England Squad:A Thicko's guide...

New England manager Roy Hodgson picked his first England squad today.This is the 23 players that will go to The Euro Championship in a few weeks:

Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart(Man City)  No doubt the best English keeper playing at the moment.Will one day probably become one of the best in the world.Needs to improve his kicking

Robert Green(West Ham) England's second choice Goalie.However it's a mighty big drop in talent from Hart.Capable of superb saves and hilarious ineptitude in equal measure.A Championship keeper...

John Ruddy(Norwich) If Ben Foster of WBA had'nt had a hissy fit and chucked his toys out the pram he'd be in the squad now...Ruddy? he's ok.

Defenders:

Leighton Baines(Everton) Very good left back.Bombs forward and takes a mean free kick & Penalty(so may be needed if games go to pens)Permanent understudy to Ashley Cole.

Gary Cahill(Chelsea) Improved since his big money move from Bolton in January.Has partnered John Terry for a number of games now.Well i say Partnered,more like cleaned up Terry's ever increasing mistakes...

Ashley Cole(Chelsea) Cashley really needs some good PR.One of the better left backs' in European Football but a total arse off it...s'pose that does'nt matter while still playing well,all changes once form dips however...

Glen Johnson(Liverpool) Should be a winger cos' he sure as hell can't defend! Great going forward but his frailties in defence will probably be  exposed quickly by canny opponents

Phil Jones(Man Utd) A big old unit,as they say.Got a great future but need to cement a permanent position at club level to kick on.Personally i see him as a defensive Midfielder...

Joleon Lescott(Man City) Ask any Wolves fan and they'll tell you Joleon was always destined for greatness.Man City fans did'nt rate him last season but has been a rock for them this time around.Helps playing with the best defender in the English game,Vincent Kompany

John Terry(Chelsea) Fist pumping,beligerent,unapologetic & just plain nasty.Still that's enough of Terry's Mother...As for the man himself.Well as a man he appears to be as loathsome as a very loathsome cockroach but once again it's what he does on the pitch that matters.Sadly he's nowhere near the player he was and over the last two years has become a liability both on and off the pitch...

Midfield:

Gareth Barry(Man City) Remember the 2010 world Cup in South Africa? Barry with a 10 metre start on the German winger and still beaten by 5 metres' over 30...Do you think he's got quicker these last two years? Exactly.

Stewart Downing(Liverpool) £20 Million Downing cost...This is what Liverpool got for their money;0 Goals 0 assists...Actually scratch that,he has got one assist.He's assisted in his club sacking their manager.Terrible player...

Steven Gerrard(Liverpool) Ten years of saving Liverpool from mid table obscurity have taken their toll.Still able to reach the heights occasionally.But occasionally is the operative word...

Frank Lampard(Chelsea) Get's lambasted by all and sundry but has scored 20 + goals a season from midfield for about eight years on the bounce.Still capable of getting into the box late to grab vital goals.

James Milner(Man City) You know what? I have nothing to say about this player.Seems to have gone through his entire career without getting noticed...

Alex Oxdale Chamberlain(Arsenal) Probably won't get a game.Exciting young player and will gain from the experience.Great name too...

Theo Walcott(Arsenal) Time to deliver the goods.Potential only lasts so long till it  becomes wasted talent if not realised.Still lousy at crossing but 100% better than Downing...

Scott Parker(Spurs) With his 40's haircut and robust style is bound to be misunderstood by referee's.Expect at least one suspension.Maybe two...

Ashley Young(Man Utd) His nickname should be U-96,the sub in Das Boot.Whenever he passes that 18yard line it's a case of Dive! Dive! Dive!.Will England fans complain if he wins a game winning penalty? Of course not cos' all football fans are hypocrites.

Forwards:

Andy Carroll(Liverpool) Has had a terrible season,don't let the last half decent four games fool you.Seen better players on Hackney Marshes only not as drunk...

Wayne Rooney(Man Utd) Suspended for the first two games for crass stupidity disguised as "Passion" May only play one game at the Euro's before the team are knocked out.We keep getting told he's world class but has yet to prove it in either World Cups or The Euro's.

Danny Welbrook(Man Utd) Quick...Er,that's it...

Jermaine Defoe(Spurs) Probably the most natural goalscorer in the squad...

For what it's worth i don't think we'll get beyond the quarter finals at best.At worst we could be home after three games...