60 Days in Europe…#7 Koblenz…

What I thought was gonna be a bog standard journey from Wuppertal to Koblenz was anything but….my route would have been Wuppertal—Bonn—Koblenz and essentially it was but instead of 90 minutes the trip was more like 360 minutes with both trains being badly late along with a slow drift towards their destinations…German’s often complain about their train service and in this case it was justified.There were a lot of apologies announcing at Cologne station yesterday.A station I should’nt even have been at but owing to the way the day was going I found myself there…ah well at least German inter city trains are better than ours…

Getting into Koblenz station Google maps showed me I was with  in walking distance of my lodgings,it’s not a hotel but a room in a house( sort of,not quite Airbnb either) I took a wrong turn of course and walked for a fair while but found the place eventually and there’s nothing here apart from other houses! No shops immediately close or bars or even bus stops.Whereas everything in Wuppertal was close at hand here I am in a virtual desert.I had this last year in Freiburg and found I was closer to things than I thought so all is not lost yet…it’s a long walk into the city centre though.

I had been emailed how to access the keys etc earlier in the day.It was all in German but I could pick out the main gist of the message so all was good.On getting there got the keys ok out of the key press and followed the instructions as best I could before ending up at the top of the block in front of an unmarked door…ah shit.My British reluctance to cause a scene meant I didn’t try the door of course and went back to the ground floor to see if I had missed something…

Luckily I bumped into a young woman who was leaving so I asked her if she could help( never be too macho to ask in these circumstances) and the unmarked door was correct all along…one more thing,and I’m not proud of this,the woman in question had clearly been in the wars and had a massive plaster/bandage affair on her ear and all the time she was talking my eyes drifted towards that area and she caught me a few times too.So not only did I hold up her day asking a lot of impertinent questions but I also drew attention to possibly one thing she was self conscious about…

Walked into town and found a place by the Hauptbahnhof for a few beers,Tried to suss out local bus routes to my area but there didn’t seem to be any,which is odd as it’s an area with lots of houses & small factories.There’s a possibility I was looking in the wrong area all together and there’s plenty around here…

Sitting outside the hbf having a beer my first impression was Koblenz is more relaxed than Wuppertal.The Wuppertal folk whilst nice enough did seem to be weighted down by the daily grind & drudgery of it all whereas Koblenz folk seem lighter on the feet…

Looking online I noticed a bar close to where I was staying(5 minutes walk) called the Germania Ecke and decided to take a taxi..a taxi to the pub? How decadent! And it’s cool and friendly and you can smoke there…the taxi driver and I had a good talk which wasn’t just “ been busy?” “ what time do you finish?” He told me the correct way to pronounce Germania with a hard “G” Anyway I have found my local with the resident scary ass German landlady.Trust me they’re a thing… 

Anyway the sky is clear so it looks like shorts weather and as it’s not rained for a bit the Rhine might have calmed down a bit.It was very full yesterday and flooded in a few places upstream…

Time for a shower then exploring…

Laters alligators…

60 Days in Europe…#6 Wuppertal—Koblenz

Off to Koblenz later which is about halfway down the glorious Rhine Gorge.Never been there before only through it.As it’s only a 90 minute ride from here and there’s loads of trains to choose from I’m taking my time today…

Because of the nature of the Interrail ticket I’m using I will be staying in certain places longer than is really necessary.For instance six days in Wuppertal is needlessly long,six days is fine for Paris,Berlin or anywhere sizeable but not really for smaller cities.Saying that it’s a fine place with the one main attraction which I have banged on about a fair bit…as I said in an earlier blog I have a high boredom threshold so it’s not really that much of an issue and Wuppertal is good.It’s friendly without being cloying about it.A German trait I’ve found everywhere in the country.They don’t feel the need to pander to the whims of the tourist and more power to them I say…

I very nearly got (wrongly) done for fare evasion last night too.Inspectors got on the Schwebebahn and I had bought a 24 hour ticket on my phone but couldn’t find it,panicked as they approached me and bought another but they saw what I was doing and were debating whether to charge me or not.I explained and one took my phone and pressed the correct button saying I had just over an hour left of my original ticket…stupid old English person confounded by technology.At least I have my ticket for today albeit a bit overpriced!

They did cart off a fella sitting by me though.No messing about,frogmarched off at the next stop and slapped with a €60 fine…don’t fare evade people.

Funny how quickly the outstanding becomes mundane is’nt it? The Schwebebahn is,by any stretch of the imagination an amazing feat of engineering and also looks damned cool and yet after a short few days of using it I don’t even look out of the window…same with Eurostar,entering the tunnel under the English Channel is now more of a “meh” instead of a “ bloody hell wow!” Humans are weird…

Not sure the cold I complained about getting a few days ago is actually a cold.It might be mild hay fever.I have never suffered from it before but the last few years have gotten more sneezy as the summer approaches…and today looks like the brightest one of the trip so far and as I’m moving down south maybe soon I can give the cotton buds I call my legs an airing…

Bought a packet of smokes yesterday and got a free lighter.This wasn’t some promotional device in an upbeat shop with music blaring but a bog standard kiosk on the edge of town(was literally at the last stop of The Schwebebahn) to be fair it was nothing fancy,looks like those the junkies flogged at ten for a quid in Wolves town centre that blow your hand off on first using…hey it was free so winning…

Said goodbye to my local last night.There were tears,hugs,backslaps,phone numbers exchanged etc…nah sorry to break the romance but it was me saying to the landlord “ well this is my last time here,been nice knowing you,I’m off tomorrow “ the reply was basically “ oh ok…goodbye “ it was emotional…

Gonna find a cafe and down a few Americanos before making my way down to the Disneyesque Rhine Gorge to where the Rhine meets the Mosel.It’s wine country down there so I could be going all sophisticated for a while…

Laters alligators…

60 Days in Europe…#5 Wuppertal.

Got to Dortmund.Was only there a couple of hours but seems an ok place.Fairly big & modern( it suffered a lot during the war ) Naturally it’s a lot more centralised than Wuppertal,which has about five centres,so easier to navigate…in the end I bought a physical ticket and it was cheaper than any I saw on my phone apps…

Funnily enough despite the size of Wuppertal their railway station is relatively small so I had to go to the information desk to ask where to get a ticket and got pointed to the Relay shop,which is a stationery/snack shop type affair,to get it.All very village post office… 

It was in these two exchanges i met the two German responses to the question „“sprechen Sie Englisch?“ The first is the humble brag „“ Only a little“ before reeling off a stunning soliloquy worthy of the bard himself.These are usually older people.The other is the dead eyed stare coupled with a „“ Of course“ not only that but there‘s probably a follow up of „“ I can also do regional accents if you want or we could do French,Spanish,Dutch,Italian,Polish or Russian.I‘m also dabbling in Cantonese but I must apologise as I am a bit rusty“ these are normally younger German‘s serving you in a shop as you point at an item to buy…German education appears to be slightly better than ours but then ours does seem to be just Tik Toks…

I digress…so Dortmund seems cool what I saw of it.They‘re beginning to gear up for the Euro‘s as the city,being a huge football area,is playing a big part.Indeed this part of Germany is heavily involved especially as it has a high proportion of high standard stadiums…I also got bitten by a sharp bit of humour.Got  to a small bar with no indication of which beer was which on the taps.When asked what I wanted I pointed to a fella‘s beer saying „“was ist das“ „“Das“ the barmaid paused for comic effect „“ ist ein Bier“ the few people at the bar all pissed themselves and in truth I did too but that might just be the old age and diabetes…

Toodled about in central Wuppertal when I got back then visited my local and got distinct „“Cheers“ vibes.The bar is just a single room,I have never seen more than maybe ten people in there,all about my age.As I walked in I needed a piss but got a „“Hallo“ from all in there then coming back a beer was waiting for me at the seat I have been regularly using with a Bier mark on the bier mat…nobody called me „“Norm“ though.Infact thinking about it nobody has really spoken to me in four days,no names exchanged,no awkward small talk shared.They know I’m English and that’s it…not one person has attempted to get to know me and yet it’s really friendly in a way I can‘t explain..The friendliest unfriendliest bar in the world…

Today is my last day in Wuppertal then I’m off down the Rhine Gorge to stay in Koblenz for a good few days.It’s only a short train journey tomorrow so there’s no real rush.Plenty of trains… I find as I am getting better at finding my hotel in various places( I rarely take taxis)I am not in a rush also checking in isn’t till mid afternoon usually…anyway that’s tomorrow and today it’s grey & rainy so it’s a case of having a good mooch around the place…

Laters alligators..,

60 Days in Europe…#4 Wuppertal

I think I’m getting a cold,which is a bit of a bugger.It should be against the law to fall ill when you’re on holiday or travelling or whatever the hell this is…

Something was bugging me about Wuppertal that I couldn’t put my finger on for a couple of days then I realised I hadn’t been angrily admonished for idling in the bike lane.Not because I am more aware of my surroundings but because there aren’t any,or any cyclists.At least not many.This is most unusual,every other German city I have been to has been wall to wall cyclists but not here.No idea why…

Had a mooch around yesterday riding the Schwebebahn and checking out various stops.Stopped at Vowinkle naturally but there’s not a lot there…it’s the end of the line and decided to go the whole stretch of The Schwebebahn to the other end where the most exciting thing that happened was the waitress forgot about me and I was left sitting there for half hour waiting for my Americano…was gonna storm off all indignant like but thought about what an empty gesture that would be as she couldn’t even remember I was there in the first place.Anyway she remembered my existence eventually and was very apologetic & sweet.No harm done…I also dropped off at the local football club,one stop up from my stop,it’s a nice little ground and I managed to grab some pics.Apparently it’s being used by the Slovenia squad for Euro training…

Think I’ll go to Dortmund today.It’s about fifty minutes on the train and apart from the football club I know little about the place.As it’s in the Ruhr Valley I’m guessing it’s a very industrial working class city like most of them are around this area…I thought I would use my DB( Deutsche Bahn) App but the trouble is I haven’t used it for about five years so obviously I’ve forgotten my password and DB seems to have forgotten my email address so we’re in the classic Mexican standoff.How will it ever resolve itself? Well I deleted the app.No point keeping it…then I tried Trainline,again not used it for years,it worked but it’s cheapest tickets were too expensive.Next I tried Omio,which I have never used and their cheapest tickets were dearer than Trainline…

Finally managed to download an app that looked promising,did all the stuff and was just about to purchase when I noticed there was no QR code,the only option was print at home.MUTHAFLIPPER…looks like might be going old school by buying a ticket off a bored teller scratching his arse for fun…

Not sure if were going to get any sun at all,not had any yet this trip.It’s been as grey as a Battleship Grey painted cruiser…

Laters alligators…

60 Days in Europe…#3 Wuppertal

If Wuppertal was a footballer it would be Peter Crouch.Long and narrow with a surprisingly good first touch…

The city looks something like Fritz Lang would dream up with it’s high sides covered in greenery and six story blocks of houses whilst the valley floor also has plenty of housing blocks,huge factories & of course the river Wupper…topped off with the magnificent Schwebebahn…

There doesn’t appear to be anywhere to expand for the city.I imagine regulations prohibit much expansion length ways and the hills constrict any sideways drift,like a huge corset only probably more comfortable…the city doesn’t appear overly big yet has a population of over 350,000 and yet apart from the upside down mono rail not many people outside Germany have heard of it…I doubt they are bothered by such things as the place is resolutely working class being a producer of textiles,plastics,metals & drugs.I spoke about the huge Bayer factory and there are other factories dotted about the city…in other cities their factories are usually hidden in some god forsaken industrial park away from prying eyes like some unsightly son stuck in the attic.Luckily for me lack of space means these glorious factories are on full show…like all industrial hubs the local population is quite diverse.

The river Wupper is a pretty unremarkable river.Not very big,not very deep,but it does have one thing no other river has and that’s a hanging monorail straddling it’s entire length of the city and it looks magnificent…it was opened in 1901 so is over 120 years old and it has that look of Victorian confidence too.I think if it was a modern system it wouldn’t attract the attention it does…running the entire length of the city,about eight and half miles it sticks to the middle of the river,only breaking away to follow roads at Sonnborner Straße ( where I am staying) 

For those that want to visit & ride The Schwebebahn here are a few things I have noticed.The one sweet spot,prime real estate if you will is the rear of the train.Everyone is wanting that sexy instagram money shot and this is where jumble sale elbows come in handy,it’s easy to yeat the nippers out the way but the parents are more problematic.Don’t try to sit next to the driver they don’t like it…

Whilst the rest of windows offer good views they don’t really offer much by way of photo ops…the seats are not comfortable at all.I think this is deliberate to put off certain people travelling on it all day.Remember it’s a working city and The Schwebebahn is first & foremost a commuter service.People need to get around and they don’t need trainspotters clogging up their route…Wuppertal doesn’t appear to rely on tourist money so doesn’t bother catering for them.Whatever is bought in is just pin money.To be honest a lot of tourism here is half day stuff.Get off the Hbf and Schwebebahn is right there,ride that for a bit,have a bite to eat & a drink then bugger off…still if you’re in the area it’s worth going on it.As it’s only one line getting lost isn’t a problem.There’s only two ways you can go…

Anyway I’m off to grab a coffee and see what the day brings…

Laters alligators…

60 days in Europe…Wuppertal day #2

Sunday in Germany and regular readers will know what that means.Nothing,nada,zilch….sort of.Was pondering where to go for coffee when leaving the hotel and saw a few people going into a building with automatic sliding doors which can only mean a commercial environment so I followed and sure enough I have my local cafe.It’s clearly the local hotspot too…

Journey from London was fine,luckily only spent 15 minutes in Brussels so time for a smoke then the Cologne train.That was packed but got a seat no problem.My Interrail ticket wouldn’t work when the guard came round.I think the WiFi was playing up but remembered I had a printed QR code for this part of the trip.This has happened a couple of times to me but the guards know the crack and are pretty chilled about it so no problem…Cologne to Wuppertal is a short trip so there are plenty of trains and I wanted a Currywurst from the kiosk at the back of The Hauptbahnhof but it’s gone,buggered off,disappeared.This was by far the worst part of the trip! There’s a Maccy D’s next to it but I couldn’t be arsed…

Walked into a small pro Palestine protest outside Wuppertal station.Think they were just setting up as it was very quiet.Was gonna hang around but wanted to find the hotel.Had a good idea where it was but as good as Google maps can be it’s not always 100%.However in this case all was good…a nice ride in the upside down train which does swing a fair bit and is cheaper than any Disney ride…my stop is one up from the zoo & Football Stadium,a heady mix but probably more exciting is the huge,and I’m talking behemoth here,Bayer factory that not only strides both sides of the river but also takes in three metro stops.It’s beautiful…again those that know me know I love a factory,open or closed…

When you check in to a hotel and the first thing said is “Ah there’s a problem “ you fear the worst.Turned out the en suite room I booked wasn’t available so had to share a bathroom with one more resident.I don’t mind sharing with one person really…anyway he gave me €90 in cash so I’m probably up on the deal…

I don’t know if good luck snowballs to other people but about ten minutes after getting this windfall I was in the local shop standing behind a girl of maybe 12yrs old clearly shopping for her mom,as she pulled out her money a note dropped out that she didn’t notice so I tapped her on the shoulder and it was €50! Luckily I saved her some big explanations…

Popped into town where I was approached by a happy smiley attractive woman with a Manic Pixie Dreamgirl haircut.I had no idea what she was talking about and didn’t bother to speak,just smiled & nodded as she stroked my arm.I think it was some recruitment device into a religious sex cult or something…I can empty my own bank account without needing to drink the Koolaid thank you…I have learnt to steer clear of crazy and doubly so with crazy & hot…

Laters alligators…

60 days in Europe…#1 London to Wuppertal

Checking the tickets last night I couldn’t find the printed QR code to get me past the initial Eurostar gate.I don’t have a printer but kept all the relevant paperwork & email confirmation so after a five minute panic accompanied by lots of swearing of the “ you fucking idiot” type I figured I could sort it out at St Pancras today and sure enough within a minute I had my ticket printed off…all in all I would say it took no more than ten minutes getting through bag checks & passport control.Took nearly as long to rehook my belt in my jeans.Fair play to Eurostar.When it goes wrong it’s a nightmare but more often they get it right and it’s a breeze…

Did all the necessary things before leaving the flat for two months.Ate all the perishables I had,made sure the rubbish bin was chucked out & liberally poured strong bleach down any holes that usually take liquid,I even bought three glade,the type that smell like your grandma’s secret draw,y’know the one with ten year old boiled sweets in it…

My journey today is London-Brussels-Cologne-Wuppertal.Probably about five hours all told.Done the Eurostar to Cologne a few times and it’s fine except there’s always a change at Brussels Midi which unfortunately is probably my least favourite station in Europe.I don’t know why but there you go…looking forward to finding out what the score is in Wuppertal.I know it’s famous for that hanging monorail  which basically traverses the whole city,it follows the path of the river and the city itself is very long & thin.If it was in Italy it would probably be nicknamed Spaghettiville or something but it’s not so it isn’t…

Wuppertal is also the birthplace of Friedrich Engels and,I swear I’m not making this up,Gyles Brandreth.Not two names I would ever utter together usually.I’m sure Freddy had a fine collection of unfunny comedy jumpers too…

I’m guessing there will be an influx of Borussia Dortmund fans coming in the opposite direction to me from Cologne for tonight’s European Cup final in London.No doubt them and the Real Madrid fans will head for central London where there’s also an enormous attempted grift by EDL frontman Tommy “ I’m a journalist me” Robinson and his knuckle dragging acolytes.I predict it to kick off about 11am after the Stella & Charlie takes hold of our brave little soldiers…there will also be lots of kettling later on.What a shame I’m missing that! 

Laters alligators…