Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#39

It’s not true that Czech women all look like super models,it’s only about half of them.Neither is it true that all the blokes look like unemployed mercenaries,again it’s only about half,the other half look like unemployed trendy university professors sacked for sleeping with their students…joking aside it’s hard to tell who’s local in Prague as it’s such a popular destination for tourists but Budejovice seemed to have a huge number of very attractive women so with the beer being so good there it must be the water.After three days there I feel prettier myself…

Start of the day I had a coffee with the Ukrainian waitress,once again there was only us two there but she assured me they do get punters in occasionally…then I went off to Malastranska to see the memorial that my dad’s name is embossed on.Luckily I know that area fairly well as I stayed there last time I was here so I found it easily( well it’s directly opposite the metro station so it couldn’t be easier) For those not aware it’s a statue of a winged lion dedicated to the Czech people by Britain as thanks for the 2,500 Czech airmen who fought with the RAF to help defeat the Nazis in WW2 and my dad was one of them.Have to say it bought a lump to my throat when I saw it…happy to say also that there were a good few people having a look at it too.I Resistead the urge to point out my old fella’s name…it was,and will always be,a proud moment…

I decided to hang around Malastranska for the rest of the day as it’s a cool part of the city,it’s on the other side of Charles Bridge from the main tourist area on the other side of the river but it’s also where the castle is so gets pretty busy too.Anyway that’s all done and dusted.I’m currently in the middle of Wenceslas Square having a drink in the Tram Cafe which is actually an old tram,but outside unfortunately…

Turns out Czechia are playing Albania tonight not too far from where I’m staying in Vysehrad.Apparently there’s a bit of bad blood between the counties from the old Soviet days.I think the Albanians thought the Czech’s version of Stalinism was far too wishy washy and wet or something…seen a few Albanian fans getting pissed but it’s pretty quiet for such a big game…

I’m slowly getting a handle on very basic Czech which has helped me to enjoy the city more than last time.I feel a lot more relaxed here than I did before.I think the few days I had in Budejovice helped as hardly anyone spoke English and it forced me to get to grips with the basics.I even ordered my meal & dessert in Czech earlier( ok I was reading it off the menu but still) i got what I wanted too.So yea,big up to me..,

I can hear football style chanting coming from yonder so I assume the beer has kicked in with the Albanians.Game doesn’t start for a few hours and there’s no point getting on the metro now as I’ll probably get hearded in with the Albanian fans by the police…I’ve just got pretty from the Budejovice water remember and don’t fancy getting a baton across my face…

 

I haven’t even bothered with the well known centre of Prague this time.I might do but it’s gonna be early before the tourists have breakfast otherwise,like Oxford St & Leicester Square,it turns into a meat market and in truth I have seen it all before and,like London,there’s a lot more to the city than those places in the centre…

Anyway I got a very detailed dossier from my Czech friend in London Nela (@desperatelittlefucker on instagram.Great name!) about things to do in Prague away from the centre so I’d better follow that or I’m in trouble! 

So as they seem to say in most of Europe ( except France) ciao…

Ps.After a small detour on the tram( got lost,it’s dark and the language is all in foreign like) Found a halfway home stop I recognised.Saw a chemist.Despite all the stuff I said earlier about trying the local language it turns out it’s far easier to mime smelly feet.Point at feet,hold nose,say “urgghh” anyway I got some spray…it’s the shoes more than the feet but hopefully it’s gonna work.If not I’ll brush up my mime skills…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#38

Nice little journey from Budejovice to Prague.Had a six seater section to myself for most of the way.One thing I’d seen before but hadn’t copped onto was when the guard checks the ticket they stay by the door and won’t come in the carriage.I suppose it’s policy for easy escape if anything untoward kicks off…

Pretty chuffed with myself as originally I’d booked a Prague train and at the platform it was filling up but I’d also noticed a fair bit of frantic activity from engineers around the engine too.There was another Prague train leaving 20 minutes later two platforms across so I changed my ticket on the app,got on that one and we pulled out whilst the other train was still receiving repairs…

Got to Prague and within thirty seconds was asked directions,in English,to the platform I’d just come off,it’s the beard again,it garners a sense of trust.Don’t know why as there’s been some real hirsute wrong uns…then broke one of my rules of going to the WC with no change.Had to use my card and it was only 20 Koruna too! Who knew that using your bank card to have a piss was a thing?

Managed to download the Prague transport app with no hassle( I always read the reviews and one clown said it was terrible as he had to wait two minutes for the ticket to become valid after paying.How much of a shit are you if you can’t wait two minutes?) Anyway struck lucky with the metro as the stop I wanted was on the first line I went to,rare indeed,got off and there in front of me was the Yam Yam bar.Now to many non Wolves fans that won’t mean a thing but to us Yam Yams’ it was a sign from high above…for those not in the know “ Yam yam “ was first coined by Brummie fans as a withering insult about our accent but of course we embraced it and rendered it null & void… 

Of course I had to have a drink and they only sold Stella which I don’t really like but was prepared to take one for the team,hell for the whole city,and the beer was cold,the weather was hot…found the hotel and it’s only right under probably the biggest bridge in Prague,and I mean smack under it! I’m a troll for the next four days!

I was early,the chambermaid was still doing my room so the fella said “ leave your bags there’s a bar round the corner “ Well you don’t need to tell me twice fella…bar was empty save me & the barmaid.Turns out she’s Ukraine and of course after pleasantries if you meet a Ukrainian the obvious question has to be asked…we had a very interesting half hour chat.

Hotel ready,all sorted.Pleased to say my room has a direct view of the underside of the underpass and I’m now having a bevvy in ( sort of ) central Prague…

Lovely…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#37

Had to buy a ticket to Cesky Krumlov as only one train there and one back (an hour apart) would take my Interrail pass.Luckily all this info is on the app when you punch in the details of the trip you’re about to make so there’s no surprise when you rock up at the station.If you’re doing Interrail get it on the phone.It’s worth it even if you’re a bit tech blind like me…

The train was a two carriage trundler and we had about twenty stops for a forty minute ride and I doubt if it went above 25mph so it was relaxing.I’m in no rush after all.A few of the scheduled stops they just sailed through.There’s probably one or two places they haven’t stopped at for years,I did like it when we went through a forested area a few times with hundred foot pine trees either side of us…got to Krumlov and,as I normally do,I had a smoke,noticed a supermarket and popped in for some supplies.What I hadn’t noticed was all the other punters where boarding a bus for town.Apparently it’s part of the ticket( nobody told me,well Infact they did but I didn’t have a Scooby what they were telling me) Next train in two hours,ergo next bus in two hours…ho hum a mile walk into town but all downhill.Very downhill…

 

Cesky Krumlov is what it is.Imagine If  the Czech tourist board had said “ has anyone seen that messed up British show from the 60’s called The Prisoner? We want that but more so…” It was quaint,it was lovely,it was hard on the feet cobble bloody stones…lots and lots of craft shops selling the usual stuff to us tourists who usually descend from the hill by bus,walk around for hours never spending enough then pissing off again…The stuff in the shops wasn’t cheap tat either.It was good quality merch aimed at the Americans & Japanese who’re doing the whole of Europe in two weeks and you want their hard cash.It’s not aimed at some bozo who can’t even catch a bus…

I did find a great little museum/shop which flogged repo stuff from the early 20th century.You know those metallic adverts,some of which were decidedly dodgy.You know the ones,happy little black faces selling shoe polish,that type of thing…I asked the woman if she had anything pertaining to my great aunt Anny Ondra,who was a huge star in this neck of the woods and even starred in Hitchcock’s first talkie called “ Blackmail” but nada,zilch,nowt… 

So there you have it,Cesky Krumlov is worth a visit for a few hours but that’s it unless you like being on a fantasy film set for a week…of course I walked back up the hill to get my train.Not a hope in hell I was gonna find the bus stop…now I’m happily having a budvar or two in the square and later gonna try my local tandoori before scooting off to Prague tomorrow…

See you all later…

Ps this great weather is killing me.I desperately want to wear my shorts but even though the bites on the legs have healed up they have more scabs than a King’s Cross crack addict and I have to admit I’d be a bit self conscious to have them on display…life can be a beach.

Pps I said yesterday that Ceske Budejovice is weird.Got chatting to a Czech fella called Ludo in a bar by the river via the age old traditional way of google translate.He smoked half my tabs but bought me a couple of beers so all’s fair.He offered to give me a lift to Prague today,I declined,then he wanted me to be his wing man in search of women,I declined and in time honoured fashion made my excuses and left.By this time it was 10pm and I wanted my tandoori…walking to the hotel was about half mile and I saw many of the bars were closing then the Maccy D’s by me was closed and like most horror movies I was getting a bad feeling about this…sure enough the Tandoori was closed too.Now Budejovice is not a big place but it’s not small either however when most bars,Maccy D’s and Indian restaurants close at 10pm that to me is weird…in the wise words of Toyha Wilcox “It’s a Mystery “

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#36

Back in my favourite old place in the Tandoori garden,well this is second and last time apart from tonight when I’m gonna have a meal here…

Ceske Budejovice is a weird place,weird in a nice way.Anywhere that has a coach station on top of a shopping mall is weird in my book…when I got here it was a Sunday and there were lots of people walking about.It’s hard to judge what a place is really like on a Sunday though so I didn’t really take much notice…

When I left the hotel yesterday morning I saw a couple of little gangs of school age kids milling about and my immediate thought was they were wagging off but then I started seeing more & more walking around.Now I get it,youngsters don’t have much money so dossing about doing nothing is sometimes the only option…then I began seeing groups of adults doing the same thing.Luckily the weather was beautiful.A clear sunny day with temps about 25c Infact a perfect summer’s day on September 4th.Today looks like it might be the same…

There was something going on in the beautiful main square.Looked like it was geared towards the kids with dancing to cheesy Euro pop and lots of sporting activities including gymnastics & many ball games.The most popular sport in this part of the world is Ice Hockey but for obvious reasons that was impossible to replicate.Would have been fun if they had though…

All the cafe bars around the square had filled up with what I presumed were the parents of many of the kids and I thought that was probably gonna be how it would be until the evening so went for a stroll to blend in…beautiful city,still loads of locals walking about but eventually the call of a beer was too strong,headed back to the square expecting to struggle to find a seat but all the bars were empty.The event in the square was still going on and was popular but the bars were empty…like I said a weird place.

Had a couple of beers then decided to have one in the hotel I was originally gonna stay in.A 500 year old place in the square but copped a very snobby attitude from three of their staff.I have said many times I don’t mind if people who serve me are having a bad day and aren’t all smiley happy clappy.I understand,been there,done it etc but when three staff shown utter disdain to one punter that’s not on…anyway I lingered as long as I could over my one pint but eventually had to bugger off.Still there were loads of litte posse’s strolling around…

Needed a toilet,no public ones around I could see then saw a sign for a Bikers Bar.It was down a long corridor and down a single flight of steps.There was only the barmaid & her mate in there so I ordered a drink and was also passed an ashtray when I asked where I could smoke.Fine,then a couple of regulars came in,eyed me suspiciously and obviously chatted about who I was.I also saw one of the clumsiest drug deals ever and the barmaid’s mate saw I’d clocked it so even if I didn’t want to I had stay for another Incase they thought I was some sort of minor international drug squad.That’s what years of drinking in Wolverhampton pubs does for you…actually it was the best Budvar I’d tasted in the city,and that’s a high bar! 

I know a lot of Mid European biker gangs are on the right politically and the “ Nordic” & “Patriotic Rock” etc stickers dotted about would suggest that was the case along with the ubiquitous Confederate flag of course,and I would think they’d probably regard the Wolves Hell’s Angels as woke lefty libtards  but they were ok with me.But then I’m white and look like I might even take an interest in bikes.I didn’t stay for a third to get grilled by anyone though…when I left it was early evening and the streets were empty.Like I said a weird place…

Today I’m gonna pop off to Cesky Krumlov which is only half hour away and I’ve heard is stunning,think it’s more of a tourist place than Budejovice so I expect there will be a lot of people walking around…

Laters…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80days#35

I’m currently writing this at 6-15am in the outside of an Indian restaurant’s seating area.Don’t worry I’m not down and out in Ceske Budejovice the hotel is situated along a passageway at the end of which is a Tandoori restaurant.They clearly saw me coming…

Guess what? It’s another ghost hotel.Let yourself in via passcodes to get the keys etc.This time the place looks like it might harbour some real spookies with it’s winding staircase and dark wood panelling…but it’s en suite so who cares?

Had a quick walk around CB when I got sorted at the hotel and it looks gorgeous.Went to the main square and it actually is square,which makes a change,had a couple of local Budvar beers which were beautiful as you’d expect at about two quid a pint…there’s a huge hotel in the square which I looked at staying in when I started planning this trip,it was luxurious and cheap ( about £30 per night) when I finally decided to book up the price had doubled so in some aspects the Czechs are learning not to undersell themselves to international tourists…

My trip was fine but could have turned out very differently.At Nuremberg I just waltzed onto the train without really noticing it was one of those that split at some point.Luckily the inspector told me and I changed to the correct carriage next stop.Then when I got to Schwandorf I had ten minutes between trains to get to Pilzen or so I thought.Looked at the board and my train wasn’t on.So getting a bit panicky I checked my phone again and there it was Bus1234(or whatever) like a typical bloke not reading the instructions correctly to build the new IKEA cabinet I just saw 9-00am and assumed it was a train…ah well,found the coach in time for Pilzen so all worked out…

Had an hour wait in Pilzen,which from the little I saw looks a fairly tough old place.Nearly every bloke I saw looked like a hardcore paramilitary nutcase…and the local riot police made a great show of escorting about thirty football fans off a train…Viktoria Pilzen beat Bohemians 1905 two nil by the way…the train to CB was a real old rattler with six seater carriages.It stopped at lots of small villages where the station guard comes out to have a chat with the train driver…

I am still having trouble with my enunciation of even simple Czech words like “please” and “thanks” being half Czech you’d think I might have some innate ability but nah,it doesn’t work like that.Had the young girl in giggles at the bar merely by trying to say “Thank You” ( Dekuji) but “Thanks” is worse as it’s “dik” and I don’t really want to be saying that wrong to anyone especially the hardcore paramilitary types…although to my credit I did get “Dalsi prosim” (another one please) correct first go which got a nod of approval from the barmaid….but I will keep trying and hopefully keep improving slowly.As I have said before its a show of respect to at least attempt the local language no matter how badly you sound…as long as you don’t call local hard men dicks…

Laters peeps…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#34

5-30 am and I have a train in two hours for Ceske Budejovice in Czechia which is gonna take well over six hours,although I think one of those hours is waiting for a connection at Pilsner…

Gave up on the long distance shower down in the dungeon.Got to be the worst arrangement I can think of…I don’t do hotel reviews on any sites but if I did this would get a low rating for that alone and for having two toilets between twenty four rooms! A bucket in our room and a shout of “ slop out on three’s!” Would have been better…shame cos’ Nuremberg has been great and it would be unfair to allow anything negative to detract from that…

Got the laundry done and even showed a local how to use it.Getting good at this…then went to visit The Palace of Justice where the Nuremberg Trials were held.You get to sit in courtroom 600,which is still used for trials today occasionally.There’s also a very detailed exhibition upstairs.It’s only €7-50 and very much worth it…

Probably equally important is a small annex which details the rise of right wing terrorism in German since the trials…don’t know why but I was surprised by how many attacks there were in and around the trials as obviously the hardcore Nazis didn’t stop being Nazis because the allies told them to stop and some were more than willing to attack buildings & people…all in all it’s worth a visit.Very educational and thought provoking…

After a nice lunch and a stroll by the river it was time for a beer and some football.So it’s got to be an Irish bar.Every city has at least one,usually more and they will always have British football on so that’s the pull.I try not to spend too much in them when in a foreign city but I needed my football fill…

So that’s all going well.Suddenly heard lots of shouting outside and guessing it wasn’t Burnley fans pissed off at their team getting a pasting went to have a look.It was a pro Kurdish demo in the square.The bar was in a very small square with a church one side,shops the other side and a couple of bars…there was probably 200+ at the demo and nothing changed.Shoppers continued shopping,drinkers continued drinking and demonstrators continued demonstrating…after about two hours it was over and they all went home…

Imagine that happening in the UK? The square & surrounding area would be closed to the public all day and there’s a big chance the demonstrators would be kettled by the police,thus furthering the tensions…anyway all was cool and then I got pissed with a Spaniard,a Canadian and two Irish woman who all lived here…it was a good night.

Obviously now I’m suffering and I have a lot of time to sit on a train and think about what I’ve done…

See ya tomorrow from the land of my dad…

Ps.Mainline station 6-30am Sunday.A lot of drunks.Some having a fight.Chatting to a Czech lad who scrounged a smoke off me…all good clean fun.

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#33

Saw a fella going to work this morning at the hotel as I was descending the stairs like Eva Perón in a gown whilst going to the shower.So it’s not another ghost hotel…I’m not really sure what it is,more like a halfway house but not  as nuts as we have in Britain…anyway it can’t be a ghost hotel as it’s in a solidly working class area.Think about every film you see of ghostly happenings in houses etc are always the middle or upper classes being the victims.Now the poor downtrodden plebs are often the real victims of being the wailing spirits but it’s the upper bracket who have the real inconvenience of a few lights flickering and doors slamming.The horror…

Sorry,took a turn there…went for a long stroll around the moat between the city walls this morning,about a couple of hours in persistent mizzle.That rain that you don’t really notice.My old mom always said it was the type of rain that gets you wet,which is either profoundly wise or absolute drivel…at least my Primark waterproof guaranteed jacket proved to be waterproof…the walls & moat are quite evoking though.They look great even though I doubt if any of it is the original brickwork,or not much at any rate…of course inside is the heart of Nuremberg,a proper modern city so they have had to accommodate that too.They’ve even incorporated a couple of  U-Bahn stations into it…

So the legs & ankles are improving slowly.They still look rough,like I have been using them for darts practice but the itching has died down thanks to the cream and hopefully if we have an Indian summer wherever I find myself I can wear my shorts without people retching too much…oh and I need the laundry again.Found one that opens at 6am two tube stops away and hopefully I can negotiate the stairs to the shower that early in the morning and get it done…

Nazis!  Thought that might wake you up.Can’t really not expect them to make an appearance when discussing Nuremberg.Luckily I haven’t seen any evidence of any modern day ones but I spotted today that my hotel is about a five minute walk from the Palace of Justice where the Nuremberg Trials were held and it would be remiss of me not to visit tomorrow…I have already been to Zeppelin Field where the rallies were held on a previous visit so don’t need to see it again.They have kept the edifice but not jollied it up as a tourist attraction at all.It’s just “ If you want to go then go but don’t expect burger vans & bars”

In a bar earlier talking to the owner and I asked him something and he said in perfect English “ ah I don’t know that,wait there and I will get my colleague who speaks far better English than I do” I was going to ask if he was taking the piss but didn’t know what the German is for that…

I see the American company Subway is trying to break into Germany.I have seen a few street adverts here.If you have ever been to Germany you will know there’s almost a bakery in every street and most of them also serve excellent coffee along with their own cakes,sandwiches and rolls and I can tell you without fear of contradiction that every last one of them has better food than Subway…Walmart lasted about a year in Germany but had to scuttle off owing to their non unionised labour and their insistence on happy clappy service 24/7.They read the room very wrong and think Subway will too…

Anyway it’s nearly Friday so…yay!