Smokers are now so marginalised that we have to show off our addiction to the world by huddling outside buildings coughing in unison...The sweet music of the habitual smoker...
In Britain especially we downtrodden smokers are subjected to so much added tax to fund our habit that were we to quit en masse the country would lose revenue to the tune of billions of pounds per annum...
So in saying that it always surprises me when i find out about sportsmen who indulge in the habit of firing up dried leaves,inhaling deep into their precious lungs then exhaling the Carbon Dioxide into perfect photo opportunity smoke rings...
Footballers are always being snapped both at work and leisure.Mostly nothing troubling about that but occasionally they're caught with their pants down,or worse for the Puritanical viewer,with a cig on the go...You'd think any player who smoked,or indulges in the weed on occasions,would be far down the ladder in the game but far from it.I would bet my Smokers XI against any other team ever in world football...
Every player in this team has either been a well known smoker or has been snapped with a beautiful thin white stick dangling from their lips...
Goalkeeper) Gianlugi Buffon(Italy) Suspected of having very dodgy Right Wing leanings politically but without doubt the best goalie in the world over the last ten to fifteen years.
Right Back)Alessandro Nesta(Italy) Buffon's international team mate and usually seen at centre back with the impeccable Fabio Cannavaro.These two were the best Centre Back partnership in world football for many a year.Nesta is such a good player he would easily fill in at Full Back.
Centre Back)Slaven Bilic(Croatia) Well known in England for his time at West Ham and for being partly responsible for Steve McClaren losing his job as England manager when boss of Croatia.A rock at the back.Hard as (Coffin)nails too...
Centre Back)Jack Charlton(England) Big Jack! No nonsense defender of the much hated Leeds team of the 70's.Also would'nt hold back in the dressing room.
Left Back) Ashley Cole(England) Infamous for many off the field shenanigans so being snapped with a smoke was very low down on the list of shocks...probably the best left back in world football at the moment.
Midfield) Gerson(Brazil) Never received the recognition he deserved as a true great of the Brazil 1970 team but he was the engine room that allowed more feted players to perform.A sort of South American Karl Henry...
Midfield) Zinedine Zidane(France) Grew up in and around the mean housing projects of Marseille,where smoking is not only encouraged,it's demanded.What chance did Zizi have?One of the greatest midfielders the world has seen and tough as old boots too.It's widely assumed his head butt on Materazzi in the World Cup Final was the result of an insult to his dear old mum whereas in reality Mazza had stolen his last snout...
Midfield) Johan Cruyff (Holland) Come on.If there's going to be a smokers eleven there has to be at least one Dutchman,and who better than Cruyff? At the peak of his powers was regarded as the worlds best player,especially as Pele was playing for the circus that was New York Cosmos,which obviously did'nt count as real football.A Prestigious 40 a day man in his prime.Truly world class smoking there...His son Jordi was also a pro footballer but never came close to his old man's powers...Jordi never smoked...Coincidence?
Midfield) Socrates (Brazil) Named after the Greek Philosopher---Stitch that one Joey Barton---Socrates was not only a sublime player but a registered Doctor. A Footballing Doctor who smoked? Got to be in the team.Not only that but he's my Captain too...
Forward) Ronaldo (Brazil) The REAL Ronaldo in my book...If only because he liked a drag on a Malboro Lite before rounding the keeper and popping in another goal...
Forward) Maradona (Argentina) Cocaine,Hookers,Firearms,Mafia ties...Yet the most shocking thing about the mighty midget is that he liked a cig with his coffee...Always remembered in England for THAT goal "scored" with nicotine stained fingernails...
Subs) David James(England) Erudite Tina Turner look-a-like and all round good egg.
Teddy Sheringham(England) One of the most intelligent footballers ever produced in England.Can now mostly be seen in the car park of Chinawhite nightclub with a cigarette in one hand and a page three stunna in the other.
Ossie Ardiles(Argentina) Diminutive midfielder and Lawyer...He's a smoking Lawyer.Friends with both Chas & Dave.No wonder he needs to escape outside for a smoke...
David Ginola(France) Purveyor of hair products and heartthrob to many women of a certain age...The Sacha Distel of by-line crosses...
Gianluca Viali(Italy) Sometimes World class goalscorer and former Watford manager.These days mostly seen as a TV pundit when either Chelsea or Italy feature...
Wayne Rooney(England) Supposedly a World class player but yet to prove it on the international stage oddly.Makes the bench as he can get his hands on some Capstan's Full strength from the Darby & Jones club...
Dimitar Berbatov(Bulgaria) Look up "Languid" in the dictionary and you'll get a picture of Berbatov.Born too late to star in the "Strand" advert campaign.Shame as his haunted Balkan looks would be perfect drawing on a tab in the pouring Soho rain...
Manager) This team really does'nt need a boss but if they had to employ one there's only one candidate,Argentina's Cesar Menotti.In the 1978 World he was always shown hunched forward in the dugout surrounded by a fug of smoke as he nervously drew on another cigarette.No great surprise as he was only one defeat away from being dragged off by the military junta never to be seen again...
There's my Smokers XI.Probably the best team in the World...*Cough*
Midfield) Gerson(Brazil) Never received the recognition he deserved as a true great of the Brazil 1970 team but he was the engine room that allowed more feted players to perform.A sort of South American Karl Henry...
Midfield) Zinedine Zidane(France) Grew up in and around the mean housing projects of Marseille,where smoking is not only encouraged,it's demanded.What chance did Zizi have?One of the greatest midfielders the world has seen and tough as old boots too.It's widely assumed his head butt on Materazzi in the World Cup Final was the result of an insult to his dear old mum whereas in reality Mazza had stolen his last snout...
Midfield) Johan Cruyff (Holland) Come on.If there's going to be a smokers eleven there has to be at least one Dutchman,and who better than Cruyff? At the peak of his powers was regarded as the worlds best player,especially as Pele was playing for the circus that was New York Cosmos,which obviously did'nt count as real football.A Prestigious 40 a day man in his prime.Truly world class smoking there...His son Jordi was also a pro footballer but never came close to his old man's powers...Jordi never smoked...Coincidence?
Midfield) Socrates (Brazil) Named after the Greek Philosopher---Stitch that one Joey Barton---Socrates was not only a sublime player but a registered Doctor. A Footballing Doctor who smoked? Got to be in the team.Not only that but he's my Captain too...
Forward) Ronaldo (Brazil) The REAL Ronaldo in my book...If only because he liked a drag on a Malboro Lite before rounding the keeper and popping in another goal...
Forward) Maradona (Argentina) Cocaine,Hookers,Firearms,Mafia ties...Yet the most shocking thing about the mighty midget is that he liked a cig with his coffee...Always remembered in England for THAT goal "scored" with nicotine stained fingernails...
Subs) David James(England) Erudite Tina Turner look-a-like and all round good egg.
Teddy Sheringham(England) One of the most intelligent footballers ever produced in England.Can now mostly be seen in the car park of Chinawhite nightclub with a cigarette in one hand and a page three stunna in the other.
Ossie Ardiles(Argentina) Diminutive midfielder and Lawyer...He's a smoking Lawyer.Friends with both Chas & Dave.No wonder he needs to escape outside for a smoke...
David Ginola(France) Purveyor of hair products and heartthrob to many women of a certain age...The Sacha Distel of by-line crosses...
Gianluca Viali(Italy) Sometimes World class goalscorer and former Watford manager.These days mostly seen as a TV pundit when either Chelsea or Italy feature...
Wayne Rooney(England) Supposedly a World class player but yet to prove it on the international stage oddly.Makes the bench as he can get his hands on some Capstan's Full strength from the Darby & Jones club...
Dimitar Berbatov(Bulgaria) Look up "Languid" in the dictionary and you'll get a picture of Berbatov.Born too late to star in the "Strand" advert campaign.Shame as his haunted Balkan looks would be perfect drawing on a tab in the pouring Soho rain...
Manager) This team really does'nt need a boss but if they had to employ one there's only one candidate,Argentina's Cesar Menotti.In the 1978 World he was always shown hunched forward in the dugout surrounded by a fug of smoke as he nervously drew on another cigarette.No great surprise as he was only one defeat away from being dragged off by the military junta never to be seen again...
There's my Smokers XI.Probably the best team in the World...*Cough*
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