28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 12

After moaning about not having my mobile ticket checked of course I got into it with a bus driver when he banged his glass at as I walked past him.I have never seen a driver check tickets before...he was doing everyone‘s so it was‘nt against me specifically.Of course he got more irate when I took time opening the app by which time people on the bus were hurling abuse at him or maybe at both of us...all good fun.

Just come back from Teufelsberg.Basically it’s a massive hill in the middle of Grunewald which in itself is a huge forest to the south west of the city...it was built specifically at the start of the Cold War to spy on the GDR and by default the Soviet Union.They didn’t just build a fancy dan spying facility though they actually built the hill it stands on out of the rubble of Berlin left over from the war. 

I had no idea where it was in relation to Grunewald S-Bahn but as the forest is over the road from there it seemed the best place to start and there were directions but they didn’t specify it was about half hour then a climb up dodgy tracks to the top...eventually got to the main gate after traipsing all round the double perimeter fence only to find it all locked up.Shit! Hadn’t even occurred to me it would be shut,It hadn’t occurred to me what to expect really.Fuck it have a smoke and think it though...just then a coach pulled up and about 25 people piled out.As a woman began unlocking the gate I asked what the crack was,Turns out the place is closed on Tuesday and this was a private viewing...“can I join?“ she said it’s all in German and I wouldn’t learn much...counterpunch...“if I was here on my own I wouldn’t learn much more“ nailed on the ropes she conceded.

Fair play to her she could has easily told me to ditch my freeloading arse but she allowed me to join on the proviso I stay with the group otherwise I may get locked in...now that would be a story.

It’s a cool place though,over the years since closing down the graffiti artists have been hard at work with some inspired pieces and there’s a pop up bar thing going on(closed today naturally) The only sod is the tower is closed for health & safety .I dunno s‘pose they don’t want people dying or something...i‘d recommend going but it’s a bugger to get to and a bugger to get out of too.I have walked about ten miles today so have a justified beer for once...

Whenever i‘m in Berlin i‘m always wondering which side of the wall any particular area i‘m in was...it’s a big part of the city‘s identity and one thing that makes it unique.Sometimes it’s easy to tell other times not so much.Obviously Grunewald was the West cos‘,well,they had a huge bloody USA spy tower there! 

As a big storm was coming I finished my drink in Savignyplatz and headed out to Kreuzburg...currently in Bar 11 next to Wild at Heart.They seem to have branched out to incorporate next door as a burger bar.I may check it out later.There‘s also Madonna‘s the other side.Another bar if only for the reason when there two years ago they were blasting out classic alternative 80‘s tunes and I jokingly asked if they had any Madonna.“no,can’t stand her“

These three bars are what may be classed as shitholes but for once a year they’re my shitholes and I love them..I love the fact that the barmaid in Bar 11 always has a spliff on the go or that the landlady of Wild at Heart tells me tales of Lemmy propping up the bar...they remind me a little bit of the shitholes i used to go to in Wolverhampton from the age of fourteen.Es ist was es ist...also Bar 11 do homemade Mexicana shots and if you‘ve never tried it well it‘s like a very very spicy alcoholic tomato juice and it’s fucking beautiful...when you have a shot you can still taste an hour later you know it’s good.

Laters.

28 days later...a month in Germany.Day 11

6-25am and i‘m sitting in a laundrette in Hochmeisterplatz.Nobody likes to take time out of their holiday to do these chores but needs must and best to get them out of the way as early as possible.I had to get help in getting the powder from a fella who didn’t speak English(what a disgrace!) because these things are complicated and could confuse a stupid person...

I’m in a bind what to do today...there’s loads of things to see by me including an abandoned Cold War spy facility which has just been left open for anyone to dick around in but also England didn’t lose any wickets last night and have given us hope that they could grab a victory from the jaws of a defeat.So do I play out some 60’s spy fantasy or get pissed surrounded by Aussie backpackers watching England cricket team turn our hope into reality,or not...I suppose I have all week to check out the spy area whereas how often do any of us get to see England collapse to 213 all out from 167-1 ?

Well I bit the bullet and ended up in Belushies Rosa Luxemburg Platz.I know I know but I couldn’t resist especially now I’m all pine fresh...did a bit of tourist stuff first around Potsdammer Platz where I was ascoted by one of those deaf school scams...the girl kept insisting but I kept saying “nein” eventually I had to firmly tell her to fuck off which she seemed to understand perfectly well...it’s a big city and you’re gonna get these sort of scams...Damn.First wicket down.

If  I’m not getting breakfast at the hotel I’m staying at,like here, I normally grab a few things from REWE—which incidentally is a great supermarket,good quality and cheap.Much better than either Lidl or Aldi in my opinion.Sacralige I know—today I got one of those pre packed egg salad things for €1 + some fruit...oh and the salad thing has a sachet of killer yogurt in it too( becoming my catnip) but anyway,found a spot,opened up and no fork to eat it.Bollocks.Clearly there’s a reason it’s cheap!  Fuck it though I still managed to get through it with some Boy Scout initiative and ripped cardboard.Next time I get one I’m a) making sure there’s a plastic fork and b) keeping the damn fork.

Talking of eating.,,there’s definitely a street drinking & eating culture here.Not Just Berlin but Germany in general.Certainly it’s not frowned upon at all or seen as only vagrants & piss heads engage in.Maybe it’s because nearly every street in any given city has pavement bars & cafes so people are used to eating outside...very little mess too as there are bins everywhere and no excuse for us smokers to stub our tabs out on the street either as all the bins have ashtrays attached.

Currently at Spittlefield’s Market...sorry Spittlemarkt.There must be an Anglo Saxon thing going on there.Loads of Police on the U-Bahn.Not sure if anything’s going down or if their boss got tired of them playing cards and ordered them to get their arses out on show...talking of which I have not had my weekly ticket checked yet and I paid good money to put it on my phone and feel smug.Been on every conceivable public transport mode today too!Last time here it was checked  about ten times in a week...I also want to apologise to Berlin for being a tourist travelling on public transport during rush hour.I know how much Londoners justifiably hate it so sorry about that...

That’s all for tonight so Tschüss und bis Bald.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 10

Made it to double figures!  Now I need to go all Geoff Boycott and bed in and bat for the lunch break...which is essentially what I’m doing.This train takes about two hours to get to Berlin from Hamburg Altona so should get in for lunch which i think might be Currywurst mit Pommes...i Never reserve seats on these Deutsche Bahn trains as there’s nearly always space available and today I struck lucky with a six person carriage that are’nt reserved.Normally they’re all taken up...we don’t really see this set up in Britain any more,which is a shame.I suppose they take up too much room so less space to cram the paying punters in...

There’s really not a lot to see from the Hamburg to Berlin train.It’s very flat and very green.Sort of like a snooker table but with the occasional horse thrown in...so I’m sharing the sexy six seater carriage with a young couple,two bored looking teenager and a prodigious nose picker.If we go through a long dark tunnel and there’s a murder I’m guess nose picking man’s gonna cop it...But whodunnit? I’m guessing the female part of the couple as she keeps firing death stares his way...

Yay my DB phone ticket worked!  There’s no reason why it shouldn’t of course but y’know old people & new technology etc...there was a tense two seconds before the machine did it’s stuff and I was close to blowing it by stuttering like Boris Johnson in the Hope of causing a distraction...oh nose picking man’s left but I think he’s only going to find juicier noses to pick.We don’t stop anywhere but Berlin Spandau & Berlin hbf...you can probably tell I’m a bit bored...going trough some scary looking forest.All a bit Grimm fairy tale looking...

Got to Berlin fine.Was going to go to the temporary beer garden that was set up outside the main exit for Currywurst & a beer but it’s gone.S’pose the clue was in the word temporary...the sparrows are flinging themselves around.I always associate sparrows with this city.They’re everywhere and their chirping is omnipresent...Berlin Hauptbahnhof is a huge huge station and very easy to get intimidated by it.I’m still not fully sure where I’m going even after using it loads of times.But what do I know? I still thought the temporary beer garden would be there a year on...

I’m a. Little bit out of the way but sussed our the bus services ok...for once I found the hotel easily.I don’t take taxis if I can help it and as I’d already bought a weekly travel ticket I may as well use it.Besides when I’m half cut one night without a scooby where I am knowing a bit of the local transport layout comes in handy.

The hotel’s a bit fancy for my tastes but it works out at about £150 pw for a single room...it’s actually a three bed dorm but I’ve been assured I’m the only one staying.Of course being Berlin it’s on the 4th floor with no lift.I may end up kipping in the stairs a few nights...but there is working Wi-fi

Not only is the Wi-fi ok but I have found their beer garden with Weißbier at €3-50 a pop...well that’s me sorted.No need to go anywhere else all week.Apart from the laundrette...

28 days later...a month in Germany.Day 9

Bloody hell day nine...gotta say it’s flown by so far.Hamburg’s been superb.Spent much of my time around St Pauli & Altona.Both cool places with what would probably be called an alternative lifestyle thing going on...it’s always thought dock area’s of port cities are basically no go parts filled with cutthroats and general dodgy characters,and let’s face it that’s part of the appeal,but I’ve felt as safe & secure here as anywhere...

 Every day in Germany last year I was plagued by wasps but so far this time around all’s been quiet on the buzzy little yellow bastard front.Maybe things will change the further east I go or maybe Frau Merkel has eradicated them...god they were a pest in every sense of the word...granted it’s not as stiflingly hot this time around and I noticed from the train window that the millions of acres of maize seems to be healthy whereas last year all the crop was dead in the fields...anyway that’s all from Country File this week...

In a small bar with just me & the landlady (small bars in Germany are all run by women it seems) and she said it’s sweet that you order in German but we can speak English if that makes you feel better...was trying to explain that I’m trying to show some respect by at least attempting the language etc when I saw her glaze over and grab the remote “you want to watch some football?” Totally fobbed off in my diplomatic quest but of course it was “ oh yes please!”(Karlsruhe v Dresden btw.1-1 at half time) She clearly knows the way to a man’s heart and also how to shut up a patronising Englishman...anyway a ludicrous own goal puts Karlsruhe in the lead.Dresden look shocking,Karlsruhe look sort of ok but it’s hard tell and the landlady still doesn’t want to talk...well it’s now 4-1 to Karlsruhe with 10 mins left.Frankly it could be double as Dresden are piss poor.This has been your Bundesliga 2 correspondent from a pub in Hamburg...Still here.Another game about to start.Hannover v Regensburg.Don’t worry I’ll keep reports to a minimum unless it’s a nutty game.

Fella in the bar loves Springsteen...fine but been here for as long as the normal Bruce gig and I’d say half of what he’s put on the juke box is the New Jersey bard...with the odd guest appearances...found a bar showing the cricket.Obviously it’s an Irish bar but as they’re now a legit test playing nation that’s permissible...they also have Black Sabbath on the juke box too 

As you sit there watching cricket in an Irish bar in Hamburg and wonder aloud if Mohin should come back to bowl you get into a conversation with a Northern Irish Fulham fan who lives in Berlin because,well of course you do...nice chap...

Packed up waiting to get my €20 deposit back on the key then grab the train to Berlin.I’ll miss Hamburg though.The last time I was here was the first time I’d been to Germany on my own and the place passed me by really but I’m a bit more confident about doing this now so I can step back and appreciate things more...

See you all tomorrow from that there Berlin.

28 days later...a month in Germany day 8

This is my third day of coming to this cafe bar for an early morning coffee or two and today I sat down and without even asking the fella bought my coffee...I like that and it’s not something I really have in the UK as I don’t really use anywhere regularly enough to warrant local Status.Currently working on having a „“spot“

 

There‘s a big party of about twenty five people sat next to me,obviously family,all dressed very smartly in dark clothes.Lots of hugs,hand holding and sighs whilst talking.I imagine they’re off to a funeral or a wedding that nobody is keen on...i‘m intrigued but would never ask of course.

There doesn’t seem to be the fixation of walking down the street transfixed to a mobile phone(or Handy as it’s called) here as there is in Britain.Whether that’s true of everywhere in Germany i don’t know.Maybe it’s because on Reeperbahn there‘s er,other things to see...or maybe it’s cos‘ in general the signal over here is pretty ropey so nobody can be arsed searching...

Talking of dodgy signals I have only just found out we won 4-1 last night.Managed to get about a 20seconds window of WiFi in my room to check it out.Don‘t even know who scored...I have seen that we won’t be playing Jablonec which I was going to try to get to from Berlin next week.Ah well Armenia it is then...nah have to give that a miss i‘m afraid.Flying the colours today in celebration...

I’m enjoying doing these daily blog things.The last couple of times I’ve been here I have usually done one per week and tried to write things down in the notebook beforehand.Turns out I’m rubbish at taking notes so if anyone needs a secretary they’re much better going to someone else...anyway I’m finding doing it this way good fun and hope you are too...oh and you may have noticed they’re usually a day behind.Well logistics an’ all that...

Being a smoker I notice that many more people indulge over here than in the UK...it’s funny that in Britain I am generally surprised to find out a person smokes whereas over here I’m surprised when a person doesn’t...it’s cheaper here so obviously that has a bearing on things I suppose but I doubt that’s the only reason...also there are cigarette machines dotted about the place & also in some bars.A definite throwback.Can’t remember the last time I saw one back home

 

Have seen loads of rocker types wearing cut off denim jackets covered in badges and TURBOJUGEND blazoned On the back.They all look like very clean cut Hell’s Angels .At first I thought they were some sort of religious cult thang but seen many in bars drinkin’ and smokin’ so maybe not...anyway very unthreatening.I know Google exists for a reason but I just can’t be arsed looking at the moment (no signal either) So confirmed from Rikky that they are some sort of Scandinavian cult thing..,

Anyhoo had a great day with Rikky.Many of you on Twitter will be familiar with her work...good to get a local perspective on things too...

The last thing I saw last night as I sat at the bar by the hotel was two Hooters barmaids chasing after a fella who’d probably done a runner after a few drinks...it’s not funny cos’ it’s those women’s livelihoods and also to be honest those uniforms aren’t really made for chasing piss heads up and down Reeperbahn...

This is my last day in Hamburg.Tomorrow morning I’m off to Berlin for a week...

Bye till then...

Oh nearly forgot.Met some Dutch lads who were going to the St Pauli game.Knew all about Wolves.I don’t mean what’s happened recently either but our history etc...fair play to them even though they were very loud even to my Yamyam ears...

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 7

You know how it is,you pop into a bar at four in the afternoon and think you‘ll have a couple then find some food  and you walk out nine hours later...we‘ve all done it at some stage in our lives.

So the St Pauli Eck is a very accommodating bar.Very basic and very friendly.I ended up sat at the bar chatting to the locals and we even had that conversation,you know the one...the one that should never be spoken of with Germans.The Second World War is Never a gambit i‘d start a conversation up with a German unless they bring it up first,which this fella did and then I was happy to oblige...anyway after many beers & shots we agreed it was a bad thing all in all...sorted.

At one stage the night looked like it might get ugly when a fella said „“Your Boris Johnson I like him...“ the look on my face must have been a picture cos‘ he quickly added „“no,not really,he’s a dick“

Had a quick look round the outside of St Pauli‘s ground.Never realised it was so close to Reeperbahn and there’s also a massive fairground next door to it called The Dom.I don’t know if Fosun have any plans to incorporate a sex mile & fairground next to Molineux but it would make the Matchday experience (as they like to call it) an...well,experience.

Of course it’s well known The Beatles were Reeperbahn‘s resident band in the early 60‘s and,well how can I put this delicately,well i‘m sure the lads put it about it...I can‘t help but look at people in their mid fifties and wonder.Have not yet seen anyone with a striking resemblance to John,Paul,George and,God have mercy on their soul,Ringo but there must be a few middle aged illegitimate mop tops walking the streets of Hamburg...

Anyway I will have some company tomorrow afternoon.A woman I know from Twitter lives here but travels to Wolves occasionally and seems to have a big network of pals there.Don‘t know the how‘s,why‘s & whatfore‘s of the story behind it but sure i‘ll find out.It‘ll be cool to meet up and have a good drink & natter...

In a bar on Reeperbahn and a Scouse stag party has just rocked up and to be honest I can’t hack it so going down the bar I was in last night...cheaper too which always helps in these decisions.

One of the Scouse fellas just nudged me on the arm and put his thumbs up a la Jack Hayward saying „“ all right mate?“ I couldn’t let on so just put my thumbs up with „“ ya sehr gut“ call me a snob but I just couldn’t be arsed getting into a conversation...he was friendly enough but things might be different eight hours down the road...

Good to hear some German tunes on the juke box.I have no idea who‘s playing but they’re very rocky so that’s ok.I suppose I should be looking for a bar showing the Wolves game but frankly it‘s a hopeless cause.I will bid you all ciao ciao

Ciao ciao

28 Days later...a month in Germany.Day 6

Hamburg seems to have that rain,sun,rain,sun thing going on,even more so than Britain...just made a bit of a dick of myself in a bakery.I pointed at two lovely looking ham & cheese salad rolls and said in faultless(to my ears ) German

“Kann ich bitte haben zwei Schanzen „“ not sure why the girl looked both confused and amused as it clearly said „“Schanzen „“ in front of the rolls however it turns out that’s the name of the bakery...anyway to cut a long story short i‘m now the proud owner of two Hamburg bakeries and I intend to make sweeping changes too...Luckily i‘m not bothered about making an arse of myself and anyway it gives the poor downtrodden workers in the shop something to laugh about during the next coffee break...Which of course I will ban once the paper work goes through.Hard but fair...

They really need to work on their wifi in St Pauli...it‘s terrible.Were I a conspiracy theorist i‘d say as it’s a predominantly leftist area the powers that be have deliberately restricted it to inhibit communications but that wouldn’t be the case would it?

Currently i‘m doing that thing I rail against in British bars and having a coffee...I know i‘m a hypocrite but what you gonna do eh? The old woman opposite is putting me to shame by sinking two groß Biers in very little time...talking of old woman...on the train to Cologne on Saturday two very well dressed ladies,probably mid seventies or so,got on at Aachen  about noon swigging from big bottles of beer.This is nothing unusual here but I know in Britain many would be clucking like old mother hens at such Wantoness...

I have been out to look at the Rathaus cos‘ you know that’s what you gotta do.It‘s very impressive of course but in truth they all look pretty much of a muchness in Germany so i‘m back in St Pauli,which,once you get away from the madness of Reeperbahn is a nice area but just with a bit more graffiti than normal...think i‘ll pop down the docks this afternoon.I could get used to this sedentary lifestyle.

No Fisch Markt Open today.It only opens on Sunday’s..Been there before and it’s ok as markets go.Still pretty packed though but it’s missing some salty old sea dogs playing sea shantys‘ on accordians.I have the beard but none of the other items...I wouldn’t even know how to go about buying a dancing monkey...

Another storm arrived but I saw it coming and nipped into a bar...even made a terrible quip to a fella sitting by me...“wir trocken und trinken“ ok it‘s probably not grammatically correct and also more Susan Boyle than Frankie Boyle but he chuckled ( more out of pity than mirth I suspect) but i‘m proud of my efforts...so what with owning two bakeries i‘m now on the comedy circuit...

The good thing about Hamburg summer rainfalls is they don‘t seem to last.They come up the river.Drop what they have to then are replaced by sunshine...

So walking through a bookshop to get an S-Bahn platform is weird no?  I wasn’t sure if I was obliged to buy .a book or not...there’s definitely a marketing ploy there for the new high speed train to Brum.

More tomorrow peeps.