Altamont...I was too young to remember the all conquering team of the fifties.The team that fifteen years earlier had been crowned unofficial world champions thereby forcing UEFA to instigate the European Cup giving the world some of the most thrilling games ever and,frankly,some of the dullest too...so next time you hear that god awful cod operatic muzak UEFA insist all competing Champions League clubs play you can thank us.You're welcome...
Looking back that team from 1969 to 1974 was superb.I did'nt appreciate it at the time of course,when you're a fickle freckled yoof you don't.That's the law.But those names trip off the tongue of fans of a certain age(ie old bastards) Richards,Doog,Waggy,Munro,McCalliog,Bailey and my hero Hibbitt.That team were almost a permanent fixture in the top eight.Won the league cup.Lost in the final of the UEFA cup to Spurs(where i learnt that the Seven Sisters road is fucking long especially when being chased by unruly Cock-en-nees) Lost to the rightly hated Leeds in the FA Cup semi final at Maine Road where i'm convinced we would have hammered Sunderland in the final.Even though they were a great team there's a nagging feeling that they under achieved.the club rested on it's laurels and never effectively replaced aging stars...ah well it was good fun.
Football fans love to compare players and teams from the present to those of the past.It's impossible of course but that does'nt stop us.The game has changed totally in the intervening years.Physically the players of today are unrecognisable next to our hero's of the early 70's.Even the most plodding of hairy arsed lower league defenders of today would probably make a fist of playing for a team in the top division from the 70's just by dint of being twice as fit and faster than those long haired lager swilling lothario's of times past...
When i watch games from that era on You Tube they look so slow compared to today's game.The skills are there but would they be able to live with the pace? I doubt it,especially after chowing down on steak & chips two hours before kick off.But that was then and that's what we had.Those players rightly hold a special place in the history and folk law of the club but honestly after watching this young,exciting,skillful,committed,intelligent and pacy team play this season i don't think the 70's team would last the pace.They'd be blowing out of their arse on the hour ready to be picked off at will...
It's not just about the players of course.There's the manager too.Having grown up watching football from the late 60's onwards i have got used to viewing football managers as nailed on tea cup throwing obergruppenfuhrer types.We still have a few of these Jurassic behemoths knocking about of course but thankfully not at Wolves any more.We have a thinker,a philosopher,a half time smoker...he has his players playing his game.Converting his ideas from cranium to the pitch.He may well chide them in private but in public he's nothing but encouraging to his charges.A pat on the arse rather than a clip round the ear,As long as they play the game his way he's happy and so should we be...don't be fooled though,he has passion to burn but it's channeled correctly.To officials and opposing gin swilling directors...
So the big question: Is this the best football i have ever seen a Wolves team produce? Yes without a doubt but with the caveat of needing to produce it against the best in the land.I think they can and i think they will...
I have been watching Wolves on a regular basis since i was a kid in the late sixties.Molineux was my bi-weekly Woodstock if i'd known what the hell Woodstock was.Sometimes it was my Altamont...I was too young to remember the all conquering team of the fifties.The team that fifteen years earlier had been crowned unofficial world champions thereby forcing UEFA to instigate the European Cup giving the world some of the most thrilling games ever and,frankly,some of the dullest too...so next time you hear that god awful cod operatic muzak UEFA insist all competing Champions League clubs play you can thank us.You're welcome...
Looking back that team from 1969 to 1974 was superb.I did'nt appreciate it at the time of course,when you're a fickle freckled yoof you don't.That's the law.But those names trip off the tongue of fans of a certain age(ie old bastards) Richards,Doog,Waggy,Munro,McCalliog,Bailey and my hero Hibbitt.That team were almost a permanent fixture in the top eight.Won the league cup.Lost in the final of the UEFA cup to Spurs(where i learnt that the Seven Sisters road is fucking long especially when being chased by unruly Cock-en-nees) Lost to the rightly hated Leeds in the FA Cup semi final at Maine Road where i'm convinced we would have hammered Sunderland in the final.Even though they were a great team there's a nagging feeling that they under achieved.the club rested on it's laurels and never effectively replaced aging stars...ah well it was good fun.
Football fans love to compare players and teams from the present to those of the past.It's impossible of course but that does'nt stop us.The game has changed totally in the intervening years.Physically the players of today are unrecognisable next to our hero's of the early 70's.Even the most plodding of hairy arsed lower league defenders of today would probably make a fist of playing for a team in the top division from the 70's just by dint of being twice as fit and faster than those long haired lager swilling lothario's of times past...
When i watch games from that era on You Tube they look so slow compared to today's game.The skills are there but would they be able to live with the pace? I doubt it,especially after chowing down on steak & chips two hours before kick off.But that was then and that's what we had.Those players rightly hold a special place in the history and folk law of the club but honestly after watching this young,exciting,skillful,committed,intelligent and pacy team play this season i don't think the 70's team would last the pace.They'd be blowing out of their arse on the hour ready to be picked off at will...
It's not just about the players of course.There's the manager too.Having grown up watching football from the late 60's onwards i have got used to viewing football managers as nailed on tea cup throwing obergruppenfuhrer types.We still have a few of these Jurassic behemoths knocking about of course but thankfully not at Wolves any more.We have a thinker,a philosopher,a half time smoker...he has his players playing his game.Converting his ideas from cranium to the pitch.He may well chide them in private but in public he's nothing but encouraging to his charges.A pat on the arse rather than a clip round the ear,As long as they play the game his way he's happy and so should we be...don't be fooled though,he has passion to burn but it's channeled correctly.To officials and opposing gin swilling directors...
So the big question: Is this the best football i have ever seen a Wolves team produce? Yes without a doubt but with the caveat of needing to produce it against the best in the land.I think they can and i think they will...
Sunday, 31 December 2017
The 2017 awards...
Well it's New years eve and about time the end of year awards were dug up from their shallow grave...
The Stephen Hawking complementary battery charger goes to Ruben Neves for re-defining the meaning of time...
The Trump covefee table wtf award to Steve Cotterill for his " If we did'nt have goal line technology and had we had a shot on target and had that gone in then we would have won...nurse i'm feeling dizzy i need my medication" post match reaction to Wolves winning at St Andrews...again.
The Dallas "It was all a dream" shower curtain & rings to Paul Lambert for giving Wolves fans two cracking days out at Stoke & Liverpool.Otherwise it was all pubic hair in the plug hole...
The "Infamy infamy,they've all got it infamy!" Kenneth Williams memorial starched hankie to all our championship rivals and their fans who love getting their knickers in a twist over Wolves...
The "Ohhh missus" Frankie Howerd satin smoking jacket to all Wolves fans who now profess love for "Big Willy"
The Dali Lama ceremonial robe & hookah pipe to Nuno Espirito Santo for just being the coolest motherflipper around even when going apeshit at Bristol City...
The "Run away!" Jurassic Park dinosaur pewter mug to Warnock,Bruce et al for basically sticking to the same hoary old script both on and off the pitch...
The annual Pardew shaving brush & razor to Alan Pardew.The first sign of stubble and his days are numbered...
The School of Science second hand trackie & baseball cap ensemble to Tony Pulis for...well just being Tony Pulis.
The Nigel Farage man of the people gold plated jockstrap to Jose Mourinho for his constant whinging to anyone who gives him the time of day.Proving that not all Portuguese managers are cool as fuck...
The Jessie J gold plated "Price tag" disc to Fosun...it's not all about the money money money...but it helps.
And finally...
To all Wolves fans who at the moment feel like they're Jimmy Krankie waking up between Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell,Claudia Schieffer & Heidi Klum.
Happy Nuno Year to you all!
The Stephen Hawking complementary battery charger goes to Ruben Neves for re-defining the meaning of time...
The Trump covefee table wtf award to Steve Cotterill for his " If we did'nt have goal line technology and had we had a shot on target and had that gone in then we would have won...nurse i'm feeling dizzy i need my medication" post match reaction to Wolves winning at St Andrews...again.
The Dallas "It was all a dream" shower curtain & rings to Paul Lambert for giving Wolves fans two cracking days out at Stoke & Liverpool.Otherwise it was all pubic hair in the plug hole...
The "Infamy infamy,they've all got it infamy!" Kenneth Williams memorial starched hankie to all our championship rivals and their fans who love getting their knickers in a twist over Wolves...
The "Ohhh missus" Frankie Howerd satin smoking jacket to all Wolves fans who now profess love for "Big Willy"
The Dali Lama ceremonial robe & hookah pipe to Nuno Espirito Santo for just being the coolest motherflipper around even when going apeshit at Bristol City...
The "Run away!" Jurassic Park dinosaur pewter mug to Warnock,Bruce et al for basically sticking to the same hoary old script both on and off the pitch...
The annual Pardew shaving brush & razor to Alan Pardew.The first sign of stubble and his days are numbered...
The School of Science second hand trackie & baseball cap ensemble to Tony Pulis for...well just being Tony Pulis.
The Nigel Farage man of the people gold plated jockstrap to Jose Mourinho for his constant whinging to anyone who gives him the time of day.Proving that not all Portuguese managers are cool as fuck...
The Jessie J gold plated "Price tag" disc to Fosun...it's not all about the money money money...but it helps.
And finally...
To all Wolves fans who at the moment feel like they're Jimmy Krankie waking up between Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell,Claudia Schieffer & Heidi Klum.
Happy Nuno Year to you all!
Wednesday, 6 December 2017
Winter is coming...foreign footballers beware!
This seems to be the abiding belief among certain managers and opposing fans in the championship when it comes to Wolves outstanding foreign imports,mainly because they're from warmer parts of the globe and not built like square jawed Nordic gods with names that end in Son..No our boys are from Portugal,Morocco,Brazil and,er,North East France.Clearly places where they don't have weather...
When asked about our blistering start to the season these dinosaurs trot out the "Ah but can they do it on a cold winters night in Stoke?" line( it appears that the only players that can't do it on a cold winter night in Stoke at the moment are Stoke players) This is their level of tactical awareness of what's going on at our club or maybe it's a way to appease their own fans/board...s'pose they're never going to say " This club's miles ahead of us in every department and frankly we're all just hanging onto their coattails " But this line about how our players would cope in our winter shows a lack of respect for them and also a vast overestimation of just how bad winters are in the UK...
British winters can be a little nippy i grant you.Occasionally we get a cold snap that last's,ohhhh, at least a week.That's it.Otherwise it just gets a little bleurgh.A bit dull and wet but hardly on a par with Churchill in Canada where polar bears come marauding in to town scratching through the bins looking for half eaten burgers.Can't remember the last time i saw a polar bear terrorising Bushbury Hill as the mercury hit zero...
These are pro sportsmen for god sake.In the prime of their life and fighting fit.Not starving urchins eighteen months into the siege of Stalingrad catching rats to eat...our mild winter won't phase them,besides three of them have been at Wolves for a season already and yes,they did do it on a cold winter's day in Stoke.
In a way i can understand Neil Warnock (aka Colin Wanker) coming out with this shite.It's his thing.Spitting bile at anything that moves.He's what's politely known as "Old school" Less politely known as a moaning old bastard who gets results by bullying opponents and officials alike.Nobody should take heed of the spiteful words that tumble out of his spittle laced craw...
Steve Bruce however has won league titles playing with a host of foreign players at Man Utd.Were the winter's even milder then? or were the foreign players tougher then? You know, a bit more manly? Cos' that's what's really being said here.They're basically saying they're weak.A bunch of fanny merchants.Beach footballers who look good when it's sunny but can't hack it in the real world of real men and real footballers.British footballers who can't pass the ball five yards to a team mate but wear short sleeves in the winter...I have watched our foreign players get kicked from pillar to post all season.They get back up and carry on.Hard as nails the lot of them, whilst also being some of the most skillful players i have ever seen in a Wolves shirt...
There also seems to be a collective amnesia with these comments.The only title winning team in English football over the last twenty odd years which had a majority of UK based players was Leicester City a couple of years ago and even then their two best players were foreign.Every other title winning team had a plentiful foreign contingent in their ranks and they obviously handled our winter ok.Maybe i missed something and they were all Inuits...
So trust me our lads can handle it.No doubt we will lose games and the naysayers will creep out of the woodwork with their "told you" smugness...no problem though cos' Nuno don't lose two on the bounce...bloody foreigners eh?
When asked about our blistering start to the season these dinosaurs trot out the "Ah but can they do it on a cold winters night in Stoke?" line( it appears that the only players that can't do it on a cold winter night in Stoke at the moment are Stoke players) This is their level of tactical awareness of what's going on at our club or maybe it's a way to appease their own fans/board...s'pose they're never going to say " This club's miles ahead of us in every department and frankly we're all just hanging onto their coattails " But this line about how our players would cope in our winter shows a lack of respect for them and also a vast overestimation of just how bad winters are in the UK...
British winters can be a little nippy i grant you.Occasionally we get a cold snap that last's,ohhhh, at least a week.That's it.Otherwise it just gets a little bleurgh.A bit dull and wet but hardly on a par with Churchill in Canada where polar bears come marauding in to town scratching through the bins looking for half eaten burgers.Can't remember the last time i saw a polar bear terrorising Bushbury Hill as the mercury hit zero...
These are pro sportsmen for god sake.In the prime of their life and fighting fit.Not starving urchins eighteen months into the siege of Stalingrad catching rats to eat...our mild winter won't phase them,besides three of them have been at Wolves for a season already and yes,they did do it on a cold winter's day in Stoke.
In a way i can understand Neil Warnock (aka Colin Wanker) coming out with this shite.It's his thing.Spitting bile at anything that moves.He's what's politely known as "Old school" Less politely known as a moaning old bastard who gets results by bullying opponents and officials alike.Nobody should take heed of the spiteful words that tumble out of his spittle laced craw...
Steve Bruce however has won league titles playing with a host of foreign players at Man Utd.Were the winter's even milder then? or were the foreign players tougher then? You know, a bit more manly? Cos' that's what's really being said here.They're basically saying they're weak.A bunch of fanny merchants.Beach footballers who look good when it's sunny but can't hack it in the real world of real men and real footballers.British footballers who can't pass the ball five yards to a team mate but wear short sleeves in the winter...I have watched our foreign players get kicked from pillar to post all season.They get back up and carry on.Hard as nails the lot of them, whilst also being some of the most skillful players i have ever seen in a Wolves shirt...
There also seems to be a collective amnesia with these comments.The only title winning team in English football over the last twenty odd years which had a majority of UK based players was Leicester City a couple of years ago and even then their two best players were foreign.Every other title winning team had a plentiful foreign contingent in their ranks and they obviously handled our winter ok.Maybe i missed something and they were all Inuits...
So trust me our lads can handle it.No doubt we will lose games and the naysayers will creep out of the woodwork with their "told you" smugness...no problem though cos' Nuno don't lose two on the bounce...bloody foreigners eh?
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