Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days #32

Nice easy trip,couple of hours upstairs on a double decker luxurious train straight through to Nuremberg from Stuttgart.Lovely…stopped at a couple of places I’d never heard of but were quite sizeable towns/cities and I wondered why they’d never appeared on my radar…it’s football innit? 

This might be a proof of my ignorance or the importance of football to a community( probably a bit of both) but most places I know of are initially because they have a relatively well known football club or have  left an indelible mark on history.My current location,Nuremberg being a case in point.Yes they have a fairly well know football heritage but it’s undoubtedly true it’s fame ,or infamy,lies elsewhere…

Found the hotel easily again (kind of)and bonus points are It’s 20 seconds from the U-Bahn and about a five minute walk from the historical 

Walled alt Stadt.so all is hunky & dory in that respect…got an email from the hotel two days ago with the entrance code and code for the key to the room so it could be another where I don’t see anyone as I’m pre paid…however couldn’t find the hotel initially.The address was a bar( promising)walked in,one very bored & pissed off barmaid dismissively pointed me to the car park at the back.She might have been offering me out for a fight for all I knew…

Most of my hotels have been en suite which is rare in the price range I dabble in but welcome nonetheless.The ghost hotel in Stuttgart wasn’t but it didn’t matter as disembodied spirits rarely need the showers or bogs.This one could be more challenging.I’m on the top floor naturally.There’s a WC one floor down,no problem and the showers are in the basement! Someone might get and early morning eyeful of my Yayas’ as I clamber up the stairs wrapped in a towel…

Returned to the bar for a drink and a determination to raise a smile from the barmaid.Pleased to say I got both then found an Apotheke.Got some very expensive antihistamine cream.Hopefully it will do the trick as my legs & ankles are a bit shot.Made one application so far and already things feel slightly better so here’s hoping…

Apothekes are a bit like our chemists but they’ve cut out the cosmetic sideline that we have.Things are purely medicinal…the woman was very helpful anyway…

It’s good to be back in Nuremberg again.Will have a decent look around tomorrow and probably visit the castle at the top of the hill.There’s a defensive wall that circles the alt Stadt and it’s worth coming just to see that as you can walk around it and also the moat.But obviously there’s much more than that about the place.History,both ancient and modern…

See you all tomorrow…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#31

I am pretty damn sure I’m staying in a ghost hotel…not in The Specials social  commentary about the ills of Thatcher’s Britain kind of way but literally.I have been here three days and the only soul I have seen is the Italian fella I helped to get the key for on the first day.Not seen him since,or any staff either,nor any evidence of such.Reception? Closed.Restaurant? Closed.Other guests? Nope…in years to come I will meet a Stuttgartian( ? I don’t know) mention I visited and where I stayed and they will turn ashen faced and say “ that building was demolished forty years ago after the grisly murders there”I’m telling you it’s true…

Tomorrow I’m off to Nuremberg for a few days.It’s only about three hours from here with no changes so not anticipating any big dramas on the train.Famous last words and all that but have given myself enough time as usual Incase of fuck ups by me or Deutsche Bahn.But before that I have to do something that’s new to me and seek medical help first.Don’t worry it’s nothing too bad,it’s these bloody mosquitos bites! Both my legs and arms are getting hammered and burning up with them and I will visit an Apotheke prior to my trip for some antihistamine cream or tablets.It will be a totally new experience…

Been to Nuremberg before.It was on my first solo trip to Germany in 2016( seven years ago.Blimey) and I liked it but feel I will get more out of the place now I have more confidence being solo in mainland Europe.A bit of of self doubt held me back at that time.I still suffer from it occasionally but it’s improving daily…

Very nearly wore a Wolves top today to celebrate our 5-0 trouncing of Blackpool last night then suddenly remembered that we bought Sasa kalajdzic from VfB Stuttgart and wasn’t sure how the locals would react…oddly for a big football city not seen much evidence of the local team’s shirts being worn around.Usually you see a sprinkling but can’t remember seeing not a one…

I am finally getting used to the “German stare” I have probably mentioned this in previous blogs but Incase you don’t know the German’s tend to hold a gaze on you a split second  more than us Brits are comfortable with.At first I thought they either wanted to fight me or fuck me.The former might be true in some cases but the latter most certainly is not.Anyway I have learned to ignore it as best I can…

Even though I have been up town a bit in reality I have spent more time in the bar two doors away from the ghost hotel.It’s a cool place and the people are nice and they do a fine Weißbier too.This isn’t a slight on Stuttgart.It’s fine but sometimes local is best and I feel comfortable here. I’m relaxed and as a certified old bastard that’s fine…just saw an old lady tear a strip off two youngsters for skateboarding down this small hill the bar’s on.She turned to me and looked so I gave her the thumbs up.When she buggered off I gave the kids the thumbs up too.I’m a guest,I’m allowed to play both sides…

Right after my latest pint I’m off to cut my nails down to the quick to minimise the scratching I’ll inevitability do to my legs & arms  during the night…

Until tomorrow…or until I remember something that can’t wait.Ciao…

Ps. Have decided to wait to visit Apotheke until I get to Nuremberg.

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#30

It’s the beard man I tell you.Four times I’ve been asked directions.All I need is a pipe and I will be the Oracle that knows nothing.By the way the German for “ I don’t have a Scooby” is “ Ich habe keinen Scooby”

Stuttgart’s ok,..usually we have pre conceived ideas about a place before we visit.For instance Freiburg was pretty much exactly what I expected.Stuttgart not so much…the look of it is slightly different for a start.I was expecting lots of ultra modern glass fronted buildings and while there’s a bit of that there’s also the more traditional type of German stuff knocking about too.It’s a nice mixture…their U-Bahn is probably the best I’ve come across in Germany.Very easy to negotiate.If you get lost on it you’re either extremely stupid or extremely drunk…

It’s the first place I have been to on this trip that’s not really a touristy place,yes there are tourists but not many,just a few lost souls who came here by mistake.But there is a world renowned technology research university so they’re used to foreign guests being here…the one thing I have noticed is the lack of Polizei sirens.Been here over a day and probably only heard one.In Berlin for instance the distinctive sound is almost an urban symphony played on a loop.Yet I’ve seen plenty of Polizei cars and also plenty in the U-Bahn so maybe they just do things differently…

Currently having a drink outside the bar that didn’t open on monday by my hotel( not holding out much hope for the Indian restaurant up the road) very nice people,just got a cheery “ Guten Tag” from a little old lady as she walked past.In the great scheme of things it doesn’t mean much but it’s nice…

Had to eventually bite the bullet and buy a rain coat from Primark( huge shop in Stuttgart!) It’s been raining on and off in this part of Germany for a good few days now and even got a bit cold since I constantly banged on about the hot weather…hopefully it’s waterproof (as it claims) or maybe hopefully I won’t find out.To be honest as I’m up in Norway & Sweden in October I would probably need something anyway.Just wanted to reduce the luggage.It wasn’t too expensive anyway,about £24…

May pop back into town later to see what’s what.Luckily I’m not as far out as I thought and the U-Bahn is just down the hill.Stuttgart is surprisingly hilly in places too…anyway the rain’s stopped too so alles gut…

Laters peeps…

Ps Never did get back into town after all,had a few more pints & a bite to eat and crashed for a few hours.Checked the result and a lovely 5-0 win.Now I know it was only against lower league opponents and we shouldn’t make too much of it but we’re definitely winning the treble…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#29

Right then deep breath:Train from Freiburg cancelled at the last minute.At least we all thought it was on the platform but then it wasn’t but then it was.There was a Berlin train in and it went to Baden Baden so I thought bugger it I’ll go there then just get a local train to Karlsruhe…fine that went well.

Train was cancelled to Karlsruhe from Baden Baden so waited another hour with die welt und seine Frau…had to stand all the way but it was only an hour so no problem.At Karlsruhe a train came but the one I had selected for my Interrail ticket was five minutes later( even though the Interrail phone app is very flexible you still need to punch up the correct train time) anyway I was being a smart arse letting everyone squeeze on to this train and I’d have a train to myself.No I wouldn’t.The train wasn’t five minutes later,it was an hour and five minutes later.They’d put the wrong time up on the board.A bad day for Deutsche Bahn…believe it or not I was quite chilled about the whole thing.I wasn’t in a rush and I knew I’d get to Stuttgart at some point as it isn’t really that far from where I started from…

Imagine having the sweetest chocolate cake topped off with beautiful cream.That was Freiburg,all relaxed,smooth with a satisfying “ahhh” ease about it all…then imagine following that with anchovies dipped in marmite.That was Stuttgart.A total shock to the system.Mad dashing about,people bumping into each other etc…a totally different vibe,not better or worse just different…the walk alone from the station platform to the main U-Bahn station must have been half a mile.I don’t think it is normally but there’s such a massive building operation going on around the station that that’s the detour. 

Pretty chuffed with myself for working out the ticket machine,payment,train & finding the platform all in about three minutes.Job done.Sat down in a single seat but hadn’t noticed the pram sign saying it’s for women( or men) with prams but got told off when a woman with a pram got on.Kein problem,I was in the wrong.Then halfway through the journey remembered to validate my ticket.It can be a hefty fine if you don’t.So that bought a few raised eyebrows…

I’m a bit out of town in a part of Stuttgart called Mineralbäde so obviously some kind of local spa.Infact my hotel is the other side of a park from the U-Bahn stop where there’s a few indoor & outdoor swimming pools but no eggy natural spa smell so maybe they’re all dried up and only the name survives…

Found the hotel no problem.All closed up with another guy waiting outside.The booking had said check in was after 3pm and it was about twenty past so no worries.Had a smoke and tried to chat with the fella.Italian with no English and crucially no German either cos on the door was a phone number to call to get the code to get the key in only those two languages.Did that and explained the situation with the other chap and got his keys too.Poor bloke would still be there otherwise…noticed a bar restaurant next door but not open monday but there’s also an Indian restaurant just up the hill,closed for refurbishment.Damm,but a promising start…nope,that’s it,oh there is a Pilates place two doors away but unless they do curry wurst & Weißbier it’s not for me…it’s a lovely area but not much around.

Never mind I could probably do with a day off the booze and as the local transport app accepted I can afford a ticket I’ll get a three day pass tomorrow and explore Stuttgart.

Did I mention I’m on the top floor with no lift? German‘s and stairs? It’s a definite thing…

Goodnight all…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#28

I scrapped the original I wrote of this as it was a bit downbeat.I mentioned in it that my hair was going grey and it didn’t bother me but then as I was writing I began to get a bit reflective so maybe it did affect me a bit…daft really as my beard has been mostly grey since I have had it and that really hasn’t worried me but then beards do seem to have their own rules when it comes to hair colour…

It’s pretty early here,5-40am,and just made the mistake of having a vending machine coffee.What a foul wretched substance but a great laxative.Really if you have one just flush it right down the toilet and cut out the middle man…

Today I’m on my way to Stuttgart,a place I have never been to.I understand it to be quite a modern looking city,certainly compared to Freiburg,so it’s gonna be interesting to see the difference.It’s pretty close but I still have to change at Karlsruhe which I’m pretty sure I have changed at earlier in the trip…I have sort of doubled back on myself but after Stuttgart I head east…

Anyway Freiburg is great,well worth a visit,I’m sure there’s much more to it than the Disneyesque medieval city centre…it is certainly quite affluent but seems to be a fairly left leaning place too…to my mind it has a different rhythm than many German cities I’ve visited.That might be because it’s isolated down in the south west with the Black Forest shielding one side and the other side overlooking France & Switzerland.Or maybe I’m just talking bollocks…

I love it’s extensive tram system too.All cities should have trams,they look great,move people effectively and generally add a bit of class to a city…I’d like to see Wolverhampton’s tram expanded to take in the rest of the city and suburbs but that probably won’t be in my lifetime…

To offset the grey hair I do appear to have lost a bit of weight around the stomach.I’d like to think that’s due to doing a lot more walking than usual but it could be just the immediate affect of the vending machine coffee…however weight can be put  back on but grey hair will never go back to the lush flowing locks of,er,brown I had before unless I want to dye it in a tacky Mafiosi boss kinda way…

It’s weird that I haven’t seen much of the famous Black Forest whilst here,ironically I will probably get to see most of it on the train travelling away from Freiburg…oh and no more dreaded seat reservations for a bit either.I know you have to reserve seats travelling through Czechia but that’s how they normally do things rather than a rip off the mug  punter tourist type situation and theirs are just a couple of euros…

Anyway lads and lasses I can recommend Freiburg im Breisgau to visit for a bit.It’s a good city but don’t get an out of town hotel unless you’re driving…

See you all tomorrow…

Ps After all that messing about & fretting being so far out of town it turns out there was a bus stop over the road I couldn’t see as it was hidden and got a bus to the tram that took two minutes this morning! Duh!!!!!

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#27

Oh my head…I haven’t suffered any hangovers so far except for today…

Finally got into Freiburg and what a beautiful city it is.A kind of Disney idea of what a medieval town looks like,you know,less bubonic plague and more McDonald’s…that sounds like a gripe but it’s not,can’t really expect Freiburg im Breisgau (to give the proper name) to lay on a bit of Black Death just to cater to my whims of medieval authenticity…besides it’s not a theme park but a living breathing city that just happens to look like the locals are about to banish the evil tyrant king and burst into song at any given moment…

After doing the usual pics/coffee/pics/coffee thing it was time for a bevvy.This was maybe 1pm and I sat down in what I thought was a small place but turned out to me massive when I went to the toilets downstairs…Many German bars have toilets upstairs or downstairs that entail opening Google Maps to find.They’re like Uber Wetherspoons but with better beer and better owners…mixed with the countless tourists milling around were fans of both SC Freiburg and Werder Bremen who were playing each other.There didn’t appear to be much of a police presence and it was all very peaceful…

I was just about to pay up and bugger off when the place suddenly filled up and they put the game on so of course I stayed to watch and was joined at my table by a fella named Roman who was about my age and a SC Freiburg fan…

Now this was a normal Saturday round of games like we have in the UK and we are constantly told they can’t show the games live as that would drastically reduce the amount of fans willing to go to games.The stadium was full,Roman couldn’t get a ticket as I guess many in the bar couldn’t either.Even more impressive was the Bremen fans had sold out their allocated tickets and that’s a round trip of about 1,400 km.I assume the match feed was also available in Bremen.They may have wished they’d stayed home as they lost 1-0 to a 95th minute goal.Football can be cruel sometimes…meanwhile Wolves won 1-0 at Everton with a late goal so myself & Roman stayed for several more drinks late into the night…

Anyway I woke up in a ditch…no I didn’t,I’m only joking…but I did miss my stop on the tram,managed to find my way back to the hotel,spent about 5 minutes trying to pin in the pass code to my room and woke up about 4am fully clothed on the bed…and people ask why we drink ?  

So all in all turned out a good day and I’m fully awake now.Just popped out for a smoke and noticed the car park is full and it would appear I’m the only poor sap without a car…no real plans today,it’s sunday and we all know that means the place is on shutdown except for the important things like cafe bars and trams to take you to them…the weather is a bit bleugh too….I’m just regretting I didn’t bring any Paracetamol…

Until tomorrow boys & girls..,

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#26

Right let’s try this again…

Yesterday went from being good to being fraught to being hopeful again…

Got my first class seat on the train from Lyon,I’m all sorts of posh me,train was packed but my seat was a single window seat upstairs on a double decker and wouldn’t you know it there was a massive storm for the entire trip to Mulhouse Ville where me & half the train changed for Basel…

I saw that it only took half hour to Basel & the trains were regular so hung around for some food.I‘ll be dammed if I’m paying upwards of €9 for a sarnie if I don’t have to…didn’t hang around in Basel either as would have been tempted for a pint and had to take out a payday loan…

So got to Freiburg easily,had a coffee and downloaded the Freiburg local transport app( incongruously called VAG) but they wouldn’t let me buy tickets as it kept rejecting my bank approved thingy.Said my credit check was bad,kept trying but same everytime.Bugger.Turns out they were being complete and utter vages…had to break my rule about taxis again,driver tried for €40 and I got him down by another ten and at the end the metre read €29-85…

Have you ever been in a taxi with no idea where you’re going but it doesn’t feel right and you start to think “organ trafficking “? Yea that went through my mind…luckily I was wrong but man I was miles out of Freiburg.

Hotel is fine and the staff very helpful when I asked about how far the centre was I was told an hour walk.Bloody hell! There’s one bus stop outside but after checking it they’re one an hour and go nowhere near the centre.My app still said I was as poor as a church mouse…I am fine with getting the tickets I need either via machine or via phone but don’t have the confidence to engage with the driver in German “ nah mate I don’t want the terminus,I want the stop by Poundland next to the vape shop” 

So started walking but must have taken a wrong turn and for two hours( I was walking slowly) it was one huge industrial estate.It was worse than going to Reading…by this time I was thinking I’d made a huge mistake and couldn’t take three days of this…There was one isolated pub next to an abandoned rail line(never a good sign) I looked in,let’s just say the vibe was American Werewolf in London mixed with Clueless tourist getting mugged in Trainspotting.I didn’t have a drink…

Eventually I must have double tracked on myself and walked into a Tabak bar where five old time locals were happily drinking,smoking and playing that dice game old time Germans play.They were fine…by this stage I was seriously thinking of taking the hit,checking out of the hotel and getting closer to the centre as I really felt I was isolated.The prices were very high though.I checked out Baden Baden,the prices were even higher,thought about pissing off to Stuttgart but I’m there on monday anyway.Bollocks…shame as I’d always wanted to see Freiburg and it looked like I was not going to despite being here…I’ll check out the VAG app once you never know.Yay! Turns out I’m now a responsible enough adult to purchase a three day ticket for €24…

Couldn’t be bothered finding anything else so went back to the hotel as it turns out I was on the same road but a lot further up…took the same road this morning,walked a hundred metres past the Tabak bar and bugger me there’s a tram straight into town!

So now I’m in a cafe surrounded by tourists,Freiburg fans and Werder Bremen fans and I’m so happy I didn’t check out of the hotel last night…

See you all tomorrow!

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#25

I promise I won’t discuss the weather…it’s 40c…40 fucking degrees centigrade! 

Anyway smoking.Everyone thinks all Europeans smoke.Of course they don’t but they do compared to the Americans who appear to have got their knickers in a twist over smoking and use of the “C” bomb rather than…well you know.

Smoking in Britain has decreased markedly over the years,mainly due to price rises ( or I should say tax rises) and also stopping smoking inside public places.To be honest I think it’s more the price thing.Many smokers,including me,think the indoor smoking ban has many beneficial advantages and also reduces a smoker‘s smoking too.Especially in the winter…

Now my point is Germany,Austria and,surprising to me,Italy are all avid hardcore smoking nations.A pack is half the price of the Uk but apart from a few rare bars in Germany you still have to go outside so the correlation is clear…France however is different,because of course it is,their tabs are as pricey as ours in Blighty and there’s no smoking indoors( hanging out of hotel windows doesn’t count) but their smoking seems on a par with Germany,Austria & Italy…I can only surmise they do it for national pride,smoking has always been a trait associated with the French and they’re buggered if they’re gonna change.Those moody black & white films from the late 60‘s where Jane Birkin usually gets her kit off and smokes till she’s bandjoed we’re infact the forerunner of reality TV…Have to admit I quite miss the unshaven  French barmen coughing & spluttering with a half smoked Gauloises  hanging out of his mouth…

Lyon is big,a lot bigger than I guessed.I know this because I meant to go somewhere specific( or “pacific” as some youth seem to think) via tram,got hopelessly lost and saw much more of the place than I envisaged i would.Anyway I messed about for a while,got back to somewhere I sort of recognised and had a coffee then noticed a metro station.Needing to renew my 24 hour ticket I popped down,got the ticket and noticed a sign to the place I wanted to go.It was called La Croix Rousse and is an historic part of town,much higher up than the rest of Lyon.Stroke of luck.Got out the Metro and the heat hit me and there’s no way I was traipsing round looking for stuff…spotted Le Bull Cafe and just thought “yep” Nice little place,friendly folk…back in central Lyon now writing this in a bar.Many are struggling in this heat.Have I mentioned that? 

Early(ish) train tomorrow,8-30, to Freiburg in the Black Forest.Never been there before so let’s hope it doesn’t burn down over night…got my first class ticket ready.Did ask the girl if I get free stuff with it and she gave me the universal “ don’t push it” look…I’ll just be happy if things don’t go tit’s up to be honest…got to change at Mulhouse Ville & Basel. 

So it’s hard to give an accurate summary of Lyon owing to the sap sapping heat.Not done much except go to bars and they’ve been great,even the one yesterday with miss moody made me laugh and gave me something to write about…it seems a cool place,unfortunately that’s only a figure of speech…

So Au Revoir France and Hallo Germany ( via Switzerland)

Laters…

It’s raining! Albeit a passing shower but real rain!!!

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#24

We all love a moan about the weather but this is beyond mere griping now.My phone just refused to charge until it cools down(who knew that was a thing?) Lyon has issued severe weather warnings and I can imagine people keeling over from heat exhaustion.This is not fun…I’m sitting inside a bar by the river and blagged a seat with a cross breeze so it’s not too bad.But man alive I have seen tour parties being dragged around in this unrelenting 40c heat.Give the schedule a rest and go sit in a bar.But not this one please…

 

I had my first encounter with the infamous truculent French waitress of accepted cliche today and I loved it…sat down outside a bar over the river from where I am now.Pretty empty,waitress strolls over and I asked for a grande beer,I can tell straight away she’s unimpressed.Brings the beer,puts the receipt under the ashtray and stays there with her hand out “oh you want me to pay now?” “Of course” The bill is €7 and luckily I had loads of change so I painstakingly count out my 50,20 & 10 cents making a few mistakes on the way cos’ this is a game now and neither of us is backing down.Meanwhile she’s side on looking into the distance palm still outstretched and I’m sure she tapped her foot a few times…so all good,I drop the coins in her palm,she equally painstakingly counts them and looks at me “Merci” as dry as you like.So I give her the cheeriest “ Merci” I can muster…then it got truly awesome…

I’m sitting at a table next to the door,an American couple come to the door as my personal Medusa is going back in “Excuse me miss can I use the restroom?” A sharp turn and “quoi?” “Your restroom,you know bathroom,B.A.T.H.R.O.OM” “Non” and with that she was gone and the ashen faced woman looked at me and all I could do was give her my best Galic shrug…it was a tour de force and I loved her for it all…

Got two important things done today.Laundry & yet more train reservations.Both turned out pretty cool.Laundry close to the hotel like Trieste and like Trieste I was the only one there and could suss out how to use it.If it’s empty I can take my time and work everything out,if not I get flustered & embarrassed about not knowing what to do( sounds daft but hey ho)anyways all clean again…

Went to the mainline station for my reservation for the French leg of my trip to the Black Forest on Friday ( I think it’s only French & Italian trains that do this) The train I wanted had one seat left in first class.I explained my Interrail was 2nd class.The girl held her finger up and printed my seat ticket( a thin  paper ticket) and then handed me a thick cardboard ticket “ you are now first class” Libertre,Egalite,Fraternite…

Talking of the Age of Enlightenment I’m in a bar that sells only Belgian beer and they have Stella on tap.I happily enlightened the barman the connections Stella has in the UK with casual violence…international solidarity and all that…

Anyway Lyon? Well to be honest it’s been too dammed hot to have a proper look around but from what I’ve seen it’s sound.Very beautiful in a historic European way etc .Now that my main two chores are out of the way I’ll have an early breakfast tomorrow and then get a good look around the place before the heat stops us all in our tracks and I’m forced to go into a bar…

Stay cool you muthaflippers…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#23

Are you ready for a story of a train slog? It’s not even over yet as I’m sat on a sexy TGV at Marseille station at 5pm still to get to Lyon.Hopefully at some stage It’s gonna  be cruising at 300 kph and they remember to put the dammed air conditioning on…

Seems a long time ago but I was checking up on my ticket after showering at 4-30am in Genoa and suddenly realised the train I was going to get from Genoa to Ventimiglia went from a totally different station in Genoa.Oh shit.Not to worry I have time to work it out,hoping to find help at the station.Nobody about but saw there was a train to Ventimiglia in about 5 mins,That’s the baby,and it was…now I knew this part took a while and stopped at lots of places like the Wolves to Brum tram.There were loads of tired workers on there who I assumed worked at Genoa docks.I saw the sun come up and we skirted the coast and it was lovely…Never heard of Ventimiglia before but it looks a small rich place with a fair few tourists coming through hence what seemed an excessive amount of polizia & carabinieri knocking about keeping the cash flow safe…had my first coffee of the day nearly four hours after setting off.

Train to Nice was a good ride,an hour down the coast and a double decker yet people still chose to sit downstairs.I didn’t understand it,I know many have probably seen the view a hundred times but I still gawp out of the window going to Wolves…and this was some view! I can see why it’s some of the most expensive real estate in the world…

All was going well until Nice.Now I had given myself enough time in Nice,have some scran & more coffee,get the reservation I needed for the Marseille train and still get my original Nice-Marseille connection.Jeez that went out of the window sharpish.The queue was an hour long.I managed to get inside the office but there was a smaller queue of which I was 5th in line…no good,will have to get my train to Marseille and sort it out there.The barriers to get on to the platform weren’t working properly and by this time there were maybe seventy to a hundred jostling just to get on the platform never mind the train.See this is why I get things done early,avoiding all this unpleasantness.People are quick to panic…Nice station staff were obviously hiding…the train was packed with many standing in the aisles and corridors ( there were many six berthers and I was in one) it was old,none of the windows opened and there was no air conditioning and it was approaching 40c outside so god knows what it was inside… oh and it was late and I would have missed my original connection anyway…

Now I’d already made up my mind to get a later train so the lateness didn’t worry me but my clothes did.My top was sticking to me like Nadine Dorries’s newest PR…so went to the WC to change my top and have a spray of something that smells better than me…trouble  is the queue for reservations had grown but eventually I got seen and the only train available was the one I’m on now nearly three hours down the line. Oh and it was €20 of course…even our crappy train companies aren’t this obviously opportunistic.Yet…

So now I’m on the TGV speeding towards Lyon and tomorrow my first day in this supposedly great city will be an early laundry search…I did however do a good turn today.Whilst waiting at the departure board a young fella got something out of his pocket and a bit of money fell out.Not sure how much but there were some green €100 in there.I pointed it out to him cos’ i’m like that.Oh and he’s in my carriage as I write! 

I knew things would never run as smoothly as I wanted over nearly three months and apart from a little moment of petulance I was pretty sanguine about it all…

Oh well I need a drink and a good sleep…

See ya…

Pa Note to self .If I do this or similar again then make sure it’s out of the holiday season…

Did that thing that I never do and got a taxi to hotel.Usually like to suss things out on my own but in truth I was too pooped to do so and I probably would still be looking for the place tomorrow morning!

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#22

Never got to La Spezia as my train was cancelled and as it was the only one without having to book reservations I couldn’t be arsed paying the extra.These bloody reservations are becoming a pain.Most of the Italian trains seem to have them and they ain’t cheap,ranging from €5 to €20+.That’s not including the fine which more that doubled the cost of mine.

Of course tomorrow’s train to Lyon is a case in point,have to change three times and all’s ok until the Marseille to Lyon bit which needs reservations.Tried to do so here but different country can’t do it,tried on line to no avail( to be fair that could be my fault) so the only way to not pay an extra €25 of seat & fine is to get a 5-40am train to Nice & do it there.Luckily I’m literally a stones throw from the station so no problem…moan over

So I did the next best thing,went all Carry On and went up the Funicular (oeeerrrr missus) It was noisy,uncomfortable,slow,scary steep and loud…it was brilliant ! Oh it was also free(it’s at the back of Genoa main station if you’re ever in the area) I was the only tourist and it clearly served the local community who all seemed to know the drivers( yep two.One back one front to carry on the Carry On theme) once at the top there’s not much but houses and you can wait 20 mins or do what I did and take an easy walk down…yea right.Man that’s a steep walk and my legs were buckling by the end…

Anyway Genoa is great,looks awesome,with a hint of edginess about it to keep you on your toes.That might sound strange to some but it does help to stop you becoming complacent about your surroundings.Being aware may not keep you 100% safe but it lessens the risk of finding yourself in a dodgy situation…

It seems quite a radical place especially if the amount of political graffiti is anything to go by.Although I must  point out that much of it is written in pretty much the same writing.One person on a mission can make a lot of noise with unlimited access to spray paint…but it’s a port and most ports are fairly radical.They’re also mostly tough places with a lack of bullshit and a good nose for sniffing bullshit out.I have been laughed at on several occasions in shops in a friendly way and if you take it that way and laugh along you’ll be fine and welcomed but if you’re easily offended then probably best to stay away…once again I have met nothing but good people including getting a few Wolves mentions and also a Coventry one today( one for my Cov WhatsApp crew there)

Went for a walk through to labyrinth of alleyways that skirt the port side of the city.Brilliantly fascinating and scary in equal measure.I stand by my statement of keeping away at night.Bet there’s some nastiness going down and you wouldn’t want to be a part of it.I think the Polizia & Carabiniere patrol in the day but maybe at night they figure you may have it coming…I was going to book a hotel in the area but when reading up on it decided stumbling around trying find my hotel half pissed at midnight would not be clever.Discretion is the better part of valour…there are hundreds of interconnected alleyways to get lost down…

In saying that it’s not all Favelas,Barrios and The Hill’s Have Eyes…strolling round I happened upon a couple of parts that would have the Hackney Hipsters drooling.Little Indy expensive cafes and cooperative food shops etc,all very twee,exclusive & expensive.Just don’t ask me to find them again…

Sorry to have banged on a bit longer this time.It’s just that I have found Genoa endlessly fascinating and will definitely come back again…

Until tomorrow…keep yer pecker up(oeeerrr missus)

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#21

My legs have been bitten to buggery and I know who to blame.It’s not the mosquitoes,they’re just minions,pawns in the game,it’s that bloody apex backpack woman! Those weren’t bites on her legs,they were feeding stations for her equivalent of the wicked witches’ winged monkies…”fly my pretties and get that bastard that wrote nasty things” it’s the only explanation.Luckily I had the foresight to pack some Savlon anti septic cream along with the brown sauce and tins of beans…

It’s yet another “ phew what a scorcher” day.Probably every day now since the biblical downpour in Linz in what seems months ago but is really only eleven days.Still that’s normally enough to initiate drought procedures in the UK along with dire warnings of heavy prison sentences if you don’t drink your own urine to save water along with  lots of tired blitz spirit analogies…mind you even the locals are starting to look frazzled so this is a bit unusual…

Got the local transport app on the phone and unlike the Verona one it’s validated as soon as the money comes out the bank.No messing about with truculent drivers who can’t be arsed and don’t care if you end up in some sort of Shawshank Redemption situation…€4-50 for a mostly all singing,all dancing,bells & whistles 24 hour ticket.Pretty damn good…

 

So got the bus and went up the hill,after some friendly joshing from the  fella in the cafe at the bus station,wasn’t sure how high we’d gone as it didn’t seem too much of a climb but saw another cafe,got off and looked at the view.Mama Mia! As I’m sure I’m not allowed to say,what a scene and I was probably only two thirds of the way up.Fantastic panorama of the blocks of flats hugging the hills and also of city & port…of course went into the cafe,got more gentle ribbing but at €1-20 for a huge Americano they could pull my pants down,point and laugh…wearing a Wolves top and got a “Ah Wolverhampton “ from the fella too…

Walked back down via very steep stairs past the Funicular,which I will take before I go…and back to earth eventually.God I was sweating up a storm and will need another laundry day very soon( or some new t-shirts) Little hint,if it’s crazy hot like it is now and you’re down by Genoa port go sit under the huge flyover,it’s shaded naturally but you also get a decent sea breeze too.I spent half hour there…got another bus into the centre of town,had a few drinks and some Argentinian food.Genoa & Argentina have very close ties… 

Now I’m at a little bar I was in yesterday where at first the woman was a bit arsey with me but we’re firm buddies now.A common moaning about the weather can cement such international ties…

I think tomorrow I will get the train down the coast to La Spezia.It’s supposed to be a spectacular journey and a nice little town.I can also use my Interrail so all’s good…

 

Bye for now from sweaty sweaty Genoa…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#20

So I’m sitting in a bar by the Genoa dockside and at the next table are two women who look like a combo of Sophie Loren & Salma Hayek and this has no bearing on my initial thoughts on the city whatsoever.Honest guv…

Genoa looks mad in the best way possible.It’s like seven hundred years ago they gave an architect carte blanche and said “go nuts” and the same firm have been doing so ever since…even down to the huge fuck off fly over dividing the port from the rest of the city.It should be a carbuncle that ruins the aesthetics of the city but instead it looks cool…I have only seen a tiny bit but I’m hooked.Those tight little alleyways that skirt the port are awesome,they’re about three people wide and about 25/30 metres high with endless shops.The whole place just engulfs you but frankly I wouldn’t go near them at dusk or beyond.A den of villains I bet…

 

So I bet you’re wondering if I got away with no reservations between Verona & Milan? Nah of course not.Not even close…as soon as I saw the guard at the end of the carriage metronomicly checking each ticket the jig was up…€23 it cost me.That’s twenty three of yer actual European Euros! I think half of it was a fine of some kind.Anyway on the next part of the trip to Genoa I got the only train not needing reservations,along with more clued up travelling folk than me.Sat with a nice German couple and their cute daughter and all it cost me was a few Mentos sweets…

Genoa station and went out for a smoke naturally and a gander at Google maps to get my bearings,looked up and there’s my hotel up on the hill.Result( sorry fellow Wolves fans I shouldn’t say that) Clocked in and handed over my passport and went to my room in one of those sexy old school gated lifts..,did my bits then went down stairs to reception.I hadn’t even noticed the woman was a Brit never mind an accent “I see you’re from Wolverhampton “ “ er,I yer,er how…” “ I’m from Stafford,been here thirty five years” It’s my mission to get her at least talking posh Yamyam by the time my three days are up…I’m proud to say I made her laugh when told me the hotel used to be a convent and I said that every third building in Italy can say that…

In some cities you don’t really need to use the public transport much but I think here it’s gonna be a necessary thing to download the app and get tickets as everything seems to be at an unimaginable upward angle.I will check it out tomorrow.My legs & lungs won’t be able to withstand the onslaught otherwise… 

Well there we are.Not a bad day all round despite being clobbered for €23…oh and bollocks to the football,..

Cheers me dears…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80days#19

So I did all the correct modern things this morning.Downloaded the Verona transport app onto my phone.Very easy job,Then bought a day ticket,again a piece of piss but it had to be validated once you get on the bus…ok no problem.Decided to walk to the station because I wasn’t sure which bus went where but there’s a huge bus depot at Verona station.Sorted out which bus I needed into town.Bus came,got on with the aim to validate and the driver just waived me on so spent the next fifteen minutes wondering what Italian jails are like and if the food’s ok…luckily nothing bad happened so just thought I’d sort it out later…

Because I was a wee bit disoriented I missed the oldie building part of town and ended up in a pretty posh part of Verona,found a nice cafe and spent an hour with two very reasonably priced coffees watching the world go past.You could tell it was a rich area cos’ well heeled ladies of a certain age were constantly walking past wearing expensive sunglasses and even more  well heeled women of an older certain age were walking their small dogs,and all the local shops didn’t open till long past 10am…it was all cool though.

Walked into the historic part of town,took a few pics of buildings older than the bible,had a coffee or two, took a few more pics etc then decided to shadow a bored looking tour group I’d seen a few times wandering around…now I know I have done my fair share of tourist bashing and I see the hypocrisy in what I’m saying.I’m a tourist just like them so stop being so judgmental.Fair comment…

This group of about thirty five souls were being hearded around by the most bored looking guide I’d ever seen.He barely said a word and in the five minutes I shadowed them he spent two of them on his phone.So literally phoning it in… I get it that if you have a guide who’s engaging,Interesting and above all witty then these things can be fun,also maybe twenty is an ideal upper limit on numbers.But unfortunately many of these things are taken as red and the guides don’t care.Hopefully his reviews will reflect that…

Ah well,did a bit more sightseeing and coffee drinking then went for drinkies and did the Brit thing of doing four hours in the bar easily.I’d done as much touristy stuff as I’d wanted and it was too dammed hot to be traipsing around looking pissed off…Did my bit for my country and luckily my bus stop was outside the bar,got on the bus tried to validate the ticket I’d bought Nine hours earlier and again got waved away by the driver…ok court of human rights it is then… 

Now in the bar I was in last night chatting to the barman( a common theme) and thinking Verona is ok after all…Italy is ok after all and I can see why many love coming here…

Because I have worked with many people from overseas I take an interest in where people are from and how they got where they are.There’s no racist agenda,i was in a job that many Brits didn’t do so many of the staff were foreign and I was interested.The chap in this bar is clearly of Asian origin so I naturally asked him and he immediately said “ been here since I was nine,I’m Italian” I explained to him why I asked as he was clearly defensive having probably been asked this a few times with a less innocent agenda.Anyway he’s Sri Lanka by birth and hates cricket.So there…

Anyway.Genoa tomorrow for three days.The Interrail app says I need to reserve tickets to both Milan((where I change) and from there to Genoa but I think I’m gonna wing it and see what happens…they can either kick me off or make me pay.Or I find out about ltalian jails…

Yikes.Until tomorrow you sexy beasts…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#18

Me and my big mouth yesterday saying everything had been peachy and you lot must be getting bored…more of which later( it’s not too bad…and it also has just this second improved my mood!

Anyway train from Trieste to Venezia was fine,a bit full but I didn’t think too much of that,there aren’t that many trains out of there…the journey to Venezia is about two and half hours long and after a detour in and out of Slovenia(I wouldn’t have known but my mobile phone operator felt I needed an update ) the last two hours are basically fields and fields of grape vines & maize for as far as the eye can see.It occurred to me what hard work that was and reminded me of cracking up at something Lorenzo said.We were discussing the north south divide.He said the north were the workers,the artisans and the south the dreamers,the artists.I asked if they had a “ midlands” and he said “ oh yea Tuscany,tha’s just the fucking English” I nearly fell off my chair…

So Venezia? Once again it had’nt occurred to me what a draw Verona would be for a certain kind of fuck wit Shakespeare loving backpacking gobshite as it obviously is.Hundreds of them everywhere on the station changing to get the Verona train.With me…first off I was going up the stairs to the platform behind a double backpacker( one on the front,one on the back.The apex backpacker) she did a dead stop and an about turn pinning me to the wall,I just got a glance and an “ harrump” when I protested.Then on the platform I lit up a smoke next to the ashtray and received some “tit tit thet’s tirrible”( a pair of Kiwi bp’s) I reminded them it was an ashtray thereby I was allowed to smoke…

By this stage the platform was packed and then they announced a platform change.Boom! the stairs were suddenly chocker with jostling bpers like deformed self righteous turtles and I was doubly pleased to see not only the girl who body slammed me earlier get a right doing but the mozzies had also feasted on her legs…I just had another smoke and left em’ to it,the train hadn’t even arrived and it was one platform over…

Of course the train was mayhem and rammed, many normal punters couldn’t find seats,not because there weren’t any but because the bpers had decided one seat wasn’t enough,they needed two or three.I stood over one deliberately who had not only placed her ersatz house on the seat next to her but had her feet on the seat opposite too.She relented and I also made great play of putting my bags on the rack mentioning how roomy they were…oh I also received some mammoth man spreading from her partner but by this stage I didn’t care…

The thing is we’re all tourists to some degree and yes we all hate other tourists but at least most of us contribute in some way to the local economy even if that means staying in low grade hotels and drinking in dive bars…not pitching up a tent in a lay-by and drinking from a water fountain for three days…all this to gawp at a balcony made famous by some medieval paedophilia fan fiction…it’s good to vent.

Ho hum.Staying in a lovely place in a rufty tufty part of town,it’s gated which should be a clue,had a walk round and they’re all gated…oh dear.As I walked I found nothing and I’m miles from town.Then I saw two blokes drinking outside a modern place that looked shut but they confirmed it was open.The guys were nice and then they bought out the standard bar snacks along with half dozen open sandwiches…an oasis.Of course I’m having another beer or more and will have a proper look at Verona tomorrow trying to avoid my new mates of course…

Ciao muckers…

Ps Massive electrical storm in the small hours,no rain or thunder though,just lightning.Lit up the room occasionally like an old black & white horror movie…wonderful.

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#17

Popped into the bar I was in yesterday,said “Boungiorno “ and the girl behind the counter said “ hey you speak Italian now!” Like the girl in the Paris Ibis it’s this kind of gentle piss take I can fully get behind.It’s a sign of acceptance…btw for beer heads reading this they did a killer Moretti IPA…

Did my laundry at 8am.These things have to be knocked out early otherwise there’s a lot of poncing around and then the bars are open and it’s a case of “ tomorrow will do then” Luckily it’s just around the corner from the hotel and the instructions were easy to follow however I couldn’t find a powder dispenser which I thought was odd so had to pop to the shop to get a box of powder which naturally I left behind for others to use.It was only on the way out I spotted the powder dispenser…ah well at least I smell all citrusy now,like a hairy lemon…

Last day in Trieste,off to Verona next,and of course it’s been great.This Blog must be getting like a broken record,I bet some of you wish I would hate at least one place just to add a bit of colour,don’t worry there’s plenty of time…

It would be easy to just describe it as a seaside town,because it is but as there’s no tide,there’s no beach so it’s not really.Just a beautiful historic city sitting on a huge body of water.I believe there is a beach of sorts about half hour away where the locals go…it’s a very touristy place,which surprised me a bit,many of the tourists seem to be from Italy.No doubt attracted to the otherworldliness of the place being nestled next to Slovenia & Croatia as it is…

I have no idea if it’s a typically Italian city,no doubt as I’m going to Verona & Genoa I’ll get more of an idea.If it is then Italy is great! I’m learning as I go the subtle differences between how countries do things,for instance if you’re in a cafe/bar in Germany or Austria the server will normally take your money whereas here you normally have to pay inside once finished.Taken me nearly three days to work that out! 

Again like many places get away from the main drag by sneaking down little alley ways and you’ll find many local bars which are superb.Once again I have found them most welcoming…I’m sure they’re like this with everyone,after all I’m just a short fat bloke who can’t speak the language but I’ve not come across anything other than kindness,a willingness to engage and good humour in the six cities I have stayed in four different countries…oh shit I’m gonna cry in a minute!

I do think it helps that I try with the language,as limited as my efforts are,and usually make a lame joke about it where possible,it shows a sign of respect.It also helps that in general Italians seem to be laid back muthaflippers…oh and stylish.Man it’s a tired cliche about the Italians having style but let me say you can spend six hours getting ready,trying on your best clobber in every conceivable combo and you’d still look awkward and terribly English next to an Italian who’s wearing last nights clothes that were chucked on the floor the previous night( that would never happen by the way!) it just the way of the world…I wouldn’t even dare compete.

So Trieste? Yea come and have a look.It’s worth it.Not madly expensive.The people are cool,it looks great naturally and if you get the same weather I’ve had here( hot hot hot) you’ll be pining for the balmy 18c you left behind in Blighty…

Until tomorrow in Shakespeare country.Or summat…

Ps. It rained…about a dozen huge splats on the table.I was very British about it all,held my hand out palm up and tutted…

Bilious Blog..Around Europe in 80 days#16

So anyway as I was saying…was gonna find a pub with Sky Sports to watch the Wolves game but I tried four and they were all shut,by which time it was close to kick off time ( 9pm over here) and I’d given it up as a bad job.I was pooped anyway after travelling all day so headed back the hotel…

Walked past a tiny bar with one fella sitting outside who turned out to be the owner and he was about to shut…three hours later I left.The chap’s  name was Lorenzo and his bar was a tiny room with three tables outside.He sold two beers on tap,some bottles out of the fridge and the occasional coffee.We discussed every possible topic inc Tourism,skinhead culture,music,wine,religion & politics…turns out he was in an Italian Ska band,the name of which escapes me and had played in Britain occasionally over the years….

Ended up being a good night, not that it was bad before…but why were the other bars closed? Ferragosto that’s why.What’s Ferragosto you ask? Well I was clued up about it a few weeks ago by an ex work colleague( hi Luisa) an Anglo -Italian who knows of such things….it’s a bank holiday basically but steeped in a religious background.It’s all about the Virgin Mary ascending to heaven or summat(Feast of the Assumption) They take this stuff very seriously here…But it’s a bank holiday and like most bank holidays everything is shut except cafe bars obviously and, this being Italy,clothes & shoe shops…but why close bars the day before? Hell if a bank holiday falls on a Tuesday you’d take the Monday off too.Only reasonable…apparently there’s usually fireworks etc at night too…

Yap yap yap…yea that’s the sound of the Trieste streets.Many people have little yappy dogs,some carry them like noisy hairy little accessories.Some have them on a lead just long enough to yap loudly at other yappy little dogs but not get close enough to bite…it’s not annoying at all.Honest…

Think tomorrow (or today depending on when I post) will have to include some sort of laundry visit.I don’t think the hotel has a service but I’ll ask( I bet they’d happily wash Bogart’s & Bacall’s clothes) if not I saw one round the corner.I still have clean non smelly stuff but a full wardrobe would be nice.This really hot weather is starting to take its toll…talking of really hot weather just took my second shower of the day and grabbed  what I thought was a sachet of the hotel shampoo for company…have you ever tried showering with a wet wipe?

Turns out the hotel don’t have a laundry service so laundromat it is tomorrow…

As they say in Germany ciao…

Ps So I went out for a few hours but most of the celebrations seemed to be in one of the main squares 

With many side street bars closed.Infact there seemed to be a livelier night going on by my hotel but it was young folk.As hard as it is I have to accept that at 65 I can’t pull all nighters like I used to and I would just stand out as a sad old fucker trying to mingle with 20 year olds doing so…life eh? 

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#15

Trip was good.Been very lucky so far.No foul ups.Part of the reason I’m habitually early is if things do mess up there’s time to put it right or find an alternative…don’t think the bus replacement from Graz to Klagenfurt was really such a thing.It was far too organised and the double decker coach far too classy.Must have just been a regular service…train to Udine in Italy was great too.Funny I’ve got so used to German & Austrian trains being deathly quiet( you dare not make a sound!) to suddenly be confronted with loads of Italians being,well,Italian,was a shock…

Got tapped up for a smoke outside Udine station and could hear some German tourists having a bit of a bitch about it.Not sure if they were bitching about the girl asking for a smoke or me handing her one( was gonna say  “Giving her one” but this is a family show)I love the German Volk but sometimes they can be a bit busy…

The train to Trieste was practically empty.For four stops I was the only one in my carriage.It stopped at places where they wish it was a one horse town…saw three lads get chucked off for not having the right ticket.They looked confused on the platform of one such station.Like John Inman had suddenly pitched up on the set of The Good The Bad And The Ugly…

I’m staying in a real hotel! A hotel where they put your key behind the counter when you go out.A hotel where they look at you with total disdain obviously thinking “Sweet Jesus we used to get Humphrey Bogart & Lauren Bacall and now we get this” a hotel with a b-day in the bathroom.I love it…and now I’m having a beer…

There’s a woman on the table opposite with her husband,a much younger man probably my age,she’s what used to be described as a “Fading beauty “ a bit like my hotel.She is magnificently old school Italian.Dressed up to the nines,smoking and talking like a champion,with matriarchal nails that could rip you to pieces in seconds.Her eyes still sparkle.I bet she used to hang out with Bogart & Bacall…

Not sure if I want to find a bar showing Man Utd v Wolves.There will be one as some still care about Man Utd no matter where you are in the world irrespective of who they’re playing.Part of me wants to but part of me doesn’t want to be surrounded by plastic Mancs…I doubt there would be any Wolves fans in there.I’m not really sure what the football situation is in this part of Italy as it’s so isolated from the rest of the country.Maybe I should do it as a social experiment…

Anyway looking at the weather forecast for Trieste this week and today is the coldest day at a chilly 30c…blimey.I have tried to slow down the last few years as I used to dash around like a puppy on crack and sweat up a storm but now I tend to amble like an old Labrador on barbiturates…less sweatiness all round,and less mood swings…

Arrivedeci boys & girls…for now.

Ps Never did get to watch the game.The reason for which I will explain tomorrow…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#14

Two weeks.Bloody hell…

This is how it goes in Germany or Austria on a Sunday.You have a slow breakfast cos’ you know all the shops are shut so there’s no rush.If you’re desperate to buy groceries then get to the Hauptbahnhof sometime after nine but you’re staying in a hotel and usually they‘ve got food in already…

If it’s a nice day( you‘re on holiday,why wouldn’t it be) go for a stroll.The cafe‘s will be open soon.Spot a cafe,sit outside for about ten minutes then realise you have to actually go inside…get a black coffee and wonder if the woman on the table opposite is Karen Gillan,whether it is or not she looks great…have more coffee.Meanwhile Kaz pisses off…

Time to go look round town and try to resist the temptation of cafes flogging beer.You need to pace yourself..Have a good Look round and wonder if all the people you see are doing the same…then you keep walking having a look round this interesting and quite beautiful city and then of course you’re a bit lost but Google maps sort you out.You’re well outside the city,in the suburbs where even bars aren’t open yet…no worries.Easily get back on track.Realise you’re running out of smokes but a lad showed you how to use the cigarette machines last night.Spot one,and with a confidence beyond your ability can’t get cigarettes because the bank card used to verify your age has to be Austrian….

You are getting closer to the city,you spot a bar and walk in asking if they sell cigs,they don’t of course but the fella suggests you have a drink and he‘ll pop out to get you a packet from the machine.Four drinks later you bid him goodbye after leaving a glowing review on Facebook..,

You fancy an ice cream,there’s an ice cream shop open and rammed you get an After Eight ice cream and stand next to a scary looking dude with a tattooed shaven head and realise ice cream is the great leveller.Even a total psycho looks like a little kid chowing down on ice cream.Just in case you’re wrong there’s no way you’re sneaking a photo of the beast.,,Then you find yourself here.Four wines in writing this…

Some might say that’s a wasted day…it’s been superb..I have yet to meet an Austrian who‘s been anything but sound.In fact I have not met one arsehole all trip…Doing nothing is frowned upon but I’d like to think I have done it successfully today…

Gonna have to publish this early ( though won’t post it to social media & friends till the morning) as I have an early bus replacement (Busersatz) for the first two hours of my trip to Italy tomorrow…

I have loved Austria,especially Graz,and will definitely come back but I’m also excited by going to Italy…

Sorry it’s been longer than normal.Ciao sweethearts…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#13

Funny how things work out…got the train from Linz to Vienna Meidling and I joked on twitter that it’s probably Vienna Parkway and it basically was.Nothing there except a station really.Had a bit of time to kill so learnt how to use my card in the vending machine( these things take time for someone who last used a vending machine in the 80’s) I had thought the train to Graz would be fairly empty for some reason but “wah wah” it was rammed!

Ended up standing by the big window next to the restaurant and just assumed this would be it for the next almost three hours but next stop a couple of people who’d been sitting in the restaurant bit got off so I pounced.I have never actually eaten in a train restaurant car before so got some grub and a pint(in a real glass!) and chilled.The scenery was nice.Some rolling hills,a fair few vineyards etc then we started climbing and winding around the hills and it’s probably the most scenic train ride I’ve ever been on.I took some pics on my phone but they didn’t really do it justice so I deleted most…it actually looked like a Model railway at times winding around verdant hills interspersed with the odd granite outcrop…so that all cheered me up no end…

Got to Graz,went and had a smoke then found the WC( again always carry change.Austrian ones are a bit cheaper than German) and saw a sign on a box asking people to dispose of their needles in the proper manner.Sort of saying “we know it happens,we can’t stop it but at least tidy up your works” I thought that was pretty cool and immediately make me like the place…

After checking in went and found a bar close by.Lovely young lad served me and clued me up a bit about Graz and told me how to pronounce it properly.He was Italian from the South Tyrol Region and said he spoke Italian to his mom,German to his dad and Russian to his girlfriend (plus English to me) Meanwhile I have learned to say “Hello,how are you? One beer please” in German so I think we’re about even…

Graz looks great.I hadn’t done any research on it so hadn’t a clue what to expect but it seems to be a cool place with good people.I’d say there’s more of an edge than Linz but not much.Like most Austrian cities it appears to be quite well off with plenty of people out eating & drinking and some expensive stuff in the shop windows.I even got help using the cigarette machine.As it’s been about forty five years since the last one I used I thought I’d try it.Couldn’t work it out but a young lad came and helped me.People are so kind helping you to continue your disgusting habit…

Shame I’m only here till tomorrow when I got to Italy on a long train journey which might be more spectacular than yesterday’s .I will definitely mark down Graz as a place to return to at some stage…

See ya…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#12

I scream,you scream,we all scream for ice cream…Linz has an abundance of ice cream shops & kiosks( tobacco shops too) they’re everywhere.I even noticed a few open when I left the bar at 11-30 last night.They must be a sort of post pub Kebab substitutes,maybe they do kebab flavour ice cream…

Yesterday I went to Salzburg,which is where I originally wanted to stay but it was too expensive and I can see why.Tourists as far as the eye can see in the alt stadt…I was trying to work out what all the fuss was about when I left the station,which itself was a disappointing copy & paste modern job,I was expecting something a bit more classical,and walked into just A.N.Other city.Concrete & glass,albeit one with an impressive backdrop of high hills,then I walked into town…it takes a while for the architectural splendour to hit you but once it takes shape it hits home why the city is such a draw…

Anyway I did my usual bits.Kaffee und Kuchen,a few Weißbier,then strolled down to Getreidegasse to see what all the fuss was about…GetreideGasse was where all the trading took place down by the river in days of yore overlooked by the castle high above on hill .It’s easy to imagine a villainous king overseeing the transactions,plotting to extract even more taxes out of his subjects…it’s probably as busy now as it was then albeit with many more tatty souvenir shops…

Had an ice cream,had a curry and placed a lovelock on the bridge as a token to my undying affection for Liz Truss…one of these statements is not true.Oh and I also saw that intensely annoying Mexican family busking too.Have seen them in both Munich & Hannover in recent years…not all busking is good.

After breakfast I am off to Graz.It’s less than two hundred miles as the crow flies but for some reason this crow has to fly east to Vienna then south to Graz in a four and half hour trip…but it is what it is and at least I will see a bit more of Austria…

All in all Linz was good.I may have sounded a little underwhelmed about  it yesterday but that’s not really the case.It’s just not immediately obvious what it’s qualities are but it was a chilled & pleasant three days so alles gut…

Next stop Graz…via Vienna.Lovely.

Laters Peeps…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#11

Yesterday was odd…the sun was out at last and it was a beautiful day yet as it wore on I felt increasingly down in the dumps,not depressed or anything like that,just an increasing feeling of “meh”That’s how things go sometimes.Nobody feels 100% their upbeat happy best all the time and if they do they’re quite probably a raving psychopath…in the words of The Human League “ I was working as a waitress…” no hold on wrong song…”I’m only human…” that’s it.

I decided to head back to the hotel early but then noticed an Indian restaurant at the end of my street but it’s far too pricey…€25 for a chicken curry? I mean come on.We’re also in the roughest part of town too.So I went next door to a dive bar and immediately felt better as I was surrounded by people older,fatter & uglier than me.Back at the hotel I couldn’t get in the main door,the fob key wouldn’t work.Twenty minutes I struggled until a random woman stopped her car and helped.After putting the fob on the reader you turn the handle right,I had been turning it left without once trying it the correct way.A total brain freeze.Luckily being British I hadn’t rang the number on the door as I didn’t want to “make a fuss”…oh then my phone died on me but like my brain it had just froze.The old off/on thing sorted it out…

So here we are.Another day( I’m actually starting to lose track of what day is what.Like Xmas ) and yes I’m feeling much better.It was a temporary blip…

So Linz? Well it’s nice and that’s about the best and worst thing I have to say about it.Even the bad part of town where I’m staying is nice,the park where the local vagrants hang out is nice & clean and they also seemed nice…

The actual look of the place is a mixture of Regency period German & Slavic( we’re close to the Czech border so the influence is no surprise) it’s very beautiful & clean.It’s very nice…the centre seems to have more independent shops & cafes than many cities,the huge American conglomerates are here but they are not taking over the high streets…when I first got here I couldn’t find many bars for a city this size but looking around yesterday there’s lots of little alleys & arcades at the end of which are usually cafe bars…there also seems to be a bigger than usual South East Asian restaurant thing going on for a city this size…

The locals seem nice too.I have received two random acts of kindness from strangers.The cafe brolly woman( which I returned of course and had some more wonderful cake & coffee) and the woman who stopped to help me last night in my clearly agitated state…many of the locals seem taciturn & stoic.Not unfriendly at all just not cheesy grin “ hey buddy tell me your life story” ingratiating,Clearly it takes time to get to know them.On the stormy night I was in a bar for a while and the big fella who served me was fine but didn’t want chit chat and made that plain by his manner.Fine I thought,that’s cool.He was professional without being cloying…yesterday I was outside another bar and he walked past,saw me,literally doffed his cap at me and carried on his business.Taciturn & stoic…

Would I recommend a visit to Linz? Absolutely, but maybe only a couple of days.It seems like the perfect place to wind down and relax,especially when the sun’s shining…oh and don’t expect much English to be spoken.Despite being a university city they don’t seem to pander much to tourists who don’t speak the lingo…

Today is my last full day here and I’m going to check out Salzburg.It’s about an hour away by train and when we went through the other day it looked pretty spectacular…the good thing with having a three month Interrail ticket is I can use it daily if I wish so there’s no shelling out for extra tickets on days out…

Anyway peeps,shower,breakfast & offski…

See you all tomorrow…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#10

The trip from Munich to Linz was superb.I was on the Vienna train and it was a double decker.This is something we don’t have in Britain.I imagine our bridges are not high enough.I’ve been on a DD before but only for short trips…anyway all good,get to Linz and need the toilet,always keep some coins with you for such things by the way,as I’m leaving there were giggles behind me as I unknowingly trailed a fair amount of toilet paper on my shoe…ah well at least I cheered someone up on this horrible day…

Sometimes you get to a place and think “ah fuck what have I done? Got three days in this shit hole” and truthfully that was my first impression of Linz.After finding the hotel,checking  in etc had a look around and couldn’t find anything,and I mean no bars really.Walked for what seemed hours in the poring rain and it was desolate.Stopped for a smoke under cover and noticed I was outside a Kaffee und Kuchen shop(I know,what a surprise eh?) they were pretty empty and closing shortly.I had a lovely bit of cake and quite possibly the best coffee I have ever tasted and eventually got chatting to a lady there…blah blah blah.As I was leaving she gave me an umbrella( now I don’t usually do umbrellas) and she said take this and bring it back tomorrow…I was a bit blown away (not by the brolly.Boom boom) at her act of kindness.No need to be this kind to a stranger.Anyway I’m going back today with the brolly and of course some great cake and dammed fine coffee… 

So maybe my first impression was off.This random act of kindness lifted my spirits.Found a bar in the main square.Which is actually huge but very oblong rather than a square.Think it would look fantastic when the sun’s out,the forecast looks good,..had some flirting action with the barmaid.I get it,she’s on the clock and a bit of flirting with a silly old man might help the tips.I used to flirt with the elderly ladies I served when I was a waiter for the same reason.We all knew the score and everyone was happy…

Forgot to mention on my last night in Munich I was at a bar( it’s gonna be a common theme the next few months) sitting outside but after a couple of drinks I realised I was smoking too much and moved inside.I know,Mr Sensible here,trouble is the barman who served me didn’t realise and when I saw him frantically looking from table to table outside I knew he’d thought I’d done a runner.Eventually we sorted it out.That’s the one drawback with the tab system…the thing is if you walk away without paying it’s not the bar you’re ripping off it’s the staff serving you.They pay a fee to the bar and all else is theirs.That’s why the fella was so frantic…if the bar lost €10 who cares right?  But if a working person loses hard earned money because you did a runner? That’s a whole different ball game.So don’t do it boys and girls( I’m sure my lovely readers would never think of ripping off a fellow worker)

See ya later…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days#9

Englische Garten is huge.I believe it’s the largest urban green space in Europe and to get round properly you really need to be on a bike.I was on foot and so it was easy to be tempted back to the mean streets for Kaffee und Kuchen (It’s a German thing) At the start of the park the River Eisbach emerges from a culvert in a swirling torrent and is good for surfing.I first saw this in 2016 when I came upon it by accident and there was hardly anyone watching but.yesterday it was hard to get close to get decent pictures as there was quite the crowd…I don’t want to get all “yea I first saw them a decade ago in the back room of The Broken Arms in front of twelve people” hipster about it…but I do really.

In the Kaffee & Kuchen shop i asked in German as I always try to do but what normally happens is owing to my ludicrously comical “Allo Allo” accent they twig straight  away I’m a Brit and talk English to me.Yesterday the young lady continued to speak German and that’s where it falls away cos’ all I can do is nod my head and utter “hmmm hmmm ja” at whatever is being said . ..it’s possible that I sounded like a native that time but it’s equally possible a)she couldn’t speak English ( doubtful,she was young and it’s a given ) b) she was having a shitty day and couldn’t be bothered talking to me in English…for all I know I could have been agreeing to try their new fish head soup with extra eyeballs…

The sun was out and the shorts were on and that only means one thing…wasps! They have clearly been waiting all the while during the bad weather.Waiting,watching,plotting…they seem to be particularly interested in me when I sit down to drink beer.Maybe I secrete a substance that attracts them like catnip…wasps must think humans are weird cos’ all they see us do is wave our hands in front of our faces whilst snapping  our heads back  and swearing a lot…

So Munich was great and it’s gone up in my estimation.I still wouldn’t do Oktoberfest here as that’s my idea of hell but ho hum…today I’m off to Linz in Austria…not my first choice as that was Salzburg but for whatever reason their hotel prices were too high and Linz was close & relatively cheap.I don’t know much about the place but it could end up being a nice surprise and also Linz sounds like something you clean your kitchen floor with…

Not been to Austria since I was a young teenager and I went to The Tyrol with my mum & sister and then with just my mum.I always remember it being particularly pristine & beautiful.That was my first time out of the country and it left an impression.Maybe that’s why I have an affection for many things Teutonic…

It’s a short one today I’m afraid as I have to get a wriggle on…

Laters alligators…

PS I won’t be discussing Wolves on here so don’t worry…

Bilious Blog…around Europe in 80 days#8

Just round the back of Marienplatz,Munich‘s main historic square,are a Bayern Munich shop and adjacent to it is the TSV 1860 Munich shop.Two Teams in the same city with vastly differing recent histories & fortunes…It won’t be a surprise to anyone that the TSV shop  and wares is far classier.Probably because they have to try harder to turn over the hard dosh.Bayern know they will sell stuff no matter what,irregardless of the quality…not having a pop at Bayern,they do what they do and they do it well.Most of the behemoth football clubs sell crap at inflated prices cos‘ they know it’s gonna sell,but with both shops being so close the difference is glaringly obvious…

 

So as you can gather I have been doing the tourist stuff, despite the shitty cold weather there’s still plenty of people around which is great.Had a look around the Ratskeller,a beautifu,imposing building which I likened to a Teutonic Hogworts.Even went inside for a while,only along the corridors as I think it’s still a working town hall,but you can taste the history,not all of it good of course…

Many of the residents at the hotel seem to be long term like The Major in Fawlty Towers “Vermin Fawlty! Bold as brass sitting at the bar eating the nuts if you please!” It’s a pretty cool place though so no worries…and the bar’s always open if you want a drink.No nuts though…

I don’t have many bad things to say about Germany but one thing annoys me and that’s the height of the bar stools.Being a short arse means that climbing up and down from them is  a trial which only becomes harder as the night wears on and more booze is consumed.You need a Sherpa to negotiate them.Preferably a sober one…

Heard my first Brit accents today since the harassed lorry driver was trying to placate his missus on the phone about how he had to stay in Paris.That was almost a week ago.That’s weird no? Judging by their convo it seemed they lived here.Where have all the Brit holiday makers gone?

Not sure I have actually moved to Germany or not as there have been some most un German things going on.There was the lack of tickets being checked on the train,yesterday I saw a German family( had heard them talking earlier) cross the road when the little man was red.I have seen such wanton behaviour in Berlin but this is Munich for god’s sake,and I also got a pleasant smile with a bit of chit chat from the REWE cashier.She didn’t scowl at me like I’d eaten the last custard cream or throw my shopping at me like I’d slept with her best friend…like I say,very un German…

Laters you hip kids…

Bilious Blog…around Europe in 80 days#7

Ablutophobia; A fear of bathing.I couldn’t find the technical term for fear of showers.I don’t mean the Hitchcock mother fixated whacko who ruined a perfectly good set of shower curtains and covered the tiles in black & white cinema noir blood.No I’m talking hotel showers.Ones you will only ever see once for three days and only ever manage to get luke warm in a “fuck it that’ll do” because it’s either cold enough to make a polar bear wince or hot enough to get the devil seriously considering installing air conditioning…if by some miracle you get it just right you know damn well the chambermaid will reset it all when she wipes away your suds & stray hair…

Anyway I have bought the shitty weather with me to Germany.Yesterday was lovely in Strasbourg but slowly the clouds rolled in and dumped all over us and the rain followed me here.When I was wondering what to pack I figured I wouldn’t need a jacket as it’s gonna be warm and on the rare occasions it rains I’ll pop in a bar.I have popped in a lot of bars…

Oddly didn’t get my ticket checked once on my way from Strasbourg to Munich despite using three different trains.That’s most un German,they’re usually pretty shit hot  at that sort of thing.Not that it matters as I have a ticket anyway so I’m good but I want it looked over occasionally to justify the cost! 

One good thing about the Interrail ticket on the phone is I can alter my plans Willy Nilly..Yes you can do that with paper but once you’ve written it down you’re locked in.I noticed both my connections at Offenburg & Karlsruhe we’re just a couple of minutes apart and got earlier trains to both to save any angst by rushing about like a builder after a Builders Breakfast  ( two cans of 8% Polish lager,four Red Bulls & six Pall Mall tabs) Those who know me know I hate being rushed…

But Munich eh? Well I had a stand up row with a bloke about my snoring in a hostel the last time I was here and it soured my whole time in Munich.Now I get it,I snore badly and it’s a pain but fuck me man you’re paying a fiver a night for you and your missus so suck it up…turns out they complained to the management about me and got an upgrade to a room at no extra cost.So you’re welcome Mr Cheap…I will not do hostels again.Happy to pay the extra for a peaceful life…so Munich I’m in a better frame of mind so let’s see what you got…

…and at the moment what you got is the Löwenbräukeller and it’s pretty damn good.Löwebräu bier is looked down on in the UK as being low quality fare but that’s far from the truth.Oh and we don’t even pronounce it properly…

After a few in there and a chat with a bloke who was in the process of forming his own political party(!?!?!) I went back to the hotel but noticed an interesting building over the road so went and had a look.The way in was hard to find and the young barman having a smoke break helped me out.It’s called Kunstlabor (no sniggering at the back) and it seems like a cool place.So it looks like I have a base…

The fella doing the nightshift here at the reception & bar is Portuguese so there’s only one way that conversation went last night.He will be an expert on Wolverhampton Fucking Wanderers by the time I leave…

Laters all…

Bilious Blog…around Europe in 80 days#6

I folded like a deckchair…said yesterday I would’nt go for  any more curry for a while  yet last night I went to the Tamil restaurant near the hotel and it was superb.I think I just needed to prove to myself that the French can do a decent curry and they did.Even jumped their booking system as I was on my own and they had a spare table.See,it pays to be a friendless twa…sorry,a lone traveller,sometimes…

I just wasn’t quick enough to grab a great pic on the Paris metro the other day.As we came into Pigalle there was a fella on the platform wearing a Superman top pushing two cats in a double decker baby stroller.As soon as I saw him I could hear the bad puns mounting up in my head.It would have been a great pic but I was too slow and he got on another carriage.I was hopeful he’d be getting off at my stop but sadly not.The world missed out on some top dad jokes…

Leaving Strasbourg today and heading to Munich,got a couple of changes which is not ideal but hey ho them’s the breaks…if you’ve never visited Strasbourg I can recommend it.For one thing it’s beautiful in parts,some outstanding medieval architecture which makes it very photogenic.The vibe seems cool,very chilled & relaxed and there are loads of cafe bars for food & a good bevvy.It’s not cheap,I’d say probably close to London prices but it’s worth checking out…

I tried my debit card in the atm and it worked fine so I suppose it was just a hitch up in their tram ticket machinery.I presume it’s the same with the credit card but I’m unlikely to use that(hopefully) I did learn to stay calm in these situations as there’s probably a logical explanation..,

Last time in France for a few weeks. I’m in Lyon at the end of August then Lille at the end of this trip…many Brits constantly slag off the French for being rude & arrogant and in my,albeit limited,time here I have found every local I have met both here & in Paris to be anything but that.They have a rep for being unhelpful with the language and again I have found the complete opposite.My French skills are basic at best but I have tried and have also asked how to pronounce certain things and also been helped and naturally forgotten what I’ve been told instantly! 

So maybe the problem isn’t the French…if you’re constantly slagging off a nation of people for being rude & arrogant the possibility exists that it ain’t them,it’s you…

I have noticed the French aren’t as glued to their phones as much as us.Yes they’re on them a lot but seemingly only once they’re sat down rather than whilst on the move bumping into street furniture,walking into traffic,falling off cliffs etc…

Finally one of my changes today is at Karlsruhe who are playing Hamburg FC at home.The HSV fans have something of a reputation for being robustly right wing and on occasions a bit naughty.I don’t know if our paths will cross or not but I’m on my guard…

Until tomorrow peeps…

Bilious Blog…around Europe in 80 days#5

The TVG train between Paris & Strasbourg is something else.Less than two hours for close to 250 miles…admittedly there’s only one stop but even so.Incidentally there seems to be a lot more countryside in France than in Britain.When you get a train in the UK every 20 mins or so you’re either going through a built up area or stopping at one.I didn’t see any urban areas at all on this stretch.Even the place we stopped at was tiny.Maybe the driver just stopped for a smoke break…Gare De L’Est seems surrounded by a lot less dodginess than Gare Du Nord.All in all a far more pleasant station.

Once I got to Strasbourg I knew which tram I had to get and obviously went to buy a ticket.Was going to get a 3 day one ( once again you needed a local Oyster type card to buy from the app) after getting help from two locals in using the machine both my debit & credit cards were declined.That was a sobering moment.I have plenty of funds & have set up all the “going abroad” protocols etc so there shouldn’t be a problem…luckily I had some small change and just got a single ticket.Will have to try to use my card at an ATM today to see if it’s their machines or a fuck up by Nat West…this is the first minor issue on the trip but I always knew it wouldn’t be without some sort of snags.At the moment I am quite calm about it,I have cash & all the hotels & travel are paid for…

The part of Strasbourg I’m in is called Petit France and looks like medieval Germany,a sort of hybrid of Grimm & Disney…Grimmsney if you will.Infact despite travelling extensively around Germany this the most cliched fairytale,cuckoo clock,lederhosen & Dirndl German looking place I have ever been to…it’s been a disputed area for aeons between the two countries and I can see why the Germans were loath to give it up…

Spent the night bending the ear of the barmaid in a place called Pacific Princess,which is decked out like an ocean liner(sort of) I was the only customer for hours and you could say she was a captive audience but she did keep coming outside to talk so maybe I wasn’t boring her too much…

After Thursday‘s curry debacle I thought I’d give the French version of curry another go and this was much better.Was going to go to a Tamil place but turns out there’s a Madras restaurant just down from Pacific Princess.In truth it still wasn’t great but I am beginning to think my taste buds for Indian food have been conditioned by the British culture of going for a curry after a night on the piss.This doesn’t seem to happen here.Both the Madras & Tamil restaurants closed by midnight on Friday night…going to leave the curries for a while anyway.They ain’t cheap in the rest of Europe…

Today looks nice & sunny so going to explore the city and see what’s beyond the Hansel & Gretel theme park…

Laters Y’all…

Bilious Blog…around Europe in 80 days#4

Just noticed I published yesterday’s blog twice.To be honest even though I have doing this for years much of it is still trial and error.Clearly I am forgetting what I learn pretty quickly!

Breakfast done,said “au revoir” to my chum at the counter and she said “goodbye” so hands across the water and all that stuff…how quickly us humans fall into daily routines.I have seen the same people at the same tables at the same time for the last three days,including myself of course…I can also tell who’s never worked in catering as they’re the ones holding their tray like it’s an unexploded bomb with a few minutes on the clock…

The Hotel’s been fine.All you can ask for in a budget place really.It’s a fair size.I’m in room 160 and there’s plenty more after that.Many of the punters are French.I suppose that makes sense.Much like any capital city many of the citizens who live outside profess to hate their own capital,you hear the same complaints.It’s dirty,it’s dangerous,it’s expensive,it’s too loud,the people are arrogant & unfriendly etc.We get the same said about London constantly and yet many of those people also love to visit…

Yesterday was good.Stumbled upon the shrine to Princess Diane above the tunnel where she died.Had totally forgotten about that event.There’s still some flowers being laid there.Then I went to the Eiffel Tower just to have a look…interesting to see all the scammers outside it.The find the ball people were there of course with quite a crowd,only half of whom were part of the gang,I didn’t take any pics as at my advanced age I can’t outrun half a dozen dodgy scammers…there was the tie a lucky bit of coloured string round your wrist scam.I think they tell you it’s free then demand money with menaces once it’s on…there was also lots of tower tat being sold on blankets on the ground which I don’t think is a scam but I also doubt the French authorities are getting anything back…

A few drinks in a small bar later,barman was telling me about living in London (Northholt.) then a hassled bloke stood next to me,a Brit,trying find a decent brandy to drink.As a fellow Brit I helped out and it turned out he’d been delivering stuff in Paris,was late and couldn’t be bothered going back home that night.From the phone convo he had with his missus I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time this had happened..then an American voice pops up from the corner saying something about Brits in the bar and we ended up having a spirited conversation about Dickens,Rumpole of the Bailey and Alec Guinness ( she nearly freaked when I told her we shared the same birthday) but I pointed her towards Kind Hearts and Coronets which was very good of me I thought…turns out she was a professor from California in Paris for a few months learning French…I’ll quite happily talk shit with random strangers for hours in bars.

Then I went for a very disappointing curry.The lest said about that the better…

Right then all I am off to Strasbourg soon.Paris has been great and I’ll definitely pay it another visit for more than three days at some point…

Laters all…

Bilious Blog…around Europe in 80 days #3

Paris is known as the City of Lights or the City of Love depending on which Wiki entry you choose to believe and to be fair it does  have a lot of lights and I’m guessing it has a  fair amount of luuurrve but I’m proposing a new pen name.; Paris.The City of Zebra bloody Crossings…they’re everywhere it seems.I’m guessing many moons ago the town planners brother in law had a surfeit of whitewash and was told to go nuts…it’s no less credible than many of the contracts handed out to friends & family by our present government in the UK…

Just had a gentle bit of piss taking by the young girl at the breakfast bar.I said my go to French words “Bonjour” & “Merci” and she said “ oh you speak French” then rattled off  a sentence in French and just looked at my uncomfortable face for a couple of seconds before a wink & beautiful smile( I must add for context we’d spoken the day before and built up a bit of rapport) all good fun and one I am game for….hotel breakfast buffet bars are strange places.On the first day I am walking around dazed & confused  with an empty tray like an extra from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest cos’ I don’t have a scooby where anything is.The next day I stride in like The Wolf of Wall Street confident i now own all this shit cos’ I worked out where the butter is and how to use the coffee machine…

Using the metro a lot as you’d imagine.I like it,not been on a train yet where I have got a seat as it always seems pretty full.The stations are fascinating,not the platforms as they seem pretty standard but the exits & walkthroughs which are a hotch botch of winding tunnels & stairs( so many stairs!) Unlike the Berlin U-Bahn with It’s straight lines & uniformity…have seen a lot of fare dodgers too,been tailgated twice myself but by far the most impressive was the young mother in front of me with her nipper in a buggy who lifted it over and climbed under the turnstiles herself.Bravo…not that I’m condoning such things of course…

Paris is generally seen as expensive and as with most things it’s depending on what you do whilst here and of course it’s all relative.Personally my needs are very simple.Have a drink,simple food from shops etc.I rarely push the boat out cos’ I just enjoy the ambiance of being in certain places.For instance I have just had three cafe noirs in a little place in the city centre for less than €8 all nice and relaxed writing this(no doubt the coffee shakes will kick in later) The most I have paid for a drink is €6 last night in Place de la Republique.So bargains can be found…I suppose living in London has conditioned me to think €6 for a pint is reasonable!

The owner of the cafe I’m in seems to know everyone who passes by and it’s a nice thing to witness…oh and it’s raining again.Looks like I bought our glorious summer over the channel with me…

This is my last full day here and despite all the bad press Paris gets I think it’s an ok place.Even with my rudimentary French I have not come across any shitty attitude from the natives,just smiles & a willingness to engage…I will come again definitely.

Until tomorrow then…

Bilious Blog…Around Europe in 80 days.#2

Oh bugger.Just finished a whole blog and deleted it by mistake…damn.

It was brilliant too,some of my best work honest guv.I discussed the weather & traffic.Riveting stuff I’m sure you’ll agree.Ok the weather thing was dull I’ll grant you.We have had some.That’s it.But the traffic boggled my mind last night sitting outside a cafe bar.If you took footage from a drone and speeded it up it would probably make sense but from ground level it looked like mayhem.There doesn’t appear to be any rules and yet everyone understood what the rules where…

Was gonna do touristy stuff today but stuff it,I can’t be arsed.To be honest I have seen much of it already on screen and yes that sounds trite & ignorant but what view would I get of the Mona Lisa? It would be the back of someone’s hairy neck & a sea of phones in the air.I can get that at any Premier League ground…I much prefer dossing about in local areas to get a feel of whichever city I am in and the fact I tend to gravitate to the sleazy & dodgy areas is pure coincidence ( it’s where the cheaper hotels are M’Lord) 

I did attempt one bit of tourism.I had to go to Gare L’Est to reserve a seat for my train to Strasbourg on Friday as the whole of Paris is buggering off down south apparently and passed Chateau Rouge on the way so thought “ oh I’ll stop off there and look at Moulin Rouge “ now as any fool knows Moulin Rouge ain’t there,a fact I discovered when I researched it once I got there rather than before… but if I hadn’t have got off there I would have missed this; The escalator goes directly to the street from the platform as as we ascended like gods of the underworld there were six buxom African ladies hanging over each side trying to give us flyers advertising products black women use in their hair.I felt like a rock star and it was glorious and my new weave looks wonderful…

Talking of dodginess when i

left another metro station ( Barbes-Rouchechourt I think) lads were trying to flog hooky cigarettes.They looked like the packaging had been photo-copied a thousand times and was tied together in sellotape.At least the Balkan lads who touted iffy tabs on the Holloway Road made the packets look authentic.A very poor effort from their counterparts across the channel…

Right then.Gonna try to post this without deleting first.This could be a bit of a theme as frankly Mr Shankly I don’t have much of a scooby what I’m doing…

Until tomorrow…