60 Days in Europe…#3 Wuppertal

If Wuppertal was a footballer it would be Peter Crouch.Long and narrow with a surprisingly good first touch…

The city looks something like Fritz Lang would dream up with it’s high sides covered in greenery and six story blocks of houses whilst the valley floor also has plenty of housing blocks,huge factories & of course the river Wupper…topped off with the magnificent Schwebebahn…

There doesn’t appear to be anywhere to expand for the city.I imagine regulations prohibit much expansion length ways and the hills constrict any sideways drift,like a huge corset only probably more comfortable…the city doesn’t appear overly big yet has a population of over 350,000 and yet apart from the upside down mono rail not many people outside Germany have heard of it…I doubt they are bothered by such things as the place is resolutely working class being a producer of textiles,plastics,metals & drugs.I spoke about the huge Bayer factory and there are other factories dotted about the city…in other cities their factories are usually hidden in some god forsaken industrial park away from prying eyes like some unsightly son stuck in the attic.Luckily for me lack of space means these glorious factories are on full show…like all industrial hubs the local population is quite diverse.

The river Wupper is a pretty unremarkable river.Not very big,not very deep,but it does have one thing no other river has and that’s a hanging monorail straddling it’s entire length of the city and it looks magnificent…it was opened in 1901 so is over 120 years old and it has that look of Victorian confidence too.I think if it was a modern system it wouldn’t attract the attention it does…running the entire length of the city,about eight and half miles it sticks to the middle of the river,only breaking away to follow roads at Sonnborner Straße ( where I am staying) 

For those that want to visit & ride The Schwebebahn here are a few things I have noticed.The one sweet spot,prime real estate if you will is the rear of the train.Everyone is wanting that sexy instagram money shot and this is where jumble sale elbows come in handy,it’s easy to yeat the nippers out the way but the parents are more problematic.Don’t try to sit next to the driver they don’t like it…

Whilst the rest of windows offer good views they don’t really offer much by way of photo ops…the seats are not comfortable at all.I think this is deliberate to put off certain people travelling on it all day.Remember it’s a working city and The Schwebebahn is first & foremost a commuter service.People need to get around and they don’t need trainspotters clogging up their route…Wuppertal doesn’t appear to rely on tourist money so doesn’t bother catering for them.Whatever is bought in is just pin money.To be honest a lot of tourism here is half day stuff.Get off the Hbf and Schwebebahn is right there,ride that for a bit,have a bite to eat & a drink then bugger off…still if you’re in the area it’s worth going on it.As it’s only one line getting lost isn’t a problem.There’s only two ways you can go…

Anyway I’m off to grab a coffee and see what the day brings…

Laters alligators…

60 days in Europe…Wuppertal day #2

Sunday in Germany and regular readers will know what that means.Nothing,nada,zilch….sort of.Was pondering where to go for coffee when leaving the hotel and saw a few people going into a building with automatic sliding doors which can only mean a commercial environment so I followed and sure enough I have my local cafe.It’s clearly the local hotspot too…

Journey from London was fine,luckily only spent 15 minutes in Brussels so time for a smoke then the Cologne train.That was packed but got a seat no problem.My Interrail ticket wouldn’t work when the guard came round.I think the WiFi was playing up but remembered I had a printed QR code for this part of the trip.This has happened a couple of times to me but the guards know the crack and are pretty chilled about it so no problem…Cologne to Wuppertal is a short trip so there are plenty of trains and I wanted a Currywurst from the kiosk at the back of The Hauptbahnhof but it’s gone,buggered off,disappeared.This was by far the worst part of the trip! There’s a Maccy D’s next to it but I couldn’t be arsed…

Walked into a small pro Palestine protest outside Wuppertal station.Think they were just setting up as it was very quiet.Was gonna hang around but wanted to find the hotel.Had a good idea where it was but as good as Google maps can be it’s not always 100%.However in this case all was good…a nice ride in the upside down train which does swing a fair bit and is cheaper than any Disney ride…my stop is one up from the zoo & Football Stadium,a heady mix but probably more exciting is the huge,and I’m talking behemoth here,Bayer factory that not only strides both sides of the river but also takes in three metro stops.It’s beautiful…again those that know me know I love a factory,open or closed…

When you check in to a hotel and the first thing said is “Ah there’s a problem “ you fear the worst.Turned out the en suite room I booked wasn’t available so had to share a bathroom with one more resident.I don’t mind sharing with one person really…anyway he gave me €90 in cash so I’m probably up on the deal…

I don’t know if good luck snowballs to other people but about ten minutes after getting this windfall I was in the local shop standing behind a girl of maybe 12yrs old clearly shopping for her mom,as she pulled out her money a note dropped out that she didn’t notice so I tapped her on the shoulder and it was €50! Luckily I saved her some big explanations…

Popped into town where I was approached by a happy smiley attractive woman with a Manic Pixie Dreamgirl haircut.I had no idea what she was talking about and didn’t bother to speak,just smiled & nodded as she stroked my arm.I think it was some recruitment device into a religious sex cult or something…I can empty my own bank account without needing to drink the Koolaid thank you…I have learnt to steer clear of crazy and doubly so with crazy & hot…

Laters alligators…

60 days in Europe…#1 London to Wuppertal

Checking the tickets last night I couldn’t find the printed QR code to get me past the initial Eurostar gate.I don’t have a printer but kept all the relevant paperwork & email confirmation so after a five minute panic accompanied by lots of swearing of the “ you fucking idiot” type I figured I could sort it out at St Pancras today and sure enough within a minute I had my ticket printed off…all in all I would say it took no more than ten minutes getting through bag checks & passport control.Took nearly as long to rehook my belt in my jeans.Fair play to Eurostar.When it goes wrong it’s a nightmare but more often they get it right and it’s a breeze…

Did all the necessary things before leaving the flat for two months.Ate all the perishables I had,made sure the rubbish bin was chucked out & liberally poured strong bleach down any holes that usually take liquid,I even bought three glade,the type that smell like your grandma’s secret draw,y’know the one with ten year old boiled sweets in it…

My journey today is London-Brussels-Cologne-Wuppertal.Probably about five hours all told.Done the Eurostar to Cologne a few times and it’s fine except there’s always a change at Brussels Midi which unfortunately is probably my least favourite station in Europe.I don’t know why but there you go…looking forward to finding out what the score is in Wuppertal.I know it’s famous for that hanging monorail  which basically traverses the whole city,it follows the path of the river and the city itself is very long & thin.If it was in Italy it would probably be nicknamed Spaghettiville or something but it’s not so it isn’t…

Wuppertal is also the birthplace of Friedrich Engels and,I swear I’m not making this up,Gyles Brandreth.Not two names I would ever utter together usually.I’m sure Freddy had a fine collection of unfunny comedy jumpers too…

I’m guessing there will be an influx of Borussia Dortmund fans coming in the opposite direction to me from Cologne for tonight’s European Cup final in London.No doubt them and the Real Madrid fans will head for central London where there’s also an enormous attempted grift by EDL frontman Tommy “ I’m a journalist me” Robinson and his knuckle dragging acolytes.I predict it to kick off about 11am after the Stella & Charlie takes hold of our brave little soldiers…there will also be lots of kettling later on.What a shame I’m missing that! 

Laters alligators…

60 days in Europe…

Technically of course I spend every day in Europe but I couldn’t come up with a puntastic headline…

Here we go again then.Tomorrow I am buggering off on another tour around continental Europe.It’s nowhere as extensive as last year’s which took in thirty odd cities in three months which was great an all that but my frail little body can only do thirteen cities in two months this time…pretty much the same format as before,Interrailing from London via Eurostar then on from there  to various cities staying in middling small hotels hopefully close to bars,restaurants & laundrettes…

I wrote this blog daily on that trip and a few of you have asked me to do so again,so thanks for the vote of confidence…

I’ll be going to Germany,Austria,Italy,France then back to Germany and whilst I will be visiting a few new places I’ll also be reacquainting myself with some old places i love.Notably the usual suspects of Berlin,Hamburg,Dusseldorf & Paris…the main difference to last years sojourn is I will be spending more time in each city and tough titty if I rock up somewhere I hate.Luckily I have a high boredom threshold which has served me well when rocking up to a railway station ridiculously early…

My first stop is Wuppertal in Germany.I have been there before for half a day in 2019 to see the funky monorail they have there and it looked an interesting place to spend more time in…I’m on a 7am train out of St Pancras so hopefully will be pitching up in Wuppertal early afternoon.Eurostar has been having some IT cock ups lately so all this is in the lap of the gods somewhat but fingers crossed…

I get back to Blighty on July 31st which is the day I retired last year and that will mean I would have spent five months out of the last twelve out of the country bumming around Europe…and I bloody love it!

Laters alligators…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#80

So this is it…the final blog.It’s somehow fitting I find myself in the hotel bar whilst it’s absolutely pissing it down.I’m directly opposite Lille Flanders railway station,my room is two floors up and the beer’s good,if a bit pricey…no point in going out exploring so might as well stay here and write this…

I’m not really sure what to say now.A bit tongue tied and all that.I mean it’s been both fun and very eye opening at the same time and not as tiring as you’d imagine.I think that might have something to do with not having to go back to work when I get back.If I were I would probably be crawling in like a cartoon fella lost in the desert…it’s all psychological.

Oh there’s a Scottish family staying here.How do I know they’re Scottish? Cos’s they’re dressed head to toe in Scottish football gear…

Storm Bastard seems to have hit…is it called something else in France? Anyway if I did have a thought of leaving the hotel that’s gone with the wind and rain…it’s a window rattller that’s for sure…plus I have just had onion soup so the windows will be rattling from both sides…

The soup was good but nowhere near as good as the tomato soup I had in Leipzig.It’s the best I’ve ever tasted and quite possibly the best of any food I have had.The cafe is called Spizz in Leipzig Markt and if you’re there go try it…the worst food I had was sadly in Lyon.I know,France right? To explain it was 40c and I was walking past a fast food joint by a museum felt their air conditioning as I strolled past and just had to have some relief.Of course I had to buy something so had a burger.The half eaten burgers dotting the tables should have been the red flag and mine soon joined them…how the hell do you get a burger so wrong?

But in general all the food has been fine.Some more than others with Italy coming out on top.Sorry France but it’s true,Italian food beats yours hands down…as for beer I can’t remember a bad drink but of course the Czechs win that particular race…

There hasn’t been any place I have been to I have  hated.Some have not quite lived up to expectations like Ceske Budejovice,which inexplicably closed at 10pm but others have exceeded expectations by miles.Graz for one and Genoa too.Both tip top places…I have also met and got drunk with some fascinating people. 

Of course the old favourites were still great like Berlin,Hamburg & Düsseldorf…but new favourites have been added including Copenhagen and a little placed called Paris,which I personally think is a great place despite its reputation and as that was my first port of call it got the trip off to a great start…

The trains for the vast majority of the time have been superb,on time ,clean & comfortable.The one exception was in the south of France between Nice & Lyon.But maybe that was just down to the mad weather.I had to change my t- Shirt in the bogs as the other one was sticking to me.Horrendous…there have always been little hiccups but nothing mental…

That’s just a quick summary of how it went.Nothing outrageously bad happened to me either with other people or with my health.Was I lucky? Probably but maybe most of us don’t live on a knife edge constantly…it was just a great experience.I may do it again but possibly for a month shorter.We will see…

Next is probably a little crew of us Wolves fans will head off to Berlin in May for a punk festival called Punk & Disorderly…this festival was really the catalyst for my Interrail trips…early 2016 we’d been to a Wolves game and were talking about David Bowie dying and I mentioned I’d always wanted to go to Berlin and the punk festival came up.Clearly one of our group hadn’t read up on the etiquette of having eight pints,making plans then spending weeks hoping everyone else had forgotten cos’ a few days later tickets,flights & accommodation were sorted and I fell in love with Berlin on sight and also with the idea of seeing more of Europe…also there’s Euro Championships in Germany in June too…

Anyway I am hunkered down here tonight whilst Storm Bastard does It’s bit…It’s been great doing this blog and also that many of you seem to appreciate it.Thanks one and all…Caio!

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#79

Since saying I might do a blog on tips of interrailing around Europe I have have been inundated with people stopping me in the street with tears in their eyes saying they need me more than ever in these uncertain times…sorry momentarily turned into Laurence “Lozza” Fox then…nah one person said it might be a good idea( hi Nige!) and if that’s not a mandate from the masses I don’t know what is…

This isn’t gonna be a what to do/what not to do thing.You’re all grown adults I presume…just a few tips on how I have got the best out of my Interrail ticket( not sponsored either unfortunately) I have done it a couple of times now with both a paper ticket & a phone app and even as someone not entirely comfortable with modern technology the phone app wins hands down.I think Interrail will probably make the paper one obsolete soon anyway.It’s the way of the world…

So if you’ve never done it before and fancy a go the first thing is get a battery bank.Mine was about £25 and it’s a bit of a bulky item but I got it about seven years ago( still works great) but I would think like video recorders when they first came out they were as big as the Ark Royal but over the years slimmed down to After Eight size so that’s how Battery Banks are going…anyway you can’t alway rely on train power points so have your own on the go…

Go to the Interrail website and they have a myriad of tickets to suit your needs.It’s easy to negotiate and to also download the app & ticket…it also helps that you can purchase the ticket up to eleven months before travelling.That Xmas bonus will be better spent on that than silly old presents nobody really wants…

If you’re travelling from the UK it can be used for Eurostar both out & in but you will have to reserve seats at £32 each way( it’s Eurostars way of grabbing some money back) again there’s a facility on the Interrail site to do this.Strangely Eurostar insist on paperwork so you’ll have to print it off your email(god they’re so behind the times!) You won’t get on without it…oh and keep the email on your phone cos’ you might do something stupid like putting your return reservation through the wash at a toasty 40c…not that anyone is that idiotic…

Once you’re in Europe proper you can start using the app properly.It’s valid in ( I think) 33 countries so pretty wide ranging.The app gives you every possible train you might want to take so for instance if you fancy going from Paris to Bilbao on Sunday May 18th just put that It and it give all the trains that day,all the changes,how long it takes and even if you need seat reservations ( if it says you do in red then you do.I got fined for ignoring it.In blue it’s just recommended.Blue is normally cheaper) it will also say if the change between trains is short or not,usually ten minutes or less.That gives you the option of maybe switching to a later train at the change over.Something I have done several times…I would rather hang around for another hour,relax,have a drink & smoke rather than dash around like Speedie Gonzalez on whizz getting all hot,bothered & irate…

That is one thing the phone ticket has over the paper one.You can change it mid journey.With the paper ticket you write in your details and you’re locked in and if you change it they can refuse travel.I have actually changed my phone ticket on the train I am travelling on.It’s a great thing to be able to do…I have not had one problem when it came to ticket inspection after well over 30 journeys…

That’s really the nuts and bolts of it as far as the ticket goes.I’d recommend it to anyone if they’re so like minded…it’s liberating.

As for the other things.well…even if you mostly transact via bank card always carry some local cash( usually Euros) If like me you budgeted at the lower priced hotels then book early if you can( I got some great deals) they’re basic but all have been fine and most en suite.Don’t expect a laundry service but there’s usually a laundry near by and they’re easy to suss out…

I always try to get to a new destination in the daylight as mainline stations are usually a magnate for the less desirable elements,although in saying that I have no trouble in nearly three months…but it’s better to be safe.I always download the local transport app of wherever I am and buy a 24 hour ticket each day,usually between 6-9 euros.Had my ticket checked on several occasions so it’s not worth it trying to dodge.. 

Also I tend to use the tram mostly in cities.For one thing I’m never sure what the protocol is on buses and you see more of the city from the tram “ oh look they have a Woolies” 

If the app says you need reservations for your next trip then go to the mainline station ticket office.Usually it’s a 15 minute wait and it takes no time.I had to get one today for my trip to Lille tomorrow.It was €9 and I was in and out in 20 minutes…

Finally if you like stats the app will give you the lowdown on all the data including a little map of your trip…even down to how long spent on trains.I’m over three days now…

So yea go for it,..This trip has been the best thing I’ve ever done and would I do it again? In a heartbeat..,

Hope this has been helpful…Caio.

Ps I forgot to ad…three apps I have found invaluable are Google Maps(obviously) Google Translate( not always accurate but close enough.Once had an entire conversation with a Czech bloke via it) and Citymapper which gives you the lowdown on all the transport available in each city including all the stops on each tram & bus route.All been a great help and if none of that works don’t be too proud to ask someone..,

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#78

Got to Mainz station early as per usual so changed my Interrail app and got an earlier train.No point hanging around when I could be moving…unfortunately got caught up in a carriage with everyone trying to find their seats and by the time I got into a relatively empty one all the best seats were taken.The best seats being the ones on the right hand side of the train heading north from Mainz to Bonn…this is because of the view.( I missed out on the way down owing to it being on a different route) I have seen it before a few years ago so no biggy…

If you are ever of a mind to take a train ride through Germany the journey between Bonn to Mainz is a treat.It goes down the Rhine Gorge and takes about an hour.I think the drivers deliberately go slower so people can enjoy it…picture perfect villages on either side of the river shadowed by steep sided hills with vineyards cascading down the slopes.I think they must employ those goats that stick to the sides of mountains to harvest the crop,no human could do it…dotted about everywhere are the kind of castles usually seen in guide books and probably built for European nobility with names like Heinrich the Inbred Halfwit and Ludwig the Lockjawed Lascivious Loon…but they look great,unlike their original owners…honestly it’s worth a trip.Going south get the left side and obviously the right side going north…

Got to Cologne too early to check in so went for a drink in the bar hitched to the hotel at the front by the river.There’s usually a picture of Cologne featuring the cathedral,bridge and three olde worlde brightly coloured houses.The hotel is right by all of those.Indeed my room looks out on the river & bridge but not the cathedral as that’s behind me…apparently the hotel building is dated from 1245 but at least it has a lift! Wake up Berlin! 

It seems good though.Any Hotel with a river side bar can’t be bad…because the tourists have now gone it’s probably gonna be pretty quiet but in the height of summer I’d rather a hotel a bit further inland cos‘ I imagine it gets pretty rowdy down here at times…

So I have tomorrow in Cologne,Wednesday in Lille then I head to Paris to get the Eurostar back to Blighty and that’s it.Journey done and dusted.and it barely feels like it’s been ten weeks.In truth I don’t really want to come back yet but rules is rules and I don’t think I can do any more time owing to my time being up.Not sure when the next batch of time permitted to be abroad starts.I assume it’s at the start of the year…anyway it’s been a blast.I was thinking of maybe doing a few tips in the next two blogs for anyone who wants to do what I’m doing around Europe…will see how I feel…

For the moment Caio…but as usual I might be back..,

Ps The outside area of the bar I’m drinking in has about a dozen mice dashing about.It’s a bit weird but everyone is like “Meh,what can you do?”