28 Days later...a month in Germany day 30

It’s my final full day in Germany and i‘m going to my first Bundesliga game...I have been to three Bundesliga 2 games before and apart from the quality on the pitch I don’t expect this to be any different.

Previously i‘ve been to a couple of Union Berlin matches but my first introduction to German Fußball was about nine years ago when myself and a group of friends(hi all!) went to Fortuna Düsseldorf v Duisburg.A feisty local derby and it didn’t disappoint... I expect today’s game to be pretty much the same especially as Bayer Leverkusen is only up the road too. By all accounts they’re favourites to win this one with the barman in the boozer telling me he‘d happily take a draw.

The ticket cost €31 which is a pretty standard price but that does include the cost of the tram fare to & from the ground.It‘s not that far out of the city but you wouldn’t want to walk it...the good thing about German grounds is they’re well appointed with bars & food stalls and their security is tighter than in the UK—but they still manage to get flares in and it’s probably best not to ask how—-that it pays to get in early.I imagine the Leverkusen fans will be in big numbers and will no doubt get an escort from the hbf...last time the 7k Duisburg Fans happily went about ripping up seats in the Düsseldorf ground,the police didn’t get stuck in but I think they got their‘s from the police later on.Like I said a feisty affair...

There‘s already some fans gathering in Schumacher‘s Alt bar over the road from my favourite coffee spot.Proving that football fans are the same the world over...we all need about six hours drinking before a game! I may pop over later but as neither are my team I don’t need to put a full days bevvying in.I‘m that most reviled of modern phenomenon today.The dreaded football tourist...something we‘re gonna have to get used to at Wolves in the future.

German fans love their scarves.They all seem to wear them but it’s now 11am and already 25c and by the time the game kicks off at 3-30 it‘ll be about 30c or maybe even hotter in the ground.That‘s too hot for a scarf even worn round the wrist.It does lend itself to the incongruous sight of fans wearing shorts,sandals & a scarf round their neck though...the conclusion being that it’s too bloody hot for football.

Well made it to Schumachers Alt Bar...as well as plenty of Düsseldorf fans there‘s also Shalke & Bayern Munich( They’re playing each other at Schalke,again Just up the road) also getting the U-Bahn to the stadium not the tram...they‘ve changed the name too,used to be the Espirt Stadion,which i wish it was still cos‘ of Nuno.I know it’s stupid but that’s football fans for you!

The bar staff in here are gloriously obtuse.Maybe it’s because i‘m wearing a t-Shirt of a rival Alt Bier Company.They take it very seriously in This Part of the world...

As expected a large police presence at the Hauptbahnhof...and I have done something i‘ve not done since I was twelve and arrived at the ground two hours before kick off...with this weather I didn’t want to be on the last U-Bahn in from the city.Lots of opportunity to spot any full kit Wankers...to be honest from the outside it looks nothing like a football stadium.More like a bloody big conference centre but inside it does certainly.

Pint of good beer at €4-30 in a proper hard plastic glass and not those wobbly monstrosities we have put up with...Bratwurst at €3-30 and you know that’s gonna be good All with plenty of room on the concourse to fit a crowd of 45/50,000 .Oh and you can drink & smoke whilst watching the game...this is where German football knocks ours out of the ball park every time.Ever tried getting a drink in the South Bank? Terrible...i have also noticed a lot more woman at German games too.Although that could be my fevered imagination...mind you I have just been told off by security for Sitting on the steps leading to the concourse so fuck German football it’s the pits...

Well half time and it’s Fortuna 0 Bayer 3 and frankly that’s being kind to Düsseldorf.Bayer by far the better team and just need to see the game out now...no boos at halftime though so that’s good...saw my first VAR in action live ,Goal no goal ,goal...it kind of sucks.On a side note i‘m Sitting in the seats destroyed by Duisburg Fans nine years ago so at least they‘ve been replaced...the stadium does hold the noise in well.

The game ended 1-3 and was a lot closer than it should have been.Düsseldorf improved but Bayer always had enough to win.They have better players are clearly fitter and played better as a team.Usually enough to win most games...

The Düsseldorf fans stayed with their team though and didn’t give then any stick...even though it was loud at times I was surprised by how staid it was was considereing it was a derby game...I‘m also pretty sure I saw a disputed throw in VAR‘ed by the ref!

So it’s now half eight and this is my last post from Germany.Sorry this one‘s been so long.S‘pose I could‘ve just said „“German football‘s great“ and be done with it... anyhow I hope you‘ve all enjoyed reading these daily bulletins as much as i‘ve enjoyed writing them...I didn’t think i‘d be able to do a daily blog justice but it just proves what everyone already knows about me...I don’t half talk some shite...

PS I get asked a few times why I love Germany: I was just in a shop and tried to ask for what I wanted in German.Needless to say I have been on the sauce much of the day and obviously made a pigs ear of it.The fella says “I speak English just ask me what you want”. “ but I’m trying to do it in German “ “ yea i appreciate that but next time don’t try so hard...” some might think that rude but I think that’s beautiful honesty and i howled with laughter...that’s why I love Germany.It’s a no bullshit country which knows how to make cracking beer...

Guten nacht...

28 days later...a month in Germany day,er,29

“Thank god it’s Friday” is often a refrain heard but not from me today as it means I’m only a couple of days away from the end of my holiday—-by the time I publish this it’s gonna be one day—-all holidays must end of course otherwise they wouldn’t be holidays I suppose but nobody wants to return to the daily grind even though they have to to pay for more holidays...

It‘s another glorious day by the looks of it.Hot hot hot...a perfect day for bumming around down by the river and maybe a few bars if i‘m feeling adventurous.The lifestyle here certainly lends itself to arsing around all day.I‘m surprised they ever get anything done never mind be one of the world‘s industrial power houses...

I think the bank holiday stag parties are starting to arrive.There‘s a few groups of Brit lads dotted about in the riverside bars...Düsseldorf seems to have become a preferred destination in Germany along with Berlin,Hamburg & Munich.It‘s probably as sunny as Spain and i‘d say the beer‘s better too...will no doubt see loads of them bouncing around the Alt Stadt tonight.I bet a few have tickets for the game tomorrow aswell...

Mind you it’s not all sweetness & light.Just seen the latest cricket score...Jesus. However that’s offset by what Wolves are doing so Swings & roundabouts ‘an all that.

If you take London & South East out of the equation then the prices in Germany are probably on a par with the rest of the UK... beer prices are generally the same with a few exceptions.Even in the so called poorer east of the country they’re pretty similar to elsewhere.The food in the shops is a similar price and eating out seems to be too.Obviously there’s always little differences but also there’s good bargains to be had...smokes are a hell of a lot cheaper. I’d say if you’ve never been here then it’s an ideal place to come even for a short break.It’s clean,friendly,relatively cheap,efficient and the weather’s pretty reliable too.What’s not to like? Oh and the beer & food are pretty damn good too! (I think that’s enough hyperbole to satisfy the German tourist board)

If I had one gripe about Germany it’s their Wi-fi...man it’s patchy at best and it doesn’t half eat your data allowance up and of course whenever Brexit happens that’s a sure thing that’s gonna go awol...think we’ll get charged right royally for data useage...

Would I move here? Probably not especially as things are set to change drastically once Brexit happens.If I was thirty and had the chance then I wouldn’t hesitate but to be honest at my age and the way things are it would be foolish in the extreme.Besides being on holiday isn’t the same thing.I get to arse around all day being in great bars etc. Real life’s a bit different...anyway once I retire in a few years( or a few decades if the Tories get their way) I’ll be able to visit whenever I want or feel the need to get away from the UK...tell you what if I had moved I woul’nt work in a cafe bar.Jeez these men/women put in a shift even Mick McCarthy could only dream of...

As you can gather I quite like the country and will continue to come here as much as able.I still haven’t been to many places down south by the Alps yet or big city’s like Stuttgart or Frankfurt so there’s scope to see a lot more or do.I may limit the travelling now and spend nine/ten days in Berlin,Hamburg & Düsseldorf ( my three favourite German cities with Bremen running them close) each time. We’ll see...

Weird the last time I was in Düsseldorf I just couldn’t work out the geography of the Alt Stadt yet when I first came down here on Tuesday afternoon it all clicked into place.Basically I found Auberge‘s without a hitch whereas last time it was always guesswork...Ray Mears! Ray Mears! Can you hear me? Bear Gryles  your boys took a hell of a beating...

28 days later...a month in Germany day 28

Now you lot may be just about to have breakfast so i‘ll be delicate how I describe this but it‘ll be something that will trouble me for a while...just went into the toilet and somebody had left a mark in the bowl—-no problem,shit happens(boom boom)—-however it‘s at the front of the bowl and for the life of me I can’t work out how...were they perched on the very edge like a spurned lover on a cliff contemplating suicide or were they facing the cistern like a racing driver in the pits?  I can’t work it out and it will vex me all day,or possibly longer...

Even though I have spent a fair bit of time over here these last three years I still get confused about which way to look when crossing the road.I think it’s primarily because most roads have traffic lights and there’s no need to look because you know everyone will obey the rules,even,and get this,taxi drivers & cyclists.When someone does jaywalk it’s noticeable cos‘ it’s so rare...ok at times you feel like a bit of a chump waiting at a small crossing with nothing coming but that’s the price to pay.Many of the roads in city centres are three lanes each way and many of those souped up German cars go a fair lick...you think there‘s nothing around then suddenly a top of the range BMW or Porsche is whizzing past you...

Came back to the riverside bar I was in yesterday and as I walked in the waiter I hassled for a match ticket waved & started pouring a Weißbier for me...bloody hell they‘re good! He just came over for a chat about our respective teams etc and not for the first time this trip I was told „“You don’t sound English“ it‘s weird.Maybe i‘m picking up some German inflection or maybe it’s the Yamyam...what’s even weirder though is sitting in this wonderful location with all its tranquility & wealth listening to Marvin Gaye‘s Inner City Blues on the speakers...always gladdens the heart to see a waiter flirting with a table of women.Been there,done it...it’s all part of the game. 

Having a coffee this morning I did some calculations about the month  here. I didn’t bother with Interrail this year and probably won’t in the future.Instead I booked all the tickets online independently and apart from the return Eurostar ticket I have done about 950 miles around Germany on Deutschebahn at about £115.I did‘nt reserve seats which obviously would’ve ramped up the cost a wee bit but apart from standing between Berlin & Leipzig en route to Dresden there’s been no problems...the trains have all been very comfortable & punctual too.So basically i‘d say that was a bit of a bargain...the trains are a lot less cramped than British trains basically cos‘ their platforms are generally longer so they can put more carriages on and therefore more room for us punters...all in all i‘m pretty chuffed how it’s gone.

 

Fella working in the rock bar I go to—Notts Born Chelsea fan.Long story—-tried to get Wolves game on for me but could only get Frankfurt on.Ah well had to come back to hotel as can’t get a signal in there.Still one up so...yay.

Well as you’re probably aware by now Wolves had a fine 3-2 win at Torino.Getting good at this European football lark although no great surprise as that’s what the owners want and that’s why we’re buying top young European talent...

Goodnight.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 27

Düsseldorf is rich.There‘s no getting away from the fact.It‘s not immediately obvious as you get off the train.The Hauptbahnhof is small by German standards.Modest even, and the surrounding couple of streets are what you‘d expect by any mainline station.But start walking into the city and you notice little changes especially in the shops.All the big hitters of the fashion world are here including Primark for us proles, and many people walking around are obviously expensively dressed...I saw a pair of shoes in a shop window yesterday at €650 but knocked down from €850.So yea,there’s some serious money about...

Even the outdoor market is above what you’d normally expect...it‘s only small but half of stores are bars and the rest do pretty fancy food stuffs.There‘s certainly no shouty Cockneyesque geezers trying to flog a bunch of bananas dahling...but again it’s a friendly city with no airs & graces that I can see.I imagine the rest of Germany rips the piss out of Düsseldorfians mercilessly though...

I can tell i‘m getting close to the end of trip by the diminishing drugs I have...like many my age, lifestyle choices from both the past & present mean I have to take a plethora of pharmaceutical enhancements daily.Well i‘m almost done...and still here.

Think I may have cocked up the tv in my room.Messing about with the remote last night and it’s now stuck on something I can’t get rid of,and no it’s not porn,not very good with remotes and,yes,i have tried turning it off & on again...ah well no bugger whatches those things anyway.

The hotel‘s pretty much the same standard as all the rest apart from the one in Berlin which was a converted convent or something.Anyway i‘m a stones throw from the Hauptbahnhof.It‘s an odd area,a cross between Turkish & Korean but fine for all that.Admitingly you do get a lot of society‘s drop outs hanging about the station occasionally asking for money or a smoke but that happens all over the world...let’s be honest I went cheapish on the digs otherwise i‘d have no spending money and all they’re for is sleep & shower so as long as they’re secure & clean(which they have been) that’s all that matters...this one has an old fashioned lift where you have to physically close the door to use it to.So that’s cool...

Hearing a lot more Brits here than anywhere else on my trips.Still not a lot and at first it’s a strange choice for a holiday but it’s only four hours on the train from Kings X and Düsseldorf has a good reputation so maybe it’s not a great surprise...anyway just asked the waiter if I can get a Fortuna Düsseldorf v Bayer Levekusen ticket on Saturday.It‘s a big derby game and could be sold out but he pointed me to the club shop about two minutes away so one more drink then get down there with my English charm...and English charm wins the day.Got my ticket from a Fans shop by the river...been once before to Fortuna Düsseldorf in another local derby and let’s just say it was a lively affair.Off the pitch definitely...it‘s my last night in Germany too...

Bye for now...

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 26

So apart ftom screaming the room down in the Bar when Rubes scored...and apart from screaming it down even more when Patty saved the penalty oh and also apart from being accosted by a prostitute dressed in all red on the way home( Chris de Burgh would’ve blown a fuse) apart from all that my last night in Hannover was uneventful and apart from all that Man Utd are still our bitches...oh and i‘m up at 5-30 tomorrow morning...

Made it to the train ok despite being a bit weary...it’s another double decker too.Have to change at Dortmund which is another place I know nothing about apart from their football club... 

Pretty much the same as Hannover really.Everyone knows about Berlin,Hamburg,Munich etc so I wanted to try somewhere a little less known,even though it’s a fair sized city.Like Dresden , its worth a visit but maybe three days rather than the five I had...the reason i‘m spending a bit more time in these places is I didn’t want to spend all my month in Germany travelling between places.I once talked to a couple in Prague who were interailling and they‘d done something like fifteen cities around Europe in twenty days which sounded like madness to me...

The game was a bit tense last night.I thought we might nick it in the end but then again Man Utd probably thought they might have won too...I was a little bit drunk when I wrote that opening paragraph in case you couldn’t tell!  The bar was busy but not packed and most of the punters seemed indifferent to the football...the prostitute on the way home was funny.It was an empty street Just out of the city.She was sitting on a bench looking quite smart all in red and I thought it was a bit odd but actually thought maybe her boyfriend had gone for a slash behind the bushes(this was the same corner where the accident was the other day) but as soon as I approached she sprang into action...in time honoured fashion I made my excuses and left.

The ticket inspector on here is a German/West Indian saying „“alles gute“ in a thick Jamacian drawl...it sounds very cool.

Asking a fella why Hannover hbf is so packed all the time.He said it‘s the change over station for the country,a bit like Crewe is in the UK...so it‘s not just the shops.Although he also told me to get around the sunday trading laws Lidl had opened a shop right underneath the hbf.Crafty sods...

Next stop is Bielefeld which for all you dedicated conspiracy theorists out there apparently doesn’t exist.Our lizard overlords Just want you to think it does...like all good conspiracy theories it began as a joke put on line by someone and of course it gained traction because there’s one thing social media can’t grasp and that’s a joke...if I were to say „“well I know it’s real as i‘ve Just stayed at the station „“ „“ah that’s just a hologram to fool you“ etc...no point in arguing with them really.Christ there’s some out there who believe Australia doesn’t really exist! Almost makes flat earthers look sane.Almost...

Well as i‘m talking conspiracy theories I was asked outside Hannover hbf for a light—-Haben sie Feuer? Which I think charmingly translates as „“have you fire?“—by a fella.Got off at Dortmund and having a smoke on the platform—you can here in designated areas—for the Düsseldorf train and the same fella asked for a light.It was all a bit Truman Show...

 

Safely ensconced in Düsseldorf‘s Alt Stadt at the Auberge Bar.A lovely little rocky place.My first taste of Alt Bier for a year...good to see the same landlady is still ruling the roost.Continuity is good...

See you all tomorrow.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 25

Last day in Hannover and I actually like the place after a pretty apprehensive beginning.It‘s certainly grown on me as a city. Like most places it’s friendly but not in that cloying forced manner that most people hate...

Talking of what most people hate, i‘m watching Wolves v Man Utd tonight down the bar.Not sure what to expect.Will I be the only Wolves fan there? Are there many Utd fans here? I know the barman is but how many more? Be good if there’s at least one fellow wolf around...

Spent last night watching Union Berlin‘s debut match in Bundesliga.They got hammered 4-0 and it looks like it’s gonna be a very hard season for them...the waitress serving me spilt a whole pint down  her self when it toppled over off the tray.Poor girl.Kept apologising to me,don’t know why it all went down her not me...think it may have been her first day bless her.

Joy unconfined...Just found a laundrette within two minutes walk of the hotel.In there now and as there‘s nobody around to help I sussed it all by myself cos‘ i‘m a big boy now(sort of) It’s not the big things that pleases me on these trips but little things like this...the only time I use a laundrette is in Germany and they  are all automated and pretty easy to use once you get the hang of it... so the Wolves colours will be flying in the bar tonight...albeit the grey training top from a couple of seasons ago.

Düsseldorf tomorrow then,on another early train.One of my favourite German cities even if I have had my worst Currywurst ever from a kiosk outside the station but I won’t hold that against them.Luckily  the hotel is basically across the road from the hbf so no checking on google maps this time...staying in the same area as last time and the main bar area is about a ten minute walk away in the Alt Stadt.

So basically i‘m Just killing time,having a coffee & watching the world go by...game doesn’t kick off till 9pm local time and it’s now half one.If I was going i‘d be a couple of drinks in by now but as i‘m on my jacks think it’s best to wait a few hours...monday afternoon and Hannover City Centre once again is very busy.Every German City I have been to  is like this.I keep hearing stories of the country facing economic meltdown but in three years i‘ve spent nearly three months in various German cities and see no evidence of it...if this is a meltdown I wish Britain were in the same position...appears to be a very confident prosperous country.

It could be argued that I have only been to big cities and that’s true but I have also been to each point of the compass which has incorporated eleven different places so i‘d say that’s a pretty large selection to base my opinion that Germany is not fucked...not by a long shot.As for Britain however...

Ok I caved...first beer at 14-43 local time...you all knew I would!  Nice & steady does though.Seen on Twitter that Jota is winding the Utd Fans up.Let‘s hope he has them eating dirt like last season...

Is it me or does a fella standing at the urinals with his trousers round his ankles seem disturbing? Sorry to foist that vision on you but that’s what I‘ve just walked in on...

On that edifying note goodnight.Tomorrow‘s topic will be Düsseldorf & football and not old men‘s dicks.I promise.

28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 24

Today is the first rainy day i‘ve had over here in over three weeks...it‘s all a bit driech as the Scots would say,even though it’s one of the most German sounding words there is...but in general the weather‘s been great.We‘ve had flash storms.Bloody big ones but they’re great fun.Everyone loves a big thunder & lightning fest...

So i‘m writing this under cover in a closed beer garden and luckily they‘ve left the big covers up over night.The boss man just opened up and said we don’t open for an hour ( I actually don’t want a drink yet!) When I explained what I was doing he was fine about it...once it’s stopped i‘ll pop into the hbf for some breakfast.Want to see Union Berlin‘s debut in Bundesliga later on...If i were to support another team they‘d be it( i won’t of course) been to a couple of their games over the last few years and it’s a good crack.They‘re playing the hated RB Leipzig at home in what is a bit of a local derby too.I imagine everyone will be supporting them... 

The place I went to last night seems the best bet.An American type barn thing with lots of sports on lots of tv‘s.Actually thought i‘d pulled too! A very attractive woman kept looking over and,well,y‘know...turns out there was a screen about ten yards behind me and she was stealing glances at the Gladbach v Schalke game (0-0 pretty drab) but  sod it i‘m chalking it up anyway!

Looks like the rain‘s stopped so better be on my way of they‘ll start bringing me bier...

It’s an odd thing this Sunday closing in Germany.Now i‘m sure the small towns and villages are different and it’s total lockdown but the bigger cities it’s anything but...at 11-30 am I was in the glorified shopping centre that is Hannover hbf and it was like the Bull Ring.Swamped...now I don’t know if most Germans are in favour of the current status quo but there certainly seems to be an appetite for Sunday shopping.I suppose this way they have it both ways...

Found my way into the Alt Stadt and it’s very quaint like They all are.No idea how much is original & how much rebuilt in the old style(which Germany does very well) There’s also a mini Reeperbahn next door which frankly makes Reeperbahn look like Mayfair... very tacky whereas Reeperbahn has its tongue firmly in its cheek(oerrr missus) this place looks downright nasty & possibly pretty dangerous too.

Earlier on I was having a sit down & smoke and two old locals were by me shooting the breeze and I heard one say the one German word us smartarses love...“Schadenfreude „“ i have Never heard it uttered in a conversation between Germans before and I admit I thought it was one of those foreign words never used in it’s local tongue but slipped in by Brits when they want to look like clever dicks(like me!) 

 

Anyway auf Wiedersehen (something else i‘ve never heard a German utter)