I‘m staying in what I presume is a bog standard Berlin neighbourhood,a combination of pleasant middle class life and urban sleaze.The bar i‘ve adopted As my local( pleasingly the barmaids know what I want to drink without asking.All I need is a pewter mug behind the bar to go full gammon) is opposite an U-Bahn Exit and i‘ve Seen more drug deals going down in the past five days than a year in a Wolverhampton pub...there‘s also a couple of massage parlours over the road too,but mixed in with all that are young families all happily going about their business whilst allowing those with less stable lives go about theirs...and as a stranger passing through I feel perfectly at home here and perfectly safe...
In fact the only time I have felt slightly worried about my own safety in what is my third visit here was on Wednesday night.The U-Bahn i was getting home decided to stop their service and kick everyone off. I didn’t have a scooby where I was and it was 11-30pm.Time to check up on the local bus and see if I recognise any names on the board.Luckily I did.However four Russian lads turned up pissed up & angry and began kicking lumps out of the bus shelter.I thought it only a matter of time before they fancied something a bit more fleshy to use as a football so it was a case of „“TAXI! Get me out of here pal...“ I must stress I wasn’t threatened but could see the way things might progress and as they say discretion is the better part of valour...not a great story but maybe it highlights that having spent nearly two months in Germany over three years this is as close as i‘ve got to a violent incident...
Stairs! There I’ve said it.Sorry to shock you all...they’re everywhere and I’ve come to the conclusion that’s the reason not many Berliners are overweight.Obviously public transport has them in spades.Yes there are lifts in the stations but it’s a bit embarrassing trying to share one with three stressed mothers with pushchairs just cos’ you’ve had a drink and can’t be arsed walking up one flight...the real reason Berliners are so slim is the fact that there are no houses within a radius of about twenty miles so everyone lives in six story apartment blocks with no lifts.Berlin is like SIM city gone mad in that respect.As my friends will testify when we stayed in the top loor of one a few years ago that’s some trek a few times a day,enough to keep you as slim as Keith Richards on a slim fast diet...not being svelte like myself I’m a little jealous but take consolation in the fact their knees are all buggered...oh and they all cycle too and probably take a lot of drugs.So there’s that as well...
I‘m off to Düsseldorf on Sunday morning but once again Berlin has filled me with joy.It really is a tremendous city and hope it never loses its sexiness...
On a practical note for any first time visitors out there.Never welch on buying a Transport ticket and always validate it.I have had mine checked six times in five days by inspectors and seen them haul off four people for not having a ticket or the wrong one.So don’t risk it.The fines are heavy( about 70 Euros)
On a brighter note ,when you get on an U-Bahn station get BVG free WiFi.It works well down there and I go onto a platform sometimes just to check my phone...so if you need to read a works e-mail telling you Jim from accounts is nicking stationary that’s the place to go...
Laters alligators...
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