28 Days later...a month in Germany day 30

It’s my final full day in Germany and i‘m going to my first Bundesliga game...I have been to three Bundesliga 2 games before and apart from the quality on the pitch I don’t expect this to be any different.

Previously i‘ve been to a couple of Union Berlin matches but my first introduction to German Fußball was about nine years ago when myself and a group of friends(hi all!) went to Fortuna Düsseldorf v Duisburg.A feisty local derby and it didn’t disappoint... I expect today’s game to be pretty much the same especially as Bayer Leverkusen is only up the road too. By all accounts they’re favourites to win this one with the barman in the boozer telling me he‘d happily take a draw.

The ticket cost €31 which is a pretty standard price but that does include the cost of the tram fare to & from the ground.It‘s not that far out of the city but you wouldn’t want to walk it...the good thing about German grounds is they’re well appointed with bars & food stalls and their security is tighter than in the UK—but they still manage to get flares in and it’s probably best not to ask how—-that it pays to get in early.I imagine the Leverkusen fans will be in big numbers and will no doubt get an escort from the hbf...last time the 7k Duisburg Fans happily went about ripping up seats in the Düsseldorf ground,the police didn’t get stuck in but I think they got their‘s from the police later on.Like I said a feisty affair...

There‘s already some fans gathering in Schumacher‘s Alt bar over the road from my favourite coffee spot.Proving that football fans are the same the world over...we all need about six hours drinking before a game! I may pop over later but as neither are my team I don’t need to put a full days bevvying in.I‘m that most reviled of modern phenomenon today.The dreaded football tourist...something we‘re gonna have to get used to at Wolves in the future.

German fans love their scarves.They all seem to wear them but it’s now 11am and already 25c and by the time the game kicks off at 3-30 it‘ll be about 30c or maybe even hotter in the ground.That‘s too hot for a scarf even worn round the wrist.It does lend itself to the incongruous sight of fans wearing shorts,sandals & a scarf round their neck though...the conclusion being that it’s too bloody hot for football.

Well made it to Schumachers Alt Bar...as well as plenty of Düsseldorf fans there‘s also Shalke & Bayern Munich( They’re playing each other at Schalke,again Just up the road) also getting the U-Bahn to the stadium not the tram...they‘ve changed the name too,used to be the Espirt Stadion,which i wish it was still cos‘ of Nuno.I know it’s stupid but that’s football fans for you!

The bar staff in here are gloriously obtuse.Maybe it’s because i‘m wearing a t-Shirt of a rival Alt Bier Company.They take it very seriously in This Part of the world...

As expected a large police presence at the Hauptbahnhof...and I have done something i‘ve not done since I was twelve and arrived at the ground two hours before kick off...with this weather I didn’t want to be on the last U-Bahn in from the city.Lots of opportunity to spot any full kit Wankers...to be honest from the outside it looks nothing like a football stadium.More like a bloody big conference centre but inside it does certainly.

Pint of good beer at €4-30 in a proper hard plastic glass and not those wobbly monstrosities we have put up with...Bratwurst at €3-30 and you know that’s gonna be good All with plenty of room on the concourse to fit a crowd of 45/50,000 .Oh and you can drink & smoke whilst watching the game...this is where German football knocks ours out of the ball park every time.Ever tried getting a drink in the South Bank? Terrible...i have also noticed a lot more woman at German games too.Although that could be my fevered imagination...mind you I have just been told off by security for Sitting on the steps leading to the concourse so fuck German football it’s the pits...

Well half time and it’s Fortuna 0 Bayer 3 and frankly that’s being kind to Düsseldorf.Bayer by far the better team and just need to see the game out now...no boos at halftime though so that’s good...saw my first VAR in action live ,Goal no goal ,goal...it kind of sucks.On a side note i‘m Sitting in the seats destroyed by Duisburg Fans nine years ago so at least they‘ve been replaced...the stadium does hold the noise in well.

The game ended 1-3 and was a lot closer than it should have been.Düsseldorf improved but Bayer always had enough to win.They have better players are clearly fitter and played better as a team.Usually enough to win most games...

The Düsseldorf fans stayed with their team though and didn’t give then any stick...even though it was loud at times I was surprised by how staid it was was considereing it was a derby game...I‘m also pretty sure I saw a disputed throw in VAR‘ed by the ref!

So it’s now half eight and this is my last post from Germany.Sorry this one‘s been so long.S‘pose I could‘ve just said „“German football‘s great“ and be done with it... anyhow I hope you‘ve all enjoyed reading these daily bulletins as much as i‘ve enjoyed writing them...I didn’t think i‘d be able to do a daily blog justice but it just proves what everyone already knows about me...I don’t half talk some shite...

PS I get asked a few times why I love Germany: I was just in a shop and tried to ask for what I wanted in German.Needless to say I have been on the sauce much of the day and obviously made a pigs ear of it.The fella says “I speak English just ask me what you want”. “ but I’m trying to do it in German “ “ yea i appreciate that but next time don’t try so hard...” some might think that rude but I think that’s beautiful honesty and i howled with laughter...that’s why I love Germany.It’s a no bullshit country which knows how to make cracking beer...

Guten nacht...

28 days later...a month in Germany day,er,29

“Thank god it’s Friday” is often a refrain heard but not from me today as it means I’m only a couple of days away from the end of my holiday—-by the time I publish this it’s gonna be one day—-all holidays must end of course otherwise they wouldn’t be holidays I suppose but nobody wants to return to the daily grind even though they have to to pay for more holidays...

It‘s another glorious day by the looks of it.Hot hot hot...a perfect day for bumming around down by the river and maybe a few bars if i‘m feeling adventurous.The lifestyle here certainly lends itself to arsing around all day.I‘m surprised they ever get anything done never mind be one of the world‘s industrial power houses...

I think the bank holiday stag parties are starting to arrive.There‘s a few groups of Brit lads dotted about in the riverside bars...Düsseldorf seems to have become a preferred destination in Germany along with Berlin,Hamburg & Munich.It‘s probably as sunny as Spain and i‘d say the beer‘s better too...will no doubt see loads of them bouncing around the Alt Stadt tonight.I bet a few have tickets for the game tomorrow aswell...

Mind you it’s not all sweetness & light.Just seen the latest cricket score...Jesus. However that’s offset by what Wolves are doing so Swings & roundabouts ‘an all that.

If you take London & South East out of the equation then the prices in Germany are probably on a par with the rest of the UK... beer prices are generally the same with a few exceptions.Even in the so called poorer east of the country they’re pretty similar to elsewhere.The food in the shops is a similar price and eating out seems to be too.Obviously there’s always little differences but also there’s good bargains to be had...smokes are a hell of a lot cheaper. I’d say if you’ve never been here then it’s an ideal place to come even for a short break.It’s clean,friendly,relatively cheap,efficient and the weather’s pretty reliable too.What’s not to like? Oh and the beer & food are pretty damn good too! (I think that’s enough hyperbole to satisfy the German tourist board)

If I had one gripe about Germany it’s their Wi-fi...man it’s patchy at best and it doesn’t half eat your data allowance up and of course whenever Brexit happens that’s a sure thing that’s gonna go awol...think we’ll get charged right royally for data useage...

Would I move here? Probably not especially as things are set to change drastically once Brexit happens.If I was thirty and had the chance then I wouldn’t hesitate but to be honest at my age and the way things are it would be foolish in the extreme.Besides being on holiday isn’t the same thing.I get to arse around all day being in great bars etc. Real life’s a bit different...anyway once I retire in a few years( or a few decades if the Tories get their way) I’ll be able to visit whenever I want or feel the need to get away from the UK...tell you what if I had moved I woul’nt work in a cafe bar.Jeez these men/women put in a shift even Mick McCarthy could only dream of...

As you can gather I quite like the country and will continue to come here as much as able.I still haven’t been to many places down south by the Alps yet or big city’s like Stuttgart or Frankfurt so there’s scope to see a lot more or do.I may limit the travelling now and spend nine/ten days in Berlin,Hamburg & Düsseldorf ( my three favourite German cities with Bremen running them close) each time. We’ll see...

Weird the last time I was in Düsseldorf I just couldn’t work out the geography of the Alt Stadt yet when I first came down here on Tuesday afternoon it all clicked into place.Basically I found Auberge‘s without a hitch whereas last time it was always guesswork...Ray Mears! Ray Mears! Can you hear me? Bear Gryles  your boys took a hell of a beating...

28 days later...a month in Germany day 28

Now you lot may be just about to have breakfast so i‘ll be delicate how I describe this but it‘ll be something that will trouble me for a while...just went into the toilet and somebody had left a mark in the bowl—-no problem,shit happens(boom boom)—-however it‘s at the front of the bowl and for the life of me I can’t work out how...were they perched on the very edge like a spurned lover on a cliff contemplating suicide or were they facing the cistern like a racing driver in the pits?  I can’t work it out and it will vex me all day,or possibly longer...

Even though I have spent a fair bit of time over here these last three years I still get confused about which way to look when crossing the road.I think it’s primarily because most roads have traffic lights and there’s no need to look because you know everyone will obey the rules,even,and get this,taxi drivers & cyclists.When someone does jaywalk it’s noticeable cos‘ it’s so rare...ok at times you feel like a bit of a chump waiting at a small crossing with nothing coming but that’s the price to pay.Many of the roads in city centres are three lanes each way and many of those souped up German cars go a fair lick...you think there‘s nothing around then suddenly a top of the range BMW or Porsche is whizzing past you...

Came back to the riverside bar I was in yesterday and as I walked in the waiter I hassled for a match ticket waved & started pouring a Weißbier for me...bloody hell they‘re good! He just came over for a chat about our respective teams etc and not for the first time this trip I was told „“You don’t sound English“ it‘s weird.Maybe i‘m picking up some German inflection or maybe it’s the Yamyam...what’s even weirder though is sitting in this wonderful location with all its tranquility & wealth listening to Marvin Gaye‘s Inner City Blues on the speakers...always gladdens the heart to see a waiter flirting with a table of women.Been there,done it...it’s all part of the game. 

Having a coffee this morning I did some calculations about the month  here. I didn’t bother with Interrail this year and probably won’t in the future.Instead I booked all the tickets online independently and apart from the return Eurostar ticket I have done about 950 miles around Germany on Deutschebahn at about £115.I did‘nt reserve seats which obviously would’ve ramped up the cost a wee bit but apart from standing between Berlin & Leipzig en route to Dresden there’s been no problems...the trains have all been very comfortable & punctual too.So basically i‘d say that was a bit of a bargain...the trains are a lot less cramped than British trains basically cos‘ their platforms are generally longer so they can put more carriages on and therefore more room for us punters...all in all i‘m pretty chuffed how it’s gone.

 

Fella working in the rock bar I go to—Notts Born Chelsea fan.Long story—-tried to get Wolves game on for me but could only get Frankfurt on.Ah well had to come back to hotel as can’t get a signal in there.Still one up so...yay.

Well as you’re probably aware by now Wolves had a fine 3-2 win at Torino.Getting good at this European football lark although no great surprise as that’s what the owners want and that’s why we’re buying top young European talent...

Goodnight.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 27

Düsseldorf is rich.There‘s no getting away from the fact.It‘s not immediately obvious as you get off the train.The Hauptbahnhof is small by German standards.Modest even, and the surrounding couple of streets are what you‘d expect by any mainline station.But start walking into the city and you notice little changes especially in the shops.All the big hitters of the fashion world are here including Primark for us proles, and many people walking around are obviously expensively dressed...I saw a pair of shoes in a shop window yesterday at €650 but knocked down from €850.So yea,there’s some serious money about...

Even the outdoor market is above what you’d normally expect...it‘s only small but half of stores are bars and the rest do pretty fancy food stuffs.There‘s certainly no shouty Cockneyesque geezers trying to flog a bunch of bananas dahling...but again it’s a friendly city with no airs & graces that I can see.I imagine the rest of Germany rips the piss out of Düsseldorfians mercilessly though...

I can tell i‘m getting close to the end of trip by the diminishing drugs I have...like many my age, lifestyle choices from both the past & present mean I have to take a plethora of pharmaceutical enhancements daily.Well i‘m almost done...and still here.

Think I may have cocked up the tv in my room.Messing about with the remote last night and it’s now stuck on something I can’t get rid of,and no it’s not porn,not very good with remotes and,yes,i have tried turning it off & on again...ah well no bugger whatches those things anyway.

The hotel‘s pretty much the same standard as all the rest apart from the one in Berlin which was a converted convent or something.Anyway i‘m a stones throw from the Hauptbahnhof.It‘s an odd area,a cross between Turkish & Korean but fine for all that.Admitingly you do get a lot of society‘s drop outs hanging about the station occasionally asking for money or a smoke but that happens all over the world...let’s be honest I went cheapish on the digs otherwise i‘d have no spending money and all they’re for is sleep & shower so as long as they’re secure & clean(which they have been) that’s all that matters...this one has an old fashioned lift where you have to physically close the door to use it to.So that’s cool...

Hearing a lot more Brits here than anywhere else on my trips.Still not a lot and at first it’s a strange choice for a holiday but it’s only four hours on the train from Kings X and Düsseldorf has a good reputation so maybe it’s not a great surprise...anyway just asked the waiter if I can get a Fortuna Düsseldorf v Bayer Levekusen ticket on Saturday.It‘s a big derby game and could be sold out but he pointed me to the club shop about two minutes away so one more drink then get down there with my English charm...and English charm wins the day.Got my ticket from a Fans shop by the river...been once before to Fortuna Düsseldorf in another local derby and let’s just say it was a lively affair.Off the pitch definitely...it‘s my last night in Germany too...

Bye for now...

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 26

So apart ftom screaming the room down in the Bar when Rubes scored...and apart from screaming it down even more when Patty saved the penalty oh and also apart from being accosted by a prostitute dressed in all red on the way home( Chris de Burgh would’ve blown a fuse) apart from all that my last night in Hannover was uneventful and apart from all that Man Utd are still our bitches...oh and i‘m up at 5-30 tomorrow morning...

Made it to the train ok despite being a bit weary...it’s another double decker too.Have to change at Dortmund which is another place I know nothing about apart from their football club... 

Pretty much the same as Hannover really.Everyone knows about Berlin,Hamburg,Munich etc so I wanted to try somewhere a little less known,even though it’s a fair sized city.Like Dresden , its worth a visit but maybe three days rather than the five I had...the reason i‘m spending a bit more time in these places is I didn’t want to spend all my month in Germany travelling between places.I once talked to a couple in Prague who were interailling and they‘d done something like fifteen cities around Europe in twenty days which sounded like madness to me...

The game was a bit tense last night.I thought we might nick it in the end but then again Man Utd probably thought they might have won too...I was a little bit drunk when I wrote that opening paragraph in case you couldn’t tell!  The bar was busy but not packed and most of the punters seemed indifferent to the football...the prostitute on the way home was funny.It was an empty street Just out of the city.She was sitting on a bench looking quite smart all in red and I thought it was a bit odd but actually thought maybe her boyfriend had gone for a slash behind the bushes(this was the same corner where the accident was the other day) but as soon as I approached she sprang into action...in time honoured fashion I made my excuses and left.

The ticket inspector on here is a German/West Indian saying „“alles gute“ in a thick Jamacian drawl...it sounds very cool.

Asking a fella why Hannover hbf is so packed all the time.He said it‘s the change over station for the country,a bit like Crewe is in the UK...so it‘s not just the shops.Although he also told me to get around the sunday trading laws Lidl had opened a shop right underneath the hbf.Crafty sods...

Next stop is Bielefeld which for all you dedicated conspiracy theorists out there apparently doesn’t exist.Our lizard overlords Just want you to think it does...like all good conspiracy theories it began as a joke put on line by someone and of course it gained traction because there’s one thing social media can’t grasp and that’s a joke...if I were to say „“well I know it’s real as i‘ve Just stayed at the station „“ „“ah that’s just a hologram to fool you“ etc...no point in arguing with them really.Christ there’s some out there who believe Australia doesn’t really exist! Almost makes flat earthers look sane.Almost...

Well as i‘m talking conspiracy theories I was asked outside Hannover hbf for a light—-Haben sie Feuer? Which I think charmingly translates as „“have you fire?“—by a fella.Got off at Dortmund and having a smoke on the platform—you can here in designated areas—for the Düsseldorf train and the same fella asked for a light.It was all a bit Truman Show...

 

Safely ensconced in Düsseldorf‘s Alt Stadt at the Auberge Bar.A lovely little rocky place.My first taste of Alt Bier for a year...good to see the same landlady is still ruling the roost.Continuity is good...

See you all tomorrow.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 25

Last day in Hannover and I actually like the place after a pretty apprehensive beginning.It‘s certainly grown on me as a city. Like most places it’s friendly but not in that cloying forced manner that most people hate...

Talking of what most people hate, i‘m watching Wolves v Man Utd tonight down the bar.Not sure what to expect.Will I be the only Wolves fan there? Are there many Utd fans here? I know the barman is but how many more? Be good if there’s at least one fellow wolf around...

Spent last night watching Union Berlin‘s debut match in Bundesliga.They got hammered 4-0 and it looks like it’s gonna be a very hard season for them...the waitress serving me spilt a whole pint down  her self when it toppled over off the tray.Poor girl.Kept apologising to me,don’t know why it all went down her not me...think it may have been her first day bless her.

Joy unconfined...Just found a laundrette within two minutes walk of the hotel.In there now and as there‘s nobody around to help I sussed it all by myself cos‘ i‘m a big boy now(sort of) It’s not the big things that pleases me on these trips but little things like this...the only time I use a laundrette is in Germany and they  are all automated and pretty easy to use once you get the hang of it... so the Wolves colours will be flying in the bar tonight...albeit the grey training top from a couple of seasons ago.

Düsseldorf tomorrow then,on another early train.One of my favourite German cities even if I have had my worst Currywurst ever from a kiosk outside the station but I won’t hold that against them.Luckily  the hotel is basically across the road from the hbf so no checking on google maps this time...staying in the same area as last time and the main bar area is about a ten minute walk away in the Alt Stadt.

So basically i‘m Just killing time,having a coffee & watching the world go by...game doesn’t kick off till 9pm local time and it’s now half one.If I was going i‘d be a couple of drinks in by now but as i‘m on my jacks think it’s best to wait a few hours...monday afternoon and Hannover City Centre once again is very busy.Every German City I have been to  is like this.I keep hearing stories of the country facing economic meltdown but in three years i‘ve spent nearly three months in various German cities and see no evidence of it...if this is a meltdown I wish Britain were in the same position...appears to be a very confident prosperous country.

It could be argued that I have only been to big cities and that’s true but I have also been to each point of the compass which has incorporated eleven different places so i‘d say that’s a pretty large selection to base my opinion that Germany is not fucked...not by a long shot.As for Britain however...

Ok I caved...first beer at 14-43 local time...you all knew I would!  Nice & steady does though.Seen on Twitter that Jota is winding the Utd Fans up.Let‘s hope he has them eating dirt like last season...

Is it me or does a fella standing at the urinals with his trousers round his ankles seem disturbing? Sorry to foist that vision on you but that’s what I‘ve just walked in on...

On that edifying note goodnight.Tomorrow‘s topic will be Düsseldorf & football and not old men‘s dicks.I promise.

28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 24

Today is the first rainy day i‘ve had over here in over three weeks...it‘s all a bit driech as the Scots would say,even though it’s one of the most German sounding words there is...but in general the weather‘s been great.We‘ve had flash storms.Bloody big ones but they’re great fun.Everyone loves a big thunder & lightning fest...

So i‘m writing this under cover in a closed beer garden and luckily they‘ve left the big covers up over night.The boss man just opened up and said we don’t open for an hour ( I actually don’t want a drink yet!) When I explained what I was doing he was fine about it...once it’s stopped i‘ll pop into the hbf for some breakfast.Want to see Union Berlin‘s debut in Bundesliga later on...If i were to support another team they‘d be it( i won’t of course) been to a couple of their games over the last few years and it’s a good crack.They‘re playing the hated RB Leipzig at home in what is a bit of a local derby too.I imagine everyone will be supporting them... 

The place I went to last night seems the best bet.An American type barn thing with lots of sports on lots of tv‘s.Actually thought i‘d pulled too! A very attractive woman kept looking over and,well,y‘know...turns out there was a screen about ten yards behind me and she was stealing glances at the Gladbach v Schalke game (0-0 pretty drab) but  sod it i‘m chalking it up anyway!

Looks like the rain‘s stopped so better be on my way of they‘ll start bringing me bier...

It’s an odd thing this Sunday closing in Germany.Now i‘m sure the small towns and villages are different and it’s total lockdown but the bigger cities it’s anything but...at 11-30 am I was in the glorified shopping centre that is Hannover hbf and it was like the Bull Ring.Swamped...now I don’t know if most Germans are in favour of the current status quo but there certainly seems to be an appetite for Sunday shopping.I suppose this way they have it both ways...

Found my way into the Alt Stadt and it’s very quaint like They all are.No idea how much is original & how much rebuilt in the old style(which Germany does very well) There’s also a mini Reeperbahn next door which frankly makes Reeperbahn look like Mayfair... very tacky whereas Reeperbahn has its tongue firmly in its cheek(oerrr missus) this place looks downright nasty & possibly pretty dangerous too.

Earlier on I was having a sit down & smoke and two old locals were by me shooting the breeze and I heard one say the one German word us smartarses love...“Schadenfreude „“ i have Never heard it uttered in a conversation between Germans before and I admit I thought it was one of those foreign words never used in it’s local tongue but slipped in by Brits when they want to look like clever dicks(like me!) 

 

Anyway auf Wiedersehen (something else i‘ve never heard a German utter)

28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 23

Cash is getting a little low now—no problem as I get paid on Tuesday—so think i‘ll stay out of the bars till later this afternoon,famous last words an’all that.Jack‘s shows the Premiership games on their screens and that’s a 4pm kick off over here.Not really explored the local area around the hotel yet,just strolled into town,it’s about a mile so a decent walk...

Been walking a fair bit in Germany and just worked out on my phone app that i‘ve chalked up about 106 miles since July 27th.I know these things can’t be deadly accurate and I have not always had the phone in my pocket but that’s a fair amount I think...with all that walking I should be Keith Richards thin but of course that’s offset by hours spent in bars...

Had a look round the back of the hotel and there‘s a busy main drag.Looks like a mostly Turkish area(the Hoteliers are Turks) so it pays to have a hunt around locally rather than just heading for the city centre all the time.May spend some time there after the football...I never usually bother with the telly in the hotel rooms,they’re all in bloody German for a start,but was messing around last night and came across the Bayern v Hertha opening Bundesliga game(2-2) Not a scooby which Channel or how to get back to it though...I also found their version of Ceefax too!

I think i‘ve miscalculated ( no not the laundrette,that’s still good) The heading to these blogs is 28 Days Later,obviously a reference to that great film.Well they should have named it 29 and Half Days Later as that‘s how long i‘m here...s‘pose I could have come up with a snazzier title but I think we all know that was never gonna happen...I may sue for emotional trauma.

Right that’s me sorted.I have discovered the REWE salad bar...one of those build your own salad etc.It‘s a thing of wonder with the added bonus of an automated hatch to the selections that snaps shut after a few minutes like a crocodile‘s jaw on a wilderbeest‘s leg.I nearly lost a couple of fingers but it‘s worth the risk!

As I said before many of Germany‘s Hauptbahnhof‘s are glorified shopping arcades.Hannover is by far the Shoppingest shopping arcade I have seen in this category.Trains really are secondary at this station.Just been a load of Köln Fans on Their way to Wolfsburg on the opening day of Bundesliga in the station bar.Did‘nt seem that excited considering they‘ve just come up.Classic yo-yo club.

Well I lasted till 2-10 before hitting the bar...very restrained I thought.Chatting to a German Gooner...it’s a weird world.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 22

Walking into the city just now there was an accident involving a car & cyclist...everybody fine,police & ambulance there quickly.I was asked by police if I saw anything but didn’t.All I heard was a screech of tyres and a dull thud...the bike‘s a right off though.Even in such a bike friendly place like Germany accidents happen.I did’nt take any pics or film cos‘ I don’t like that kind of thing...

Really pleased with the Jack the Rippers bar i found( terrible name) it‘s how i‘d always imagined a German bar would look.A downstairs dark Bier Keller.For those of you Wulfrunians reading this of an older generation it’s a cross between Tavern in the Town,Giffard & Kips( which were basically the three Bars I  used most) has a similar clientele too apart from the Hell‘s Angels...maybe I like it as a little wallow in nostalgia where I can Regress to being Sixteen again for a few days...and i can watch the Wolves game there  on monday...oh and it used to be a brothel too, so what‘ not to like?  However the music‘s not as rocky...

I have done the calculations and I will Just about make it to Düsseldorf before needing launderette.Socks & undercrackers are Fine.The only sticking point could be t- shirts but it‘s nowhere as hot as it’s been in the east so hopefully i‘ll be ok...rivitting stuff this eh?

A perfect example of not messing with German landlady’s;Sitting outside a small bar, just eight of us.Begger begins doing his stuff,landlady appears and he scurried off as quick as you like...they’re pretty formidable foe...

Been for a look around Hannover.Like every other German town/city i‘ve visited it‘s comfortably off without being showy about it...Germans generally don’t appear to be in the „“we‘re considerably richer than yow“ category from what i‘ve noticed.People Certainly seem to be a bit more talkative here than Dresden.Already had three conversations with people on the U-Bahn and in the bar today... 

The U-Bahn system seems disportionally big for the size of the place.Kröpcke especially is a smallish area by the hbf but the station is as big as New Street underneath...s‘pose they know what they’re doing.

Every right thinking person loves ice cream and of course Germans are no exception.There are specialised ice cream shops everywhere but I have not seen one ice cream van or heard one distorted blast of Greensleves from half a mile away.Maybe it’s just not a thing over here...

Even as a smoker I had to move out of the enclosed smoking area...to be honest i‘m glad it’s banned in every bar in the UK.Don‘t think I could hack(in every sense of the word) it any more.Very few bars over here are totally smoking anyway.Cafe bars are a no no and many,like this one,have a sealed off area.It‘s rare to find one that’s a dedicated smokers bar...however I will still gladly use one cos‘ holiday an“ all that..,

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 21

Got back to the hotel about ten last night where two police vans were parked outside.Grabbed a beer and started chatting to a Dutch couple.They told me the Irish family had lasted one night before being kicked out but the police were there because of the camper van site over the road.Apparently they‘d been coming in using the showers etc...so there we are all sorted.Wish i‘d been there when the twenty odd strong family had been booted out cos‘ that would’ve been a sweary fest to rival Malcom Tucker in the Thick Of It...

Waiting on the train to Hannover at the moment.Takes about four & half hours.Turns out i‘m on a double decker train so of course i‘m straight upstairs cos‘ why wouldn’t you be?

Unless you’re on a train journey going down to the Black Forest or down south around the Alps there‘s really not a lot to see out of a train window in Germany no matter how high you are.Basically it‘s flat plains from the British Midlands to the Ural Mountains in Russia and it can get a bit tedious...I still find it fascinating in a boring kind of way. Stopping at cities you‘ve heard of  but know nothing about can be interesting.We have just stopped at Dessau and if you had images of towering Rathaus & fairy tale timbered houses you‘d be sadly mistaken.Abandoned factories & shops certainly around hbf.The place looks rough as fuck...next stop Magdeburg which I believe has a long established history...

Sorry i‘m rambling to fill in time.Something my friends are used to by now...next is Braunschweig which unfortunately sounds like the industrial hand cleaner we used in the factory  then it‘s Hannover in about an hours time...actually the view‘s Getting slightly more interesting,out in the distance about ten miles away i can see something that could,if you‘re feeling generous,be described as a hillock...one thing you do tend to see approaching any station is allotments.They love them here and they seem to be the only place you regularly see a German flag...apart from AfD rallies that is.

First impression of Hannover is good.Seems a bustling working class city.Had a straight walk from hbf to hotel and these places always seem further away when you have no idea where you’re going...thanks again google maps( I really need to link up a lucrative sponsorship)

Hotel seems fine.Nothing fancy of course.Very basic but it is en suite...I also seem to be in the middle of an industrial area so that’s an interesting development.Had a wee bit of a heart stopping moment when the receptionist asked if I was sure i‘d reserved a room but turns out he was checking out the wrong page!  Man alive don’t do that to me...

I am sort of in need of another laundrette session but could,at a push,Last out to Düsseldorf in four days time where I know there’s one round the corner from where i‘m staying.If there‘s one close by here however...i‘m not smelling too bad , he said immodestly.

At first glance Hannover appears to have a distinct lack of bar life which,as you can appreciate,is of grave concern.I strarted back where I came in at the hbf but there’s nothing here.Hopefully Just in the wrong area...found one!  That’s a blessed relief I can tell you.Also lack of sparrows so far

 

Well knock me dahn wiv a fevvah! So I moan about lack of bars and bump into Jack The Rippers London Tavern...wonder if in a hundred years time there will be a Bin Laden‘s Twin Towers bar & grill?

Despite the dodgy name it’s a really nice celler bar.Very dark & atmospheric.They also do all day English breakfasts...no Cockney Sparrahs though...

That’s me done for today.Laters...

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 20

Funny thing on this trip I have not heard many British accents.Don‘t recall any in Cologne.Only a couple of times in Hamburg‘s Reeperbahn.Hardly any in Berlin apart from a table of halfwits from Nottingham (I think, as one had a Forest tattoo) they were taking the piss out of Germans very loudly maybe unaware everyone understood them.Luckily i‘d finished my beer and was waiting to pay...and here in Dresden i‘ve not heard one...on previous visits I heard a fair few and it’s not like i‘m in small out of the way places either...here in Dresden I have heard a lot of Italians.Not sure what the link is but i‘m positive there is one...

Which of course brings me onto Zimmer frames naturally.I had this discussion with Rikky in Hamburg,cos‘ we  covered all the big issues... over here it’s common to see the elderly & infirm with Zimmer frames around town but they’re souped up.They have wheels,a seat and a baggage area.They‘ve really pimped them up.Whereas in Britain it‘s just the basic frame that has to be lifted with every step.It looks like the poor sods are trying to dry hump a giant tortoise...i‘m also pretty sure they’re a German invention too as „“Zimmer „“ means room so that ties in... as ours are no doubt cheaper that’s the option we went for rather than comfort & a bit of dignity...

Just seen an odd thing.Four police vans with lights & sirens going at full blast waited at the lights! First of all I thought they‘d parked up and was expecting to see baton wielding plod pile out of the vans.But no,lights changed and they sped off at mindboggling thirty miles per hour

Well it took a while but i‘ve found a bar I really like in Dresden.Turns out to be two minute walk from the hotel...was getting a bit disheartened by the place but finding a bar i‘m comfortable in makes a big difference...one thing I have noticed about the city is that English is not as wildly used as elsewhere i‘ve been to in Germany.This is a good thing of course but also can be confusing...but fuck it I still managed to get my pint of Schwarzbier without too much drama...the Schwarzbier is bloody lovely.They have a locally brewed brown ale too but i‘m not brave enough to try that.Maybe tomorrow...

The other day when I mentioned the horror on a the faces of those who witnessed my epic snoring, well multiple that look by a hundred when Just now an extended Irish family of about twenty five Just pitched up snarling & swearing at each other.There were a lot more guests around too...I have a horrible feeling they may be on my floor...well they are on my floor and possibly already causing mayhem cos‘ when I went for my early morning smoke after a shower the police rocked up talking to a few residents & hotel workers.I may hang around today to see what happens...obviously don’t know what occurred last night and it may well be a separate incident all together.The police have gone after two hours.This has been your crime correspondent telling you jack shit from behind the twitching curtain...

Last day in Dresden.Got an early train out to Hannover.Somewhere else i‘ve never been to and know little about.Apparently they had a thriving music scene in the 80‘s but then in the 80‘s I had a flat stomach & active sex life so it counts for nothing...only one way to find out.

Dresden is ok.Two whole days will probably do you i‘d think.Unlike Prague,which was largely untouched physically by World War Two,Dresden got quite a battering and even though many of the Baroque Hapsburgesque buildings have been restored they had to build modern around them so it’s an odd looking combo...from what i‘ve seen it appears to be a well to do city.Certainly not as poor as i‘d imagined but I only really did the City Centre and never the suburbs so i May have a distorted view in that respect...well worth a visit though and everything is within walking distance,though the tram system is excellent and pretty easy to suss out...

Just learnt from the smiley waitress that „“sparrows“ in Deutsche is „“Spatzen“ not that i‘m getting obsessed by the little feckers or nothing...

Until tomorrow dudes and dudesses...

28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 19

You know what it’s like.You‘re having a leisurely drink outside a cafe bar and a fascistic rally breaks out in front of you.Happens all the time...well not quite but close enough.

I‘d been strolling through Dresden all day,beer here,bit of food there,more beer.Y‘know the way and went through the old market square where I couldn’t help notice there were seventeen—-yep I counted—-police vehicles dotted about and a small stage in the middle of the square.There were not too many other people around so I figured i‘d missed something on earlier and the coppers were Just ensuring the overtime was paid up to the hour...I was heading for Curry 24 which is around the corner where there seemed to be a fair few elderly people sitting with beer,Currywurst and flags.Quite a few flags...

I‘d spotted political posters dotted about the place all day so things fell into place.Sat down away from the flagists and asked a fella with his young daughter what was going on and he told me the AfD(Alternative für Deutschland) were having a rally in an hour.Well I had to hang around for this...

There was a small group of counter protesters at the back of the square.Maybe a hundred or so,catcalling & booing at various times as appropriate.The main rally had started and I’d say there were about eight or nine hundred there.Very underwhelming considering Dresden is an AfD stronghold ...the police seemed very relaxed about the whole thing,so much so that all the cafe bars were open around the square,

so the only sensible thing to do is grab a beer and pull up a chair...the demographics of the rally seemed to be very old former GDR residents.I don’t know if there’s a link there or not but I’d say probably...I didn’t see any,let’s call them footsoldiers for want of a better word,but sure there were one or two dotted about in the crowd.

Obviously I couldn’t understand anything that was said—-bloody hell I’d wigged out earlier when the automated checkout started the “ Unexpected Englisher in the bagging area“ palaver—I did pick out a few buzz words like „“Ausländer“ and „“raus“ so can infer the theme.It‘s pretty much bog standard stuff in any language.

Despite the flag waving and the attempted psychological stimulation of some dire music choices, apart from the odd cheer & boo( I think I heard „“Merkel“ at that point) the crowd were very subdued.Maybe the speakers lacked a certain gravitas.Maybe they needed someone who could grab them emotionally.Maybe they were waiting for...no I can’t say it.

Chatted to a bloke next to me.Late 20‘s Maybe.Born in Dresden But now lived in Bonn.Said he was ashamed the AfD was so big in Dresden & much of East Germany.Explained to me that many young people moving west owing to the rise of the right among other things. Interesting talk.

So anyway they went for a walk around a local church for some reason.Came back for another speech.Then a woman got up to sing the national anthem( surprised it was the modern version not the other one) rally over,all went home and the police clocked up another few hours overtime...all in all it was as dull as ditch water.

Anyway sparrows.What about them you say?  Well I sort of miss the little buggers in London but over here in Dresden they‘re like little fucking velociraptors.Especially At the Currywurst Kiosk i have been too.No shame at all just an insatiable bloodlust for chips.Can‘t believe they’re not all 20 stone sitting in the park smoking tabs...when I was there yesterday a pigeon tried to muscle in and was quickly seen off by force of numbers.First time i‘ve ever felt sorry for a pigeon...

Don’t have nightmares kids...goodnight.

28 days later...a month in Germany.Day 18

At first glance After getting off the train Dresden looks a confusing mishmash of tram lines & duel carriage ways surrounding a beautiful Hauptbahnhof.A lot of these German mainline stations do have a very similar look but Dresden appears to have a bit more than many...a classic of its genre.

Managed to find the hotel ok.It is pretty close to hbf and also to the Alt Markt area too which appears to have lots of cafe bars...the hotel’s quite modern and it’s fine.You know what it’s like after a few minutes and the receptionist is going through the schtick but you stopped listening a while ago? Well yea that...had to ask him three times which floor I was on cos‘ I wasn’t really paying as much attention as I should have been.His face was a study of contained hatred for me at that moment...

 

Talking of which...my favourite topic it seems is German supermarkets and today my favourite one had no tellers on so had to use an automated checkout.I feel intimidated by them in Britain so imagine how I feel about them in German! Standing there like a bit of a prick a market worker came over to help out.I say help out,more grab the stuff out of my hand,do all the scanning then point and said „“pay!“

They’re a curious breed German store workers.Beligerance and benevolence in the same package...once i‘d payed I thanked her for her help „“Bitteschön meine Liebe „“  she said and got all smiles with me...As I have said before i‘m quite happy to not have to put up with being served by grinning Ken & Barbies.If they’re having a bad day then it’s only reasonable to show it.I don’t want  to be their mate I just want to buy this thing and piss off...the customer isn’t always right and chances are if you’re being a prick in a shop then you’re a prick out of it.Me? I try to be a pleasant fucker all the time...

I did that thing in the hotel beer garden last night.My friends ,and indeed anyone who’s slept in the same room,will know this...I fell asleep.No big deal,I was shattered and we‘ve all done it, but I tend to make industrial strength noises when sleeping and woke up with a jolt to see the other three people in there just staring at me incredulously...See this is why I don’t hostel.Yea it’s a lot cheaper and you can meet some great people but I can’t handle the rows,the recriminations,the tears...  

Think I have sussed out the tram system.Well the part I want anyway.So gonna see a bit more of Dresden...had a look round.Reminds me very much of Prague in some ways especially in the old architecture not just with the big palaces & churches but also down some of the side streets too.Not surprising really as the two cities are relatively close...they both seem to share a fondness for big wooden doors too.They do look nice to be honest...Fountains seems to be a thing aswell.Never seen so many in such a small area.

Dresden doesn’t seem as vibrant as Leipzig was last year.The pace of life seems slower...Mind you it’s monday and nobody‘s at their best on a monday...but y‘know it’s all good.Had a strange chat with a local down by the river.Thought he was gonna tap me up for a smoke but think he just wanted a chat to someone.His English wasn’t good but he was telling me about the Elbe river.I got about a quarter of what he was saying but as I was leaving he said „“okey dokey“ !  Have to admit I burst out laughing...

Oh and there’s no pix n mix in their Woolworths.Very disappointing.

I take it back about it being a bit slow paced.I have now found the main shopping/drinking mall...oh and I have just witnessed an AfD rally.More of which tomorrow.,.

Seeet dreams Volks...

28 days later...a month in Germany day 17

Another beautiful morning in east Germany and i‘m Just about to check out to get the Dresden train.It‘s not a long journey,probably just under two hours.I have deliberately tried to ensure I don‘t have a train journey of over five hours on this trip.

Had a very weird experience involving a barmaid in a pub i‘d never been to before.Outside was pretty full but as is the way inside empty.Walked in and the barmaid looked up from pouring beer to say „“hallo Englisher,long time no see“ at first I thought this is clearly a joke I don’t understand but I asked her and she said she used to work in a bar in Charlottenburg I went to regularly two years ago when I was here.Then she apologised for not remembering my name saying „“but I know it’s a name us German‘s can’t say“ which is true.Many struggle with it,I think it’s the „th“ at the end.No surprise really as I struggle with it at times.But that’s the beer...amazing memory though(not me, the woman)

Got to Berlin HBF and the temporary beer garden’s back! So either I got here a week too early for it or as they say in Back To The Future „“Something something time flux something something Marty“ I think that’s right,not seen it for a while...I‘ll have to bear this in mind for future reference when coming here.Stepping off a train into a fully stocked beer garden after four hours travelling is one of life’s pleasures...

Gonna be tight getting to see any of Wolves opening game today...get into Dresden about half hour before kick off then need to find the hotel to check in by 3pm.Looks close to hbf but you never know.Unless there’s an Irish bar( it’s always Irish bars that show Brit games over here) close by it‘s Twitter scores again...the same result as last Thursday would be cool...

What’s not cool is the weather...it’s probably about 30c and rising.Hope the train has air con.Funnily enough seen more people carrying umbrellas today than when it’s raining...

Just realised I have to change at Leipzig.Only a 20 min wait so time for a smoke.It‘s no bad thing actually as this train is going to Munich and very likely to be heaving.May well be hunting out the bike carriage...a woman is doing the rounds on the platform putting the tears on for everyone.Maybe she’s legit but you become so immune to these things due to the amount of scammers.In a way these scammers have ruined good old fashioned begging for many(of us)

Yay.Looked At google maps(which have been a godsend so far this holiday) and they’ve saying the hotel is 700m from Dresden hbf...I hope that’s metres and not miles otherwise i‘m fucked...so I may be able See the game.It‘s like a modern day fairy tale...anyhoo i‘m doing a „“Corbyn“ my own fault for not reserving at peak time.I’m not the only one.There’s a lot of vestibules full of folk dossing down.Leipzig’s not too far but pity and of those going to Munich.Phew! Caught the Dresden train with about a minute to go.That sounds a lot but anyone who knows me will understand my angst...

Until tomorrow my lovelies...

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 16

Last day in Berlin,off to Dresden tomorrow morning...looking forward to it as i‘ve never been there.But it is well known as a bit of a right wing enclave so probably best if I keep my head down in certain bars around town.We‘ll see...I had similar concerns about Leipzig last year and never came across any unpleasantness.

Not sure what to do today.The Premiership starts in England and I know a few pubs will have all the games on but as Wolves don’t play till tomorrow my interest isn’t as acute today as it normally would be...no doubt I will end up in Belushie‘s at some point...

Came out of Bar 11 last night and walking past Wild at Heart the fella i‘d been talking to the previous night was outside and called me over to give me a German punk vinyl LP...bloody hell he didn’t have to do anything like that.I was a bit taken aback by his generosity...truth is i‘m not a big fan of hardcore German punk but our drunken conversation must have convinced him I was.As luck would have I know someone who laps this stuff up.Now all I have to do is hawk it round Germany for two more weeks then get it back to the UK safely...not sure I will but i‘ll try my best!

Decided to take a trip to Tempelhof  the former military airfield.Been there before and it‘s history is fascinating.There‘s not a lot there except massive space and a couple of runways.It‘s mostly used by joggers,cyclists,picnicking and ,what I saw today,impromptu cricket...I bet the developers would love to get their greedy mits on this prime spot but I think so far All advances have been rebuffed...to See it properly I really need to hire a bike as these little legs can’t do that kind of walking in this stifling heat.I‘m sweating up now just sinking a beer!

I remember reading somewhere that Berlin Wolves meet up for televised games around By Tempelhof so checked it out and it‘s an Irish bar a few stops away on the U-Bahn then a short walk.The bar‘s shut at the moment but it’s good to know for future reference.There‘s sure to be times when i‘m here with Wolves games on the telly...the bar opposite ain’t bad either and it has free WiFi...

I have tried learning German on line and yes,I have learnt a fair bit,but only really how to say certain phrases rather than being able to engage in conversation.Essentially i‘m learning on the hoof and that’s fine.If I know one more thing than I knew yesterday then i‘m happy...I do try to order everything in German even if I have to slip in an English word when stuck.However it’s occurred to me that even though in my head it’s passable in reality I Probably sound like a really bad Herr Flick impressionist from „“Allo Allo“ Well it’s either that or spend four weeks pointing at stuff saying „“Me want“

I suppose it’s all about attitude in the end...if you don’t even attempt the basics you come over as a bit of a twat really.I have heard so many Brits here just basically pointing at stuff doing the „“me want“ thing and it’s fucking embarrassing frankly...also because i‘m a return visitor I always „“stimmt so“ which is a tip to your server.Very big over here and very important too especially if you want decent service next time.

Sorry, got a bit reflective there...sitting next to a bunch of Brits acting up and i‘m cringing.Moved to the Irish bar used by Berlin Wolves.German landlord unusually.Cool fella and a St Pauli fan.Fucked off two blokes looking for some rugby on the telly...seems a good little bar.Think i‘d come again if Wolves were playing or not.

Train to Dresden tomorrow then so goodnight all...

28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 15

Good lord i‘m early this morning...come to Gesundbrunnen to get breakfast from the massive REWE in the shopping centre and it’s not open yet...walking through a deserted shopping mall is a bit too Dawn of the Dead for my liking...

Got home from Kreuzburg late last night after we all got kicked off the bus at Halensee so had to piss about waiting for one going to my stop...where i‘m staying in Charlottenburg is very posh but some have said it’s full of Russian mafia types.Mostly such talk is fanciable at best but last night the road I walk down to the hotel( Herthastrasse) had four goons outside a huge gated house all dressed in regulation goon gear of dark suits and stern expressions.As I was about 15 metres away a huge fuck off black car sped into the drive and the electrical gates slammed shut with two goons following and two left guarding the gate...I walked past without making eye contact and remember thinking „“whatever you do don’t look back“. I did‘nt look back...so maybe the Russian mafia thing has some substance after all.

Shop‘s open.Gonna grab some breakfast and hopefully actually make it to Tiergarten this time...damn you gotta be on your game at these supermarket checkouts.They fling that stuff down like Michael Holding off his long run...I swear if you just held your bag open at the end of the counter they‘d happily throw that shit in.No time for small talk either.No „“oh hello Doris,are those big fat ankles of yours still playing up?“ In the UK a chat to the checkout girl is the only human interaction some people get.Not here,it’s ruthless...

Managed to get in to Tiergarten which as achievements go is not that great as it’s smack in the middle of Berlin between Brandenburg Tor & Postdammer Platz.Not quite climbing Everest though I do have my own Sherpa to carry my water & tabs.First thing isaw was a hawk chowing down on an unfortunate rodent.Took some pics but couldn’t get close enough for anything decent...Anyhoo it’s a lovely spot.Be great to cycle round here...

Funny going back to a place after a year to see the differences,or not.Dropped into a cafe bar I used a lot last year opposite Birkenstrasse U-Bahn.Nice place,always welcoming and still is.The sexy barmaid is still there but sadly didn’t recognise me.That‘s fair enough we‘ve never discussed Lemmy‘s peccadilloes or indeed anyone else’s for that matter...what does seem to have changed however is over the road outside the U-Bahn exit where all sorts of shit was going down 24/7 .There were dealers & pimps swarming all over the place and now it’s empty.Don‘t know if there’s been a purge or if they’re just taking a break for a light lunch...i‘d braced myself going up the stairs where I was always met with a few dubious offers of one kind or another and it was a case of nothing to see here...

Talking of dodgy.I got warned off going to Dresden by a fella last night(too late i‘m booked) said it was full of right wing thugs.It‘s true they did vote nearly 22% for the AFD there but by my reckoning that still leaves nearly 80% who did‘nt so the odds are good.He did add that I should be ok because i‘m white! Best to stick to football as a conversation piece I s‘pose.

Incidentally it’s pronounced „“Dreesden“ we‘ve  been saying it wrong for years.I like to pronounce names properly although I draw the line at the „“fffffff“ in the middle of Barcalona ——Oh a big police van‘s just turned up and parked outside the U-Bahn exit.So that answers the question I posed earlier——anyway some people think you’re a bit of a ponce if you pronounce foreign names properly.Ironically They’re usually the same people who get their knickers in a twist over Americans pronouncing it „“Lie-sester-Square“ so fuck em‘...

Lucky i‘m not paranoid a la Henry Hill in Goodfellas ,cos‘ when I got to Gölitzerbahn there was another police van and eight or nine coppers outside but surprisingly no purveyors of dodgy grass.If I did‘nt know better  i‘d say there’s a concerted effort to clean up dodgy U-Bahn exits around the city...failing that they really are following me!

See you all tomorrow...as Long as the cops don’t get me.

28 Days later...a month in Germany.Day14

Half way through then...feels shorter yet longer too if that makes any sense.I don’t want to be counting the days off though.Just enjoy it for what it is... 

Still in Berlin and still getting hopelessly lost.Sometimes I can find my way around but other times,like today,I end up god knows where...I was heading for The Tiergarten which i have Never been to even though this is my fourth time in Berlin.But I was still a bit sleepy from last night( got home on the bus fine though!) saw „“Tier“ on the U-Bahn sign and Bob‘s your uncle...or rather he is‘nt.No bugger told me there‘s a Tier Park too...what‘s the hell‘s wrong with you people? A bit of help here please.

Turn‘s our Tier Park‘s quite a way out but opposite the U-Bahn is a tram stop and having seen one to Köpenick,which I know is in the south east where Union Berlin play,naturally my thinking was the other platform will take me back to the city.It did‘nt.I ended up way out of my ticket zone in the Far East of Berlin.Luckily no inspectors today! I did realise pretty quickly but thought sod it, let’s see where it takes me...

I don’t even know where I was but it was clearly the former GDR.Lots of brutalist tower blocks which looked very well kept.A few shops and not much else.I don’t know how much money has been spent on these areas but it doesn’t seem like much.The place looked ok in a non threatening sort of way but there was just nothing there except a tram stop out...of course when I say I was lost that’s a falsehood.Being lost is getting dumped in the Amazon rain forest with no food not somewhere with a tram stop.

Don‘t expect i‘ll be able to watch any of the Wolves game tonight so looks like keeping up via twitter.That‘s always fun as many of you are well aware...I could try Belushie‘s but it‘ll be full of young folk doing young folk things...I doubt Wolves playing in Armenia is high on their agenda.

Cycling then...After seeing that woman cycling whilst blowing her nose i thought I’d pop something down.As everyone probably knows cycling‘s massive here.The infrastructure‘s in place already and there appears to be a mutual respect between cyclist,drivers and predestrians .We don’t have that in the UK yet and doubt we ever will.Everyone seems to be at war but it’s not like that here...most of the cyclists I see are dressed in their normal gear.Not a lot of Lycra on show.When I ride into work most of the other cyclists I see are clad in all the Tour de France gear and many of them are middle aged men.It‘s not a good look if you’re over forty five with associated stomach spread...don’t see many wearing helmets either.I suppose they feel safe enough not to.

Just popped into Belushie‘s and Quelle surprise they’re not showing the game...in fact they seemed to have trouble getting their heads around what the hell i was talking about(no the staff are‘nt German) „“is it a Premiership game?“   I think at that moment I knew the game was up...did also feel weird ordering in English as opposed to my go to Deutschlish...

Well I eventually got a Currywurst as you may have seen from the pic posted elsewhere.It‘s good but one‘s enough especially at €7-50 for what is essentially one sausage & chips! Cashing in on the cliche I s‘pose.Far be it from me to get arsey about tourists being ripped off as I live in London.King of the tourist rip off...

Must admit yesterday was getting all a bit bleugh.Not much happening at all but then got to Madonna‘s ,had a few whilst keeping up with Wolves great 4-0 win in Armenia then decided to pop into Wild at Heart next door...it’s always nice to be remembered,especially by those you admire so I was chuffed when the landlady remembered me and we had a great chat.Also had a great chat with a fella named Chris who told me some good tales of old Berlin...

 

Laters.

28 Days later...a month in Germany.Day 13

At last had my ticket inspected.They‘ve been very slow off the mark this year the lazy sods...Was impressed by their tactics though.Got On looking like a normal couple sat opposite me and waited till the doors shut and went to business.Got a business man behind me but as I was getting off next stop they were still taking details...crafty.

Having a nice baguette on a bench and got intimidated to move...by two crows.I think they spotted some poppy seeds fall off and moved in circling me.Look i‘ve seen Hitchcock‘s The Birds and know how these fuckers work.If you don’t give up your poppy seeds they have your eyes...gots to have them narcotics.

It‘s absolutely hammering it down but found a local bar where the locals took the piss cos‘ I asked for Weißbier.Landlady pointed at the draught Pump and said that’s all we have ,eventually ,after stopping laughing...it’s fun being a tourist sometimes.God knows how she’ll react when I ask where the bogs are!

Did see the epitome of cool earlier...a young woman riding her bike no handed as she blew her nose...not something i‘ve seen before...anyway the landlady is all friendly smiles now especially as I bought another drink.

Anyway being a Brit i‘m not really comfortable around naked strangers especially in a communal shower unit of a hotel.Normally I get up pretty early to avoid such messiness but this morning had to endure a rather stout German fella trying to engage in conversation while 

Drying himself furiously and his auld fella swung about like a pendulum in a storm...I know it‘s natural etc but man I couldn’t get out of there quick enough and putting on dry underwear onto a soaking wet body is never easy especially when all you‘re thinking is „“keep eye contact,keep eye contact...“

The landlady and I getting on like a house on fire now even though neither of us speak each other’s language.All smiles & thumb‘s up...truth is neither of us has a scooby what the other‘s on about.The Sound basis for any relationship.Mind you she has made me pay upfront for my drinks...

Just heard Britain is stopping the use of Interrail.Eurostar will still use it to get to Europe but are we really so blind to the benefits of others coming to the country and travelling around on relatively cheap train tickets? We really have become a spiteful little inward looking shit heap of an island since Brexit became a thing.If anyone brags about our so called tolerance as a nation I think I may take a dump in their shoes...Were we always a nation of small minded gobshites hiding behind a cloak of supposed tolerance or is this a modern phenomenon?

One thing that’s become apparent since a year ago is the amount of German music i‘m hearing in the bars.Granted I tend to prefer „“local“ type places rather than touristy spots,y‘know because of hipster sensibilities and,let‘s be honest here,expense...i‘m sure those places still play Brit & American pop usually, which is fine as those countries still arguably make the best pop,but I have heard loads more local stuff on this trip.Mostly rap & modern R&B...not my choice of easy listening but still.I also think there’s always a place for Nene‘s 99 Luft Balloons and her sexy leather trousers though...Not heard any Can yet(one for the younger readers there)...now of course all you have in your heads is „“ You and I in a little toy shop...“ Sorry.

Oh this could be dangerous.I‘m staying the opposite side of the city to the three bars I mentioned in yesterday’s blog.A bit like drinking in Central Hackney and living in Brenford.Just discovered there’s a direct bus to my place to here.Which, if you’re interested, is Wienerstrasse Kreuzburg.Lots of chances to crash out on the bus and end up having a diplomatic incident a thousand miles from home...at least it‘ll save me fobbing off the purveyors of dodgy grass at Görlitz Bahnhof..,

Goodnight my lovelies...

28 Days later...a month in Germany Day 12

After moaning about not having my mobile ticket checked of course I got into it with a bus driver when he banged his glass at as I walked past him.I have never seen a driver check tickets before...he was doing everyone‘s so it was‘nt against me specifically.Of course he got more irate when I took time opening the app by which time people on the bus were hurling abuse at him or maybe at both of us...all good fun.

Just come back from Teufelsberg.Basically it’s a massive hill in the middle of Grunewald which in itself is a huge forest to the south west of the city...it was built specifically at the start of the Cold War to spy on the GDR and by default the Soviet Union.They didn’t just build a fancy dan spying facility though they actually built the hill it stands on out of the rubble of Berlin left over from the war. 

I had no idea where it was in relation to Grunewald S-Bahn but as the forest is over the road from there it seemed the best place to start and there were directions but they didn’t specify it was about half hour then a climb up dodgy tracks to the top...eventually got to the main gate after traipsing all round the double perimeter fence only to find it all locked up.Shit! Hadn’t even occurred to me it would be shut,It hadn’t occurred to me what to expect really.Fuck it have a smoke and think it though...just then a coach pulled up and about 25 people piled out.As a woman began unlocking the gate I asked what the crack was,Turns out the place is closed on Tuesday and this was a private viewing...“can I join?“ she said it’s all in German and I wouldn’t learn much...counterpunch...“if I was here on my own I wouldn’t learn much more“ nailed on the ropes she conceded.

Fair play to her she could has easily told me to ditch my freeloading arse but she allowed me to join on the proviso I stay with the group otherwise I may get locked in...now that would be a story.

It’s a cool place though,over the years since closing down the graffiti artists have been hard at work with some inspired pieces and there’s a pop up bar thing going on(closed today naturally) The only sod is the tower is closed for health & safety .I dunno s‘pose they don’t want people dying or something...i‘d recommend going but it’s a bugger to get to and a bugger to get out of too.I have walked about ten miles today so have a justified beer for once...

Whenever i‘m in Berlin i‘m always wondering which side of the wall any particular area i‘m in was...it’s a big part of the city‘s identity and one thing that makes it unique.Sometimes it’s easy to tell other times not so much.Obviously Grunewald was the West cos‘,well,they had a huge bloody USA spy tower there! 

As a big storm was coming I finished my drink in Savignyplatz and headed out to Kreuzburg...currently in Bar 11 next to Wild at Heart.They seem to have branched out to incorporate next door as a burger bar.I may check it out later.There‘s also Madonna‘s the other side.Another bar if only for the reason when there two years ago they were blasting out classic alternative 80‘s tunes and I jokingly asked if they had any Madonna.“no,can’t stand her“

These three bars are what may be classed as shitholes but for once a year they’re my shitholes and I love them..I love the fact that the barmaid in Bar 11 always has a spliff on the go or that the landlady of Wild at Heart tells me tales of Lemmy propping up the bar...they remind me a little bit of the shitholes i used to go to in Wolverhampton from the age of fourteen.Es ist was es ist...also Bar 11 do homemade Mexicana shots and if you‘ve never tried it well it‘s like a very very spicy alcoholic tomato juice and it’s fucking beautiful...when you have a shot you can still taste an hour later you know it’s good.

Laters.

28 days later...a month in Germany.Day 11

6-25am and i‘m sitting in a laundrette in Hochmeisterplatz.Nobody likes to take time out of their holiday to do these chores but needs must and best to get them out of the way as early as possible.I had to get help in getting the powder from a fella who didn’t speak English(what a disgrace!) because these things are complicated and could confuse a stupid person...

I’m in a bind what to do today...there’s loads of things to see by me including an abandoned Cold War spy facility which has just been left open for anyone to dick around in but also England didn’t lose any wickets last night and have given us hope that they could grab a victory from the jaws of a defeat.So do I play out some 60’s spy fantasy or get pissed surrounded by Aussie backpackers watching England cricket team turn our hope into reality,or not...I suppose I have all week to check out the spy area whereas how often do any of us get to see England collapse to 213 all out from 167-1 ?

Well I bit the bullet and ended up in Belushies Rosa Luxemburg Platz.I know I know but I couldn’t resist especially now I’m all pine fresh...did a bit of tourist stuff first around Potsdammer Platz where I was ascoted by one of those deaf school scams...the girl kept insisting but I kept saying “nein” eventually I had to firmly tell her to fuck off which she seemed to understand perfectly well...it’s a big city and you’re gonna get these sort of scams...Damn.First wicket down.

If  I’m not getting breakfast at the hotel I’m staying at,like here, I normally grab a few things from REWE—which incidentally is a great supermarket,good quality and cheap.Much better than either Lidl or Aldi in my opinion.Sacralige I know—today I got one of those pre packed egg salad things for €1 + some fruit...oh and the salad thing has a sachet of killer yogurt in it too( becoming my catnip) but anyway,found a spot,opened up and no fork to eat it.Bollocks.Clearly there’s a reason it’s cheap!  Fuck it though I still managed to get through it with some Boy Scout initiative and ripped cardboard.Next time I get one I’m a) making sure there’s a plastic fork and b) keeping the damn fork.

Talking of eating.,,there’s definitely a street drinking & eating culture here.Not Just Berlin but Germany in general.Certainly it’s not frowned upon at all or seen as only vagrants & piss heads engage in.Maybe it’s because nearly every street in any given city has pavement bars & cafes so people are used to eating outside...very little mess too as there are bins everywhere and no excuse for us smokers to stub our tabs out on the street either as all the bins have ashtrays attached.

Currently at Spittlefield’s Market...sorry Spittlemarkt.There must be an Anglo Saxon thing going on there.Loads of Police on the U-Bahn.Not sure if anything’s going down or if their boss got tired of them playing cards and ordered them to get their arses out on show...talking of which I have not had my weekly ticket checked yet and I paid good money to put it on my phone and feel smug.Been on every conceivable public transport mode today too!Last time here it was checked  about ten times in a week...I also want to apologise to Berlin for being a tourist travelling on public transport during rush hour.I know how much Londoners justifiably hate it so sorry about that...

That’s all for tonight so Tschüss und bis Bald.

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 10

Made it to double figures!  Now I need to go all Geoff Boycott and bed in and bat for the lunch break...which is essentially what I’m doing.This train takes about two hours to get to Berlin from Hamburg Altona so should get in for lunch which i think might be Currywurst mit Pommes...i Never reserve seats on these Deutsche Bahn trains as there’s nearly always space available and today I struck lucky with a six person carriage that are’nt reserved.Normally they’re all taken up...we don’t really see this set up in Britain any more,which is a shame.I suppose they take up too much room so less space to cram the paying punters in...

There’s really not a lot to see from the Hamburg to Berlin train.It’s very flat and very green.Sort of like a snooker table but with the occasional horse thrown in...so I’m sharing the sexy six seater carriage with a young couple,two bored looking teenager and a prodigious nose picker.If we go through a long dark tunnel and there’s a murder I’m guess nose picking man’s gonna cop it...But whodunnit? I’m guessing the female part of the couple as she keeps firing death stares his way...

Yay my DB phone ticket worked!  There’s no reason why it shouldn’t of course but y’know old people & new technology etc...there was a tense two seconds before the machine did it’s stuff and I was close to blowing it by stuttering like Boris Johnson in the Hope of causing a distraction...oh nose picking man’s left but I think he’s only going to find juicier noses to pick.We don’t stop anywhere but Berlin Spandau & Berlin hbf...you can probably tell I’m a bit bored...going trough some scary looking forest.All a bit Grimm fairy tale looking...

Got to Berlin fine.Was going to go to the temporary beer garden that was set up outside the main exit for Currywurst & a beer but it’s gone.S’pose the clue was in the word temporary...the sparrows are flinging themselves around.I always associate sparrows with this city.They’re everywhere and their chirping is omnipresent...Berlin Hauptbahnhof is a huge huge station and very easy to get intimidated by it.I’m still not fully sure where I’m going even after using it loads of times.But what do I know? I still thought the temporary beer garden would be there a year on...

I’m a. Little bit out of the way but sussed our the bus services ok...for once I found the hotel easily.I don’t take taxis if I can help it and as I’d already bought a weekly travel ticket I may as well use it.Besides when I’m half cut one night without a scooby where I am knowing a bit of the local transport layout comes in handy.

The hotel’s a bit fancy for my tastes but it works out at about £150 pw for a single room...it’s actually a three bed dorm but I’ve been assured I’m the only one staying.Of course being Berlin it’s on the 4th floor with no lift.I may end up kipping in the stairs a few nights...but there is working Wi-fi

Not only is the Wi-fi ok but I have found their beer garden with Weißbier at €3-50 a pop...well that’s me sorted.No need to go anywhere else all week.Apart from the laundrette...

28 days later...a month in Germany.Day 9

Bloody hell day nine...gotta say it’s flown by so far.Hamburg’s been superb.Spent much of my time around St Pauli & Altona.Both cool places with what would probably be called an alternative lifestyle thing going on...it’s always thought dock area’s of port cities are basically no go parts filled with cutthroats and general dodgy characters,and let’s face it that’s part of the appeal,but I’ve felt as safe & secure here as anywhere...

 Every day in Germany last year I was plagued by wasps but so far this time around all’s been quiet on the buzzy little yellow bastard front.Maybe things will change the further east I go or maybe Frau Merkel has eradicated them...god they were a pest in every sense of the word...granted it’s not as stiflingly hot this time around and I noticed from the train window that the millions of acres of maize seems to be healthy whereas last year all the crop was dead in the fields...anyway that’s all from Country File this week...

In a small bar with just me & the landlady (small bars in Germany are all run by women it seems) and she said it’s sweet that you order in German but we can speak English if that makes you feel better...was trying to explain that I’m trying to show some respect by at least attempting the language etc when I saw her glaze over and grab the remote “you want to watch some football?” Totally fobbed off in my diplomatic quest but of course it was “ oh yes please!”(Karlsruhe v Dresden btw.1-1 at half time) She clearly knows the way to a man’s heart and also how to shut up a patronising Englishman...anyway a ludicrous own goal puts Karlsruhe in the lead.Dresden look shocking,Karlsruhe look sort of ok but it’s hard tell and the landlady still doesn’t want to talk...well it’s now 4-1 to Karlsruhe with 10 mins left.Frankly it could be double as Dresden are piss poor.This has been your Bundesliga 2 correspondent from a pub in Hamburg...Still here.Another game about to start.Hannover v Regensburg.Don’t worry I’ll keep reports to a minimum unless it’s a nutty game.

Fella in the bar loves Springsteen...fine but been here for as long as the normal Bruce gig and I’d say half of what he’s put on the juke box is the New Jersey bard...with the odd guest appearances...found a bar showing the cricket.Obviously it’s an Irish bar but as they’re now a legit test playing nation that’s permissible...they also have Black Sabbath on the juke box too 

As you sit there watching cricket in an Irish bar in Hamburg and wonder aloud if Mohin should come back to bowl you get into a conversation with a Northern Irish Fulham fan who lives in Berlin because,well of course you do...nice chap...

Packed up waiting to get my €20 deposit back on the key then grab the train to Berlin.I’ll miss Hamburg though.The last time I was here was the first time I’d been to Germany on my own and the place passed me by really but I’m a bit more confident about doing this now so I can step back and appreciate things more...

See you all tomorrow from that there Berlin.

28 days later...a month in Germany day 8

This is my third day of coming to this cafe bar for an early morning coffee or two and today I sat down and without even asking the fella bought my coffee...I like that and it’s not something I really have in the UK as I don’t really use anywhere regularly enough to warrant local Status.Currently working on having a „“spot“

 

There‘s a big party of about twenty five people sat next to me,obviously family,all dressed very smartly in dark clothes.Lots of hugs,hand holding and sighs whilst talking.I imagine they’re off to a funeral or a wedding that nobody is keen on...i‘m intrigued but would never ask of course.

There doesn’t seem to be the fixation of walking down the street transfixed to a mobile phone(or Handy as it’s called) here as there is in Britain.Whether that’s true of everywhere in Germany i don’t know.Maybe it’s because on Reeperbahn there‘s er,other things to see...or maybe it’s cos‘ in general the signal over here is pretty ropey so nobody can be arsed searching...

Talking of dodgy signals I have only just found out we won 4-1 last night.Managed to get about a 20seconds window of WiFi in my room to check it out.Don‘t even know who scored...I have seen that we won’t be playing Jablonec which I was going to try to get to from Berlin next week.Ah well Armenia it is then...nah have to give that a miss i‘m afraid.Flying the colours today in celebration...

I’m enjoying doing these daily blog things.The last couple of times I’ve been here I have usually done one per week and tried to write things down in the notebook beforehand.Turns out I’m rubbish at taking notes so if anyone needs a secretary they’re much better going to someone else...anyway I’m finding doing it this way good fun and hope you are too...oh and you may have noticed they’re usually a day behind.Well logistics an’ all that...

Being a smoker I notice that many more people indulge over here than in the UK...it’s funny that in Britain I am generally surprised to find out a person smokes whereas over here I’m surprised when a person doesn’t...it’s cheaper here so obviously that has a bearing on things I suppose but I doubt that’s the only reason...also there are cigarette machines dotted about the place & also in some bars.A definite throwback.Can’t remember the last time I saw one back home

 

Have seen loads of rocker types wearing cut off denim jackets covered in badges and TURBOJUGEND blazoned On the back.They all look like very clean cut Hell’s Angels .At first I thought they were some sort of religious cult thang but seen many in bars drinkin’ and smokin’ so maybe not...anyway very unthreatening.I know Google exists for a reason but I just can’t be arsed looking at the moment (no signal either) So confirmed from Rikky that they are some sort of Scandinavian cult thing..,

Anyhoo had a great day with Rikky.Many of you on Twitter will be familiar with her work...good to get a local perspective on things too...

The last thing I saw last night as I sat at the bar by the hotel was two Hooters barmaids chasing after a fella who’d probably done a runner after a few drinks...it’s not funny cos’ it’s those women’s livelihoods and also to be honest those uniforms aren’t really made for chasing piss heads up and down Reeperbahn...

This is my last day in Hamburg.Tomorrow morning I’m off to Berlin for a week...

Bye till then...

Oh nearly forgot.Met some Dutch lads who were going to the St Pauli game.Knew all about Wolves.I don’t mean what’s happened recently either but our history etc...fair play to them even though they were very loud even to my Yamyam ears...

28 Days later...a month in Germany day 7

You know how it is,you pop into a bar at four in the afternoon and think you‘ll have a couple then find some food  and you walk out nine hours later...we‘ve all done it at some stage in our lives.

So the St Pauli Eck is a very accommodating bar.Very basic and very friendly.I ended up sat at the bar chatting to the locals and we even had that conversation,you know the one...the one that should never be spoken of with Germans.The Second World War is Never a gambit i‘d start a conversation up with a German unless they bring it up first,which this fella did and then I was happy to oblige...anyway after many beers & shots we agreed it was a bad thing all in all...sorted.

At one stage the night looked like it might get ugly when a fella said „“Your Boris Johnson I like him...“ the look on my face must have been a picture cos‘ he quickly added „“no,not really,he’s a dick“

Had a quick look round the outside of St Pauli‘s ground.Never realised it was so close to Reeperbahn and there’s also a massive fairground next door to it called The Dom.I don’t know if Fosun have any plans to incorporate a sex mile & fairground next to Molineux but it would make the Matchday experience (as they like to call it) an...well,experience.

Of course it’s well known The Beatles were Reeperbahn‘s resident band in the early 60‘s and,well how can I put this delicately,well i‘m sure the lads put it about it...I can‘t help but look at people in their mid fifties and wonder.Have not yet seen anyone with a striking resemblance to John,Paul,George and,God have mercy on their soul,Ringo but there must be a few middle aged illegitimate mop tops walking the streets of Hamburg...

Anyway I will have some company tomorrow afternoon.A woman I know from Twitter lives here but travels to Wolves occasionally and seems to have a big network of pals there.Don‘t know the how‘s,why‘s & whatfore‘s of the story behind it but sure i‘ll find out.It‘ll be cool to meet up and have a good drink & natter...

In a bar on Reeperbahn and a Scouse stag party has just rocked up and to be honest I can’t hack it so going down the bar I was in last night...cheaper too which always helps in these decisions.

One of the Scouse fellas just nudged me on the arm and put his thumbs up a la Jack Hayward saying „“ all right mate?“ I couldn’t let on so just put my thumbs up with „“ ya sehr gut“ call me a snob but I just couldn’t be arsed getting into a conversation...he was friendly enough but things might be different eight hours down the road...

Good to hear some German tunes on the juke box.I have no idea who‘s playing but they’re very rocky so that’s ok.I suppose I should be looking for a bar showing the Wolves game but frankly it‘s a hopeless cause.I will bid you all ciao ciao

Ciao ciao

28 Days later...a month in Germany.Day 6

Hamburg seems to have that rain,sun,rain,sun thing going on,even more so than Britain...just made a bit of a dick of myself in a bakery.I pointed at two lovely looking ham & cheese salad rolls and said in faultless(to my ears ) German

“Kann ich bitte haben zwei Schanzen „“ not sure why the girl looked both confused and amused as it clearly said „“Schanzen „“ in front of the rolls however it turns out that’s the name of the bakery...anyway to cut a long story short i‘m now the proud owner of two Hamburg bakeries and I intend to make sweeping changes too...Luckily i‘m not bothered about making an arse of myself and anyway it gives the poor downtrodden workers in the shop something to laugh about during the next coffee break...Which of course I will ban once the paper work goes through.Hard but fair...

They really need to work on their wifi in St Pauli...it‘s terrible.Were I a conspiracy theorist i‘d say as it’s a predominantly leftist area the powers that be have deliberately restricted it to inhibit communications but that wouldn’t be the case would it?

Currently i‘m doing that thing I rail against in British bars and having a coffee...I know i‘m a hypocrite but what you gonna do eh? The old woman opposite is putting me to shame by sinking two groß Biers in very little time...talking of old woman...on the train to Cologne on Saturday two very well dressed ladies,probably mid seventies or so,got on at Aachen  about noon swigging from big bottles of beer.This is nothing unusual here but I know in Britain many would be clucking like old mother hens at such Wantoness...

I have been out to look at the Rathaus cos‘ you know that’s what you gotta do.It‘s very impressive of course but in truth they all look pretty much of a muchness in Germany so i‘m back in St Pauli,which,once you get away from the madness of Reeperbahn is a nice area but just with a bit more graffiti than normal...think i‘ll pop down the docks this afternoon.I could get used to this sedentary lifestyle.

No Fisch Markt Open today.It only opens on Sunday’s..Been there before and it’s ok as markets go.Still pretty packed though but it’s missing some salty old sea dogs playing sea shantys‘ on accordians.I have the beard but none of the other items...I wouldn’t even know how to go about buying a dancing monkey...

Another storm arrived but I saw it coming and nipped into a bar...even made a terrible quip to a fella sitting by me...“wir trocken und trinken“ ok it‘s probably not grammatically correct and also more Susan Boyle than Frankie Boyle but he chuckled ( more out of pity than mirth I suspect) but i‘m proud of my efforts...so what with owning two bakeries i‘m now on the comedy circuit...

The good thing about Hamburg summer rainfalls is they don‘t seem to last.They come up the river.Drop what they have to then are replaced by sunshine...

So walking through a bookshop to get an S-Bahn platform is weird no?  I wasn’t sure if I was obliged to buy .a book or not...there’s definitely a marketing ploy there for the new high speed train to Brum.

More tomorrow peeps.

28 Days later...a month in Germany.Day 5.

It‘s a funny thing but many say the Germans are rigid in their rules and I suppose to a decree that’s true...I think murder is still frowned upon for instance.But today a little blow was dealt to the system.I had a message on my DB(Deutsch Bahn) App saying my train was full and as I hadn’t reserved a seat I might have to stand or at least „“Corbyn“ it .No problem I travelled in the bike carriage last year so don’t mind getting down & dirty...

I asked the woman on information about it and she said I might be able to get on an earlier train and even better it‘s direct...although i did check with one of the on board team and he was fine with it.See? Little bit of leeway doesn’t hurt.Mind you i have not had my ticket checked yet so all this optimism could be badly misplaced...well that was two hours ago and as yet no ticket inspectors and we‘re only another two hours away from Hamburg.Oh the excitement...got to Hamburg Altona with no hitches and found the hotel pretty easily too.

So i‘m currently sat in Reeperbahn having a cold Budvar,which I was schooled by the barmaid in how to say properly.The bloody cheek of it...If you don’t mind having your every utterance scrutinised and corrected by barmaids with balls then Germany is the place for you.Talking of women with balls my hotel is opposite a transvestite club...the hotel is really a tenement Block partly converted into rooms for guests intermingled with real living working people.Nice big room,shared kitchen & bathroom.Not Bad at all.Cash upfront of course and i‘ve already sussed out where Lidl is...it was £5 dearer when I got there than when I checked this morning so what the fuck has Johnson been doing these last few hours?

Reeperbahn is tacky as fuck.If you‘ve never been here it’s exactly as you‘d imagine it... but in that time honoured phrase „“It is what it is“. I‘d think it’s a tight community who‘ve got each other’s backs if it kicks off from pissed up stag party’s to the authorities.On a personal note my hotel is just a Usain Bolt ten second jog away from Reeperbahn U-Bahn station so less chance of getting lost...not impossible but...

Hire Shoreditchtwat scooters are a thing in Hamburg too...a huge storm just woke me up.They‘re not uncommon here.Think it’s all to do with The North Sea & Baltic convergence and all that caper.It was a good one though.Some lovely bangs & crashes and i could hear the rain on the paving stones from the first floor...

In a while crocodile...

28 Days later...a month in Germany.

Still day three and i‘m on my third pint of weißbier(it‘s pricey but man it’s good)I keep thinking I should be doing something constructive but hell i‘m on holiday for a month and I don’t really go  big on tourist attractions,well not once the bars are open...yea I know they’re a thing and should be seen but one thing living in London has taught me is get to these places either early or late cos‘ otherwise it’s mayhem.I‘ll pop in early if I fancy it but late‘s never gonna happen as the bars are open...anyway I intend to relax and frankly fighting for photo space with hundreds of other tourists does not make me relaxed...whereas sitting in a bar generally does.

Found a little bar down by the Rhein away from the main drag.Great little place even though I was showered in glass (clean) by the barmaid,who has worked about ten tables on her own,she was very apologetic but no harm done.Not ended up with a sexy Rui Praticio scar.I even helped with the clearing up cos‘ i‘m nice...and who knows I may end up with a free drink...

Before I left Britain I bought one of those power banks for my phone.Man they’re worth it(especially for writing shite like this) only £25 from Currys too and no, i‘m not sponsored by them.but i‘m open to offers like the whore that I am.

Did that thing last night of getting hopelessly lost on the U-Bahn.Done it before and will no doubt do so again.Like all these things it started badly and just escalated.Turns out I was at the wrong stop to begin with and naturally got the wrong train...if you imagine the tube map then I ended up in Morden when I wanted to be in Finsbury Park,which is something i‘ve done in the past too so it‘s not the language barrier.As these things tend to happen late at night after a drink I can only guess it‘s the low light that’s the problem.Anyway got back ok albeit about three hours later than expected.

At the station now waiting for the Hamburg train.Think it’s just over five hours journey with a change at Hannover...

I still can’t get used to the German „“stare“ and I don’t think I ever will.They tend to hold your gaze just that split second longer than us Brits find comfortable.Mind you I was thinking as i‘m bearded with a rucksack maybe they’re a wee bit nervous...I was pulled out at Kings X after going through the metal detector „“here we go“ I thought „“bloody beard profiling“ of course some stupid sod had left their phone in their pocket had‘nt they...

Until tomorrow Boys & Girls.

28 days later...A month in Germany.

Looks like it’s gonna be a beautiful day...yesterday was definitely one where the umpires were constantly checking their light meters and taking the teams off every twenty minutes.

One thing struck me as I sat under cover drinking was Germans don’t seem to go very big on umbrellas.Yea there were a few dotted about but nothing like it would be in Britain where it would  be a sea of bobbing umbrellas for as far as the eye could see...

The hotel I’m staying at is a bit out of the way.It’s right on the edge of what was no doubt once a massive old industrial complex.Now I find old abandoned factories fascinating and evokative but these areas do tend to be lacking in facilities like bars & shops mainly because,I’m guessing here,all those things were already within the factories themselves...however I’m surprised there’s no public transport nearby.Been walking about a mile & half to get into town until last night i discovered a tram stop about ten minutes away on the other side of a huge housing estate which backs onto the hotel...and it is huge too.Probably houses a few thousand.So hooray for dodgy shortcuts.Mind you my next hotel in Hamburg is two streets off Reeperbahn so,y’know,contrasts.

Having been in the service industry most of my working life nothing pisses me off more than customer arrogance & rudeness towards those serving on them.At the table in front of me in the bar were seven people who all had a drink then paid fully in change.That’s ok but just to leave the change spread all over the table to leave the barman to pick up every cent was a twatish thing to do in my book.Showed a total lack of respect...

Turns out I inadvertently broke the law on the transport system yesterday...bought what I thought was a four journey ticket for 2€ ( which admittedly I thought was damn cheap) turns out to be a four stop ticket.Ho hum.I have seen the German inspectors in action and ignorance is definitely not a mitigating factor.You get fined €60/80 no matter what.Tough titty and learn to buy the correct ticket...

My last full day in Cologne.It’s lovely city and well worth a visit...tomorrow it’s a five hour train journey to Hamburg Altona.

28 Days later...a month in Germany.

Breakfast completed.The usual fare which I like but let’s be honest nothing holds a candle to a full on heart attack on a plate English fry up...mind you their multi juice was bloody lovely and I downed three before they managed to prise me away from the machine...

Back in my room now waiting for the rain to stop and my camera battery to recharge.Even though we all have super phone cameras these days I still  like the idea of using an actual camera(although only a digital one.I‘m not quite at the box brownie stage of nostalgia yet)  

I don‘t mind the rain either but don‘t want to start the day soaking wet.On these trips I have travelled light through nessessity and don’t even bring a coat cos‘ it‘s not gonna be cold and when it does start raining there’s always a handy bar to nip into for several drinks...anyway it‘s stopped now so gonna go explore Cologne Alt Stadt a Little and as it’s Sunday it actually will be like 28 Days Later...

My bar bill last night for five beers was eight Euros which is pretty damn good I think.Will have to find it again so I can have good cheap beer whilst the landlady whithers me with a look...

Made it into Cologne city centre....it’s a cliche that Germany closes on a Sunday but the place isn’t on total shutdown.True all of the major shops are closed but drift down to the mainline station and it’s teeming and as many of them are just shopping malls with a few train platforms added on(more so here than in Britain) then the Sunday shut down here is clearly not total.I for one hope they keep it so but may feel differently if I lived over here.

As I was having a smoke outside the hotel a chap came out.I said something to him and clearly thinking I was a local he said „“you’re English is flawless“. Ha i can assure you it’s not as Jacob Rees Mogg would no doubt testify.He also then said I talk too loud.Which to be fair is true...gotta love the Germans and their brutal honesty!

Not sure if it’s a Cologne thing or a German thing but hire electric Shoreditchtwat scooters are definitely a thing here.I‘ll find out more when I visit other cities.I bet Berlin has them...having a midday bevvy down by the River Rhine which is as good as it can be really.

By the way I have changed my keyboard to Deutsh and they tend to capitalise oddly(in our eyes) so if you see something weird like that then that’s the reason.I have done it cos I may need to spell a German word with umlauts in and who doesn’t love them sexy umlauts? Incidentally why is‘nt Umlauts spelt ümläüts?

Laters Alligators.