...and we're back.
Group E( The group of deces/muerte)
Switzerland) Quite unbelievably seeded for this world cup, don't expect anything approaching fireworks but if you like strong defensive play the Swiss are your men.Switzerland are an all round no thrills decent team but nothing about them stands out.In a dystopian future all international teams will be Switzerland.Expect Roy Hodgson to be namechecked at every Swiss game...
France) Sami Nasri was dropped from the squad last week so his wife took to Twitter to vent her anger not only on manager Didier Deschamps but the whole French nation.She also wished hubby was Spanish,presumably so she could also spit out her hate towards them when he failed to get in their squad too.In truth Deschamps should have laughed it off but he's threatened to sue.Not ideal preparation for the world cup you'd think but still ten times better than last time when there was open revolt among the players.Like their Rugby team you never know which French team will turn up,the brilliant or the total abject.Still have the best national anthem going...
Honduras) Oddly Honduras have six UK based players in their squad plus a few from Spanish football.They also have one named Carlos Costly who no doubt would have been a perfect buy for Spurs if Alan Sugar was still CEO.Will not trouble anyone in the group,lets just hope they don't go to war with anyone like they did with El Salvador in 1969.
Ecuador) What do i know about Ecuador? Well they own the Galapagos Islands,FA Cup winner Lawrie Sanchez's dad comes from there and i had Christmas dinner with a USA citizen born in Ecuador...so quite a lot really. They have four Barca players in the squad so maybe they're not that bad.They may even get through at the expense of Switzerland...
Group F) (The group of constant sorrow)
Argentina) With soaring inflation rates in Argentina the locals need something to distract them and what better than football? My favourites to win the world cup,which if they do so on Brazilian soil will be the ultimate party pooping.After the mental reign of Maradona---a sort of Kevin Keegan on speed---the Argentinian's now have a manager in Sabella who know's what he's doing.They have strength throughout the entire squad and i expect them to be holding the cup aloft in Rio on July 13th.Obviously all eyes will be on Messi but i think keeping Sergio Aguero fit is more important to the team.Expect lots of mentions of the Falklands when Argentinians are interviewed by British press...
Bosnia Herzegovina) The only country that sounds like a Czech supermodel.Unfortunately that's where the joking stops for this country with a horrible recent past.If you Google Bosnia the first page that comes up is "Genocide" But football knows no political bias,if you're good enough to qualify then you're in and Bosnia are mighty good enough to play in their first world cup as an independent country.Watch out for star striker Edin Dzeko who's in form and his goals could get them out of the group.Expect the word "Plucky" to be used a lot...
Iran) See what i mean about football knowing no political bias? Iran are the West's bogey man even above North Korea---who're treated as a bit of a jokey rogue nation---so expect lots of in depth analysis of Iranian political nuances from Robbie Savage & Andy Townsend.Shame there won't be a repeat of the brilliant Iran v USA game from France 1998.Expect no mentions of Iran being "Plucky" from the press but plenty mentions of WMD...
Nigeria) At one time Nigeria were going to be the African country that took world football by storm---there have been a few contenders over the years---it never happened but maybe this year they could make their mark.Actually have an African manager in charge rather than an imported German/Dutch boss.Stephen Keshi has gone for a young speedy squad of players.Don't expect much talk of crippling poverty,corruption and Boko Haram but much talk of flying Eagles...
Group G) (The group of death)
Germany) We all know about Germany's record in the world cup.However it's been 24 years since they last won it which is almost approaching English proportions,especially ironic as the German fans have adopted the unofficial English anthem "Three Lions" as their own...They probably won't win this one either but the old cliche about never writing Germany off still holds true.On a personal note i would quite like them to do well as i have a lot of respect for the "old country"---as all Anglo Saxons should refer to Germany---especially for their football.They have some outstanding players but one that may make a name for himself is Dortmund's Marco Reus.Keep a look out for him...Expect to see lots of Lederhosen,lager,busty serving girls in Dirndl's and tiresome WW2 references in the British press...
Portugal) Surely it can't be long till they're renamed "Ronaldugal" ? There has'nt been a top team so reliant on one player since Maradona pulled twenty two other Argentinians in his wake to win the world cup in 1986 and it's not beyond the realms of possibility that Ronaldo will do the same providing A) he retains his form & B) is'nt kicked from pillar to post by opponents.Expect to see lots and lots of Christiano Ronaldo.Don't expect to see anything at all of his teamates...
Ghana) Should have been in the semi final last time but a missed penalty late on by ex Sunderland player Asamoah Gyan pooped on their chance from a great height. Many blame Luis Suarez for his goal line handball denying Ghana the winner but be honest you'd be pleased as punch if he'd done it for your team...
Can Ghana repeat their fantastic run of four years ago? Doubtful.Not that they're not a good team but they are in a tough group.Basically will have to kick seven shades out of Ronaldo to have a chance.Not that i'm advocating such action of course."cough"
USA) USA! USA! USA!...Sorry that's all i got for them.
Group H (The group of heart burn)
Belgium) Everybody's dark horse to win,so infact not a dark horse at all but the brightest horse you'll ever see with flashing lights on.Many of their players are already well known to UK fans as they play over here in the Premiership.They are a young fit team who're on fine form coming into Brazil so have a chance,indeed they are my dark horse...expect sales of Leffe & Hoegaarden beers to shoot up whenever they play and hipsters to be ordering Mayo with their chips...
Algeria) A possible tie with Germany awaits in the next round and they may feel they owe them big after 1982 when Germany and Austria "played" out a result that ensured Algeria did'nt qualify.Have actually got a chance of qualifying out of the group this time unless Russia annexe Belgium in the next three weeks to ensure their own passage.Former Wolves midfielder Adlene Guedioura has made the provisional 30 man squad.If picked watch out for him as he shoots from anywhere within 50 yards of goal...
Russia) Currently trying to merge all of the former Soviet Union into one big Russian federation.They are going to be the team everyone wants to see hammered owing to them having a dick as a president.Historically the USSR/Russia have flattered to deceive on the international stage and things won't change in Brazil even if they draft in the better Ukraine players into their squad.The one joy will be hearing their heart stirring national anthem three times...
South Korea) Had their moment in the sun when they co-hosted with Japan in 2002 reaching the semi finals backed by a fervent crowd and some helpful decisions.That won't be happening here.Hard to dislike---unless you're in North Korea,in which case i doubt you're reading this.
Whoever your team is have a wonderful world cup...
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