There was a time in the distant past when the working man did'nt really know who the worlds moneyed men were.The only time their lives were directly affected by rich folk was when they and their family were hauled off to the workhouse run by the local industrialist to maximise profit,much as Asian sweatshops do today for Western sports clothing conglomerates...
The moneyed existed as they do today but the working man had only a vague notion of them,The Royal family of course and also the assumption that most Hollywood film stars were rolling about in beds made of Dollar bills----Nobody thought many of those Hollywood stars were in the pay of The Mafia,drug dealers & prostitutes---This was a simpler time.
But these days we have wall to wall knowledge of these rich beyond the dreams of El Dorado.We have mags like Hello showing us their gilded life.we have the Sunday Times rich list---which,let's be honest, is Hello's older boring brother----We have the internet,that window to the world & all the things in it we can never have...So we all now have access to this excess...Unfortunately as we peer longingly through the window at the moneyed folk they're looking back past our shoulders at the football clubs we support...
Imagine You're a post Soviet Russian Oligarch,a mid table Sheikh or even a purveyor of shoddy sports apparel available in those high streets not already closed down & boarded up by other rich folk.You have all the money that other money can buy,the trophy wife's spending a suspiciously long time in the potting shed with the new gardener and the only person you converse with daily is your English Butler who hates you and spits in your food.Frankly life has lost it's lustre,the chase is over.You're bored...
One day you're flicking through the nine hundred channels on your cinema sized television set when something catches your eye.It's a football game being beamed from England...You know nothing of football,yes you know it's popular with the people who work for you in the sweatshops but don't understand why.You sit transfixed.
In your mind there's something raw and tribal about what you're watching,something animalistic.In the past you have tried to get buy your way into various sports to up your international kudos but all those classy sports like Polo & Horse Racing are closed shops.the Bastards.Once you thought Tennis would be a sport to get your name know but went off that idea after the incident with the trophy wife and the tennis coach... You call your English Butler in to explain English Football to you...
What you hear excites you...Not the nuances of the game---You've seen your eldest son playing FIFA 2013 so clearly have that side of it figured out---But the fact that nearly every club in England's top league--Which is beamed worldwide---is in debt and would welcome a rich buyer.There also does'nt seem to be much of a problem with the ruling body,who go by the name of The Football Association.Apparently they would sell themselves like a cheap whore.The kind of hard nosed negotiations you like...
It turns out before buying an English Football club you have to pass the FA's "Fit and proper person" test...Mmmm that sounds tough.The conversation goes something like this:
FA; We are here to determine if you are the sort of person we can trust to be the custodian of one of our most prestigious clubs.
You; Fine,I have all my financial records at hand...
FA;Never mind that,how rich are you?
You; I'm loaded
FA:That's great,you've passed.Do you want a Digestive with your cup of tea?
Your Butler was wrong,The FA are lower than cheap whores...
The rest is easy.You get your club.Shame it's not in London but all those are taken.Even so you'll get your face on worldwide television each week in your new scarf---Incidentally that's an excellent mark up considering how much they are to make in your sweatshop,must get some new Spinning Jennies in to up production-----All the club needs now is to win every game,that's the easy bit is'nt it?
Now you own an English football club,your international standing has rocketed and even your beautiful trophy wife is taking an active interest,spending much of her free time getting to know the squad personally...
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