I think i have discovered why various Wolves managers have failed over the last few years.It's got nothing at all to do with footballing ability but all to do with lack of pun based headlines generated by their names.Yes we had Stale Solbakken but that was limited.ie " Wolves go Stale" Frankly the others were'nt even trying to help our beleaguered sports hack find that snappy headline that would pull the punters in...
But now Wolves have a new manager----Surely the most repeated sentence over the last eighteen months---And joy upon joy his name is Kenny Jackett,thereby providing journalists and sub-editors alike with a chance of magnificent wordplay that will surely lead to a Pulitzer prize one day.
It won't be easy though,his name may well lead to an outbreak of puntastically pun heavy red top strap lines but it does'nt jump out immediately.They will have to work a bit to earn their crust.Until the day he's inevitably fired of course.The "No Jackett required" headline is already sitting there waiting to be used thereby confirming both a lack of imagination and an awful taste in music...
Let's hope that day does'nt come soon...Anything over six months would justify a loyalty bonus at the moment----However i have a good feeling about Kenny even before a ball has been kicked.he's not the big name some desired but a steady hand on the tiller which is exactly what the club needs.
Even before he met the players he met a delegation of supporters in the Wolves museum,a nice touch.Ok it was PR but much needed to begin bridging the chasm that's grown between club and fans.He also said that he will conduct a tour of the museum with any new signings to drum into them what the history & tradition of Wolves mean to those that matter.The fans...
Kenny also confirmed he knows about our youth players and that those considered good enough will be given their chance.Quite a few have got games over the last two relegation seasons but my feeling is they were only plunged into the fray due to injuries & desperation by panicking managers and not looked after the correct way.
He's also started the much needed clear out of the deadwood which has been weighing the club down these last two seasons.No doubt he's been given the remit to cut the wage bill to suit our League One status---Yes we're a League One club,not a Championship/Premiership club just visiting---For Kenny the happy fact is that the high earners are also the deadwood mostly.
Jackett has already recognised that a fair few players have been here far too long and grown lazy and bloated mentally and,in the case of some,physically.He's not been slow in identifying the problem and getting on with doing something about it...Something the last four managers we're either unable or unwilling to get to grips with.
After two years of crisis heaped upon crisis, of double relegation,of fan revolt--albeit fairly mild in the circumstances---of basically the club giving incompetence a bad name we finally appear to be heading in the right direction under KJ.It's also noticeable---Via what i have been judging on twitter & facebook---that many fans are getting their mojo back and are looking forward to the upcoming campaign.
Of course the acid test is yet to come,the actual playing of the football.At the moment i am cautiously hopeful about our chances,which is a thousand percent improvement on the last few years...
Is Kenny the man to pull us out of this malaise? Lord i hope so otherwise many Wolves fans may just Jack it in...
I'll get my coat...
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Sunday, 16 June 2013
A Father's Tale for Father's Day...
It's Father's Day.On this occasion i hope you can spare me the indulgence of telling my own dad's story...
I never met my dad---this was'nt due to what many would consider the modern day malaise of the feckless dad not wanting to take responsibility of the upbringing of his offspring---sadly the truth is a bit more prosaic.My Father died five months before i was born.
So his story i will tell is all knowledge garnered over the years from my late Mum.I trust her version is accurate.
Dad was born in what was then called Czechoslovakia---Not too long after it stopped being part of The Austro-Hungarian Empire--- In a small working class town way out east overshadowed by the Western point of the Carpathian Mountains.To be honest i know very little of his early life.I'm guessing his life was no different to many other mid European's growing up at that time just after WW1.However that was all to change in 1938 when Nazi Germany decided to annex the Sudetenland to the west & north.
This left the rest of Czechoslovakia in a very perilous position and sure enough it was'nt long,about a year, till Hitler decided to overpower the rest of the country and occupy what remained...
Dad had already joined one of the resistance groups set up--There were four in all---Again details are a little hazy but i think it may have been the PU led by Prokop Drtina.The PU were subjected to wholesale arrests in late 39' at which point my old man decided discrection was the better part of valour and consequently stole a lorry and buggered off to Budapest in Hungry.
I don't think he stayed there too long as he next found himself in what is now Palestine,joining up to the British Army where by he was subsequently shipped off to Jo'Burg in South Africa then onto Canada...By this stage---1940---He'd heard of the Free Czech Air Force helping to fight the Nazi's and wanted to join up...
So eventually dad pitched up in South Wales to become a gunner in the Atlantic Coastal Command.Their job was to seek out and destroy U-Boats who were themselves trying to destroy the merchant supply line from the USA to UK.Dad was considered something of a lucky charm by his colleagues as the three times he could'nt make a sortie due to illness hardly any--If any---of the planes came back.
Being in South Wales was how he and my mum met.I asked her about how they came to be together and she said obviously all the airmen were very dashing in their uniforms along with their heroic status locally.Dad had the added bonus of speaking with a heavy Slavic accent---Very exotic in the day,now commonplace of course---plus he introduced himself by asking for a light when he clearly had a lighter with him.What a smooth operator...
They were married pretty soon after meeting---As was the way in the war,after all nobody knew when they may be parted for good---and after the war moved to Czechoslovakia but alas that did'nt work out.I remember mum telling me the saddest sight she ever saw was driving into Czechoslovakia via Dresden and seeing miles upon miles of displaced people walking the other way in Germany with all they could carry.Maybe a million people of Germanic stock being kicked out of Sudetenland.
Eventually they moved back to the UK and to my home town,where my dad died of a brain hemorrhage just before my birth...
Today this may sound like a pretty wild adventure but in the context of WW2 it was nothing of the sort,this sort of thing happened to thousands upon thousands of people worldwide...But that fact does'nt alter my view that dad was a hero.As all dads should be to their sons & daughters...
If i had one wish it would'nt to be rich,I'm used to being broke after all and being rich would probably kill me.It would'nt be for world peace either.Let's face it that's far too big a job for just one measly wish....
No,my one wish would be to meet my dad for at least one day...
Happy Father's Day Dad...
I never met my dad---this was'nt due to what many would consider the modern day malaise of the feckless dad not wanting to take responsibility of the upbringing of his offspring---sadly the truth is a bit more prosaic.My Father died five months before i was born.
So his story i will tell is all knowledge garnered over the years from my late Mum.I trust her version is accurate.
Dad was born in what was then called Czechoslovakia---Not too long after it stopped being part of The Austro-Hungarian Empire--- In a small working class town way out east overshadowed by the Western point of the Carpathian Mountains.To be honest i know very little of his early life.I'm guessing his life was no different to many other mid European's growing up at that time just after WW1.However that was all to change in 1938 when Nazi Germany decided to annex the Sudetenland to the west & north.
This left the rest of Czechoslovakia in a very perilous position and sure enough it was'nt long,about a year, till Hitler decided to overpower the rest of the country and occupy what remained...
Dad had already joined one of the resistance groups set up--There were four in all---Again details are a little hazy but i think it may have been the PU led by Prokop Drtina.The PU were subjected to wholesale arrests in late 39' at which point my old man decided discrection was the better part of valour and consequently stole a lorry and buggered off to Budapest in Hungry.
I don't think he stayed there too long as he next found himself in what is now Palestine,joining up to the British Army where by he was subsequently shipped off to Jo'Burg in South Africa then onto Canada...By this stage---1940---He'd heard of the Free Czech Air Force helping to fight the Nazi's and wanted to join up...
So eventually dad pitched up in South Wales to become a gunner in the Atlantic Coastal Command.Their job was to seek out and destroy U-Boats who were themselves trying to destroy the merchant supply line from the USA to UK.Dad was considered something of a lucky charm by his colleagues as the three times he could'nt make a sortie due to illness hardly any--If any---of the planes came back.
Being in South Wales was how he and my mum met.I asked her about how they came to be together and she said obviously all the airmen were very dashing in their uniforms along with their heroic status locally.Dad had the added bonus of speaking with a heavy Slavic accent---Very exotic in the day,now commonplace of course---plus he introduced himself by asking for a light when he clearly had a lighter with him.What a smooth operator...
They were married pretty soon after meeting---As was the way in the war,after all nobody knew when they may be parted for good---and after the war moved to Czechoslovakia but alas that did'nt work out.I remember mum telling me the saddest sight she ever saw was driving into Czechoslovakia via Dresden and seeing miles upon miles of displaced people walking the other way in Germany with all they could carry.Maybe a million people of Germanic stock being kicked out of Sudetenland.
Eventually they moved back to the UK and to my home town,where my dad died of a brain hemorrhage just before my birth...
Today this may sound like a pretty wild adventure but in the context of WW2 it was nothing of the sort,this sort of thing happened to thousands upon thousands of people worldwide...But that fact does'nt alter my view that dad was a hero.As all dads should be to their sons & daughters...
If i had one wish it would'nt to be rich,I'm used to being broke after all and being rich would probably kill me.It would'nt be for world peace either.Let's face it that's far too big a job for just one measly wish....
No,my one wish would be to meet my dad for at least one day...
Happy Father's Day Dad...
Friday, 31 May 2013
The future of Football...Maybe.
Long gone are the days when a game of football was just a matter of twenty two stout yeomen pitting their wits & skill against each other for the glory of simply winning.The beautiful game has changed in all recognition since those halcyon days of heavily laced balls toe poked towards goal by equally heavily bylcreemed Inside Forwards,as they were quaintly known back in the day.
These days it's all about the money money money---As ABBA would have it, but not Jessie J----The glory of actually winning games and trophies has taken a back seat in the pursuit of the new goal of muscling into the heaving pigs to join the trough of avarice...
Clubs now regard us fans as "Customers" and the simple pleasure of going to the game with your pals as a "Matchday Experience".We are now regarded as consumers rather than supporters.Which is ironic considering that if any retail outlet treated it's customers as clubs in England treat their fans they'd be closed within six months...The Disneyfication of our football is well under way and Micky,Minny and Pluto have their hands firmly on the tiller...
With that in mind it's time to crank it up and make the game more interactive for the TV watching viewer---The fans the clubs really care about after all,the ones that actually bother to turn up for games can go swivel----If the football authorities want the game to become just another arm of the entertainment industry rather than an intensely tribalistic phenomenon---A sort of X Factor/Jeux sans Frontieres with balls---then that's what they'll get...
Goal Line Technology: Don't worry boys and girls it's coming courtesy of the Blatterman himself but is it enough? Yes it will conclusively prove that the ball was either a)Way over the line b)Nowhere near the bloody line or c) Maybe,maybe not,hard to tell really.Come on, how long is this going to take? the pub's open.....It's still pretty boring in all fairness.My idea is to have a Judge Judy impressionist behind every Premiership goal,complete with gown,gavel and Mahogany desk to be Judge,Jury & Executioner.Her decision will be final and any player disagreeing will be shackled in leg irons and paraded round the pitch dressed in Guantanamo Bay orange...
Twitter: (anti)Social Media is becoming more and more intrusive into our everyday lives.Every football club has a twitter account along with many popular footballers,and Joey Barton.Yes it's highly entertaining to witness a Diva like player clearly losing his marbles as he watches his career disintegrate due to an ill judged Tweet at 4am but imagine how much more fun it will be to actually witness it live during a game? A sort of cross between Rollerball and You've Got Mail...Every ground has at least one large screen,many have more.Every players twitter account will be posted on the screens at the game and on TV so they will get live feeds during the match(Incidentally all players will have to have a twitter account or get paid minimum wage, tops) This will be interactive Football at it's rawest...Nobody will be spared,only those with the thickest of skins will survive, and the illiterate...Piers Morgan will of course be blocked.
Silverware: Be honest now,there just are'nt enough trophies to go round for all those mega rich clubs who surely deserve something shiny at the end of the season.They should'nt be expected to toil for nine months(Ten if you count that lucrative far East tour culminating in an exciting 0-0 draw against Stoke in a steamy Kuala Lumpur) for nothing should they? of course not.Every Premiership club will now receive a trophy at the end of the season.However the Silverware they win will diminish in size the lower they finish in the table, from the gargantuan Premiership trophy to the title winners down to an inch high aluminium cup to the lucky 17th place winners.The proviso is that all clubs must celebrate their winning of silverware in time honoured fashion of fireworks,crappy jumping up and down to Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" and open top bus tour of their city.If not they lose all their TV money from that season...The relegated clubs will receive an oversized cheque for their parachute payments presented by a reality TV star...
Discipline: Naturally any dangerous play will be dealt with by the proper authorities,after all we're not turning the game into a circus ---Yet---However any good show deserve's a pantomime villain and football is no exception.What the paying public and the soporific armchair audience demand is humiliation of those miscreants who bring the game into disrepute on the pitch,a mere yellow card is not sufficient in these days of instant justice.For instance player's caught diving will be subjected to a giant hook pulling them off the pitch where they will spend five minutes in the stocks being pelted by rotten fruit.Any player waving an imaginary card at the referee will have a custard pie thrust into their face by the opponents mascot...Whenever Liverpool play Luis Suarez will sit in the stocks for the whole game to save time..
Points: The current system is outdated.Three points for a win and one point for a draw? I mean come on.We have lost sight of what football is really about, which is how much money each club makes in total from any given home game.So in future the points will remain for the tiresome spectacle of actually playing the game but extra points will be awarded for TV audience,shirts sold and prawn sandwiches consumed.The accusation that this will widen the gap between rich and poor is clearly nonsensical.But if some clubs go to the wall so be it...After all we all know there are only four clubs that really matter anyway.To that end we will be reorganising the league structure thus; 1)The Super Duper Pan European Champions League Premiership 2)The Premiership Lite 3) The Lower Premiership 4)The Under Premiership.This we feel will give all clubs a sexier identity and stop the bellyaching when they go bust...Also the big four clubs in The SDPECLP will join the FA Cup at the quarter final stage to free up weekends to play exhibition games in the far east and USA.This proves we value the traditions of this great competition.They will not enter the league cup at all.Those places will be taken by teams in the SPL...
Managers/Coaches: The final part of the revolution concerns these outdated behemoths of the game.Are'nt you just sick of seeing the same tired old faces year in year out running our great football clubs? We are going to have bosses on a monthly contract then at the end of each month a phone vote(Premium rate) will install a new manager at each club.This will keep things fresh and more importantly make a shed load of money for the FA(Twitter & Facebook voting will be invalid as it's free) *In the event of a tied vote our panel of experts will decide who takes the appointment.The panel will be made up of footballing luminaries Richard Branson,Al-Waleed bin Talal and Cilla Black.
Mark my words.The football revolution will be televised...
These days it's all about the money money money---As ABBA would have it, but not Jessie J----The glory of actually winning games and trophies has taken a back seat in the pursuit of the new goal of muscling into the heaving pigs to join the trough of avarice...
Clubs now regard us fans as "Customers" and the simple pleasure of going to the game with your pals as a "Matchday Experience".We are now regarded as consumers rather than supporters.Which is ironic considering that if any retail outlet treated it's customers as clubs in England treat their fans they'd be closed within six months...The Disneyfication of our football is well under way and Micky,Minny and Pluto have their hands firmly on the tiller...
With that in mind it's time to crank it up and make the game more interactive for the TV watching viewer---The fans the clubs really care about after all,the ones that actually bother to turn up for games can go swivel----If the football authorities want the game to become just another arm of the entertainment industry rather than an intensely tribalistic phenomenon---A sort of X Factor/Jeux sans Frontieres with balls---then that's what they'll get...
Goal Line Technology: Don't worry boys and girls it's coming courtesy of the Blatterman himself but is it enough? Yes it will conclusively prove that the ball was either a)Way over the line b)Nowhere near the bloody line or c) Maybe,maybe not,hard to tell really.Come on, how long is this going to take? the pub's open.....It's still pretty boring in all fairness.My idea is to have a Judge Judy impressionist behind every Premiership goal,complete with gown,gavel and Mahogany desk to be Judge,Jury & Executioner.Her decision will be final and any player disagreeing will be shackled in leg irons and paraded round the pitch dressed in Guantanamo Bay orange...
Twitter: (anti)Social Media is becoming more and more intrusive into our everyday lives.Every football club has a twitter account along with many popular footballers,and Joey Barton.Yes it's highly entertaining to witness a Diva like player clearly losing his marbles as he watches his career disintegrate due to an ill judged Tweet at 4am but imagine how much more fun it will be to actually witness it live during a game? A sort of cross between Rollerball and You've Got Mail...Every ground has at least one large screen,many have more.Every players twitter account will be posted on the screens at the game and on TV so they will get live feeds during the match(Incidentally all players will have to have a twitter account or get paid minimum wage, tops) This will be interactive Football at it's rawest...Nobody will be spared,only those with the thickest of skins will survive, and the illiterate...Piers Morgan will of course be blocked.
Silverware: Be honest now,there just are'nt enough trophies to go round for all those mega rich clubs who surely deserve something shiny at the end of the season.They should'nt be expected to toil for nine months(Ten if you count that lucrative far East tour culminating in an exciting 0-0 draw against Stoke in a steamy Kuala Lumpur) for nothing should they? of course not.Every Premiership club will now receive a trophy at the end of the season.However the Silverware they win will diminish in size the lower they finish in the table, from the gargantuan Premiership trophy to the title winners down to an inch high aluminium cup to the lucky 17th place winners.The proviso is that all clubs must celebrate their winning of silverware in time honoured fashion of fireworks,crappy jumping up and down to Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" and open top bus tour of their city.If not they lose all their TV money from that season...The relegated clubs will receive an oversized cheque for their parachute payments presented by a reality TV star...
Discipline: Naturally any dangerous play will be dealt with by the proper authorities,after all we're not turning the game into a circus ---Yet---However any good show deserve's a pantomime villain and football is no exception.What the paying public and the soporific armchair audience demand is humiliation of those miscreants who bring the game into disrepute on the pitch,a mere yellow card is not sufficient in these days of instant justice.For instance player's caught diving will be subjected to a giant hook pulling them off the pitch where they will spend five minutes in the stocks being pelted by rotten fruit.Any player waving an imaginary card at the referee will have a custard pie thrust into their face by the opponents mascot...Whenever Liverpool play Luis Suarez will sit in the stocks for the whole game to save time..
Points: The current system is outdated.Three points for a win and one point for a draw? I mean come on.We have lost sight of what football is really about, which is how much money each club makes in total from any given home game.So in future the points will remain for the tiresome spectacle of actually playing the game but extra points will be awarded for TV audience,shirts sold and prawn sandwiches consumed.The accusation that this will widen the gap between rich and poor is clearly nonsensical.But if some clubs go to the wall so be it...After all we all know there are only four clubs that really matter anyway.To that end we will be reorganising the league structure thus; 1)The Super Duper Pan European Champions League Premiership 2)The Premiership Lite 3) The Lower Premiership 4)The Under Premiership.This we feel will give all clubs a sexier identity and stop the bellyaching when they go bust...Also the big four clubs in The SDPECLP will join the FA Cup at the quarter final stage to free up weekends to play exhibition games in the far east and USA.This proves we value the traditions of this great competition.They will not enter the league cup at all.Those places will be taken by teams in the SPL...
Managers/Coaches: The final part of the revolution concerns these outdated behemoths of the game.Are'nt you just sick of seeing the same tired old faces year in year out running our great football clubs? We are going to have bosses on a monthly contract then at the end of each month a phone vote(Premium rate) will install a new manager at each club.This will keep things fresh and more importantly make a shed load of money for the FA(Twitter & Facebook voting will be invalid as it's free) *In the event of a tied vote our panel of experts will decide who takes the appointment.The panel will be made up of footballing luminaries Richard Branson,Al-Waleed bin Talal and Cilla Black.
Mark my words.The football revolution will be televised...
Monday, 6 May 2013
Bad decisions,arrogance & stupidity.Welcome to Wolves...
In my opinion this goal in May 2011 by Stephen Hunt which saved Wolves from relegation from the Premiership is indirectly responsible for the state of the club we find today. After two successive demotions we find ourselves in the third tier of English football for the first time since 1990.
Now i'm not saying Stephen Hunt is responsible for our plight obviously but what happened after this goal,or more accurately,what did'nt happen,is...
This was the chance to restructure the club but nothing changed.Effectively we had been given a last minute reprieve and we blew it,although that was'nt apparent at the time among the self congratulatory celebrations of avoiding relegation.
That season we had been buoyed by fantastic wins against many of the top six sides in the division,it was these that kept us up as our results against those other teams battling to stay in the premiership were appalling.The wonderful results we had garnered against Man Utd,Man City,Chelsea,Spurs,Everton & Liverpool had given us the falsest of false dawns and probably given many in the club--and the fans---the impression that we were better than we were.
The reality is that those wins & draws against the top teams only happen occasionally,it just so happens we got them all in the same season...
To compound this self regarding folly that percolated through the club it was believed that the season after would be easier due to our players having more experience and potential lambs to the slaughter Norwich & Swansea surely taking the bottom two places leaving only one space to avoid...
It's rumoured that the then manager Mick McCarthy tried to strengthen the squad considerably in the close season---He's a football man and they all want to improve,knowing that if you stand still you get caught pretty damn quick---but owner Steve Morgan not being a natural football man refused him funds thinking we were good enough.Bad decision coupled with arrogance...
The only major signing we made was to buy Roger Johnson from Birmingham.We we all happy with this i have no doubt.But then McCarthy made him captain instantly causing splits within a tight knit dressing room.Bad decision...
That season started well,two wins and a draw from the first three games,even going top for a short time.Another false dawn.It's safe to say that since that 0-0 draw at Villa Park in early September 2011, which saw us top the premiership briefly,it's been downhill all the way...
The next bad decision coupled with arrogance was from the owner Morgan when he went storming into the dressing room to confront the players after yet another abject display against Liverpool thereby undermining the managers authority.Not long later McCarthy was gone...
The sacking happened after Wolves had lost to our fierce rivals West Brom 5-1.This was a time for clear heads and well thought out decisions.What we got was knee jerk reactions and muddled thinking from those that run the club...What happened next turned into farce solely of the Board's making...
Potential managers were interviewed.Contradictory press releases were flying out of Molineux almost daily about the suitability,or not,of each candidate.Finally we were assured we would have a manager in charge with experience of turning moribund clubs around,this was no job for a novice.What did we get? Terry Conner.Bad decision,arrogance and a great deal of stupidity...
It's not normally the done thing to feel sorry for footballing folk but you'd have to have a heart of stone not to feel for Conner.He'd been a loyal Wolves coach for over a decade but had never managed a team,least of all a team marooned at the bottom of the pile with no confidence and a dressing room rift as big as the Mariana Trench.By all accounts Conner is a good man,so answered the call to manage Wolves after Morgan had failed to find a replacement.
It's hard not to feel that Morgan was prepared to take the hit of relegation thinking he would get in the manager he wanted in the Summer then maybe spend no more than two years in the Championship before a triumphant return to the Premiership.Whether true or not we'll never know but he hung Conner out to dry.Conner was Morgan's Patsy...Bad decision and arrogance.
In the Summer we drafted in Stale Solbakken with a promise of not only a fresh approach but a complete overhaul of the club's ethos from top to bottom.Things did'nt start too badly but the football we were watching was labourious at best.Unfortunately Solbakken was still working with most of the squad that had been there for a number of years who were unable or unwilling to change their style.Things started going downhill fast...
The trouble is though that Morgan had vowed to give Solbakken time.What Morgan should have done is ignored the fans clamouring for Solbakken's head and backed his manager.Once he'd got all of his own players in he may well have been the right man.We'll never know as Morgan panicked in the face of fan pressure and gave in.Bad decision...
Next on the Molineux managerial carousel is current boss Dean Saunders.The feeling is that Morgan is now so desperate he's using the club as some sort of Liverpool jobs- for- the- boys.Saunders came into the job in January with a lot of promises of not only staying up but gaining promotion next season---From the Championship i may add,not div 1---Sadly talk is all he seems to have.As yet he's been more than tactically inept.Sometimes employing three different formations during a game,none of them working.I have no confidence in him whatsoever.Bad decision? Probably...
So what's needed? Well a wholesale change in the squad for one...There are now too many players at the club who're neither good enough or care enough for our club,these have to be got rid of straight away.I don't care if we make a big loss on them i just want them gone asap.A week before our final game when we were 2nd from bottom and needing a miracle to stay up some players were still saying we were "Too good to go down" Arrogance and stupidity of a monumental scale...
If Morgan is determined to stay he needs to get proper advisors around him,footballing people who know the game and the club,people who will guide him in the right direction,somebody like Jody Craddock or Mel Eves.Or both.He needs to drop the arrogance that has helped to get my club relegated yet again...
Friday, 3 May 2013
End of Season awards...
This may seem premature,especially if you're the type of football fan who thinks the game begins and ends with the Premiership in England...However Division 1 & 2 finished last week,The Championship ends tomorrow and who the hell knows when the top division draws to it's conclusion...
There was a time in the not so distance past when all football in England finished the season on the same day to be followed by the FA Cup final the Saturday after(3-00 pm KO) but over the last few years this has altered radically as those more interested in income than the well being of the game squeeze-every-last-drop out of players and fans alike...One day there won't be any life left to drip out of football but while the cash cow keeps on topping up the coffers these vampiric parasites will continue their insidious ruination of our national sport...
Anyhoo,on to the awards;
The Jimmy Saville spectacular fall from grace wooden spoon goes to Wolves.My team will probably drop to Division 1 tomorrow barely twelve months after being a premiership club...
The Little Chef All-you-can-eat running buffet silver ladle jointly goes to Northampton's Ade Akinfenwe,who gives hope to all overweight fans in the country and Luis Suarez for making Cannibalism fashionable again...
The David Cameron We're-all-in-this-together Offshore trust fund gold credit card goes to Barnet council who refused Barnet FC permission to improve their ground thereby forcing the club to relocate five miles out of the borough in Edgware...
The Don't-mention-the-war-i-did-once-but-think-i-got-away-with-it award goes to Germany for showing the world how football should be run both on and off the pitch...
The Nigel Farage We're all Europeans now one Euro gold ring goes to Man Utd,Man City,Chelsea and Arsenal for doing the decent thing and making the Champions League enjoyable again...
The Annual Jurassic Park tethered goat award goes to Dean Saunders at Wolves for not really having a clue...Bless him.
The Annual Lord Lucan disappeared without trace ankle tag goes to Scott Sinclair who gave up an almost guaranteed first team place at Swansea for two meaningless League Cup games a season at Man City...
The Annual Where-the-hell-are-we Sat Nav goes to Wolves fans to use next season...Probably.
The Joe Hart What's-my-motivation luvee Fedora & Cravat award to Rio Ferdinand for his Diva like refusal to join the England squad.
The George Osborne gold plated Monopoly set for judicial financial soundness in the face of overwhelming odds to Harry Redknapp.
The Stan Collymore embossed NCP pass to Peter Odemwinge.
The Ed Milliband credible opposition mounted Mace to Man City for barely troubling the scorers...
The Audley Harrison going down without a fight flying towel to,who else? Wolves.
The Dale Winton who knew? earplugs goes to the PFA who were shocked & stunned by the content of the comedian booked to entertain them.the act,Reginald D Hunter, is a black American from Georgia.The PFA were surprised his act contained some jokes about race...
That concludes this evening's awards...Oh and if Wolves do somehow succeed in staying up tomorrow these results stand...
There was a time in the not so distance past when all football in England finished the season on the same day to be followed by the FA Cup final the Saturday after(3-00 pm KO) but over the last few years this has altered radically as those more interested in income than the well being of the game squeeze-every-last-drop out of players and fans alike...One day there won't be any life left to drip out of football but while the cash cow keeps on topping up the coffers these vampiric parasites will continue their insidious ruination of our national sport...
Anyhoo,on to the awards;
The Jimmy Saville spectacular fall from grace wooden spoon goes to Wolves.My team will probably drop to Division 1 tomorrow barely twelve months after being a premiership club...
The Little Chef All-you-can-eat running buffet silver ladle jointly goes to Northampton's Ade Akinfenwe,who gives hope to all overweight fans in the country and Luis Suarez for making Cannibalism fashionable again...
The David Cameron We're-all-in-this-together Offshore trust fund gold credit card goes to Barnet council who refused Barnet FC permission to improve their ground thereby forcing the club to relocate five miles out of the borough in Edgware...
The Don't-mention-the-war-i-did-once-but-think-i-got-away-with-it award goes to Germany for showing the world how football should be run both on and off the pitch...
The Nigel Farage We're all Europeans now one Euro gold ring goes to Man Utd,Man City,Chelsea and Arsenal for doing the decent thing and making the Champions League enjoyable again...
The Annual Jurassic Park tethered goat award goes to Dean Saunders at Wolves for not really having a clue...Bless him.
The Annual Lord Lucan disappeared without trace ankle tag goes to Scott Sinclair who gave up an almost guaranteed first team place at Swansea for two meaningless League Cup games a season at Man City...
The Annual Where-the-hell-are-we Sat Nav goes to Wolves fans to use next season...Probably.
The Joe Hart What's-my-motivation luvee Fedora & Cravat award to Rio Ferdinand for his Diva like refusal to join the England squad.
The George Osborne gold plated Monopoly set for judicial financial soundness in the face of overwhelming odds to Harry Redknapp.
The Stan Collymore embossed NCP pass to Peter Odemwinge.
The Ed Milliband credible opposition mounted Mace to Man City for barely troubling the scorers...
The Audley Harrison going down without a fight flying towel to,who else? Wolves.
The Dale Winton who knew? earplugs goes to the PFA who were shocked & stunned by the content of the comedian booked to entertain them.the act,Reginald D Hunter, is a black American from Georgia.The PFA were surprised his act contained some jokes about race...
That concludes this evening's awards...Oh and if Wolves do somehow succeed in staying up tomorrow these results stand...
Saturday, 27 April 2013
How the Nouveau Riche takes over English Football...Maybe
There was a time in the distant past when the working man did'nt really know who the worlds moneyed men were.The only time their lives were directly affected by rich folk was when they and their family were hauled off to the workhouse run by the local industrialist to maximise profit,much as Asian sweatshops do today for Western sports clothing conglomerates...
The moneyed existed as they do today but the working man had only a vague notion of them,The Royal family of course and also the assumption that most Hollywood film stars were rolling about in beds made of Dollar bills----Nobody thought many of those Hollywood stars were in the pay of The Mafia,drug dealers & prostitutes---This was a simpler time.
But these days we have wall to wall knowledge of these rich beyond the dreams of El Dorado.We have mags like Hello showing us their gilded life.we have the Sunday Times rich list---which,let's be honest, is Hello's older boring brother----We have the internet,that window to the world & all the things in it we can never have...So we all now have access to this excess...Unfortunately as we peer longingly through the window at the moneyed folk they're looking back past our shoulders at the football clubs we support...
Imagine You're a post Soviet Russian Oligarch,a mid table Sheikh or even a purveyor of shoddy sports apparel available in those high streets not already closed down & boarded up by other rich folk.You have all the money that other money can buy,the trophy wife's spending a suspiciously long time in the potting shed with the new gardener and the only person you converse with daily is your English Butler who hates you and spits in your food.Frankly life has lost it's lustre,the chase is over.You're bored...
One day you're flicking through the nine hundred channels on your cinema sized television set when something catches your eye.It's a football game being beamed from England...You know nothing of football,yes you know it's popular with the people who work for you in the sweatshops but don't understand why.You sit transfixed.
In your mind there's something raw and tribal about what you're watching,something animalistic.In the past you have tried to get buy your way into various sports to up your international kudos but all those classy sports like Polo & Horse Racing are closed shops.the Bastards.Once you thought Tennis would be a sport to get your name know but went off that idea after the incident with the trophy wife and the tennis coach... You call your English Butler in to explain English Football to you...
What you hear excites you...Not the nuances of the game---You've seen your eldest son playing FIFA 2013 so clearly have that side of it figured out---But the fact that nearly every club in England's top league--Which is beamed worldwide---is in debt and would welcome a rich buyer.There also does'nt seem to be much of a problem with the ruling body,who go by the name of The Football Association.Apparently they would sell themselves like a cheap whore.The kind of hard nosed negotiations you like...
It turns out before buying an English Football club you have to pass the FA's "Fit and proper person" test...Mmmm that sounds tough.The conversation goes something like this:
FA; We are here to determine if you are the sort of person we can trust to be the custodian of one of our most prestigious clubs.
You; Fine,I have all my financial records at hand...
FA;Never mind that,how rich are you?
You; I'm loaded
FA:That's great,you've passed.Do you want a Digestive with your cup of tea?
Your Butler was wrong,The FA are lower than cheap whores...
The rest is easy.You get your club.Shame it's not in London but all those are taken.Even so you'll get your face on worldwide television each week in your new scarf---Incidentally that's an excellent mark up considering how much they are to make in your sweatshop,must get some new Spinning Jennies in to up production-----All the club needs now is to win every game,that's the easy bit is'nt it?
Now you own an English football club,your international standing has rocketed and even your beautiful trophy wife is taking an active interest,spending much of her free time getting to know the squad personally...
The moneyed existed as they do today but the working man had only a vague notion of them,The Royal family of course and also the assumption that most Hollywood film stars were rolling about in beds made of Dollar bills----Nobody thought many of those Hollywood stars were in the pay of The Mafia,drug dealers & prostitutes---This was a simpler time.
But these days we have wall to wall knowledge of these rich beyond the dreams of El Dorado.We have mags like Hello showing us their gilded life.we have the Sunday Times rich list---which,let's be honest, is Hello's older boring brother----We have the internet,that window to the world & all the things in it we can never have...So we all now have access to this excess...Unfortunately as we peer longingly through the window at the moneyed folk they're looking back past our shoulders at the football clubs we support...
Imagine You're a post Soviet Russian Oligarch,a mid table Sheikh or even a purveyor of shoddy sports apparel available in those high streets not already closed down & boarded up by other rich folk.You have all the money that other money can buy,the trophy wife's spending a suspiciously long time in the potting shed with the new gardener and the only person you converse with daily is your English Butler who hates you and spits in your food.Frankly life has lost it's lustre,the chase is over.You're bored...
One day you're flicking through the nine hundred channels on your cinema sized television set when something catches your eye.It's a football game being beamed from England...You know nothing of football,yes you know it's popular with the people who work for you in the sweatshops but don't understand why.You sit transfixed.
In your mind there's something raw and tribal about what you're watching,something animalistic.In the past you have tried to get buy your way into various sports to up your international kudos but all those classy sports like Polo & Horse Racing are closed shops.the Bastards.Once you thought Tennis would be a sport to get your name know but went off that idea after the incident with the trophy wife and the tennis coach... You call your English Butler in to explain English Football to you...
What you hear excites you...Not the nuances of the game---You've seen your eldest son playing FIFA 2013 so clearly have that side of it figured out---But the fact that nearly every club in England's top league--Which is beamed worldwide---is in debt and would welcome a rich buyer.There also does'nt seem to be much of a problem with the ruling body,who go by the name of The Football Association.Apparently they would sell themselves like a cheap whore.The kind of hard nosed negotiations you like...
It turns out before buying an English Football club you have to pass the FA's "Fit and proper person" test...Mmmm that sounds tough.The conversation goes something like this:
FA; We are here to determine if you are the sort of person we can trust to be the custodian of one of our most prestigious clubs.
You; Fine,I have all my financial records at hand...
FA;Never mind that,how rich are you?
You; I'm loaded
FA:That's great,you've passed.Do you want a Digestive with your cup of tea?
Your Butler was wrong,The FA are lower than cheap whores...
The rest is easy.You get your club.Shame it's not in London but all those are taken.Even so you'll get your face on worldwide television each week in your new scarf---Incidentally that's an excellent mark up considering how much they are to make in your sweatshop,must get some new Spinning Jennies in to up production-----All the club needs now is to win every game,that's the easy bit is'nt it?
Now you own an English football club,your international standing has rocketed and even your beautiful trophy wife is taking an active interest,spending much of her free time getting to know the squad personally...
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
Thatcher! The Musical.
Many that know me will know i was never a fan of Maggie Thatcher.However her death yesterday bought very little joy personally as the corrosive policies she laid down in the 80's & 90's are now being writ large on the population of the UK by both this government and indeed the previous Labour one too...
Nearly everyone with just a passing interest in politics has posted something on her demise,many much better than i could ever hope to conjour. so, as i write this Blog i can be classed as a "Writer" of sorts,and what do writers write when they can't write? That's right.Musicals...
During Thatcher's regime from 1979 to 1990 there were plenty of tunes penned either about her or her policies.Many of which cracked the top ten easily...It's safe to say i can't recall one song in praise of Thatcher so if you find these tunes biased...Damn right they are!
The Beat---Stand Down Margaret
"I see no joy,i see only sorrow.i see no chance of your bright new tomorrow" Proof that protest songs don't need to be tuneless dirges caterwauled by beardy folk singers...Once had the childish,but satisfying,pleasure of putting this on the juke box of a pub in the I-O-W in 1982 sixteen times on the trot knowing the local Conservative council leader was in the pub...
Elvis Costello---Shipbuilding
Originally penned by Robert Wyatt but this version is the better known.On April 2nd 1982(My Birthday btw,send money please) Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic.Not many Brits even knew where they were never mind that it was British land.Never mind,if you need to win an election and you're in desperate straits at home what better than going to war.This is exactly what Thatcher did.I know this is not a view shared by many but the facts are that she knew Argentina were planning some action towards the islands and decided to sit on that until it was too late and her hand was forced.
Argentina had been saber rattling over these rocks for years,indeed in 1977 the then Labour Govt got wind of a planned attack on the Falklands and parked three nuclear subs off the shore of Buenos Aires letting it be know any action would be foolish in the extreme...Thatcher could have easily done the same...Still at least she won the election...
Billy Bragg---Which side are you on?
Thatcher made it her mission to destroy the Unions and so she went after the biggest of them all,The NUM.along with it's totem Arthur Scargill.Secondry picketing was banned and she bought the full weight of the UK police force down on the striking Miners.This lasted a year and cost untold millions.Perfectly good working mines were closed down for the only reasons that she wanted to break the back of the NUM.This is also the closest we have come in my lifetime to a police state,They were given unlimited powers of arrest and did so with gusto.I know people who were arrested just for wearing a "Coal not Dole" badge.Thirty years on and many of these communities still have not recovered,many never will...
Elvis Costello---Tramp the dirt down.
Think this one is self explanatory....
Ghost Town---The Specials
THE defining song of Thatcher's tenure.Talk about catching the Zietgeist! Britain was burning with riots in every major city and the people WE'RE getting angry...The UK was dying a death of a thousand cuts,much as it is now...But hey at least the embittered kids of today have One Direction to see them through the dark days.The sad part is that this tune resonates today as much as it did then now that Thatcher's Midwich cuckoos are running the country into the ground...
I'm sure there are many more tunes that can sum up her eleven years in charge.I'm always open to suggestions...Thatcher! The Musical needs you...
Nearly everyone with just a passing interest in politics has posted something on her demise,many much better than i could ever hope to conjour. so, as i write this Blog i can be classed as a "Writer" of sorts,and what do writers write when they can't write? That's right.Musicals...
During Thatcher's regime from 1979 to 1990 there were plenty of tunes penned either about her or her policies.Many of which cracked the top ten easily...It's safe to say i can't recall one song in praise of Thatcher so if you find these tunes biased...Damn right they are!
"I see no joy,i see only sorrow.i see no chance of your bright new tomorrow" Proof that protest songs don't need to be tuneless dirges caterwauled by beardy folk singers...Once had the childish,but satisfying,pleasure of putting this on the juke box of a pub in the I-O-W in 1982 sixteen times on the trot knowing the local Conservative council leader was in the pub...
Originally penned by Robert Wyatt but this version is the better known.On April 2nd 1982(My Birthday btw,send money please) Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic.Not many Brits even knew where they were never mind that it was British land.Never mind,if you need to win an election and you're in desperate straits at home what better than going to war.This is exactly what Thatcher did.I know this is not a view shared by many but the facts are that she knew Argentina were planning some action towards the islands and decided to sit on that until it was too late and her hand was forced.
Argentina had been saber rattling over these rocks for years,indeed in 1977 the then Labour Govt got wind of a planned attack on the Falklands and parked three nuclear subs off the shore of Buenos Aires letting it be know any action would be foolish in the extreme...Thatcher could have easily done the same...Still at least she won the election...
Thatcher made it her mission to destroy the Unions and so she went after the biggest of them all,The NUM.along with it's totem Arthur Scargill.Secondry picketing was banned and she bought the full weight of the UK police force down on the striking Miners.This lasted a year and cost untold millions.Perfectly good working mines were closed down for the only reasons that she wanted to break the back of the NUM.This is also the closest we have come in my lifetime to a police state,They were given unlimited powers of arrest and did so with gusto.I know people who were arrested just for wearing a "Coal not Dole" badge.Thirty years on and many of these communities still have not recovered,many never will...
Think this one is self explanatory....
THE defining song of Thatcher's tenure.Talk about catching the Zietgeist! Britain was burning with riots in every major city and the people WE'RE getting angry...The UK was dying a death of a thousand cuts,much as it is now...But hey at least the embittered kids of today have One Direction to see them through the dark days.The sad part is that this tune resonates today as much as it did then now that Thatcher's Midwich cuckoos are running the country into the ground...
I'm sure there are many more tunes that can sum up her eleven years in charge.I'm always open to suggestions...Thatcher! The Musical needs you...
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