28 Days later...a month in Germany.

Breakfast completed.The usual fare which I like but let’s be honest nothing holds a candle to a full on heart attack on a plate English fry up...mind you their multi juice was bloody lovely and I downed three before they managed to prise me away from the machine...

Back in my room now waiting for the rain to stop and my camera battery to recharge.Even though we all have super phone cameras these days I still  like the idea of using an actual camera(although only a digital one.I‘m not quite at the box brownie stage of nostalgia yet)  

I don‘t mind the rain either but don‘t want to start the day soaking wet.On these trips I have travelled light through nessessity and don’t even bring a coat cos‘ it‘s not gonna be cold and when it does start raining there’s always a handy bar to nip into for several drinks...anyway it‘s stopped now so gonna go explore Cologne Alt Stadt a Little and as it’s Sunday it actually will be like 28 Days Later...

My bar bill last night for five beers was eight Euros which is pretty damn good I think.Will have to find it again so I can have good cheap beer whilst the landlady whithers me with a look...

Made it into Cologne city centre....it’s a cliche that Germany closes on a Sunday but the place isn’t on total shutdown.True all of the major shops are closed but drift down to the mainline station and it’s teeming and as many of them are just shopping malls with a few train platforms added on(more so here than in Britain) then the Sunday shut down here is clearly not total.I for one hope they keep it so but may feel differently if I lived over here.

As I was having a smoke outside the hotel a chap came out.I said something to him and clearly thinking I was a local he said „“you’re English is flawless“. Ha i can assure you it’s not as Jacob Rees Mogg would no doubt testify.He also then said I talk too loud.Which to be fair is true...gotta love the Germans and their brutal honesty!

Not sure if it’s a Cologne thing or a German thing but hire electric Shoreditchtwat scooters are definitely a thing here.I‘ll find out more when I visit other cities.I bet Berlin has them...having a midday bevvy down by the River Rhine which is as good as it can be really.

By the way I have changed my keyboard to Deutsh and they tend to capitalise oddly(in our eyes) so if you see something weird like that then that’s the reason.I have done it cos I may need to spell a German word with umlauts in and who doesn’t love them sexy umlauts? Incidentally why is‘nt Umlauts spelt ümläüts?

Laters Alligators.

28 days later...a month in Germany.

Right i‘m going full on self indulgent and ramping up the onanistic self worth to a Spinal Tapian eleven by doing a blog every day from my month dossing around Germany...  

Bastard of a journey...train late leaving Kings X which meant I missed my connection to Cologne so had to spend two hours in Brussels station( lots of mean looking army fellas around with guns,big fuck off guns) waiting for the Cologne train and fighting for an unreserved seat.Yea I got one...had a good chat with a Spanish woman living in Hamburg so y‘know,alles gut.

Then bugger me they decided to kick us all off at Düren to get on a train in which all the passengers got off to get onto the one we‘d just vacated...I don’t understand Deutsher that much but a good old moan is the same in any language...

I was feeling delicate by this stage...i‘d started the day on a Shoreditch Bus at 5-30am surrounded by sexy goth chicks throwing shapes to imaginary Emo tunes in their heads and it looked like I was going to end it listening to people whining in a language i barely understand...by the way i‘m fluent in emo.

Fuck it though.Got to Cologne.Managed to find the hotel eventually.Showered and got out to find some of the Reissdorf Kölsch.,,

So that‘s my first day in Deutschland and it seems fitting that Boney M have just come on the juke box..,

Laters bitches.

FA CUP Semi-Final; Not all unicorns & rainbows...

For a while it was.For a while we were all thinking "Christ we're going to do it!" and " I'll probably have to sell a kidney to get a final ticket.You can survive on one kidney right?"  But it was'nt to be,and our kidneys also took a bit of a battering by the end of the day...

I suppose i should have known really.We'd arranged to meet up in a West Hampstead pub which we'd been assured would open at 10am...it did'nt open till 11am.If i were a believer in portends i would have ripped up my ticket and fucked off home there and then.However i pride myself on being a man of both science and Camden Hell's Lager so decided to stick it out...the vibe in the pub was weird.I'd say it was 95% Watford fans with a smattering of Wolves but it was very quiet.Us lot normally spend pre match talking bollocks but even that was missing.The nerves were kicking in.The Watford fans raised a sing song once but that quickly died in the throat.The whole place had a nothing-to-play-for-game-v Scunthorpe feel about it.Note to self; Next time---and there will be lots of next time's in the not too distant future---i will spend my pre match boozing in a designated Wolves pub.

I don't really like Wembley that much but that walk up Wembley Way is sort of iconic and i have to admit it was pretty awe inspiring seeing thousands of my fellow Wolves fans marching that well trodden path.We were up in the cheap seats close to the clouds.It's a long way up and woe betide anyone who suffers from vertigo up there...we did our bit by holding up our cue cards,or cue plastic bags,in the pre-ordained fans mosaic thingy.I had a black one which means i was part of a wolfs head but don't ask me which part.After the Man Utd debacle from a few weeks ago it was a surprise how well that went especially as there'd been enough booze consumed by many fans to alarm even Brendan Behan...

If i were a neutral i would have loved the game.End to end,one team two nil up but getting pegged back and ultimately losing...but i ain't neutral.It's true i was loving the game for about 78 minutes then Watford pulled one back and we seemed to lose all faith in our ability to see out the game.I don't think we did much wrong really.We'd put so much into the match that we were just knackered by the end.Poor Jimenez & Jota were blowing out of their arses late in the second half so our ability to hold on  to the ball in Watford's half when we most needed it was non existent...

Even so we were only a few seconds from actually reaching the final but then...argggh i can still fucking see it.I don't want to but it's embossed on my retinas.Say what you like about Troy Deeney(and many have including most of Mexico) but he has street smarts and everyone just knew he'd get a penalty at the end...bastard.

After that it was no surprise they went on to win in extra time.We were shot to pieces.Even so we nearly grabbed an equaliser at the end of the game but it was'nt to be...It's fucking horrible hearing the opponents fans celebrating a win against you.It's ten times worse in an FA cup semi-final.

Looking at Twitter post match and for a few days later has actually helped with the grief(is that too strong a word? Possibly) The vast majority are praising the squad for their superb season and saying how proud they are of the club...I think we all know that under Fosun this is just the start of many days like this...i expect to see my team in an FA Cup final sometime soon to exorcise the ghosts of the five losing semi's i have seen...

So it was'nt a day of unicorns & rainbows.But one day soon it could be...

Foxy Wolves outfox Foxes...

Blimey not done one of these buggers for a while.After bumping into a well known Wolves author & blogger at Molineux's half time smoke & cough area(rapidly expanding i might add) it occurred to me i'd neglected my own blog page for a while...

Euston station at anytime is bleak but on a grey cold winters morning it's bleaker than a Bleak House adaptation for Albanian regional tv...the one consolation is there's a train that takes us London Wolves fans up to the midlands.For over a year now we also get an escort from a member of staff to our train twenty minutes earlier than the other hoi polloi.I feel like a rock star getting the velvet rope treatment,though not in the same way as that fella out of INXS...so yea we get on early in a futile attempt to sort out our seating arrangements before the herd arrive.Naturally when they pile on we're still scrabbling around being pathetic...

Personally i don't mind early kick offs...still have to get the train to a home game and as i live close to Euston and get up at old man early o'clock anyway it does'nt really impinge...Wolves pubs were reassuringly busy at 10-30am when we pitched up.I'm all for helping out the local economy and we prefer being in a pub talking bollocks than standing around on a cold Molineux concourse talking bollocks.Maybe that'll all change when the stadium is upgraded and we get better facilities.I'm looking forward to the Bovril & Pork Scratching emporium...

I was'nt expecting much from this game to be honest.My thinking was that two counter attacking teams would cancel each other out which would result in a borefest of Piers Morgan proportions.Everyone knows how we play.We don't really change our way of playing or our attacking intent.Sometimes it pays off and sometimes it does'nt.What caught many by surprise was Leicester seemed to forgo anything meaningful in midfield.Obviously they need to employ the Leeds spy(or watch the tv) cos' our struggles at home have been from teams flooding midfield and negating Neves & Mountinho...As Claude Puel is close to the sack i can only think he went all in holding a pair of twos...cos' he left the two Portuguese maestros alone to basically do what they want,and what they wanted was Jimenez and a resurgent Jota running Wes Morgan and co into the ground ahead of them whilst they pinged passes hither,thither and,indeed,yonder...

So ten minutes gone and Wolves are two nil up.The first from Jota who decided nobody in the Leicester back line could be arsed getting in the way of Mountinho's fantastic cross so may aswell dink it in the net.Bennett got the second from a Mountinho corner with probably the easiest header you'll ever see.No doubt the Leicester defenders were still looking for the cross to the first goal...that's that then.Game over.

Ah well,don't count your chickens etc...i missed their first goal after half time.I was still doing up my flies.Oddly when i came up into the stands Wolves were about to kick off so naturally i assumed the half was starting until told otherwise...then they only went and did it again the bastards.They were really fighting for their boss,probably cos' if he got the sack they knew Roy Keane was still on the lookout for a job...

But when you leave Neves  alone to do what Neves can do then invariably Neves does what Neves can do...a raking 60 yard ball into the path of the little wolf Jota.With Morgan trailing in his wake, like a forty cigs a day man running for the bus, Jota took the ball on his chest and slammed  it past the keeper.That's that then.Made it hard for ourselves but game over...oh fuck off Wes Morgan.He may have the mobility of disabled tortoise but knock up a ball in the box for him to get his nogging on then he can still do it...3-3 with minutes left.

The Premiership teams don't bother with finding out what's happened in the lower leagues but we do at Wolves cos' we've lived it and last season we were the fittest team in the Championship by far.Not only popping up with last minute winners but defending last minute onslaughts too.We ain't changed.We're still the fittest team in the country and we still battle till the end...You leave Neves alone once to weave his magic that's probably unfortunate.Leave him alone twice and that's criminal.Sure enough Leicester had'nt learned any lessons and Neves produced a wonderous pass out to Jimenez out on the wing.Another 60 yarder which dissected two defenders straight into the path of the Mexican who did'nt break stride and put it on a plate for Jota who,remarkably,was unmarked in the box...cue mayhem.

We have scored three injury time goals this season,all of them winners...we can run teams into the ground.When they're knackered from chasing shadows our lads are still going...i can't believe Duracell have'nt wanted to be part of the Wolves gravy train yet.It's the same bloody colours too!

Anyway 4-3 .A master class from Neves & Mountinho.A hat-trick from Diogo(not Diego) Jota and Nuno getting sent off even though none of us were aware of it till we got to the pub...oh yea and a 94th minute winner...happy days.

Nail bar! Nail bar! I wanna take you to a nail bar!

...ok I don’t but walking around my temporary area of residence in Düsseldorf the bastardised version of that song sprang into my noggin and besides my nails are in perfect condition,cuticles an’ all ...There’s loads,maybe eight or ten within a five minute walk.Back home in London many of those nail bars are a front for human trafficking and modern slavery with poor,young vulnerable Vietnamese women the victims.I hope that’s not the case here but fear it might be...

Being a part time Anthropologist(well ok I know a few people and even like one or two of them) I was excited to learn that Neanderthal is only about Ten miles out of  Dusseldorf .It had never really occurred to me that they were named after a placed for some reason...anyway it’s a pleasant enough village but like it’s namesake it’s a bit dead...maybe they should rename it Neanderthal Parkway...incidentally Düsseldorfians( huh?) seem to be an attractive lot so don’t know if any of those Neanderthal chromosomes passed down through the generations or not,after all there was some evidence of cross breeding.If so maybe they weren’t as ugly & stupid as we’ve painted them...

Today I went across to Wuppertal (a name that just rolls off the tongue) It looks an interesting town and I may well spend some time there in the future.The real reason for going was to ride The Kaiserwagen.A suspended mono rail that goes through the town centre.I’d seen it on YouTube and was intrigued.It looks like something Fritz Lang would put in his film Metropolis.As this was built before the film maybe he was inspired by this very thing.The whole thing is weird,it looks wonderful and the ride is surprisingly smooth especially when it gently sways likea hammock in the breeze...if you’re ever around take a trip.Only 20 mins out of Dusseldorf.It’s good fun plus a little bit of history...

Anyway Boys & Girls this is my last full day in Germany and it’s back to London tomorrow on the Eurostar train out of Cologne(via Brussels of course.Why they can’t do a direct service I don’t know) As I popped out to Netto to grab some breakfast there was a young girl shooting up in the hotel doorway.A little reminder that no matter how stable & prosperous a country is there are always some that slip through the cracks and have their own demons to exorcise...I spoke to her a bit & gave her the few Euros I had on me.I hope she’s ok...

Well it’s been a cracking month.Met some great people and been to some fantastic places.Learnt a few more things about this great country and also about myself.Especially Don’t be afraid to make a complete chump of myself with the language.I also learned that German wasps (Wespen) are no different to British ones.Absolute bastards...

Anyway see you all on the other side of the tunnel and as they rather oddly say over here.Ciao.

I hate Germany*

*I don’t really of course.I love the place and that’s the problem...I look around me tonight,a monday night remember, and all the bars and cafe bars are packed.The streets are full of people doing people things...so what’s wrong with this? Nothing at all but it makes me think what my country has become in a lot of ways.Take London’s tourist & trendy quarters out of the equation and there’d be nothing happening tonight.The bars would have three locals in staring into their pints and a bored barman trawling twitter and the restaurants would be putting the chairs on the tables hoping that one couple trying to reconcile their marriage would fuck off soon so they can all get an early night...this is probably being replicated everywhere in the country as I write this...

Now of course I’m in Düsseldorf,a well off city in a well off country but the restaurant I’m in is situated between two main roads going out towards the suburbs miles away from the hubbub of the lively Altstadt yet it’s packed and that’s probably being replicated everywhere in this country too...there’s things going on here which just aren’t in Britain and that saddens me...

I’m immensely proud of my hometown Wolverhampton.It was never gonna be the centre of the universe but when I was living there until 1981 there was always something going on,the pubs were usually busy most nights and the streets were full of shoppers during the day.Whenever I go back now it’s empty apart from when there’s a football match on( thank god for Wolves!) It was a weird place full of fantastical local characters but all that seems to have died now.The shops are boarded up and the streets are generally empty aside from Matchdays...even though I don’t live there I want it to go back to what it was, not some empty shell of a place where a lot of people have no hope of improvement in their city.Cos’ the people of Wolverhampton don’t deserve what’s happening to them.They’re hard working,creative and blisteringly funny.I never laugh as much as when I’m with Wulfrunians...caustic,nasty,sarcastic,tough as old boots Wolves humour...

That death rattle is happening to every small/medium sized town/city in the UK but as far as I can tell not here in Germany.There must be a reason for this.I’m sure Germany has the same social problems we do...Maybe it’s just down to a simple fact that their people haven’t been fucked over by self serving shithouse politictions at gov’t & local level for forty years and actually have the good of who they represent at heart and act accordingly..,

Sorry about this blog I felt pissed off seeing what Germany is and comparing it to what we could be...it’s makes me angry.But not at Germany.At my own country...

Düsseldorf; It’s a bit rich...

I don’t mean that title in a disparaging way and it’s certainly not a slight on Düsseldorf.Nothing wrong with being rich if it’s earned and to say otherwise is childish & churlish...the city looks expensive.The sort of exspensive that doesn’t need to display prices in shop windows...on a monday afternoon the street cafes are rammed with well heeled,well tanned ladies of a certain age who all smell fantastic.Walking past is like walking through Beatties perfume counters with the sense of smell of a jungle cat.There are Shops round the Back of Altstadt that Probably only sell one item a week but that keeps em’ going.So yea there’s money here and even the scruffiest appears well turned out...even the place where I’m staying by the hbf is relatively well appointed whereas those areas are usually the pits of most places...

Düsseldorf  Altstadt is the touristy spot.Not sure they get too many mind but even so it’s the place to go.Plenty of Bars many selling the local pride and joy Alt Bier.I suppose an expert on beers would be able to describe the taste in adequate words.To me its like a sharp strong dark lager that’s only served in half pint glasses,not because they think it’s too strong but because it’s easier to serve and you don’t wait so long to get one...don’t be a dick and ask for a pint cos’ you’ll be met with very short shrift.

I always find it surprising which immigrants find themselves to which particular city,like the Italians in the West of Scotland for instance.Here it seems to be South East Asians.I’m guessing South Korean for the want of more info.For what it’s worth my conjecture is that a lot have settled here after initial family members set up in Hamburg and began a mini migration further south later on...

Düsseldorf stands out for me from other German cities I’ve visited: Lack of graffiti and lack of cyclists.Maybe that’s the link.All cyclist are also all the graffiti artists.Graffitsts if you will...

I have been lucky on this trip to rock up at some decent guest houses.Nothing spectacular of course as all I want is somewhere to shower in the morning and sleep at night but all fine in their own way and  for a month paying through the nose I definitely could‘nt go to the luxury end of the market but all places have been a solid 3/4 out of 5 with no shit from any of the owners.This one In Düsseldorf is probably the best yet despite being on the 4th floor(stairs!) it’s a good last week of a great month...and now I have to start saving again.Hopefully we‘ll still have freedom of movement around Europe for a while yet although looking at the clowns in charge of our Brexit negotiations anything can happen...oh bit of politics to finish there!

Got five days left here so until the next blog cherubs it‘s au revoir...